Monthly Archives: June 2015

Turn Down Approach Anxiety

Slowly Turn Down Approach Anxiety

Slowly But Surely

Approach anxiety is a common barrier to successful relationship creation. And often times, guys don’t even admit they’ve got approach anxiety. Humans are pretty good at lying to ourselves in order to cover up uncomfortable truths.

We say things like, “She’s not my type,” or, “I’m not really looking to hook up,” or “I’m just here chilling, I don’t really want to talk to anybody.”

So even admitting to yourself you’d LIKE to approach, but feel to anxious is making a huge leap most guys never will.

Even then, there’s a misconception. Guys tend to think they are afraid of rejection, but that’s not really the case. What’s really nerve racking is being in the spotlight.

Approach a girl, especially from a distance away, feels very similar, on a gut level, to giving a speech. You feel that all eyes are on you, and if you make a mistake, everybody’s going to know and adjust their perception of you accordingly.

This is a holdover from our hunter-gatherer days, when the collective social opinion of us was absolutely crucial to our survival.

Even though it’s not any more, because it’s a deep instinct, you can’t really “switch it off” any more than you can “switch off” being hungry or horny.

So, how do you deal with it?

Very slowly.

Meaning you don’t walk over there slowly, but you simply recognize it’s going to take some time to get over that uncomfortable “everybody’s looking at me” feeling when approaching.

But if you start small, and slowly expand your comfort zone, it WILL happen.

How do you do that?

Luckily, there are plenty of ways.

Public speaking is one. Joining your local toastmasters and giving a speech once a week will get you right in a hurry.

Or you could simply see “flirting with girls” as some kind of weekly “exercise” to do. Not because you want any kind of tangible results.

Kind of like jogging on the treadmill. You’re not running on the treadmill because you think you’re going somewhere, you’re doing it to build up your endurance and burn away some of that flab.

If you did things like purposely go out to flirt and say “hi,” you’d slowly get over that social anxiety. If you coupled this with some weekly public speaking, it would happen even quicker.

So long as you acknowledge that while you can’t “switch it off” you certainly CAN slowly “turn it down,” you’ll be in good shape.

Pretty soon you’ll be in such good shape that walking over and talking to a cute girl feels perfectly normal.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Obliterate All Rejection

Become The Sorter

Become The Sorter

I’ve had plenty of sales jobs in my time.

Always lured in by the promise of big money.

And then confronted with the cold hard reality of constant rejection.

Really successful outfits knew that because they had such high turnover, they ALWAYS had to be hiring.

Meaning that part of their daily operations were hiring and training new people. Baked into the cake was the idea that most of their sales would be made by new salespeople only a week or two out in the field.

Many didn’t last longer than that.

Like I said, just a few rejections can quickly kill any dreams of big money.

The guys that seemed to do the best had super human charisma and were always high energy.

Kind of inefficient if you ask me.

Then later I learned all about NLP, proper criteria elicitation, and how it’s MUCH better than simply spitting out the same “features and benefits” pitch over and over and over.

The people that are in sales the longest know that no matter WHAT kind of technique you use, it’s all a numbers game.

Call enough people, and you’ll get some sales. Get enough sales, and you’ll make some good money.

Now, for most people, this requires getting rejected so many times that it simply doesn’t matter any more.

While this does work, it’s not a fun strategy.

The very few people who tend to make serious bank from the beginning never see it as rejection in the first place.

If somebody says they don’t want to buy, they salesperson doesn’t take it personally.

Once I had a phone number with the last two digits missing. So I basically had to call up to 99 different phone numbers to find the person I was looking for (who happened to represent a HUGE commission).

I didn’t see each wrong number as a “rejection” since there was no way to magically make the wrong number a right number.

It was more a matter of pure sorting.

When you look at sales, or anything you want in life, with the mind of a sorter, there’s NO rejection.

Since you’re not trying to get “accepted” by anybody. You’re just looking for somebody who matches what you’re looking for.

When you get down to it, EVERYTHING in life can be put into this broad model.

Figure out what you want, and sort through everything out in the world until you get it.

You used to be able to do this without ANY problem.

Back when you were a little kid. Back before you learned what “failure” even meant.

The good news is you can get back that mindset of the sorter. The fearless explorer. That golden child within that loves the journey as much as the destination.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Get In The Game And Find Your Match

The Jigsaw Puzzle Pickup Angle

The Jigsaw Puzzle Pattern

When I was a kid I loved jigsaw puzzles. Sort of. I like the idea of being able to finish one, but I never really had the motivation. I would put together all the outside edges, since that was the easy part.

But once it got to the inside pieces, I just didn’t have the patience to sort through all those pieces.

Lots of things are like that. For a jigsaw puzzle, it’s kind of easy to understand. When you finish, you’ve got some picture of a castle or something. For some, the feeling of accomplishment is a good enough feeling.

But for kids, when all you end up is a picture of a castle after spending a few hours that you COULD have been doing something fun outside, well…

You can think of meeting the right woman as putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Every woman’s got her own set of things she’s looking for in a guy. And every woman’s got her own qualities that she has to offer to a guy.

Every guy has (or should have) these same two groups of qualities. Those he’s looking for, and those he’s got to offer.

The more you’ve got to offer, the more you can demand. Basic market economics.

The process seems simple enough.

Work on yourself, building up what you’ve got to offer. Keep meeting girls until you find a match.

Luckily, even if you are starting from zero, meaning you have no idea what you have to offer, and no idea what you want, both of these will build over time.

Meaning the very process of walking up to and talking to girls (and falling on your face) will build up your self confidence, your social skills, and your experience. All things a quality woman looks for in a guy.

At the same time, you’ll be refining your criteria of what’s important to you in a woman BEYOND her looks.

Which means if you treat “pick up” as an exercise in criteria generation, AND personal development, you’ll be a natural in no time.

The trick is to see it as scrimmage. Those pretend games in practice that have no effect on the standings.

Sure, it sucks getting shot down, but think if it as practice. Practice in building up your skills until you meet Miss Right.

The more you build your skills BEFORE you meet her, the more likely she’ll be AUTOMATICALLY attracted to you when she sees you.

Making it easy to get together with her.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

What Kind Of Hills Do You Like?

Get In The Game

Get In The Game

I used to go skiing when I was a kid. I belonged to the Explorer Scouts, which was kind of like boy scouts.

But instead of merit badges and helping old ladies cross the street, we just did things like camping and hiking.

And once a year, we all went on this big ski trip to this big mountain resort. Bunch of kids crammed into a cabin, away from out parents, and only a few adults. All of us with crappy equipment that we had to rent. Great fun.

I remember two types of ski runs as a kid. One was steep and flat. One was steep with these HUGE moguls.

Moguls are like little hills, (some not so little) and are kind of put there accidentally by how skiers make a lot of quick turns going down the mountain.

Since I was never good enough to do that, I HATED moguls. I would make this HUGE zig-zags down the mountain, and moguls made that incredible difficult.

Problem was you couldn’t tell which runs had the huge moguls unless you went down the run. So I had to kind of remember which ones did and which ones didn’t.

Once we got the nerve to take the lift up to the biggest, steepest run. We all looked over the edge and said, “No Way!”

So we went down the backside. Through a bunch of trees and back around to the front.

Funny thing was that was likely the most fun we had that trip. It took us a couple hours, since we had no idea where we were going, and a lot of it was pretty flat. But it was an adventure. 

Had we not had the courage to go all the way to the top, we would never have experienced that.

The best things can happen when you least expect them. But unlike the movies, they don’t really happen “to” you, while you’re sitting around.

That’s the great dream of most of us, to be thrust into some kind of adventure without much effort on our part.

But in real life, we’ve got to take part. We’ve got to get out there and get in the mix.

Sure, sometimes we’ll come across these huge scary moguls we’ve got to get around.

Other times, we’ll look down and say “No Way!” and try to find another path.

But those “other paths” are where all the good stuff is.

Amazing things will happen when you get out there and open yourself up to whatever is waiting.

Having the courage to do so will help.

Learn More:

Emotional Freedom

Shock And Awe Relationship Opener

Don't Dance Around The Issue

Stop Dancing Around!

When it comes to picking up girls, guys tend to beat around the bush, so to speak. (NO pun intended, you sick freak!)

Meaning guys rarely come out and say what’s on their minds. But consider a few statistics, mental or otherwise.

Imagine how much time, money and energy you spend trying to “meet girls.” Now, I know that plenty of guys go out to meet girls, don’t meet any girls, and then tell themselves they REALLY were just going out to hang with their boys.

Yea, right!

But just play along. Think of the percent of time you actually get some, vs. the time you spend TRYING to get some. Probably a pretty slim percentage.

Now, consider the famous “Shock and Awe” opener. You walk up, introduce yourself, and calmly and plainly, (not offensively) ask if she wants to go somewhere and get busy.

IF (and I know this is a huge IF) someone had the balls to do this, how do you think those numbers (shock and awe) would compare to somebody who simply approaches when he’s confident, flails around, and finally asks for the number?

Sure, the shock and awe guy would get rejected a lot. But you’d be surprised how often you wouldn’t be. Now, not every girl would go somewhere right away with you, but a lot would definitely be impressed with your confidence.

And you would be INCREDIBLY confident just after a few times.

Now, I’m not recommending that you do this. And you’re likely thinking, “Yea, but I don’t WANT short 
term sex, I want a relationship!”

So why not try the “shock and awe” relationship opener?

“Hey, I think you’re cute, and I’m wondering if you have an equally interesting personality. Maybe we might have enough in common to at least be friends, or maybe even fall in love, after we get to know each other. Why don’t you give me your phone number, and I’ll call you later on so we can get together?”

How do you think THIS would work? If you tried it only ONCE a night on any cute enough girl that was giving you some IOI’s?

Now, this certainly WOULDN’T guarantee your success, but it would certainly short cut all the dancing around the topic most people do in the club! (See what I did there?)

Now, you don’t have to necessarily say this, but if you keep this IDEA in the forefront of you mind while you approach, and while you’re talking to her, it would certainly make things at lot clearer.

Try it, and see:

Girlfriend Generator

How Do You Decide?

Two Skills For Ultimate Success

Two Crucial Life Skills

Most people like being told what to do.

Not all the time, of course. But whenever there’s any kind of doubt, question or uncertainty, one common response is to look around for some kind of authority.

When I visited my friend in the hospital after she had her first kid, her and her husband, both professionals, looked completely at a loss.

She looked and me and said, “I have idea what I’m supposed to do!”

If you’ve got kids of your own, you know the feeling.

This is both the best part AND the worst part about being a fully functioning adult.

One is that nobody tells you what to do, so you can do whatever you want.

But since there’s nobody telling you what to do, if you mess up, it’s all you.

This can be pretty terrifying, leaving a lot of us stuck in indecision.

Sometimes even the simplest decisions can take forever, if we’re the only ones deciding.

For many situations, having one “decision maker” is pretty efficient. I was at this small seminar once, and the instructor decided we’d order some pizzas for lunch. Just deciding what kind to get, that would satisfy everybody, took over thirty minutes!

It’s definitely a balance. A very delicate one. You’ve got to be bold enough to make the decisions that really count, and know when to step back and let somebody else do the deciding when it’s not that important, at least to you.

Those that tend to do best have two very important qualities. One is they make a decision and stick to it. They don’t waffle around and wait for everybody’s input in hopes of avoiding the dreaded failure.

They quickly weigh their options, and decide.

As the ancient Samurais said, “Every decision must be made within seven breaths.”

The second crucial skill is to fully accept the responsibility of your decisions. No blaming, no guilt, no self-punishment.

With these two skills alone, you can get very, very far in life. Because every single decision you make will give you more experience and knowledge, that will make the rest even better.

Even if you’re starting from zero, with only a vague idea of where you’re going, and how you want to get there.

Choose, take action, measure results, own them, and choose again.

Is it really that simple?

Once you get rid of all those emotional blind spots and obstacles (that EVERYBODY has), yes. It is.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

How To Find Your Ideal Girlfriend

Always Be Prospecting

Always Be Prospecting

There are two phases of life. Being a kid, and being an adult.

Little kids only get stuff when the grown ups give it to them. Adults only get stuff when they get out there and interact with other adults, and create some kind of mutually beneficial exchange.

Of course, there are some adults who get things by stealing, or manipulating others. Hopefully you’re not one of those.

Not only because it’s immoral, but it’s a horrible strategy that only works in the short term.

So, how do you get whatever you want as a rational thinking adult?

First, you’ve got to figure out what you want. Then you’ve got to find somebody that has it. Then you’ve got to figure out what they want. If you’ve each got what each other wants, then you can make a trade.

Luckily, in advanced economies, we’ve created money that can get around this “coincidence of wants.”

But this only works if you can pay somebody money for what you want, and then they can go and pay somebody that same money for what they want.

But what if what you want is not based on money? What if you’re after a relationship with an attractive woman?

You’ve still got to play the same game. Figure out what she wants, figure out what you want, and see if there’s a basis for exchange.

Granted, in relationships most of this happens unconsciously. Which means you’ve got to just get in there and see what happens. If you both have what each other want, you’ll feel it. If you don’t, you won’t.

But you’ve still got to get out there and interact with plenty of girls. Interact with them enough to find out if there’s a mutual benefit.

Generally speaking, this can happen after the first couple of face to face conversations. Get togethers, dates, whatever you want to call them.

Of course, this requires that you know what you want. And you have a pretty good idea of what you’ve got to offer. And the conversational and social skills to not only elicit these from her, and demonstrate what you’ve got.

Again, it’s crucial to understand that most of this is NOT based on any kind of overtly measurable quantities. If you show her your resume or portfolio, it probably won’t go over well.

However, you must have something in your brain besides merely a hope that she’ll accept you.

You’ve got to have an idea of what you’re looking for, and an established line of communication between you and your intuition.

Naturally, this is like any other skill. To get really good at it, you’ve got to practice. How do you practice? Start talking to and dating plenty of cute girls, that’s how!

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Are You Being Held Back?

Blast Away Internal Obstacles With Ease

Remove Internal Obstacles

One cool concept in sales and marketing is something called a “split test.”

Like if you have some kind of company, and you are running ads that you can measure the results of, you change something. 

Then you see which of the two variations does better.

So long as you keep doing this, you’ll keep improving how well your ads are performing.

Salespeople are fond of saying, “Always be closing,” or “Always be prospecting.” Meaning you should always be looking for new customers, or always trying to “close” or convert shoppers into buyers.

Savvy marketers, on the other hand, say things like, “Always be testing.”

Meaning you’ll never know how something will work unless you try.

Even if you’ve never sold anything, and never want to sell anything, this mindset can help.

One TED Talk I saw recently was about a woman who’d decided enough was enough, and she was going to find herself a partner.

So she “reverse engineered” all of the online dating sites, and did tons of testing. She put up a bunch of different profiles, just to see which would attract the most responses.

Then she matched the ones that did best, with the ones that were true about herself.

Then she came up with some rock solid criteria of the kind of guy she was looking for, and went to work.

Just like clockwork, she found a guy, they were perfect for each other, and they got married.

While this kinds of kills the idea of a magical romance “just happening” like it does in the movies, she’s happily married to a guy who’s happily married to her.

This is what happens when you choose your goal, and make the decision to get it no matter what.

A lot of things in life can be looked at this way.

There’s billions of people, millions of places to live and work for, clubs to belong to, spiritual methods of digging deeper into your soul.

Your job is to sort through them all until you find something, that’s perfect, for you.

Sure it may take a while. A lifetime even. But that’s half the fun!

Most people have at least three or four careers their entire lives. Learning new skills and seeing where all those opportunities will lead.

With an open mind and the ability to trust yourself, there’s not much you can’t do.

One thing that CAN stand in the way is emotional baggage. 

For example, if you were offered the PERFECT job, great money, great hours, great location, great office, great support staff, but you had to give a one hour speech every week, to a room full of strangers, would you take it?

Many people wouldn’t.

This is the trouble with emotional baggage. The more you’ve got, the less options you have.

Of course, the flip side is when you ditch your baggage, everything opens up.

EVERYTHING.

Get started:

Emotional Freedom

Be Excellent – Be Gone

How To Get Girls

Make Yourself Scarce

If you’ve never seen a movie called, “The Tao Of Steve,” you should check it out. Not because it’s a well made movie or anything. The main character is this PUA named Steve, and while it does have a sappy, Hollywood ending, the character does convey some powerful points.

Namely, the secret of getting girls is to “Be excellent, be gone.”

Now, this can easily be misinterpreted, and like any vague truism, how you apply it makes all the different. Just saying it or reading about it won’t do squat.

Be Excellent

This simply means be the BEST you can be, at SOMETHING. You don’t have to be a renaissance man, or a jack of all trades. Just be really good, and really enjoy being really good, at something. Women are hard wired to love a guy who passionate about something.

This means you’ve got something going on in your life that drives you. Some mad goal way out in the future you are pursuing. Some skill that you want to be the best out, even if it kills you.

It also means being confident and socially outgoing. If you are the best piano player in the world, but pass out in fear every time a girl smiles at you, it won’t get you very far.

You’ve got to be comfortable enough talking about your passion in a way that inspires other, not for the skill itself, but how you describe it.

If you want a good character study of this, Paul  Newman’s character in “The Hustler” is perfect. He sucks in life, but he’s a pool master. And when he talks about how he loves pool, it makes his girl go crazy for him.

Be Gone

This means you aren’t dependent on any one person’s approval. You can bounce on a dime if the situation turns against you. While you enjoy her company, if she violates any of your spoken boundaries, you’re gone faster than a puff of smoke in a hurricane.

It also means you don’t hang around longer than you need to. Instead of hanging around on the first or second date hoping to eventually get lucky, you get in, you have fun, and you leave.

You are confident enough that if she doesn’t want to see you again, somebody else will. Most guys are terrified since they imagine this will lower her desire for you. Luckily, it has the opposite effect.

As Steve describes, “We want what we can’t have.” This, of course, invokes the Law of Scarcity. If you are excellent AND you are scarce, this will significantly increase her desire for you.

This is why too much texting, too much calling, too much fawning will KILL your chances with any one girl.

The take away from all this?

Choose some skills that you will pursue whether or not they get you laid.

Be comfortable talking about your passion about these skills as socially appropriate, and let your passion shine when appropriate.

Make yourself scarce.

Do this, and you’ll have your pick of dream girls to choose from.

Own Your Life – Own Your World

Become A Leader

Have You Got This?

One of the greatest things you can say to yourself, (and mean it) is, “I got this.”

Maybe you’re sitting with your friends and something happens, and nobody knows what to do.

Then you say, “I got this,” and take care of business.

Sometimes it means you’re the one paying. Sometimes it means you’re the one speaking up for the group. Sometimes it means you’re the one that’s going to figure out what to do.

They’ve done plenty of studies about how humans interact with each other in groups. They put a bunch of strangers together, and there’s ALWAYS a person who emerges as the leader.

Whether you’re stuck on an island, or stuck in an elevator. Pretty soon, somebody is going to be the leader.

Usually this doesn’t happen like on TV. There’s no fighting, or wrestling for dominance. There’s just one guy or girl who’s got that, “I got this” vibe a little stronger than the rest.

Maybe you’ve been in that situation?

Something happens. You’re with people you don’t really know. You look around and pretty quickly assume that everybody else is waiting for somebody to tell them what to do. So you step up and say, “I got this.”

What’s funny is they take ten separate groups, and take all the “leaders” and put them together, and lo and behold, one of THEM becomes the new leader. They also take the lowest ranking “followers” and put them together, and lo and behold, one of them becomes the new leader.

The more you can say “I got this,” the more you’ll be chosen as the natural leader in more situations.

No matter WHAT you do in life, this can ONLY help you.

More money, more choices, more respect, less trouble, etc.

How do you get this ultra self-confident level of natural authority and power?

Tap into your true nature.

See, all humans come into the world with a magnificent set of skills and abilities. But most of us get them hammered out of us for all kinds of reasons. By the time we reach young adulthood, all of our genius, creativity, boldness and fearlessness has been forcefully replaced by timidity, anxiety, a need to be told what to do, and fear.

To reclaim your power, all you’ve got to do is peel back that layer of crap that’s been layered on top.

To reveal your true nature within.

Then you can show the world who you REALLY are.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom