I just read this interesting piece of “news” about some famous psychologist.
I put “news” in quotes because it’s one of those self-evident things we all know anyway, but because it’s in some new book by a famous person the news goofs act like its a new discovery.
Anyhow, the shocking news is that when people meet us, there are two things they sort for within the first couple seconds.
One is whether or not they can trust us, and another is whether or not they can respect us.
Meaning we can’t be shifty, and we can’t walk around drooling on ourselves.
I know, shocking insight, right?
But here’s the thing. Just knowing what to do isn’t enough. It’s not even “half the battle” as G.I. Joe famously said.
For example if you were struggling with your weight, and some goof told you to, “eat less,” that really wouldn’t help.
Since every person that struggles with their weight REALLY struggles with how to manage hunger.
If all we had to do was to just “eat less” as if were as easy as wearing purple, we’d all be skinny.
The problem comes in HOW to do those “simple” things.
Like just HOW do you project the INSTANT idea that people can trust you?
Wear a T-Shirt that says, “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you!”
That probably wouldn’t help.
One way would be to be emotionally open. People who are SCARED often put up a protective vibe. This unfortunately comes across as you not trusting others.
And if YOU don’t trust OTHERS, how the heck are they supposed to trust you?
This is one of those catch-22’s. You don’t to become vulnerable unless THEY prove to YOU that you can trust them.
But THEY won’t trust YOU unless you are vulnerable. Since they don’t know you.
It’s like we’ve all got the same plan. Which is to wait for the OTHER PERSON to let their guard down FIRST.
How can you avoid this never ending trap?
Go to the source.
That time, way back in your history, when you trusted EVERYBODY.
Only after a while did you LEARN that sometimes it was difficult and even SCARY to openly express yourself.
Parents, school, other adults that don’t want to be bothered with a little kid.
They didn’t mean it, but they sure did a number on you!
It happened to ALL OF US.
You were once a super out-spoken, emotionally open, pure expression MACHINE.
Until somebody turned you off.
Sure it was an accident. But it still happened.
Luckily, YOU have access to the switch.
And when you turn yourself back ON, you’ll also be turning everybody else ON.