Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Don’t Argue With Her Unconscious

Roll With The Punches

Roll With The Punches

There’s a lot of misconceptions about what women want.

Often times somebody will proclaim they’ve finally uncovered what women really want. But then you find out it’s because they’ve done a survey. This should tell you right away they have no idea what they are talking about.

Why?

First, realize that attraction is not a choice. What women are attracted to is based on subconscious instincts that they themselves rarely understand.

This is hard to understand from a guy’s perspective. There’s a clear and obvious set of observable indicators of what generally peaks a guys interests. So when any guy describes what is attractive, it’s pretty simple. If a girl is hot, she’s hot.

But since girls are not as attracted to looks as guys are, it’s hard to put their finger on what gets them going.

Here’s another example.

Everybody likes food. Everybody likes slightly different food. Sometimes you want pizza, sometimes you want steak and lobster, sometimes you want something exotic.

It all depends on your mood. If somebody asked you, “What kind of food do you find delicious?” You might come up with an answer that sounded good.

But if you were walking into a restaurant and saw some food you’d never seen before, you may suddenly decide this was your favorite dish of all time.

You simply cannot objectively decide or measure or plan what kind of food you think is “delicious.”

When it comes to being attracted to guys, on a deep level, women are in the same situation.

They simply can’t predict or plan or consciously predict who they’ll find attractive.

Sure, they might give an answer that “sounds good.” But just like in the food example above, that’s going to go out the window when they see somebody who REALLY gets them going.

Does this mean it’s completely hopeless? Does this mean there’s nothing you can do?

Yes and no.

No if you’ve got your eyes on ONE particular girl. If you’ve tried to create attraction and have failed, there’s really not much you can do.

Imagine having a dinner party and cooking some food. But then your guests don’t really like it. Do you think you could “make them like it” by changing your clothes, or putting different music on in the background? Obviously not.

But this is what guys try to do when they try to get that “One Girl” to like them. I hate to break it to you, but if she doesn’t like you, she’s not likely going to. Unless you’re willing to totally change your personality and behavior.

On the other hand, this is great news.

Why?

Because you can generally figure out if a girl likes you or not pretty quickly. And instead of wasting your time trying to get “one girl” to like you, you can spend your precious time finding “a girl” that likes you.

And once you find her, all you’ve got to do is be yourself, and she’ll like you.

The real you.

How To Practice Social Skills

Small Steps

Don’t Go Too Far Too Fast

Most people know there’s inner game, and outer game.

Inner game is based on your beliefs, what you are capable of, and how you feel about yourself with respect to the rest of the world.

Outer game is your actual skills. This can, of course, apply to almost any kind of skill. Martial arts, music, you name it. You can play the piano beautifully in your own home, for example, but collapse into a pile of mush in front of others.

The good news is about your social skills is that you can build up both inner game and outer game at the same time.

Now, most guys don’t consider game as something you can “practice” and “improve” like any other skill. If you were a martial artist, for example, you wouldn’t ONLY practice whenever you had a match. That would be silly.

Instead, when you consider all the time actually performing any kind of martial arts, 99% is training, and only 1% of it is in the actual ring in a competition.

What would happen if you practiced your social skills the same way?

Meaning that most of the time, you practiced, instead of doing it “for real.” Now, many guys say it’s practice, but that’s only after they get blown out and don’t get what they want.

But what happens when you consider it practice before the interaction begins?

First, you’d have to decide exactly what you’re practicing. Eye contact, conversations, number closing, whatever.

Once you’ve got that established, you ONLY practice THAT. Nothing else.

This is something many guys have a hard time getting. As soon as they find themselves in a conversation, they go as far as they can until THEY get blown out, or THEY blow the other person out.

But what happens if you ONLY practiced up to the level of comfort, and nothing more?

Until you are absolutely and completely confident starting conversations, and can do so without a second thought, ONLY practice starting conversations.

As soon as you start one, exit (politely), and look for the next one.

You may find that this skyrockets your social skills and game in a VERY short period of time.

Since you’ll be building up your experience of positive experiences, that ENDED on a positive note, rather than you or them getting blown out, your confidence would soar.

Having a step by step plan can help.

Try this one:

Girlfriend Generator

Make Her Wait For Sex?

Don't Be So Easy!

Can All The Gurus Be Wrong?

Imagine you lived in a house, and you had an extra room to rent. So you put an add on Craigslist or wherever, saying the location and the rent. Some guy showed up, and all you knew about him was he had the cash in hand. Six months worth.

Would you accept him as your roommate? Most people wouldn’t. Most would ask some questions, at the very least. Does he smoke? Does he work, if so, what hours? Does he play the drums? Play loud music? Cook weird food at six in the morning? On the run from the law?

Most people recognize right away you’d need to screen your roommates. Call some references, etc.

But this is precisely what most guys DON’T do when they meet girls. All they care about are two things, one is she’s hot. Two is she’s willing to sleep with him.

This is exactly like ONLY demanding your imaginary future roommate can pay his rent, and nothing else.

Now, some guys don’t really care about what kind of girl she is. They’re not looking for Ms. Right, they’re looking for Ms. Right Now. They don’t care what happens the next morning.

But what if you’re looking for something a bit more long term? Something that can many turn into something more permanent?

Then you’d better know what you’re looking for!

Whether or not she’s hot, and wether or not she’s good to go (with you) is only the beginning. Cavemen from a hundred thousand years ago had the same criteria.

Which means it may be a pretty good idea to think of what kind of girl you’d like to wake up next to in the morning.

Not only that, but it may also be a good idea to figure out a way to screen her BEFORE you wake up next to her in the morning.

I know this is contrary to pretty much everything every guru and online game expert will tell you. That getting laid is the number one, primary goal. Nothing else matters.

But if you want to see her for more than a few drunken hours of fun, you might want to keep your little buddy in his pants.

I know, sacrilegious advice!

But think about it this way. If you took your time, got to know her a little bit, pretty soon you’d have a LOT of high quality candidate to choose from.

Think of this from a sales perspective. Sure, you CAN sell things to people quickly. But most people who buy things quickly don’t have money, or they have horrible credit. Because they are always buying things without thinking!

But the customers that take a while to close, the customers that think a lot about what they are buying, these are high quality customers. Customers that will keep buying from you again and again.

Of course, it depends you. What you want, and what you’re willing to do to get it.

Is Being Yourself Really Bad Advice?

Are You Too Reliant On Game?

The Dangers Of Too Much Game

What’s the biggest mistake most guys make? They try to create attraction when none is there.

Sure, there are some things, many things, that will improve your odds. If you wear nice clothes rather than something out of a dumpster, or you shower once a day instead of once a week.

There’s a myth that you can do or say certain things that will make her like you. Take a close look at that last sentence.

If a girl is to like “you,” then your words and behaviors have to be an accurate representation of “you.” Which means if you’re looking for somebody to tell you what to do or what to say, then you’re not really being “you.” 

This is one reason many guys crash and burn after only a short while. If you practice your game until it’s really tight, sure you can pull it off for a while. But sooner or later, you’re going to run out of material.

If you’ve ever talked to a stand up comedian in real life, you know they are usually pretty different in person, in an unscripted, un televised, unrehearsed conversation. Some people make the mistake of thinking they’re always running around telling funny stories to everybody they meet.

Sure, if all you care about is short term flings, then this will work very, very well. But if you want something more, you’ve got to be somebody that she is attracted to.

Meaning when she gets to know the real you, which she will eventually, she’s got to KEEP that level of attraction.

Which means that it if you’re looking for something long term, using any kind of game technology that’s NOT part of who you are might not be a great idea. 

It might even lead to the wrong conclusion about women in general, one that is very prevalent today. You practice a little bit of game, you use some techniques to increase her attraction. You get some success, but then you run out of material, she loses interest, and she’s gone.

If all you know is the above scenario, it may seem like all women are shallow, immoral creatures who’ll only stick around if you’ve got a lot of money.

If that’s how you feel, you may want to step back a bit, and dial down the game. Just be yourself. I know that on all kinds of dating forums this is the worst possible advice.

But many guys confuse “being yourself” with “being a nice guy.” Being a nice guy is the furthest thing from being yourself.

A nice guy is terrified of rejection, so he’s ultra careful about what he says or does.

But when you are yourself, you’re yourself no matter WHO you are talking to.

Sure, if you’re talking to some old lady in line at the supermarket, you might not want to cuss like a sailor, but you can certainly talk like you normally talk to your buddies.

Same with girls at the club, or girls at the library.

Talk to them like normal people, and you may be surprised.

Is Dating Dead?

Quality Will Always Be In Demand

Quality Will Always Be In Demand

For most guys, there’s a pretty tough stage when it comes to women. That is if you are trying to create a traditional relationship. For some guys, all they want is to get laid, and get laid a lot, and this is actually pretty easy, once you get the hang of it.

But getting a “quality girl” for a “quality relationship” is not so easy.

In the old days, before the internet and social media, it was pretty straightforward. You grew up, dated a few girls, maybe even only one or two, and settled down for life.

Now, some people claim that people aren’t as “pure” as  they used to be, or they aren’t as “moral” as they used to be.

The truth is that people have many, many more options then they used to. Think of it this way. A typical guy who lived fifty years ago didn’t have that much experience with a lot of women. Not on TV, certainly not online, and usually not in real life.

The ONLY way to even see women was in person. And there simply weren’t too many places where guys and girls would go and hook up. Which meant that most men met most women through their neighborhood, their social circle, their church, their work, etc.

Which meant that when they found somebody halfway decent, they hung on for dear life. Both men and women.

Today, however, we have the illusion of choice. Anybody can go on Facebook and feel popular. Anybody can watch vlogs of girls talking and pretend, on a subconscious level, they’re in a “conversation” with her, especially if they make comments and she responds.

There’s no shortage of online forums where people can safely interact from their own homes, and put on whatever personal they’d like to pretend to be.

Does this mean the dating game is done? Killed? Dead and buried?

It can certainly seem like it. If you are with a girl who’s just not into you, she’s going to have a million options other than sitting there pretending she’s into you.

Which only means one thing.

If you really DO want to create a special relationship, you’ve got to seriously increase what you bring to the table.

Massive social skills, self-confidence, and ultra powerful frame, and a iron-clad set of criteria that you’re looking for.

Just showing up to the club and spitting enough game to get laid is not going to get you very far.

What will?

Genuine social skills. Face to face social skills. The kind where you walk into a room and people would RATHER interact with you, in person, than stare at their phones.

Sure, developing this level of social skill takes practice. And for many guys, they’d rather bitch and moan about how hard it is.

What about you?

Bottom line is that most people want great things, but aren’t willing to put in the work required to get them.

But if you DO put in the work, you WILL get them.

When Should You Use Seduction Technology?

What's The Rush?

What’s The Rush?

Here’s a dream scenario, of what an interaction with a girl would go, as most guys imagine it.

You walk up to her and use some kind of opener. She’s intrigued, and turns toward you. The more you talk, the more she becomes interested. Pretty soon she’s got the whole room fazed out in her mind, and all she sees is you.

You pay attention to her lips, they are slightly parted, and swollen. If you pay attention to her pupils, they are getting bigger and bigger. That unconscious response we all have when we’re looking at something we like.

If you touch her, she increases all her signs of attraction. Her eyes get a bit bigger, she takes a deep breath (as if she secretly wishes you were touching her somewhere else).

Whenever you say something and nod, she slightly nods as well, in perfect agreement.

So far so good, right?

Now, if ALL you want is some quick sex, and nothing else, this is as good as it gets. But most guys, even though they claim they want to love ’em and leave ’em, really want more.

Sure, sex is great. But when you’re having sex with somebody that really gets you, really believes in you, and is genuinely concerned (both for her own reasons and for yours) that you’ll be successful in life, this is a MUCH different feeling than having sex with some girl you’ve just met.

One problem of creating massive sexual desire in an hour or so is you have ZERO idea of what this girl is like. And unless she’s totally OK with getting with a guy and banging him within an hour, a couple of things are likely to happen.

One is that she’ll think you tricked her, or put something in her drink. This is very bad. Unless you’re a traveling salesman and plan to blown town in the morning, this could get you in serious trouble.

Or she could convince herself that she’s found “The One.” Why else would she sleep with you so quickly unless she absolutely KNEW you were soulmates?

This, also, could present some serious problems if you aren’t planning on slinking back to your secret hideaway in the morning.

So yea, it’s fun to create that attraction pretty quickly. But it’s also pretty frikkin dangerous.

So here’s another alternative. Another way to create that same MASSIVE sexual desire, WITHOUT all the potential problems.

First, come up with a list of criteria. Things that MUST be true about your idea girl.

Then find a girl that HAS all those criteria.

Then take her on a couple dates, just to make sure. When you ARE sure, then let loose with the mad patterns and seduction tools.

Then you’ll have a highly qualified girl, who’s perfect for you, who wants nothing more than to bang you silly.

Again and again and again.

The Truth Of Rejection Vs. Regret

Not As Bad As You Think

How To Gain Real World Experience

They say that rejection is better than regret.

Meaning if you walk up, talk to a girl, and get rejected, it feels pretty bad. 

On the other hand, if you see a pretty girl, and DON’T talk to her, it feels pretty bad to.

However, even if you agree with the above statement, it may not make it any easier to approach.

Why?

It only holds true on an experiential level.

Meaning if you’re like most guys, you’ve got TONS more experience with regret than with rejection.

Which means you’re pretty used to regret. So much in fact it feels normal.

On the other hand, rejection is mostly in your imagination. And anything in our imaginations can feel pretty terrifying.

So, what good does that statement or any other supposed “truism” about dating, do for us?

If you gain as much experience with rejection as we do with regret, then you’ll get it on a gut level.

So much so that it seems totally obvious, and even silly to say out loud.

Kind of like if you told your buddy, “the sky is blue,” as if it were some kind of genius insight.

This is pretty common when guys start to get pretty good with game.

They wonder what the big deal is.

Why?

If you don’t have a lot of success with girls, it’s easy to imagine that talking to girls on the one hand is totally terrifying. But it’s also pretty easy to imagine that it’s also like cutting in line to heaven.

But in reality, it’s nothing like that.

Any girl you walk up to and talk to isn’t going to scream at the top of her lungs, get all her friends to gang up on you and beat you to death.

On the other hand, she’s not going to morph into your fantasy porn goddess and go into a trance of desperate sexual submission.

In fact, when you get into the habit of talking to cute girls, you’ll find out that they are pretty normal. They ARE people after all.

And in case you haven’t noticed, most people are pretty normal. Some are weird, some absolute nut jobs and some you wish you’d never met. But most are pretty normal.

The more girls you talk to, the less you’ll worry about rejection. 

What about regret?

Imagine you were walking down the street, and you saw something on the ground that looked like it might be money.

But you were feeling lazy, so you didn’t pick it up. Then later, you’d start to wonder. What if it WAS money? What if was A LOT of money?

You’ll never know. Compare that to the “rejection” of picking it up and finding it was some pretend money or monopoly money or something. Sure, you’d be disappointed, but not “rejected.”

This is the comparison of “rejection vs. regret” that you’re going for.

The more experience you get, the sooner you’ll get there.

The more people you talk to, the more experience you’ll get.

So get going!

The Never Ending Cycle Of Means and Ends

You Can't Have One Without Leading Into The Other

One Leads To Another

No matter what you do, it’s always a mix of two things.

Means, and ends.

Now, this may be a bit of an oversimplification. You can take pretty much any one thing or process and come up with a kajillion different categories to put them in. Good things and bad things. Legal and illegal. Safe or dangerous, etc.

But for the sake of this post, we’ll talk in terms of ends and means. Means is simply what you do to get the ends.

But few things are purely one or the other. And end is useless unless it’s part of a bigger process, or means, to get an even bigger end.

This is helpful to think about when you’re out with the intention of meeting people, especially the ladies.

Most guys see a cute girl, and suddenly all their problems will be solved if only she accepts them. Then they’ll be the hero of Earth, and never worry about anything again.

But even if you walk up and she falls madly in love with you, SHE is still a means to a greater end. Certainly, you are not going to use her and throw her aside like a spent Dixie cup. Hopefully you’ll see her as a partner in creating a relationship, even for a short time. And that relationships is going to be a means to create an ends of more happiness, self expression, and sexual fulfillment.

Now, if you walked up and said all this, you may sound like Data from Star Trek.

But this is how you are programmed.

All humans are built with goal seeking mechanisms, and feedback mechanisms.

And within each feedback mechanism are all kinds goals in and of themselves.

Just think about walking. Your overall intention is to get from here, to over there.

But in the process of doing so, you need to keep balance, and keep one foot going in front of the other.

If you captured only a second or two in time, and played it over and over, each step of your foot would be an end, within a larger process.

The bigger you go, the same this same structure exists. From the smallest atom all the way up to the galactic truth of why this whole thing exists.

Not to get too metaphysical, but no matter WHAT happens with that one particular girl, the same overarching goals still exist, and you will still pursue them.

So instead of seeing her as a “make or break” princess of the realm, just see her as maybe part of your own process, maybe not.

Go over and talk to her, and see what happens.

Essential Skills For Dating

Leave The Lines On The Wall

Stop Relying On Memorized Lines

If you want to be successful with girls, you’re going to need to think on your feet.

Most guys don’t like to hear this. Most guys imagine there is some kind of magic combination of words or behaviors that will “create attraction.” And all they’ve got to do is perform these in the right order, and she’ll fall into some kind of life long trance of obedient desire.

Now, if that DID happen, that would be pretty horrible. It’d be like having a non-thinking robot who does nothing but follow you around and agree with everything you say.

Now, if you haven’t been getting a lot of female attention lately, this sounds like the greatest thing ever. Even if you have been getting a lot, this may sound like a good deal.

But it’s not. Because you’re missing out on the greatest part of attraction. A free thinking, intelligent, self confident women who treats you kindly and affectionately because she wants to, and is driven to, both consciously and unconsciously.

Many people have bosses they have to pretend to be friends with. Maybe you’ve got one like this. Maybe you ARE a boss like this. And after a while, the bosses start to think that the people that work for them really DO like them.

But they don’t.

Only because he or she controls you’re livelihood, do you pretend to be best buddies. If you changed jobs, and then saw them at the mall, you’d probably avoid them.

This is the kind of thing most guys THINK they want. A girl who is affectionate and kind to them because they’ve hypnotized her some way, and she has no choice.

But when a girl has a choice to stay with you, or leave you, and chooses to stay with you, that is a wonderful feeling.

And it only comes with being spontaneous, in the moment, and genuine.

This is utterly terrifying for many people. We feel if we show people the REAL us, they’ll see who we really are, and reject us.

And guess what? Some of them will.

But a few of them won’t.

The ones that like us for who we REALLY are, not some fake nice guy, or pretend player, or overly aggressive alpha, they’ll stick around.

Not because they have to. Not because they are afraid what people will say if they don’t. Not because of social pressure.

But because they want to.

How To Get A Girlfriend

Everything's Easier When You Follow A Blueprint

Anything’s Easy With Proper Planning

No matter what you want in life, you’ll never get there if you don’t know what you want.

I know, sounds like one of those catch-22’s. But consider this. All humans come preprogrammed with certain desires, that drive our instincts. Most of these instincts are shut off unless they are in the presence of our corresponding desires.

Once something is present that can satisfy one of these desires, we feel an almost uncontrollable urge to take certain action, based on our environment, in order to satisfy that particular desire.

Consider food. I’m sure you’ve had the experience if not being hungry, and then suddenly you smell something really good. Then all you can think about is food. If you are near the food, and it’s available, it’s nearly impossible to not eat it.

Like maybe you’re going to a party, and you don’t really feel like eating anything. But when you get there, there’s a MASSIVE spread of good stuff. Then you simply can’t help yourself.

Sure, you may tell yourself some stories like, “I don’t want to be rude,” or “Well, since they went to the trouble,” or, “I just felt like eating.”

But in reality, your inner caveman saw and opportunity to eat, and took over.

Same goes with seeing attractive girls or any other “trigger” that jump starts out caveman brain.

If you ONLY go by your caveman brain, you may get lucky, you may not.

Only if you take the time to decide what you want, and plan your life accordingly, do you have any hope of escaping the “I hope I get lucky” trap.

For example, let’s say you wanted to lose weight. So you bought a couple diet books. You decided to ditch all your food at home that didn’t fit your new diet plan. Then you carefully went shopping for only the foods that would support your new diet. And you avoided restaurants and fast food places as much as you could.

This, of course, would make it a lot easier to lose weight, or get in shape.

Most people realize this. And they realize it would take time. Plenty of time.

But for some reason, when we think of relationships, we expect it to “just happen.”

We don’t plan what kind of relationship we want, or the type of person we want it with, or where we might meet them.

We just show up and hope for the best.

That would be like going to McDonalds, ordering a couple of super size Big Mac packs, and hoping you might get lucky and get that six pack.

Take some time. Choose the kind of girl you’d like. Figure out how you’ll know her when you see her.

And go talk to her. Keep this up, and pretty soon you’ll have a nice relationship.