Category Archives: How To Talk To Girls

Two Requirements For Happy Relationships

The Essential Ingredients That Are The Basis Of Every Lasting Relationship

Get These Right And You’ll Be On Easy Street

Many guys look at relationships the wrong way. So do many women. A common belief is that there is something “missing” and that once we get into a relationship with the right person, that missing piece will be filled, and we’ll be more complete.

That’s sort of true, but not in the way we think.

Part of that comes from our natural tendency to mix metaphors. We think in terms of creating like going somewhere. And what happens when you are going somewhere? There’s the going part, and the arriving part.

What happens after the arriving part? We usually think of sitting around and not doing much. 

Even when we talk about becoming “successful” in life (whatever  THAT means) we use terms like “I’ve arrived!”

Meaning all the “work” is done, and you just need to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) it doesn’t really work like that.

In reality, we never really “arrive” anywhere. We get to new levels, new situations, expanded responsibilities and skills, but we never get to a point were we just get to kick back and enjoy life.

Even sports teams that win major championships don’t rest too long. They know after a couple weeks, they need to start getting in shape to defend their title.

If you’re in any kind of business, every successful product launch is the start of researching something even better.

A lot of problems guys have with girls is that they can’t find a girl who will fit into their ideal model of their ideal partner.

But here’s the thing. Humans are hard wired to see sexual partners as wealth creating partners.

For the longest time in human history, the main requirement to human bonding was a shared responsibility in finding and accumulating wealth, whatever “wealth” meant at the time.

Which means if you are looking for a partner, she’s at least got to have an understanding by what you mean by “finding and accumulating wealth.”

Now, this is a very vague term, and I don’t mean “money” when I say “wealth.” I mean whatever it is you are creating with your life. Whatever goals or careers you’ve got lined up.

The happiest couples compliment and support each other. It’s not a one way street.

This can only come naturally when there are two things present.

One is there must be real attraction. You can’t just hand her your resume and hope she’s convinced by your stats.

You’ve got to talk to her in a way that gets her juices flowing.

Not just once, but consistently.

The second thing you must have is an absolute faith in yourself that your plan for your life is important and worthy.

Sadly, most guys have neither of these.

If you don’t, start building them.

Are You A Bully?

Is This Your Best Strategy For Gaining Compliance?

Stop Pushing People Around!

Many people are easy to persuade to do something. The truth about the best salesperson on any kind of sales force is that they are usually pretty high energy. You’ll see this in many different industries.

They may not be “in your face” type of high energy, but they are pretty relentless. In most sales, one technique (certainly not the best) is to simply keep closing until the client just gives up and buys.

There’s a famous book called “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” which is about being assertive. There’s a technique in there called “The Broken Record.” This is exactly like it sounds. You just keep repeating your point until the other side gives up.

It works great if your dealing with a fussy customer service person, or trying to get a refund without a receipt.  

What about sales, or even seduction?

First, lets consider sales. You’ve got a product, and your client may or may not want it. Ideally, they’d buy it for their own reasons. But if you sit around and wait for them to come up with their own reasons, you may be waiting a while.

So you start to push them, slightly. You say buy, they say no. You say buy, they say maybe. You say buy, they say give me a better deal. You say buy, they say OK.

Now, this may seem like some masterful sales technique that only advanced persuaders know, but it’s really only a hair above bullying.

You’re not really building up value in the product. Your just making it more uncomfortable for them to say no. So maybe by comparison, buying is looking like a better option. If only to get you out of their face.

The only problem comes when they get home, use the product, and find out it sucks. Then they feel conned. Angry. Cheated. By you.

Lots of guys do this with girls. Lots of girls have low self esteem. Lots of guys have low self esteem.

So what happens when you keep pressuring somebody that has low self esteem? They give in, that’s what.

But then they get buyers remorse. This is why you may be getting laid a lot, but then they vanish.

They are getting buyers remorse.

How do you avoid that? Don’t bully them. Don’t overwhelm them with what you want until they give in.

Take your time. Talk to them about things they like. Things they dream about. Their ideal future. Their ideal job. Their favorite movies, etc.

Of course, you’ve got to go back and forth a bit, ask and share, etc.

But if you spend some time opening them up, talking about what they like, they’ll start seeing you through the filter and frame of their own desires.

Which means they’ll start liking you for THEIR reasons, rather than yours.

Make It Easy:

mindpersuasion.com

The Caveman Pick Up Angle

Look For A Partner, Not A Lover

Economic Partners

Taking a big picture look is a big help in a lot of situations.

Finding a suitable partner is no different. 

So if you’re wondering how to best go about finding a girlfriend, this may help give you another perspective.

One of the biggest problems facing mankind is that we are living in a modern world with a caveman brain.

We lived as hunter-gatherers for hundreds of thousands of years. Before we were even human, really. So the instincts that kept us safe, alive and thriving are still very powerful.

Consider hunger. Back then, food was scarce. So those that had genes that made them eat until they couldn’t move any chance they got tended to last longer.

Those that had genes that made them always worry about their figures didn’t.

Consequently, all humans today, when presented with cheap and plentiful food tend to get fat. It’s very HARD to simply not eat when the opportunity is right in front of  you.

All of our other instincts are the same way. They helped us then, but now, not so much.

One thing to understand is how male-female relationships were back then. They were much different than they are now. Much of what we expect now is really a very recent addition, and often times just not true.

Most people have been brainwashed into thinking that partnership between males and females should be about fantastic feelings and sex that never ends.

That’s partly true. 

That’s the attraction that brings us together in the first place. But it’s not what keeps us together.

What keeps us together?

If we look back in our common ancestry, we’ll see the difference.

A mutual cooperation in the creation of wealth.

Men and women were attracted because of physical reasons. They stayed together for economic reasons.

Meaning they were both on the same team. They were both pursuing the same goal. They wanted as much wealth as they could get, for the family.

And when the kids got old enough, that was their job too. To create as much wealth as they could to keep the family safe and secure.

This was true all the way up to the industrial revolution. Only after that did it start to be possible for one person to make enough money for the whole family.

That’s when all these crazy notions about lifelong romance and sappy love stories started to become popular.

If that’s ALL you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find it. But it won’t last long.

How can you apply this to modern dating?

Just ask yourself, next time you’re thinking about approaching a girl:

“Do I want her on my team, to help me create wealth for my future family?”

And she should be asking herself the same question about you, so you’d better be ready to answer. Not directly of course, but through your approach to relationships and life.

This can go a long ways it getting rid of that approach anxiety that’s based on false ideas about human relationships.

Something to think about next time you’re out looking for ladies.

The Statistics Of Seduction

Get Your Numbers Up!

How To Minimize Anxiety

If you want more success with women, then you’ve got to fail more often.

This is true of anything.

Now, most people don’t like to hear this. Especially when it comes to feeling confident talking to girls and not worrying too much about what happens.

Rejection sucks. Getting rejected in a social setting sucks even worse. 

But consider this, everything you learned how to do, you either learned from trial and error, or modeling.

Now, I’m not talking about some dates in history that you memorized for a history test. I’m talking about skills. Walking, talking, driving, any kind of sports or music.

Generally speaking, any learning involved modeling, which just means copying somebody else, and trial and error.

Think about a little kid who learns to walk. He or she sees all the other adults around, standing and walking on two legs. Much more efficient than four legs, right?

So they give it a try, and fall flat on their face. And laugh. And try again. And fail. And laugh. And continue until they succeed.

Being able to walk up and confidently talk to girls, and walk away JUST as confident regardless of what happens is also a skill.

And just like any other skill, it requires practice. Lots of practice.

But whenever most guys walk up to a girl, they tell themselves that THIS girl is going to be the one for them. If they succeed, they’ll be the happiest guy on Earth.

If they fail, they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives.

Hard to practice under the sitatuions.

But practice you must, says Master Yoda.

How can you practice? One way is to simply keep some stats. Just of yourself. Not to show off to your boys or post online or try to prove your alpha-ness. Just to keep the idea of practice firmly in your mind whenever you see a cutie.

Just write down the number of girls you made eye contact with, smiled at, talked to, exchanged names with, etc.

Keep it in Excel or another form. It’s really BEST if you don’t share this with anybody.

Once you get started, you’ll see girls in a different light. It will seem much LESS like a do or die situation, and much more like practice.

Becuase you’ll have proof that every single girl is a stat. (Within YOUR experience).

Imagine if a baseball team played every single game like it was the last game of the world series.

They’d be a basketcase! In truth, if a team is a few games over 500, they’re doing pretty good. Since they play 162 (I think…) games a year, they KNOW they are bound to lose some.

Since baseball is the most statistically driven sport on Earth, they all know this.

So will you when you start keeping stats.

This will jack up your confidence, and make you much more attractive.

And pretty soon, those cute girls will be trying to get YOU into a relationship.

Seduction: Manipulation Vs. Persuasion

Don't Be This Guy

Beware Of Mind Tricks

The structure of persuasion is pretty simple. Honest persuasion, that is.

In fact, the structure of dishonest manipulation is pretty simple as well.

Everybody has “triggers” things that we respond to unconsciously. Without really thinking.

For example, “social proof” is a trigger that humans are hard wired to notice. If a crowd is going one way, we’ll generally go with the crowd.

Scarcity is another thing. If something is running out, it will seem more valuable, even if we don’t really know what it is.

Another one is commitment and consistency. We tend to do what we’ve done in the past.

All of these are designed to save energy on brain power. Our brains use a lot of energy. And energy is pretty scarce, at least it was when our minds were being built here on Earth.

So if you can set up anything, sales, seduction, whatever, based on these instinctive triggers, people will generally go along with you.

Until they suddenly find out that what you’ve got isn’t really what you’ve promised.

The problem with this instinctive triggers is that they can make ANYTHING seem really special and valuable. But once the effect of the triggers wear off, they’ll see that “thing” (which is usually YOU, btw), for what it REALLY is. Which is usually not nearly as great as they thought it was.

That’s why using these in seduction is not really a good idea, unless you are some kind of “pump-n-dump” or “hit-it-and-quit-it” type of guy.

So if that’s manipulation, what’s persuasion?

Kind of the same. Only you find out what their (whoever THEY are) SPECIFIC triggers are based on the situation.

If you’re selling a car, for example, you find out what specific things get their juices flowing when they think about their idea car.

If you’re talking about a health club membership, you talk about their ideal health goals and how they’d like to achieve them.

Then it’s just a matter of taking their specific triggers, and matching them up with your product, if you can.

Now, if you FIRST find out what their specific triggers are, THEN see that they match your product pretty closely, THEN use their unconscious, pre-programmed triggers, they’ll literally fall in love with you and your product.

If you can do this consistently in sales, you can make a TON of money.

How does it apply to seduction and dating? 

Same basic structure.

Just get them talking in terms of what they’re looking for in a relationship. Of course, you can’t do this overtly, it’s got to be covert.

But however you do so, when you get them talking in terms of love, commitment, a future together, a family, whatever, you’re doing pretty good.

And if you see there’s a match, even better. Once you do, then you can start using the unconscious triggers, and you’ll be home free.

Just DON’T use these to build up emotions for short term fun, especially if SHE’S looking for long term stuff.

That’s pretty evil, and it WILL come back to haunt you.

But so long as you’re open, honest and on the up and up, this works pretty well.

Always Be Ready To Bounce

Keep One Of These In Sight At All Times

Always Have An Exit Strategy

What thing that can get anybody into a heap of trouble is having unrealistic expectations.

It works like this. You think you’re going to get something good. Doesn’t matter what. But if something happens and you DON’T get it, you’re going to feel cheated.

Now, if you think you might have one more slice of pizza leftover from last night, but really don’t, that’s not so bad.

The trouble comes when you think you are going to get something from somebody else.

Most people set themselves up for HUGE pains when they think they are getting something they deserve, and it doesn’t show up.

Even if somebody tells you they are giving you something for free, and then they change their mind, you’re going to feel cheated.

There’s no rhyme or reason to this, it’s just human nature.

And when there’s sex or romance of affection involved, it REALLY hurts.

Guy walks up to a girl, and he does everything right. She’s even into him for a while, friendly, flirty, touchy-feely, etc.

Then he number closes her, and gets shut down.

In this situation, it is REALLY easy to feel burned. Like she played you for a chump. Like she’s off with her buddies laughing all the free booze she mooched off you.

And yes, this DOES happen. Quite a bit.

But guess what?

Getting angry will ONLY make it worse.

Getting angry or hurt because of what a girl DIDN’T give you will make you much LESS attractive, not the other way around.

This why any idea of “deserving” should be absolutely ABSENT from your mind whenever you’re interacting with the ladies.

No girl wants to end up with a guy that she’ll feel any sort of obligation to.

No guy wants that either.

Humans are hard wired to cherish our freedom. Our freedom of thought.

Whenever you try to put her in a box where she SHOULD behave in a certain way, you’re basically trying to get her to be your willing mind slave.

Nobody likes doing things because they HAVE to. We only want to do things because we CHOOSE to.

So next time you’re out and about, think of how you could behave and interact with her so she’ll CHOOSE you, rather than feel obligated by any imaginary social pressure.

How do you do this?

Luckily, all humans are hard wired to want what we think we can’t have.

This is why being confident AND slightly aloof is so powerful.

Talk to her, enjoy her, but also radiate a slight vibe that says, “I like you, I enjoy you, but if you suddenly vanished from site, I’d recover pretty quickly.”

If she ever THINKS she has you, you’re done.

And any sign of neediness or expectation of what she SHOULD do is about a clear a sign as you can send that she does indeed have you.

Avoid this at all costs.

Friendly, confident, playful, and ready to bounce at any moment.

Your Biggest Obstacle To Love

It's All In Your Head

Hint: It’s All In Your Mind

Most everything you’ll read or be sold today regarding seduction and dating is partly a scam.

I don’t mean that sellers or bloggers are scamming readers or customers. It’s the people reading and buying that are scamming themselves.

The biggest block to guys getting the girls they want is fear. I know many guys will disagree, and say their not afraid. It’s just that the market is too bad. Or they don’t want to spend a lot of money. Or they don’t have the right job, or whatever.

But think about this, if you can. Imagine you’re at the grocery store, and you’d like an apple. You have an idea of the perfect apple. So you head over to the apple cart. You start picking up the apples, looking at them, feeling their softness or hardness. Finally after ten minutes or so (you’re REALLY picky when it comes to apples) you finally settle on the perfect one.

Now, when you were picking up any individual apple, what were your emotions like? Afraid, nervous, worried, impatient, bored?

Most likely not. You looked at this big pile of apples and were pretty certain you’d find ONE that would be perfect. It may take a few minutes, but you KNEW you’d find one. The entire time, you’d likely be thinking “Man, this is going to taste SO GOOD!”

Now, just for the sake of argument, imagine if you could talk to girls, all girls, with the same mindset. Zero fear, zero anxiety, zero worry, zero consideration to what other people were doing or whether or not they were watching you.

Would you have ANY trouble finding your dream girl, REGARDLESS of your status in life?

Nope.

But many guys are terrified to admit they are terrified. So they come up with all kinds of excuses. Some of them cover up their fears by approaching and closing TONS of women, creating numerous but shallow relationships that are based on nothing but drunken fun. (Not that there’s anything wrong with drunken fun!)

The structure is the same, inspecting apples vs. dating girls, but the time period is far, far longer.

What if you were as completely open and fearless with not only talking to girls, but dating them, and completely and confidently opening yourself up to them?

Not only that, but what if you had such rock solid criteria, you’d know RIGHT AWAY if they were your type or not. There’d be NO WAY they could fool you.

What would your life be like then?

Would you need a billion and one pick up lines? Would you need to strategically organize your bedroom for the most efficient, resistance free closing?

Most likely not.

Obviously, this is much more easier said than done. Even admitting that the biggest problem is emotional resistance is tough for most guys.

It’s hard to let go of being able to blame the world, blame society, blame women, whatever.

But once you realize all you need to do is get over your irrational fears, there’s a whole world of women out there just waiting to be loyal to a guy like you.

Why Waiting May Be A Good Idea

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Why Patience Is Always A Virtue

Attraction is a two way street. And it’s never static. What turns a woman on tonight might repulse her in a few weeks or months.

It’s a commonly held truth that those things you think are so cute in the beginning of a relationship will drive you nuts later on.

Since having a solid woman at your side through thick and thin is such a crucially important thing to most guys, it should take some time.

Think in terms of economics. Things that are the most valuable to us are the most costly. If it only costs you a few minutes time, it’s not going to be very valuable.

That girl that’s easy to f-close within a few hours of meeting her is simply not likely going to hold much long term value. Not that there’s anything wrong with short term flings. People enjoy them for many reasons.

Just understand short term flings are much different than long term, solid relationships built on mutual attraction and respect.

Unfortunately, many guys have bought the notion that any short term fling SHOULD somehow magically turn into a long term relationship.

This is natural. Before a guy has sex, he thinks of a girl a certain way. After he has sex (unless he’s super experienced or super jaded) he’s going to think of her a lot differently.

Our caveman brains think we’ll only be able to get laid with one or two women our entire lives. So as soon as a guy gets laid, his caveman brain starts telling him “She’s The One!”

Of course, most guys short term game is not really their true selves. It’s really just a show. So when the real him starts to show up, she gets turned off. That smooth operator she met the night before is now some needy beta who wants her to turn into wifey-poo.

Of course, short term flings can turn into long term relationships. Happens all the time. 

It just might not be the best strategy for finding that special someone to spend your life with.

That’s why criteria of a non-sexual, non-physical nature is essential. If you don’t have some, consider getting some.

Then once you’ve got some, consider screening her for non-sexual, non-physical criteria BEFORE you hit the sheets.

I know, this is not very popular advice. Obviously if you’re the “hit-it-and-quit-it” type, this won’t work.

But if you’re looking for something more, this may work for you.

Because while you’re filtering her based on non-sexual, non-physical criteria, something else is happening.

You’re building up a common experience. One of getting to know each other. One of spending time together based on the interaction between your brains. That is pretty rare these days.

It’s a lot of work, to be sure. And it will require a lot of “delayed gratification,” something most guys aren’t really capable of these days.

But if you ARE looking for something more permanent, this will help.

Get In The Game

Are You Living In Past Generations?

Ready For Some Real Action?

A few generations ago, humans enjoyed a pretty nice sweet spot of history.

The industrial revolution was in full swing, wealth was increasing faster than it ever had since the dawn of time. New inventions were popping out every day making life easier and more affordable, and the population was starting to explode.

Back then, if you were a normal guy with a normal brain and a normal set of skills, you could get a decent job out of high school. So long as you showed up for work every day, and learned a bit as you went, you’d be in pretty good financial shape.

One income was enough to buy a house and a car, and your wife could stay home and watch the kids.

Meeting your wife (back then) was still tough. You still had to overcome approach anxiety, social scrutiny, the huge barrier of her parents. Not only that but the choices were pretty slim. (You certainly couldn’t hit the clubs every weekend and take home a new one nighter.)

Of course now, things are much, much different. Both in a bad way, AND in a much better way.

If you’re the kind of guy who thinks you just need to show up and get good jobs, loyal girls and affordable lifestyle, then life sucks right now. Really sucks.

But if you’re the guy willing to knuckle down and make his own way, there’s no better time in history than now.

Sure the economy is in the tank. Sure it’s hard to find a decent,  old fashioned girl.

But guess what?

Since most guys aren’t willing to do what it takes, that means those that ARE willing to will have a HUGE advantage.

Like I said, it’s not nearly as easy as it used to be. Back then, you just went with the flow and you were good.

Nowadays, you’ve got to be a nimble free agent able to shift in a moment’s notice. More than ever, you’ve got to OWN your life, rather than merely be a participant.

You’ve got to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to you, whether it’s under your control or not.

If you get caught out in the rain, you can curse the gods all you want. But it’s still going to rain.

How you RESPOND to the rain makes all the difference.

Complaining about the state of affairs isn’t a very good strategy.

It’s easy, and everybody can do it.

And the laws of economics say that if everybody can do it, it ain’t worth much.

Are you willing to take responsibility?

Are you willing to OWN your life?

If you are, glory awaits.

Are You Searching For A TV Wife?

You Know Stuff On TV is Fake, Right?

Back To Reality

One of the most common features of humans is we always long for the “good old days.”

Meaning that no matter when any particular society shows up in history, there’s always a large percentage of folks (from ALL levels of society) that moan about how hard it is, compared to those glorious days of yore, when gold rained from the skies.

Well, hindsight, as they say, is 20-20. (Don’t worry, I know I’m mangling metaphors!)

Meaning whenever humans recall the past, we recall it not as it really was, but only the good parts.

Some believe this has an evolutionary component. Since humans are naturally wired to learn from experience, we tend to remember the good stuff, the stuff that worked, rather than the crappy stuff.

It’s also a handy way to complain without sounding like we’re complaining.

After all, if it’s the times that are keeping you down, rather than your skills, then it’s not really your fault, is it?

Unfortunately, this is an ego-protecting con.

The good old days were NEVER as good as we imagine they were.

Guys complain about them all the time. Back in the good old days, women were loyal, and all you had to do was get yourself a nice wife, and you were set.

That’s the way it worked on those 50’s TV shows, right?

Well, from statistics, divorces were a lot lower back then. But what does that mean?

Does that mean married couples were super happy, and it was one gigantic love fest?

Not really.

Think of it this way. If  you had a pretty good job, that started at 7 AM, you’d show up on time. Especially if there was a zero tolerance policy on being late. You’d have NO PROBLEM jumping out of bed at 6 AM every morning, AND going to sleep pretty early every night.

But what if you had a bunch of money that didn’t require you to get up at any particular time? Would you leap out of bed every morning at 6? 

No way.

That’s what happens when we live with constraints and incentives.

It’s easy to keep our noses clean. But when those constraints and incentives are gone, so do our good habits.

So, it not that women today are any different than the mythical women of yore, there’re just a lot less restrictions. Women aren’t FORCED to stay in a crappy marriage like they were 60 years ago.

But here’s the thing.

Back then, since women (and men) were stuck, men didn’t have to have ANY kind of game, whatsoever.

And most men today have crappy game as well.

Only because it’s so “normal” to have many sexual partners, and getting laid is pretty easy, most men convince themselves their game is tight just because they can get laid.

But nowadays, if you want a loyal woman, you’ve got to create REAL attraction.

And here’s something else.

Back in the “good old days” you may have had a lower divorce rate, but guys living with girls who secretly despised them wasn’t the love-fest it’s made out to be on TV.

Back then, if you wanted a “TV wife” you had to have some pretty good game, just like today.

So guys complaining today about the lack of quality women are the same guys that were TRAPPED in horrible marriages back in the “good old days.”

Just as it was back then, it is today.

If you want a woman to be loyal, have your back, and support you in your life, you’ve got to generate some DEEP LEVEL attraction.

And THAT only comes with some top notch game.

Game most guys don’t have.

Get Some:

mindpersuasion.com