Monthly Archives: April 2015

How To Avoid Relationship Pain

How To Meet Your Dream Girl

Looking For A Long Term Relationship?

They say hindsight is 20-20. That’s kind of true, but sometimes it’s pretty dangerous. Looking back into history can be helpful, but only when you take in the ENTIRE history.

There’s all kinds of movies where people go back in time and change one simple thing with disastrous results in the present.

When people reminisce about the past, it’s common to wish one or two elements were different, and everything else was the same. This is pretty impossible when you really think about it. Every incident in human life is the culmination of billions of random variables all operating according to different principles.

Since the human brain is limited in its understanding, we often perceive things that are much simpler than they really are.

For example, a lot of guys would like things to be the way like they were in the “old days.” Maybe they imagine their grandparents hooking up, dating a few times, and then having a relationship without much issue.

They compare that to their experiences today, and see a huge difference. The conclusion is usually that women today are much different than women of yesteryear.

There’s a couple things going on here that makes that seem correct, when it’s not true at all.

One thing is something called “survivorship bias.” This means we focus only on the few people that were successful, even when they are the exception to the rule. If you only focus on your happily married grandparents, for example, you’re ignoring all the people on planet Earth their same age who aren’t so happy.

Another problem comes when guys hook up with girls and have sex. Then there emotions get involved, and they try to turn a short term fling (based on how it was created) into a long term relationship.

Unfortunately, long term relationships only really work out when people genuinely like each other beyond those feelings of lust.

Anybody you meet under the cover of lust  may or may not fit that description. Sure it can happen, but when you consider how diverse people are, it’s unlikely you’d meet your soul mate the same way you’d meet a short term fling.

So, what’s the answer?

All this can easily be take care of with criteria. Find out what kind of relationship you’d like. Find out what kind of person you’d like it with. Find out a way to determine if they are a close enough match BEFORE you get too physical and your emotions get involved.

Sure, in the short term, it’s not a lot of fun. But in the long term, you’ll be much, much better off.

Learn More:

Girlfriend Generator

Develop Magnetic Attraction

Magnetic Lines of Force

Head Turning Social Charisma

What is the secret of charisma?

People who seem to have that “gift” simply walk into a room, and suddenly they’ve got everybody’s attention.

I’m not talking about famous people, or super gorgeous people, or obviously rich people.

In fact, “charisma” is pretty easy to fake. Once a college student decided to do an experiment. He made up a name, created some kind of “persona” and went to his local mall.

He brought a few other students who posed as publicists, bodyguards and a cameraman.

They just followed him around, all playing their part. He wasn’t walking or acting differently. Sure enough, a few people asked some of his “people” who he was.

Before long, the whole place was buzzing with excitement. Suddenly everybody “remembered” hearing that name before, even though he’d made it up.

Soon there was a crowd of people following him. Tweeting, taking pictures and posting everywhere.

He was fake, but their excitement wasn’t.

Obviously, while an interesting insight into human behavior, (and how easy we are to trick) charisma, REAL charisma, goes much deeper than that.

People who are genuinely charismatic have this energy about them. It’s always there. They don’t need a crew or any props.

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s there.

They have a certain kind of relaxed focus. A slow and steady movement. Slow and steady speech, each word flows naturally, yet is perfect to describe the ideas in their mind.

No matter who they are talking to, they focus on them completely. They not only accept and respect themselves, just as they are, but they accept and respect others, just as they are.

They don’t talk down to people, they don’t seek approval from people.

It’s as if they have a glimpse into the entire meaning of the universe, and they know their part. They accept their part. They appreciate their part. They enjoy their part.

It’s as if they see some deep connection between all people that most of us miss.

No matter what situation they are in, they know, deep in their bones, everything will be OK.

Now, many people will say having this type of “energy” is like being born tall and good looking. You either have it, or you don’t.

Luckily, they are wrong.

This energy can be developed. Cultivated, expanded, and shared with others.

You’ve had this energy all along. Waiting to be released.

Learn How:

Kundalini Activator

The Dangers Of Short Term Game

Be Careful When The Bill Comes Due

Avoid Unexpected Bills And Hangovers

There are endless courses and systems being sold today about how to use various types of communication technology to get women interested in you. These work fantastic, if you use them right.

But you may find that using these tools is much more harm than they are worth.

Why?

Anything that gives you advanced benefits in the short term usually comes at a costs. And these costs usually come later on when you are least prepared to deal with them. It feels great to eat a bunch of salty fatty food, but it feels horrible once you balloon up to 400 pounds and your doctor is telling you your in deep trouble.

It feels great to go on a credit fueled spending spree, but not so much when the bill comes, and you don’t have enough cash to even pay the minimum balance.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

So what’s the danger in shortcutting the attraction generation process? Let’s consider the ways.

For one, you’re doing all the work at the beginning. All she’s doing is sitting back while you turn up her attraction. This is great in the short term, but if you don’t continue to use that technology (which will get pretty old pretty quickly) then she’s going to lose interest. 

And unless that is the way you normally behave, it will seem to her that you’ve suddenly changed.

This can lead to a string of short term relationships. If that’s what you’re after, and many guys are, then that’s not a problem.

But many guys really DO want to find that one special lady to hang out with for the long term.

And guess what?

Short term game is simply not suited for long term relationship building. Any kind of surface structure behavior that isn’t a congruent representation of who you really are is going to be very hard to keep up.

What’s a different alternative?

One, be yourself. Your real self. Not your pretend nice guy self. And always be improving your real self. For the rest of your life. This alone will give you an edge over pretty much everybody else out there.

The second thing is to always leave before you wear out your welcome.

Most guys can’t do this. They find themselves in a conversation, and they want to make it last as long as possible.

But if you leave on a high note, she’ll remember you that way. She’ll think about you that way. Any feelings of attraction will be because she was thinking about the real you. Not because of some game technique.

If you do this consistently in the early part of the relationships, you’ll build some very strong emotional glue that will keep you together for a long time.

Learn More:

Girlfriend Generator

Choose The Right Tools For The Job

See More Than Nails

Hammers and Nails

One of the usual elements of the “Hero’s Journey” is some kind of tool.

If you aren’t familiar with the Hero’s Journey, it’s what Joseph Campbell discovered several years ago. Most myths have the same basic structure, and contain the same basic elements.

Some normal guy gets pulled (usually against his will) into some kind of adventure, in which he has to conquer some kind of evil force or person.

And he usually gets certain tools along the way, and usually creates a close group of helpful friends.

It’s amazing how many stories have this blueprint in popular movies and TV. Even goofy (but popular) TV shows like “Chuck” have this same model.

Crucial to most fictional (and real) Hero Journeys is some kind of tool. Chuck (if you’re familiar) had the “Intersect.” Harry Potter had his wand. Luke had his light saber. Dorothy, from the wizard of Oz, had her ruby slippers. Spartacus (in the recent TV series) had his sword and shield. Even Walter White had his meth lab.

Tools are essential to human life. It’s what makes us unique. We use tools to make more tools, to make even more tools.

Toasters, cars, shoes, all can be considered “tools” that we use to make life easier.

On a deep psychological level, we see tools in the same mental category as we see other people.

For example, linguists have discovered that the prepositions we use with words determine what kind of category that word belongs to.

Fall “in” love. Love is a some kind of container. (in).

“Defend” an argument. Arguments are war. (defend).

We went “over” that problem. Problems are obstacles. (over).

I went the store “with” my friend. Friends are companions. (with).

I cut the bread “with” the knife. Tools are also companions. (with).

Without tools, it’s just us, our hands, and the cold hard world. Even our hands are considered tools, or companions. (I built my business with my bare hands).

But with tools we can do quite a bit. Build cities. Cure diseases. Create beautiful works of art that will be enjoyed for generations. Walk on the moon.

What tools do you use?

Of course, it can be tough to choose the right tool before you know what the job is. So a better question might be, what kind of life are you building? (Life is a “creation.” You build it).

Choose your tools, and get started:

Mind Tools

Look In The Mirror, Not The Market

How Do You Measure Your Success?

Skill Building Power Of Responsibility

In sports, there’s an idea of a plateau. Or in weight or exercise. When you first start, you’ll notice some pretty quick improvements. But then you kind of level off for a while. This is perfectly normal, and so long as you understand it’s perfectly normal, you’ll keep up with your training.

And you’ll see periodic “steps” up to the next level. On which you’ll stay for a while before the next step.

Game, or more specifically, social skills are the same way. This is both good and bad. It’s bad in that it can trick you into thinking that once you get to a certain level of game you don’t really need to improve any more. This can lead to “blaming the market” syndrome when you don’t get what you want.

For example, a lot of guys have no problems getting laid, but they have significant problems finding what they call “quality women.”

They imagine that since they can get laid, they’ve got all the game they need. When in reality, they’ve got JUST ENOUGH game to get laid.

But here’s where the problems begin. If you don’t know specifically what you want, other than getting laid, you’ll never find it. What’s more, you kind of expect it to “just happen” based on some imaginations based on the way you think the world “should” work.

One way to overcome this is to ALWAYS assume that if you can’t get what you want, the ONLY response is to improve your game. This is hard to do. It’s incredibly easy to blame the environment. And often times it IS the fault of the environment.

But so long as you FORCE yourself to look in the mirror rather than at the market, you’ll continue to improve. And you’ll see the same plateaus and steps you’ll find in sports or any other skill development.

Of course, there is another way. A much easier way that will make it much more natural to improve your game as an automatic result.

And that is to create a highly detailed set of criteria that describes what you’re looking for. What kind of girl? What kind of relationship?

The more detail you come up with, the more likely you’ll find her.

Naturally, she won’t pop out of the ether. You’re going to have to go looking for her. You’re going to have to talk to, and likely date a LOT of girls before you find her.

But in doing so you’ll be consistently improving your game.

So when you finally DO meet her, you won’t blow your chance.

Learn More:

Girlfriend Generator

How Will The World Remember You?

Get Going On Your Mission

Make Your Mark

It’s pretty good when you have one of those days where all kinds of cool and unexpected things happen.

You leave the house maybe on a Friday night, thinking you’ll hang out with your friends.

Then you meet some interesting people who invite you to a party.

Then at the party you meet other people and go somewhere else.

Kind of like being in some kind of magical “activity stream” where things just keep happening.

Other times it can be pretty boring. Once I was dating this girl, and we had fallen into a rut when we’d go out. She started to accurately predict all the places I’d take her.

Part of the human experience is to let your “explorer” out once in a while. Sure, playing it safe is just as valuable. 

Too much of either can get you into trouble.

Play it too safe, and life passes you buy without you really noticing. Become too much of an explorer, and you might get stuck on an island or end up at the bottom of the ocean.

A good way to change things up is to plan spontaneity.

Meaning at least once a week, schedule a few hours to yourself, and specifically NOT make any plans.

Just go out, and go to places you’ve never been before. Talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to.

The secret of living a fulfilling life is a combination of having a solid plan, AND being able to change gears when an opportunity shows up.

Those that start their own businesses, for example, (and do well) are the folks who have a general idea of what they want, but don’t hesitate when the market goes in a different direction.

Work is another example. You might start out with one type of job, and end up doing something completely different. Something that gets you far more money, and far more recognition of your true skills.

But this WON’T  happen if you are too “risk averse.” You’ve got to take SOME chances. You’ll never make your mark on the world by playing it safe.

Think of it this way. For every inventor, or artist, or musician or explorer that did something amazing, there’s millions, even billions of people who are glad they did.

Which means when YOU fully express your true calling, you’ll actually be helping millions, if not billions of people.

By playing it safe, you’re letting them down.

The world is waiting.

How To Stop Agonizing Over Your Crush

Find Somebody Who Likes You As Much As You Like Them

How To Switch Your Interests

One thing humans have a hard time doing is predicting their instincts. This is something Mother Nature was very, very clever about when she set them up. Sure, we all have a raw desire to eat, for example, but we also have a huge range of things that can satisfy that hunger.

Even if you have a specific desire for a cheeseburger, for example, you won’t starve if you can’t find one. There’s plenty of other things that can fit the bill. Or imagine being really thirsty. Sure, you may have a hankering for red Gatorade, but if they don’t have it at your local 7-11 you won’t die of thirst. You’ll happily drink another flavor or even (gasp!) water.

Imagine if your friend invited you to a dinner party. Would your presence be contingent on what they were serving? Not likely.

This is true for all instincts, especially sexual or romantic desire. That’s the strongest.

However, if it seems easy to switch a pizza for a cheeseburger, even when you’ve had your heart set on pizza, why is it so hard to stop pursuing any particular girl when she’s simply not into you?

The Internet is filled with guys and gals DESPERATE to make that “one person” like them.

However, if you step back, the process is the same. Before they met that person, they had a “raw instinct” or desire to meet somebody. Then they met that person and they were close enough. So now all their energies are focused on that “one person.” 

But consider this. You’re friend tells you he’s having chicken burritos for dinner, and invites you over. You’re fantasizing about chicken burritos all week. But then you show up, and he’s got beef stew instead. Will you pout, and refuse to eat? Will you feel like you’re friend has tricked you? No. You may say something, but you’ll eat the beef stew, and probably enjoy it.

So why can’t we switch our romantic interests as quickly as we can switch our food interests?

It all comes down to our ancient brains. Food was always just around the corner. And built deeply into our collective experience is that there’s plenty of different kinds of food. So we KNOW on a deep, instinctive level, that if we don’t get the particular food we’re after, they’ll be a suitable replacement sooner or later.

But with romantic interests, it’s a LOT different. For most of our history, most people only had a couple chances in their entire lives to hook up.

So we were programmed to see those few chances as DO OR DIE on a deep, instinctive level. That’s why when you’ve got your sites set on your crush, it’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE to forget about them and find somebody else.

But here’s the thing. If you literally FORCE yourself to interact with other people, you WILL find somebody that will replace them in your mind.

This is simply a matter of overriding unconscious instincts and programming with conscious thinking and behavior.

This is the stuff civilization is made of. This is what civilized people do.

If you simply make it a habit, make it part of who you are, to interact with girls (or guys) on a regular basis. You will be a lot less likely to get messed up emotionally by a crush that doesn’t return the affection.

Here’s a step by step plan that will help:

Where Will Your Journey Take You?

Your Path is Waiting

Discover And Define Your Purpose

They say the biggest migration in human history was the California gold rush.

Countless people from the East Coast of the United States moved to the West Coast, when gold was discovered in 1849.

Now, that is a long journey. One a lot of people didn’t make. And the ones who were successful didn’t all find huge golden nuggets.

But there’s something with humans that gets us going on long journeys. So long as we believe there’s something at the end, we’ll get moving.

Some believe this exists on a very deep and subconscious level. Previous human migrations were based on massive climate change. Those that had the desire to uproot and move survived. Those who were content to sit around and wait to see how things played out didn’t.

Today, we still have the deep urge. Only it’s not always an urge to move physically. But it’s there.

Learning, creating, finding new ways to express ourselves.

If we don’t have SOME form of forward momentum, it’s easy to feel lost, stuck and even like there’s “no point.”

Especially today, when good jobs are vanishing faster than ice cubes on a summer sidewalk, it’s hard to find your place.

The good news is that any kind of forward momentum will help. Any kind of small project, exercise program, personal financial goal is better than just sitting around waiting for something to happen.

You were put here to do something great. The purpose of your life is to find out what that is.

Nobody is going to tell you. Nobody is going to hold your hand. Nobody is going to show you the way.

It’s scary, it’s risky, and it’s anything but guaranteed.

But taking bold action in the face of uncertainty is the very juice of life. The reward wouldn’t be so sweet if it was easy.

Since you’re reading this now, you must have SOME idea of your life’s dreams. Your purpose.

Have you started?

Far into the future, when you’ve long passed, what will you be remembered for? What will your contribution be?

What will be your life’s masterpiece?

You are the Hero of your life.

Choose your Journey, and get started:

How To Detach From Outcome

Do You See What I See?

Helpful But Vague Advice

One of the pieces of advice often given to guys who want to do better with girls is to “detach from outcome.”

This is pretty good advice for pretty much any kind of performance. If you’re too worried about the results, the additional stress and anxiety will mess up your behavior.

Paradoxically, the less you’re concerned with the outcome, the more likely you are to achieve it.

However, this is one of those catch-22’s. It’s nearly impossible to detach from the outcome if you don’t have any experience in getting it.

For example, if you’ve never gotten a phone number from a girl, and you ask somebody, it’s going to be very, very hard not to be nervous.

On the other hand, if you’ve gotten hundreds of numbers, it’s a lot easier to not care too much if the girl you’re currently talking to is going to give you her number.

It seems that in order to detach from the outcome, you first have to achieve the outcome a bunch of times. It doesn’t take much to see this can quickly turn into a recursive loop of insanity, keeping you stuck over in the shadows, while all the other guys are having all the fun.

What’s the answer?

Instead of detaching all the way from the outcome, simply pull back a bit. For example, if you want to get the number, set that as your intention, and then forget it. Then consciously think of all the things you would need to do anyway, to get the number, and focus on those. 

Like walking up to her, talking to her, making her smile and laugh. Lose yourself fully in the process. Enjoy the process. Make that your “intermediary outcome.”

See your main outcome of getting her number as comprised of a bunch of intermediary outcomes right after another.

If you are terrified of talking to her, focus on just walking up. Enjoy that process. Do it a few times until you build up a memory of getting that outcome, and then move on to the next.

Walk up and say hi, and then go somewhere else. Once you’ve got plenty of THAT experience, start an actual conversation.

Sounds like a long time, right?

Well, consider this. Most normal guys NEVER get much better at talking to girls than they were in high school. They may find themselves DECADES later still struggling with the same issues.

If you took your time, planned on a few months of just pure practice, and forgot about any outcome, you’d improve a LOT quicker.

This will help:

Girlfriend Generator

The Happy Popcorn Seller

Easy Money

People Want To Give You Money

When I was in high school I had a lot of retail jobs, usually related to some kind of food.

Selling popcorn at the movies, selling pizzas at a pizza shop, working the counter in various fast food places.

I always liked the fast pace, but what I enjoyed most was interacting with people.

Everybody’s happy when they’re about to eat something. They’re happy to be paying for something that’s going make them feel good.

Especially when I worked at the movies. People buying popcorn on a Friday or Saturday night before seeing the latest blockbuster were always in a good mood.

The conversation was just long enough to exchange smiles, a couple of “thank you’s” and then on to the next person.

This is the kind of transaction people overlook when they say “money is evil.”

Money is just energy. It’s how you use it that can be evil. It certainly doesn’t have to be.

Nor does wanting more money, regardless of how  much you’ve got.

Storing up potential energy for the future is a good thing. It’s even programmed into animals who hibernate.

When they are in “collection mode,” they don’t get angry at each other.

“Hey! Look at that greedy squirrel! Doesn’t he have ENOUGH nuts already? Sheesh! The nerve of some rodents!”

They are too busy getting as much as they can, to survive the long cold winter.

Humans are the same way. We have ZERO idea what future will be like. Yet we have this unique capacity to look out into the future and plan for what we think might happen.

So we store up as much “energy” as we can, which is our case, is money.

The more we have, the better we feel about being able to handle ANYTHING that comes our way.

There’s nothing wrong with this. Nothing evil about it. It’s only evil if you do evil things to get money.

So long as you get it “correctly,” there’s nothing to worry about.

How do you do that?

By providing value, real value to others. Just like selling popcorn at the movies.

Provide value that they’ll be happy to pay for.

The more you can do that, the more you’ll get paid.

Right now, you have an incredible amount of learning capacity. There are literally endless amounts of skills and methods you can discover that will help you deliver MORE value to others, and get paid MORE in the process.

The world is huge, and people’s needs are endless.

No matter WHAT you are capable of now, there’s people out there that need it. And are willing to pay for it.

And the more you increase what you’re capable of delivering, the more you’ll receive.

Get Started:

Prosperity Generator