Category Archives: How To Talk To Girls

Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety With Mind Tricks

Approaching Is In Your DNA

The DNA Pick Up Model

DNA is pretty cool.

The way it reproduces is an engineering miracle. You’ve got these long strands of stuff. On each half are certain elements that only hook up, or “pair bond” with other elements. 

When DNA reproduces itself, it unravels. It leaves the nucleus and goes out in to the cell. So in the cell, it’s only “half” a DNA. And each element on the half is looking for its counterpart, swimming around in the cellular soup.

Once all the individual pieces hook up with their other halves, a new DNA is formed, which ideally, is an exact copy of the previous DNA. (Unless they’re mutations and you turn into X-Men).

Think of this model when you’re out looking for the ladies. It’s how YOU were created, from the very first mixing of sperm and egg.

And just like the DNA splits in half and each element goes out looking for its counterpart, that’s kind of what the whole dating game is.

All these individual “elements” or people looking for their own individual counterpart.

Humans are hard wired from evolution to pair bond. Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, we do best when we’re hooked into compatible, male-female pairs.

Now, while it’s a bit more complicated finding your soul mate than a DNA nucleotide finding it’s opposite jigsaw puzzle piece, structurally speaking, it’s pretty much the same.

This is helpful because many guys fall into the trap of thinking women got it all, and us poor men are beggars.

We approach like they’ve got all the power. They can accept us and reject us. 

But that’s not the case. On a deep biological, psychological and evolutionary level, when a guy approaches a girl, they are both thinking the same thing, deep down inside:

“I hope this person is a match.”

Contrary to your fears, most girls AREN’T thinking, “Oh great, another idiot that I can publicly reject!”

That is, of course, if you wait for a couple of signals before approaching. Eye contact, a smile, you know what I mean.

When you approach with the “I wonder if we’re a match” mindset rather than, “I hope she accepts me” mindset, it makes approaching a lot easier.

Now, it won’t be automatic. It won’t happen simply because you are reading this. That would be like reading an essay on Kung Fu and expecting to magically transform into a black belt.

You DO need to practice, even though it’s a mindset.

HOW do you practice?

Just FORCE your brain to hold that question, “I wonder if we’re a match,” in mind while you approach, AND while you’re talking to her.

Imagine you’re going on an information-gathering mission, rather than approaching the queen of the universe and begging for scraps.

You can even practice without approaching. Just hold this thought in mind when you’re out flirting with girls.

It will help, a lot.

The Folly Of Chasing

Sometimes It's Better To Find Somebody Else

How Long Should You Pursue A Girl?

How do I get her to like me?

I get this question a lot. Most guys have got their eye on some girl, have had a bit of success, and then she pulls back. He, on the other hand, is still pining furiously for her, and will do anything (or so he says) to get her to “like him.”

Now, let’s think about what happens when a girl “likes” a guy. It’s pretty much a HUGE collection of unconscious processes that are a mix of ancient programming, childhood and cultural programming, as well as how and who she references within her social circle.

On a deep level, girls like guys who are leaders, who are self confident, genuinely kind, and have thick skin. The guy who can pretty much handle anything that comes up. Not the guy who shies away from a challenge. Not necessarily the guy who beats everybody up who challenges him, but the guy who KNOWS deep in his soul that any problem life gives him, he’ll deal with to his advantage, AND usually everybody else’s in one way or another.

On top of that, she’s going to be turned on by a guy who “reminds her” on a deep level of when she was a kid, and she was referencing some strong male adult role models, usually (hopefully!) her father, or older brothers.

On top of that, she’s going to be subconsciously referencing cultural icons, her peer group, who they like, and who they don’t like, etc.

If that’s not enough, she’s also going to have a conscious idea of who’d she’d like to end up with.

If she can find a guy that hits her triggers on all four of these levels, she’ll feel as though she’s found her prince charming, and she’ll literally follow him to the ends of the Earth.

You know in mathematics they can take this huge equation, and express one variable in terms of all the rest?

We can kind of do that here.

Instead of asking, “How can I get her to like me,” you can also ask, “How can I become her prince charming, and hit her levels of attraction on levels?”

Most guys foolishly believe there’s something they can say or do that will fit the bill.

Think of it this way. You’re having a dinner party. You spend hours cooking something. Your friends come over, and they don’t like the taste very much. They’re being polite, but you can tell they think it sucks.

So you call your cooking guru on the phone. You ask him or her, “What can I tell them that will make them like my cooking?”

After your cooking guru gets done laughing, she or he might tell you to tell them to come back next week, after you cook something different.

Here is the cold harsh truth about dating. If a girl doesn’t like you, there’s not much you can do. 

Of course, you should ALWAYS be improving yourself. Increasing your self confidence. Developing better and stronger beliefs. Developing your ability to create an awesome life for yourself.

But if one particular girl decides (on all four of those levels) that she doesn’t like you? 

It’s best to simply find somebody else.

Are You Throwing Good Money After Bad?

Don't Turn An Innocent Flirtation Into An Emotional Bankruptcy!

How To Not Go Broke

Here’s a trading tip that can be very helpful. This only works if you’ve got some solid reasons for buying, know when you’ll get out, due to profits. Or know when you’ll get out, due to losses.

For example, no matter how you select investments, many traders have an 25/5 rule.

Meaning if they’re up 25%, they get out, no matter what.

If they’re down 5%, they get out, no matter what.

These are the two most crucial rules. According to these guys, if you follow these rules, no matter what, you can’t go wrong.

Just think about it. If you lose on 2 out of three trades, you’re still doing pretty good. Down five, down five, up twenty five. Not bad, if you can keep it up.

What’s it mean to chase good money with bad? You spend some cash, and you’re down five percent. If you’re a pro, you get out, and look for another trade. If you’re an amateur, you tell yourself every lie you can think of to keep throwing more money at your bad investment. Most guys would rather go broke than admit they were wrong.

The further down it goes, the more money you spend. Bad money chasing good.

As you can likely guess, getting out of a trade is just a fundamental skill as figuring what to buy and when. If you don’t know how to get out, you’ll go broke. Simple as that.

Think about this next time you’re chasing a girl that doesn’t really want to be chased.

Many guys meet a girl, it goes well, then they blow it. Doesn’t matter how they blow it, but they blow it.

They start texting, she doesn’t text back. They call, she doesn’t call back.

Then they wonder, “What can I do to fix this?’

Here’s how you “fix this.” Find somebody else.

She’s being as clear as she can be. She’s not interested in you. Stop wasting your time. It’s like chasing a stock that’s crashing below it’s 200 day moving average.

If she’s still interested in you, you’ll know. They’ll be no question. If you’re wondering, it’s a safe bet that she’s not.

But here’s some indicators, just in case. You text, and she doesn’t text back, you’re out. If you call, and she doesn’t call back, you’re out. If you talk to her and she’s not participating with any noticeable amount of energy or enthusiasm, you’re out.

Not all girls are going to like you. In fact, very few girls are going to like you more than simple politeness.

Get over it. You’re job as a man is to find the girls that DO like you. Not take the few that give you eye contact and try and turn them into your dream lovers.

So get busy sorting. Talk to girls. Ask for their number. Give them a call or two. Or a text or two if you’re too nervous. This should tell you all you need to know.

Only chase the girls that are clearly interested in you, and you’ll never go broke.

Get In There And Get Some

Stop Waiting For A Perfect Opportunity

Stop Making Excuses

Most people have this belief, consciously or unconsciously, that their relationships with women is some kind of “skill” that once they “get” they don’t have to worry about “that part of their life” anymore.

Now, let’s think about this for a minute. Being able to deal with women, all women, is a skill that you need to learn only once. Like how to drive, how to bake a cake, how to dance, etc.

What happens when you get married? Does your wife never change? Does she not change her goals, beliefs, communication style, and what’s important to her?

What if you have a daughter? Will you know what to do, how to handle her own unique problems and difficulties, as they come up, since you’ve got your “women skills” all squared away?

Obviously not. Not even close. Even the most dedicated fathers and husbands NEVER feel like they are “on top of things.”

So if you’re looking for some quick magic system that will get the girl, so you can go back to whatever you were doing before, you’re going to be looking for a while. Like forever.

The truth is that all human relationships, even the best and deepest friendships, are always changing. Suppose you had a proposition for your best friend. Even this may take some time to think about how to present it to them so they’d go for it.

If you know any guy who’s been married, happily, for a long while, you know even then getting up the courage to present a situation to his wife can be anxiety ridden, and far from easy.

So, why do so many people treat meeting women like it’s something that can be learned from reading an eBook or attending some guru’s latest boot camp?

Because deep down most guys are terrified. They hope that maybe, just maybe, this guru has discovered some ancient secrets of Atlantis or has channeled some new technology from another dimension. 

But in reality, the best thing would be to simply accept that interacting with women is ALWAYS going to be one of the biggest and greatest mysteries on planet Earth.

(Don’t worry, women feel the same frustrations about men, despite what they say.)

Now, you could throw in the towel. Take your ball and go home. Convince yourself there’s some conspiracy against lazy men who are afraid to get their hands dirty.

But where’s the fun in that?

Dealing with women, interacting with them, talking to them, dating them (etc!) is one of the best parts of life.

It’s never going to be straightforward. It’s never going to seem easy.  It’s never going to feel like you’ve “got it handled.”

But so what? Get in the game. Fall on your face. Get back up and try again. 

Stop making excuses.

Get in there and get some!

Do You Really Want To Chase That One Girl?

Is She Really Worth Your Time, Money and Effort?

Is It Really Worth It?

How do you get a girl to like you?

I get that question a lot. Especially by guys who’ve got this one special girl in mind. Sometimes the one that got away. Sometimes one they’ve never really had a conversation with. 

The truth is there IS no fool proof way to make “a girl” like you. Sure, there are ways you can increase the results you get with girls in general. But a particular girl? There’s really not much. This is despite the endless programs being sold about how to “get your ex back.” 

Now, if your life depended on it, (and often times it certainly feels like it does), then there certainly ARE some things you can try. Things that MAY improve your chances with your “ex.” However, there ARE a lot of factors.

How much the relationship is broken. How long you were together. Whether or not that last time was the very “last straw.” And also, crucially missing from many of these programs, the person you’re trying to “get back.”

Do they have a lot of other options? Are they currently dating somebody else? Do they think of you as the biggest mistake of their lives?

Then there’s the ONE question that most people simply don’t want to ask. That questions those economists (the dismal science) tell us we always need to ask.

At what cost?

Now, most guys will say, “At ANY cost!” Which doesn’t really mean much. Are they willing to give up their life’s savings? Are they willing to get fired from their jobs, become homeless for two years? Are they willing to be in the doghouse for the rest of their lives?

Most guys don’t want to think about this. They want a magic fix. They want to read an ebook and say some magic words over the phone that will fix everything.

Here’s the most important thing. When you think about the REAL costs involved, both short term AND long term, of not only “getting your ex back,” but “getting her to like me,” there’s ANOTHER question to ask.

Once you figure out the TRUE COSTS of getting that to happen, ask yourself this:

What ELSE could I get with those SAME costs?

In economics, they call these “opportunity costs.” Meaning those two years you spend making it up to your ex, you could be meeting and dating TEN WOMEN, all who could end up being BETTER than your ex.

Or you could be focused on your job, so that in those same two years you could be making TEN TIMES as much money, which would allow you a lifestyle that will let you meet HUNDREDS of women you’d never otherwise meet.

So if you’re wondering about that “one special girl,” or “getting your ex back,” ask yourself this:

After considering ALL the costs, and the opportunity costs, is it REALLY worth it?

Something to think about.

What Makes A Natural A Natural?

What's The Difference Between Cause and Effect?

Cause vs. Effect

When guys that are naturals easily pick up girls, what’s the driving force? What’s the main ingredient? If you were to reverse engineer the process, which would you think was the most important?

His clothes? His language? His use of humor? His money? The angle at which he approaches her? 

If this is all you were focused on, you’d be missing the big picture. And the main ingredient.

It helps to understand the idea of cause and effect. This is something we all know about, but often times we misunderstand which is which.

We see two things happening, one right after the other. And we naturally assume that which happened first is causing that which happened second. This is a common conclusion, and it’s often very wrong.

Sure, it helped us out back when we were cavemen, but not so much any more. Most things that happen in our modern world are way to complex to be put into simple, cause and effect relationships.

Now, consider the language a natural uses. Is it a cause or an effect? It’s an effect of his inner state. If his inner state is relaxed and confident, he’s going to choose certain words and phrases over certain other words and phrases. He won’t be afraid of telling her certain jokes, or making certain remarks.

Now consider his language and her natural feelings of attraction. If her feelings of attraction are an effect, what is the cause? Most people assume it’s his language. If they copy his language, they’ll get the same effect, right?

Not so fast.

What’s likely the cause of her feelings of attraction is a mixture of his internal state, AND his exterior behavior. How much of each? Most of it comes from his internal state. It’s really impossible to say how much, since these things are always in flux.

But it’s safe to say that the majority of the cause is his internal state.

Which means if you copy his external behavior EXACTLY, you’re still missing a huge piece of the puzzle. Which means you won’t create nearly as much attraction in as many girls as you’d like.

But with an internal state much like his, the external behavior (which is an effect of the internal state) would take care of itself.

So if you want to get the results of a natural, you’ve got to reproduce the internal state of a natural. Somebody who is confident. Somebody who feels comfortable in all social situations. Somebody who doesn’t put too much attachment to any particular outcome.

If you can do that, EVERYTHING in life will become easier. Not just talking to girls.

How To Become The Ultimate Alpha

Are You Trying To Salivate?

Are You Trying To Be A Wolf?

Girls will always go for the alpha.

But what does that really mean? If you’re a wolf, it means the biggest most fiercest dude in the pack. The one who can physically dominate all the rest.

And for most other animals, this is true as well. Basically it means the one dude who can control the situation. In the animal kingdom, this means by sheer brute force, nothing else.

What about humans? Most guys mistakenly assume guys are the same. The biggest, toughest, most physically fit. To be sure, if you go by Hollywood movies (which are written by NON-alphas) this holds true.

But what about real life?

Remember, the measure of an alpha is the guy who can hold control the best. 

So who controls people the best? And in the most situations?

To be sure, in many situations, the biggest, loudest, most obnoxious guy. But put this guy in a boardroom, and he’ll most likely be WAY over his head. Maybe on a desert island he’ll do OK. But not in real life.

For one thing, this is situationally dependent. And since we’re talking about being an alpha to attract the females, we need to think about how she’s interpreting this alphaness.

Does she want alpha who’s ONLY alpha in that particular situation? Or is she going to be attracted to a guy who is likely to be alpha in MOST situations he finds himself in?

Remember, the more situations she imagines he’ll be alpha in, the better.

The boardroom, the bedroom, the locker room, AND the desert island situation.

How can you demonstrate ALL that?

Easy. Show her that no matter what happens, you can not only handle it, but come out on top. This means you’ve always got to feel confident in your ability to get your needs met no matter HOW the situation turns out.

Which means you’ve FIRST got to determine what your needs are. Most guys don’t even get this far. They just hope they’ll get something good, and not get something bad.

So if you first determine your basic outcome for the particular situation, then you’ll be already ahead.

Then you simply figure out how to “work the room” to get your outcome.

If you’re going into a boardroom situation, then you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the meeting. If you’re hanging with your boys, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the evening.

If you’re going on a date, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome for the evening as well.

If you can not only come up with an ideal outcome for each and every situation, and make that outcome come true, no matter what happens, (and crucially to convince everybody else it’s the best outcome) THEN she’ll see you as the ultimate alpha. 

And she’ll never want to leave you.

Navigate The Maze Of Life

Trial and Error Is The Only Way Through

The Magic Of Trial And Error

Imagine you were at the beginning of a big maze. One that was about 50 meters on either side. Made up of bales of hay or something. And with you, you had a can of spray paint, so you could mark your path.

You also had a backpack with some food, water, and other necessities. Basically, you had plenty of time to get to the other end of the maze. You were the only one there. No monsters, no other people trying to mess with you.

And imagine, on the other end of the maze was a fantastic prize. Something you could carry with you, back to the starting point. And once you figured out how to get to the end point, every time you brought the prize back to the starting point, another prize would magically appear.

Now, the first time through would probably be pretty sketchy. You’d make a lot of wrong turns. You’d run into a lot of dead ends. But if you were smart, and you used your can of spray paint wisely, after once or twice through the maze it would be pretty easy.

Pretty soon, going from start to finish would only take a few minutes. And since each time through would get you a new prize, you’d start piling up the goods.

Now, think about the very first time through. Would you be nervous? Of course. Would this keep you from starting? Of course not.

This is precisely how life is. We are going somewhere good, but we aren’t sure how to get there. Sometimes we take wrong turns, some times we  have to back track. But so long as we keep the end in mind, and remember what we did right, and what we did wrong, we simply can not fail.

Yet many guys are stuck. They are stuck on one side of the room, where literally right on the other side are gorgeous girls just waiting to be approached.

Will you say the right thing the first time? Most likely not. But just like the  maze, all you need to do is keep trying, and remembering what works and what doesn’t, and you’ll get better each time.

And each time you get a prize, they just keep getting better. Sure, you might start small. A smile and some nice eye contact. A nice conversation. A phone number. A couple of decent dates. So long as you keep trying, and keep remembering what works and what doesn’t, you HAVE to keep getting better and better.

Unfortunately, many guys are terrified to try. They imagine getting stuck is going to be much worse than it really is. They imagine horrible monsters hiding behind every corner of the maze, when they’re really none.

This is true of not only girls, but everything else worth getting in life as well. Fantastic careers, prosperity, health, wealth, anything. And you’ve already got everything you need to get started.

So get started!

Is Game Getting In The Way?

Simpler May Be Better

Sometimes Less Is More

There’s a belief that without any kind of structured “game” then guys would be helpless.

Meaning that unless there were guys teaching other guys how to talk to girls, date girls and hopefully get laid with girls, then it would otherwise never happen.

Now, there’s a few things wrong with this theory. To be sure, it does indeed help to know a little bit of what to say. And it helps A LOT to have a group of guys who have been there to share your experiences with, so you can do better next time.

But often times, when guys talk about “game” they are talking way beyond the basics of mutual male support.

Firstly, lets consider guys a hundred years ago. Obviously, they got laid, as there are many more people here than now than there were then. And they generally stayed in long lasting relationships, as the divorce rates back then were much lower than they are now.

And many guys will point to this as the very reason we need game. Girls are so low quality these days, they’ll say, that guys need some kind of super ninja tactics.

But that may be making the problem worse.

Now, let’s define the problem as not being able to meet quality girls for quality relationships.

How does game help this? Generally speaking, any kind game is only a short term strategy. It’s very, very hard to employ any kind of social technology over the long term.

Even politicians know this. That’s why they are always super vague when they speak. They know that if they are specific on any particular issue, they’ll likely contradict themselves later on.

So if you’re using any kind of technology to get girls interested in you, it’s definitely going to work in the short term.

But short term flings are made from much different ingredients than long term relationships.

Short term flings are based on short term interests. They necessarily overlook elements of compatibility and mutually shared experiences.

On the other hand, long term relationships are based on mutual physical interest, but only as an opening ingredient.

For any person to commit to another person, think of what’s involved. A lot of time, money, energy, and most importantly, opportunity cost.

For every hour you’re expecting that other person to spend with you, they CAN’T spend it doing anything else.

So you’re basically asking them to decide that the time they spend with you is the very BEST choice they can make.

Now, think about this. For anybody to spend time with somebody, at expense of all else, they’d better be getting their needs met. They better be with somebody that shares a lot of their interests. They better be with somebody that is got the same basic world views and life plans.

Otherwise, you’re asking for somebody without any world views, without any life plans, and without any idea of what they want. Somebody that will voluntarily chuck everything just to be with you.

Sure, game works in the short term. But it may be keeping you from finding that special lady that will only show her true self to you over a natural course of time. Without the social manipulation of any kind of game.

Something to consider.

Two Sides Of The Same Coin

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Economics Of Seduction

There are two aspects meeting and dating quality women that are absolutely essential to understand. Without these, you won’t get very far, and you’ll end cursing the gods of randomness.

Of course, nothing is random, despite the plethora of metaphors indicating otherwise.

What makes this even more difficult, is that both of these elements are operating unconsciously, in everybody. So it could very well be that yours are messed up and you don’t even know it.

The trick is to elevate them to the conscious level, make sure everything’s in good working order, and then drop them back down to the unconscious level, so you can get back to having fun.

The first is criteria. You’ve got to know what you want in a woman. You’ve also got to know what you don’t want. Most guys have the first one, but not the second one. And even then it’s pretty basic. Like she’s got to be hot, and she’s got to like him.

However, as you well know, super hot girls can also be super crazy girls. If your only criteria is how she looks, you may be in for some trouble. So you’ll need to put in some time to figure out what you want.

The next idea to consider is your own exchange value. Now, most guys think that just because they’ve read a few articles about game online, that they are super bomb alphas and deserve the hottest girls on planet Earth.

Generally, that’s not the case.

The harsh truth is that most PEOPLE (girls and guys) severely overestimate their value.

Think of it this way. Do you think quality girls are hard to find? Or, if you’re a woman, do you think quality men are hard to find?

Well consider this harsh slap of truth to the face.

If YOU were high quality, high quality partners wouldn’t be hard to find.

Think of it this way. If you went down to your local flea market, with a couple grand stuffed in your pockets, would you have any trouble finding good things to buy? Nope.

On the other hand, if all you had were a couple of nickels, you’d complain that there was NOTHING of value there. That it was all over-priced garbage.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but if you’re having trouble finding quality mates, take a good hard look in the mirror.

How can you improve yourself? Develop social skills. Improve confidence, let those “tests” easily roll off your back without worrying about them. Have some faith in yourself, and in your life.

Refine your criteria, and refine what you’ve got to offer, and you’ll be fine.