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How To Objectively View Yourself

See The Big Picture

See The Big Picture

Once I was sitting in this coffee shop in Japan. 

There were three girls at the table next to me, putting together some kind of collage for a friend of theirs.

A bunch of pictures of some girl (Japanese) and some guy (non-Japanese).

So they wanted to write something cute at the bottom of the picture, in English.

They had settled on the saying “Love Is Blind.”

Now, I wanted to point out that wasn’t the ideal statement to convey to a clearly happy couple.

I wanted to explain that this is normally used to describe somebody who doesn’t quite see what they’re getting into, from an objective standpoint.

Meaning that love makes us overlook the other person’s shortcomings, sometimes when we shouldn’t.

I’m sure you’ve had a friend that was in a relationship with somebody, and you and everybody else knew it wasn’t going to end well. But they thought it was absolutely PERFECT.

And then when it went up in flames, you had to use super human willpower to keep from saying, “I told you so!”

The truth about human nature is that it’s nearly impossible to see what we are doing, right now, from an objective. third party standpoint.

Another time I was watching this race on TV. A middle distance foot race. One guy took a HUGE early lead.

Since I didn’t know anything about the runners, I figured he was going to win. But then the announcer said, almost disparagingly, “He’ll never be able to keep THAT up!” 

Which, of course, he didn’t. He finished near the back of the pack.

Sure, we can see our mistakes clearly in hindsight. We can look back and see that we should have said this, rather than that. We should have done that, rather than this.

If only we could ever learn from our mistakes!

Luckily, we can. Most of our behaviors are based on how we INTERPRET situations, not the situations themselves.

We behave certain ways because doing certain things are simply more comfortable than other certain things.

But there IS a way to go back and change your history, so back here in the present, most everything will be more comfortable. This, that AND the other thing!

Which means we’ll have a lot more flexibility, a lot more choice, and a lot better results.


Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Are You Missing Opportunities?

Mange Risk But Don't Avoid It

Balance Risk and Reward

There was this big, outdoor mall where I used to live.

Me and my girlfriend would go there quite a bit, and they had this big climbing wall.

Vertical, with lots of fake rocks to grab on to. They had you in a big harness, and a rope that looped up through the top, and back down to a guy on the bottom.

As you climbed up, he’d pull in the rope.

If you’ve never been climbing, it’s a good feeling to feel that the rope is tight. It is a constant reminder that if you slip, you won’t slip very fall, since somebody’s got your back.

But sometimes, that rope can get in the way. In the world of rock climbing, there’s two basic signals, both communicated through tugs on the rope. 

One tug means “slack.” 

Meaning you don’t want the rope too tight, as it constricts your movement. 

Two tugs means “up rope.” 

Meaning you want the rope to be tighter, as you are coming up to a difficult part.

But on this mall wall, with most of the people never having climbed before, they almost ALWAYS want the rope to be tight.

This keeps them safe, but it restricts their movement.

Life has always been a balance between safety and risk. Ever since the dawn of time, people have had to decide which path to choose, pretty much with every choice.

In some societies that still live a very primitive lifestyle, the hunters go after big game, rather than small game.

At first, the scientists studying them didn’t understand why. If they went after smaller game, it would be safer, and more successful. They would average more meat per hunting trip.

Then they saw what happened when they brought home the big kill.

Instant hero. Guys worshipped them, women loved them.

It seems when there’s a big potential reward, people are much more likely to take risks.

However, if you’re always playing it too safe, you’ll never sense there are a LOT more rewards out there, just waiting.

What’s more, most “risks” aren’t really risks at all, since the downsides only involved social safety, which is ALWAYS in flux.

Which means not only are most people NOT SEEING the rewards that are there, they ARE SEEING risks which aren’t there.

If you flip things around, you’ll see a lot more rewards, and a lot less risks.

Get rid of some of those emotional blind spots, and you’ll see.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Who Keeps Hitting The Brakes?

Sabotage Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

The Roots Of Self Sabotage

When I was in high school we had to take driver training.

We first had to practice in these pretend cars in the classroom, and then we practiced out on the street.

When we went out on the street, we had an instructor and three students.

We would take turns driving, and the instructor, in the passenger seat, would have his own brake pedal.

He usually used it when I was driving, especially around corners. I remember once or twice I saw him grab the armrest in anxiety.

Often times we humans tend to think we are self-sabotaging ourselves.

We want to do something, we get started, and everything’s going fine.

But then we do something totally idiotic, and ruin everything.

“Why do I always mess up a good thing?”

You may ask yourself this from time to time.

But consider this:

That part of you that’s “messing up a good thing,” doesn’t really think they are messing up a good thing.

They are like that driving instructor. Putting on the brakes because he or she thinks you are going too fast.

Who told them to do that?

Well, you did!

Now, you probably don’t remember it. It probably happened subconsciously when you were very young.

But in reality, that part of you that you may refer to as “self-sabotage” isn’t messing you up.

That part of you is doing its best to keep you safe.

See, what happens is we are kids, then we grow up.

As we grow up, our conscious minds change and adapt. We learn new things, want new things, and get new things.

But sometimes we fire off some old triggers we don’t know are there.

Those old triggers that think we’re still living in the world we lived in when we were very young.

So, calling this “self-sabotage” isn’t really an accurate label.

It’s more like having two captains of your ship that have different ideas of where you’re going.

The adult, conscious part of you wants to head out to deeper waters and look for treasure.

The younger, subconscious part of you wants to stay close to shore where it’s safe.

Sure, from an adult standpoint, your subconscious is messing you up.

But guess what?

From a subconscious standpoint, YOU are the one messing up!

You want to go out in the water where it’s dangerous! Where there are monsters! Where you might sink!

It’s like driving a ship with two engines!

The good news is you can go back and calmly explain to your subconscious that it’s OK to head out into deeper waters.

That it’s OK to not be able to see the shore.

That there is TREASURE out there!

Once you’re headed in the same direction, it will be smooth sailing.

Change The DNA Of Your Beliefs

Mental Time Travel

Mental Time Travel

DNA is a pretty amazing invention.

Whether it was created by God, evolution, aliens, whoever built it know what They were doing.

It’s basically this really, really long ladder that’s twisted around.

When it duplicates, the ladder splits in half, right down the middle. 

The way it works nearly perfectly is each half of each rung can ONLY hook up with the part that’s specific to it.

So each half of the ladder floats around, and attracts the perfect opposite half of each individual rung. Then you’ve got two identical DNA pieces.

And of course, each DNA contains the basic recipe for each individual human.

If DNA didn’t reproduce EXACTLY (or pretty close to exactly) we’d all end up as lumps of organic matter instead of people.

THAT would suck!

Beliefs kind of work the same way.

They are formed based on our early family life, or whatever adults you’re around.

Once they are formed, we’ve got these beliefs, or “filters” through which we see the world.

Then when we “detach” from our family (like the DNA split down the middle) we go out into the world. Much like half of the DNA (called RNA, btw) goes out cell.

Generally speaking, when we leave the “nucleus” of our early family life (just like DNA leaves the nucleus of the cell) we find matches for our beliefs, or our filters.

This is why we tend to attract the same people and situations.

They remind us, and make us feel comfortable, on a deep level, because they are very similar to our early family life.

This is fantastic if your early family life was uplifting, resourceful and helpful.

But it kinda sucks if it wasn’t.

Luckily, our beliefs are MUCH MORE flexible than DNA.

DNA is a molecule. It MUST obey the laws of molecular biology. 

Our beliefs, on the other hand, are based not only biology, but our own interpretation of how our early lives were. Or rather the EVENTS in our early life.

All you’ve got to do is go back in time (in your imagination, of course) and CHANGE the meaning you gave to those events.

Do this, and you can live ANY life you want!

For example, what if your parents (or whatever adults raised you) taught you from an early age that making money was easy, finding perfect relationships was easy, speaking in public was easy?

How much BETTER would life be?

The good news is that it’s NEVER TOO LATE to have a happy childhood!

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

After I Sitted Down I Petted The Dog

I Petted The Dog

You Were Perfect

There’s this cool theory in transformational grammar called “X-bar theory.”

This is what Chomsky was famous for, back in the day.

Basically he theorized that all humans have a very generic “language organ” in our brain.

All languages on Earth can fit onto this vague, “language tree.” When babies are between the ages of zero and about two or three, their little brains are kind of figuring out the specifics for the language around them.

Once they’ve got all the dials set, so to speak, then it’s just a matter of plugging in “data” or vocabulary on top of this pre-made language structure.

That’s why kids suddenly EXPLODE with language once they got it figured out.

One of the “rules” is that when you make a verb from a noun, it’s always a regular verb, so the past tense has the “-ed” after it.

They’ve done tons of experiments in kids, where they basically make up verbs, and get the kids to say the “past tense” version. Since the verbs are completely made up, the know they’re using some kind of internal rule, rather than some memorized rule.

This is why little kids ALWAYS make mistakes with irregular past tense verbs. Like they’ll say they “petted” the dog instead of “pet” the dog. They’ll say they “sitted” down instead of “sat down.”

Now it’s cute, but it does present a problem. As an adult, we see kids making what we think is a mistake. But they’re just going by their pre-programmed brain structure.

So when adults correct them, they really have no idea why. They assume they’ve made some kind of mistake, even though they were following the ancient programming of Mother Nature. Doing what’s natural.

How can THAT be a mistake?

While this is a VERY small and insignificant example, it’s one of many.

Kids do things they presume to be normal and natural, and adults show up and tell them they’re wrong.

Sometimes kindly, sometimes not so kindly.

Is it the adults fault? Not at all.

It’s just a natural “mis-match” between natural, childhood behavior, and the way adults think children SHOULD behave.

If you’re lucky, you don’t have many of these “mis-matches” in your history.

Even so, their effects tend to linger. Fear of speaking in public, fear of starting conversations with interesting strangers. Fear of getting out there and being creative to make some money.

None of those things used to be scary.

Luckily, you can go back in time, and re-live some of those early “imprinting” events with your adult viewpoint.

Re-write the meaning of those events, and take away the sting.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Whacking Moles and Killing Monsters

Chop Off Its Head!

Chop Off All Heads At Once

There’s a game called “whack-a-mole” that’s used in plenty of metaphors.

The game has a flat surface with a bunch of holes, and this mole keeps popping out.

You “whack” him, and as soon as he gets smashed down into his hole, another mole pops up out of another hole.

It’s one of those mindless carnival games you play when you want to smash something and impress your friends.

It’s a useful metaphor because it accurately describes a lot of life situations, especially ones where problems keep coming up.

As soon as you solve one, another one pops up.

It would seem this “problem” of never-ending problems is pretty old. Ancient mythical creatures had many heads. If you chopped one off, it would simply grow another one.

In those stories, in order to kill the beast, you had to chop of all the heads at once, at the base.

A lot of our problems are really not the “main” problem.

Kind of like an old married couple fighting over the toothpaste cap, or the toilet seat.

Sure, that’s the “content” of the argument, but that’s not what it’s really about.

Sometimes we think we’re solving our problems, when we’re merely just whacking moles or chopping off one head at time.

This can be even more confusing when similar problems keep showing up. They’re different enough that we “think” they are separate issues, but deeper down, we suspect something else is going on.

Like if you keep dating the same type of person, keep running into the same money problems, or keep sitting next to the same type of goof on the bus.

Unless you deal with the deeper issues, you’re really just whacking moles.

How do you deal with the deeper issue?

The first step is to find out what it is. This takes some introspection, and it can take a lot of courage, but it’s well worth it.

All humans go through what may be called an “imprinting” stage as we grow up. We learn about the world based on our parents, and all the other adults.

Later on, we tend to “reproduce” that same environment around us, even if we don’t realize it.

Kids that grow up in abusive households, for example, tend to “reproduce” that abusive environment without knowing why or how.

It can certainly feel like we are doomed to repeat history, but luckily that’s not the case.

The good news is you can do some digging, and cut off those problems at the root.

Killing that monster once and for all, so he’ll leave you alone.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Awaken Your Natural Learner

Your Brain Is The Same As It Was

Your Brain Is The Same

I remember a long while ago my company was merging with another company.

A lot of us were getting the boot, so we were pretty worried.

The good news was that we got to take any “approved” training to make it easier to find a new job.

I thought that was kind of cool, but I was also kind of worried.

I’d been working in the same lab for the last ten years, and my knowledge was VERY specialized.

I was afraid of stepping into a classroom and learning something new.

After all, I’d heard all those stories about how the older you get, the harder it is to learn, etc.

But what I found was totally the opposite.

At least it can be.

When you think about it, it makes total sense. It’s not like our brain structure, biology and chemistry suddenly changes as we get older. It’s the same brain in your head now that was in there however many years ago you were born. Just a bit bigger, and just a LOT more stuff in there.

Which turns out, is the problem.

When we go through school, we learn a lot of stuff. But we also learn that learning is hard. Difficult. Frustrating. Scary even.

I don’t know about you, but I had some pretty scary teachers in elementary school!

The truth is that you ARE a natural learner. You were when you were born, you are now, and you will be right up until you take your very last breath.

All you’ve got to do is ditch all those “unhelpful” things you learned going through the meat grinder they call an educational system.

Things like “failure is bad,” or “if you don’t get it right the first time, you’re wrong,” or “if you mess up everybody’s going to think less of you.”

All that is total crap. You used to know it. You used to not care if you messed up, or did the wrong thing, or called attention to yourself.

In fact, you thought it was pretty fun.

And you can discover that it still can be pretty fun.

Just learn how to get rid of all that useless junk.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

How Many Limitations Have You Accepted?

Don't Accept Limitations

Don’t Let Them Tell What You Can’t Do!

One thing that can really motivate us is when somebody tells us we can’t do it.

When I was in high school, I’d decided to run a marathon. A friend of mine (who happened to be a semi-pro soccer player, and therefore in MUCH better shape than me) had seen me out jogging.

He suggested we run the upcoming marathon (about a week away). And like a dumb high school kid, I said “Sure!”

I told a close friend of mine and he told me with absolute sincerity that I shouldn’t run, because I’d never finish, and I might injure myself. While he was only trying to help, he gave me a surprising dose of motivation.

After about ten miles, I started to REALLY feel like I’d had enough. But I kept focusing on his voice, telling me I couldn’t do it.

I imagined finishing, and telling him so. That was pretty much the ONLY thing keeping me going. And believe me, it was very hard. I never been (before or since) as tired as I’d been from about mile 15 onward.

And for a couple of weeks afterwards, my legs were on fire every time I even stood up.

But I finished.

Now, as a high school kid, this was purely a matter of pride. I didn’t get any medals or money or any extra affection from my girlfriend.

But is sure felt good.

The truth is that ALL of us have heads that have been filled in with all kinds of ideas, statements and beliefs by well-meaning adults. They were trying to protect us, like my friend was.

But since they’ve told us about our supposed “limitations” over and over, and during a time when we were VERY dependent on their approval, we were much more likely to accept their “limitations” on what we can do as fact.

But they are not. Not even close.

What’s more, maybe they WERE right. But that was when you were a kid. Ten years old, or younger.

You’re not a kid any more. And those things aren’t true any more.

Isn’t it time you rejected them, once and for all?

When you do, you’ll be flabbergasted by what you can REALLY do.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

Break The Rules And Have Fun

Can You Do Better?

Can You Do Better?

I love haggling for prices.

Especially when there’s an expectation to haggle.

Now, most of the time, there’s a price tag and people just pay the asking price.

But you’d be surprised how much wiggle room there is.

Many places the sales person simply doesn’t have the authority to haggle, and they might feel put on the spot. 

But just to have some fun, try this out.

Next time you’re shopping for something, and there’s a salesperson standing nearby, look at the price tag, look at them, and ask, “Can you do any better?”

Chances are they’ll look confused.

This works really great if you’re in smaller shops that are staffed by the proprietor themselves.

Although there are some places this will clearly backfire. Like standing in line at your favorite fast food place at lunchtime.

But for the vast majority of things, nothing’s REALLY set in stone.

Which means if you simply ask, you may be surprised what you can get.

But if you never ask, you’ll never get.

Of course, you can give yourself a lot better chance if you ask “correctly.” If you just walked up to people on the street and asked them for money, you wouldn’t likely be successful.

But if you get to know the person, just a little bit, to find out what they wanted, it you might make your “request” a lot more “acceptable.”

Like before asking the department store salesperson if they can “do any better,” you might ask if they work on commission. Or how sales have been. Or any other benefit TO THEM for making a sale. 

Now, the point is not to get out there be a super ninja haggler, and always be asking everybody what they can give you.

But it is kind of fun to see almost every single relationship as something “to be determined” compared to something listed on a price tag, or somebody’s expectations.

Truth is most people are pretty bored. They see themselves, and everybody else fulfilling some “role” of what they are supposed to say and do.

So when you come up and “change the rules,” they’ll see you as somebody that’s more interesting than everybody else. Somebody who doesn’t necessarily need to play by the rules.

Once you start seeing your reality around you as a work in progress, one you can fully participate in and mold as you move through it, life can be a LOT more fun.

Of course, this requires you leave behind some of those old fear of “looking silly” or “calling attention to yourself.”

But that’s pretty easy to do.

See for yourself:

Emotional Freedom

Float Like A Butterfly

Float Like A Butterfly

Lighten Your Load

Many people crave a step by step method of doing something.

Just tell me how to make money and I’ll do it.

Just tell me what to say to him/her to make them like me and I’ll do it.

Just tell me what to say in an interview and I’ll do it.

Just tell me how to lose weight and I’ll do it.

The problem with this thinking is twofold. One is that humans are incredibly complex. WAY more than anybody even realizes.

Meaning that even if you were to go back in time, and follow Bill Gates around since he was a little kid, you still might not be able to reproduce his behaviors and results.

Unless you WERE him, and could see the world the way he did, and respond to opportunities that way he did, you wouldn’t get the same results.

Everybody is different. Everybody has their own unique set of skills, learning styles, and desires.

For example, many rich people only got rich because they were always DESPERATELY afraid of being poor.

I don’t know about you, but imagining some scary poverty monster chasing me my whole life doesn’t sound like a lot of fun!

Another reason is that hoping to be told “what to do” is not such a great idea is because it’s not really the best question.

The truth about you is that you came into this world ALREADY preprogrammed to LEARN ANYTHING you need to learn.

Which means you don’t need to do more stuff in order to get whatever you want, you’ve got to do less stuff.

What stuff?

Stuff like listening to and believing those self doubts every time you’ve got a good idea.

Stuff like actually believing those memories where somebody told you you COULDN’T do something.

Stuff like that silly idea the failure is bad, or giving the wrong answer means you’re stupid, or asking “stupid” questions means you’re not as smart as everybody else.

I saw a goofy commercial once where a guy pulled into a service station, and wanted to know why he was getting such poor gas mileage. The attendant looked in his trunk and saw about 300 pounds of exercise weights. 

“There’s your problem!” He said.

Eject all that junk you’ve been lugging around all this time, and you’ll feel fantastic.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom