Once I was at a movie theater, I went there on the spur of the moment.

I had no idea what any of the movies were about, so I asked the guy selling tickets.

He gave me a quick rundown, and made a suggestion.

I took it and was satisfied.

Asked-for advice, when given genuinely, is usually very helpful.

On the other hand, few of us like unasked for advice.

The reason has to do with the presuppositions that go along with the advice.

The main presupposition is that the person giving the advice knows more about the situation than the person receiving the advice.

Imagine you were standing in front of a movie theater, trying to decide which movie to see.

Only you had plenty of information on all the different movies.

You were just debating which of them you wanted to see the most.

Then some voice comes out of nowhere and says, “Don’t see X, it sucks.”

Now, depending on WHO said that, and what they looked like, how the behaved, etc, you might take their advice, you might not.

But YOU would still want to choose whether to take their advice or not.

Which means now you’re choice is MORE complicated, especially if the person giving the advice is not your “type.”

Whenever two people talk, it’s like there’s a battle of ideas. A contest of thoughts.

The ideas in your head, and the ideas in their head.

Asking for their ideas and comparing them to your ideas is one thing.

But having them try and FORCE their ideas into your brain (which is essentially what we do when we give unasked for advice) is not so friendly.

Doing the opposite, however, is a LOT of fun.

Instead of putting YOUR ideas into their mind, take THEIR ideas and expand them.

Most people have vague desires, wants, wishes, etc.

But instead of trying to match your specific advice to their vague desires, do the opposite.

Take their vague desires, pull them out of their head, and make them bigger, brighter, more specific.

IF you use ONLY their words and ideas (to make their ideas bigger and more specific) it will have a pretty cool effect.

They’ll feel REALLY GOOD, and they’ll associate those really good feelings with you.

You can use this with pretty much ANYBODY.

Friends, bosses, children, clients. Even people you’ve just met.

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