Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Be Sociable To Find Your Dream Girl

She's Not Going To Come To You!

Get Off Your Couch!

Many people feel stuck, especially when it comes to the ladies.

It’s kind of like having a job. When you’ve got a good one, everybody wants to hire you.

But when you’re unemployed, and have been for some time, nobody wants to touch you.

Same with the ladies. When you’re in a happy relationship, it seems every girl’s got eyes on you and wants to jump your bones.

But when you haven’t gotten any in a while, no female wants to be around you.

It’s easy to understand why this is. When you’re in a happy relationship, you radiate ZERO neediness. Nothing but happy, relaxed confidence. You like yourself, you like your life. You walk the Earth like everything’s groovy. Girls pick up on this, and they want some.

On the other hand, if you haven’t even touched a female since Bush was president, you radiate something different completely. Neediness, lust, desperation. Things that women absolutely HATE.

So, what do you? How do you remedy this situation? Easy.

Consider how you’d get in shape if you haven’t moved from your sofa in a couple years. First you’d start walking ten or twenty minutes every day. Then maybe a bit longer.

Then you might actually do a couple sit ups and push ups in the morning. Maybe you’d even join a gym.

Keep it up, and pretty soon your jogging a couple miles in the morning, and then hitting the gym every other night after work.

Before long, you’re in pretty decent shape.

Now, imagine if you got right off the couch and tried to run two miles. Then spent an hour in the gym. If you didn’t end up in the hospital, you’d be sore as hell the next day, and you’d likely never work out again.

See what I’m getting at?

You can get whatever you want. Money, girls, a six pack. You just gotta take it slow.

So, how do you take is slow when you’re ultimate goal is to have a sexy sweetheart to call your own?

Start talking to people. Become sociable. Talk to the old lady at the grocery store. Talk to people at work.

Pretty soon talking to people will be easier and easier. And you’ll notice that many people actually LIKE talking to you. They’ll SMILE when they see you coming.

Just keep pushing out your comfort zone very slowly, and eventually pretty girls will be among those you talk to.

And one of them might be the girl of your dreams.

Will it be easy? Probably not. But it won’t be any more difficult than walking twenty minutes every morning if the furthest you’ve ever been is your fridge.

Most guys imagine they need some kind of magic “fix” and then it will be all good with the ladies.

It doesn’t work like that. It takes time, and dedicated effort.

But just like changing from a big squishy couch potato into a solid mass of muscle, if you put in the effort, you WILL get the results.

Just as surely as the night follows day.

These Mind Tools Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com 

Mythical Traits Of Women

Got Girl Problems? Look Right Here!

She’s Right In Front Of You!

Many guys see women as objects, rather than people.

This is pretty obvious. But it manifests itself in a way that is very damaging to the men, rather than the women.

Men tend to assume them women fall into different “categories.” To an extent this is true. Of women as well as men. Physical appearances, religious beliefs, cooking skills, family background, etc.

One thing that all men claim to be “looking for” is a “high quality women.”

The act as if her overall “quality” is something like her height or her political affiliation.

If only it were that simple!

(You want republicans, go to a republican fund raiser!)

But you ask guys what they mean by “quality woman” they’ll usually say things like loyalty, integrity, won’t cheat on you, etc.

Now, this may not be something you enjoy reading about, but consider this “model” of the female population available to you.

ALL WOMEN can potentially become high quality women.

Huh?

If a woman feels DEEP ATTRACTION to you, she’ll be loyal. She won’t cheat on you. She’ll eagerly follow you if you get transferred across the country.

The problem is most guys couldn’t create attraction to save their lives. They go out, talk to a few girls, get laid, and suddenly think they’ve got mad seduction skills.

But consider this. There’s a whole RANGE of attraction that you can create. And the simple truth about society today is that many girls and guys will jump into the sack without needing much convincing.

Absolutely nothing wrong with.

But what is troublesome is when a guy assumes that because a girl slept with him, it means she’s attracted to him as much as she can be.

But consider this.

On the scale of female attraction, getting her to sleep with you is maybe a 4 or 5 out of ten.

But getting her to feel ENOUGH attraction to behave like a “quality woman” she’s going to need to feel attraction at least 8 or higher, out of ten.

And sadly, most guys just aren’t capable of creating that kind of attraction in the girls they are interested in.

So what you have is all these girls interacting with all these guys. Sure, everybody’s banging each other, but nobody’s feeling levels of attraction more than luke-warm.

This leaves guys thinking there are no quality women, and this leaves girls thinking that this level of attraction is all they’re going to get.

Which makes them start coming up with these ridiculous lists you hear guys complaining about.

Certain income, certain height, job prospects, car, home, etc.

That’s natural.

Think of it this way. Imagine going out and picking up girls. Imagine ALL the girls you found were only 4’s and 5’s according to your scale.

How would you respond?

You’d probably start demanding that they have a LOT more going for them than their looks.

So if you want a quality woman, you’re going to have to take a good, long look in the mirror.

Accept responsibility, and start to work on your skills.

Mind Control For Approach Anxiety

Think Your Way Around Approach Anxiety

Ditch Your Inner Caveman

Most guys feel a certain amount of approach anxiety when even THINKING about going over and talking to a girl. 

You could be sitting there with your buddies, and they point out a group of girls that YOU should go and talk to. Just thinking about it may send you into an anxiety brain freeze.

This is perfectly natural.

The trick is to train your brain so you don’t automatically respond in your naturally programmed way.

Humans are hard wired with all kinds of automatic responses. These were helpful in our ancient days as hunters and gatherers, but they aren’t so useful any more.

For example, if you stuff your pie hole every time you had an opportunity, you’d be pretty obese. If caveman DIDN’T do this, they’d die of starvation.

Approach anxiety is another leftover instinct from our caveman days. Back in those days, there were only a couple hundred people TOTAL in our tribe. We spent our entire lives with these people.

Which meant that there were MAYBE ten or twenty girls to choose from, and ten or twenty guys who were going after those ten or twenty girls. Everybody else was either too old, too young, or already hitched.

So in those days, it was absolutely CRUCIAL that you approach correctly, or you were in deep trouble.

These days, not so much. In fact, you could walk up to ten cuties TODAY, fail miserably, and NOBODY would know.

If you tried that the caveman days you’d be one lonely dude.

So the first trick is to simply accept that EVERYBODY is hard wired to feel approach anxiety. There’s NOTHING wrong with you. It’s COMPLETELY normal.

So, how do you fix it?

Think of it like you’d think of planning  a diet. If you wanted to get a six pack, you’d decide ahead of time which kinds of food you’d eat, right? And when you’d eat, right?

So if you were walking down the street and you passed a burger joint, you’d tell yourself, with your conscious mind, “Hmm. That smells good, but it’s not on my diet plan, so I can’t eat it.”

You would overcome your irrational instincts with rational planning. To the extent you could stick to your plan, you’d get your six pack.

You can approach girls the same way.

Plan ahead of time which girls you’d like to date, just like you plan your six pack meal plan.

Figure out what kind of personalities they need to have. What kind of education, religion, politics, etc.

So when you do this, you’ll see girls and NOT KNOW if she qualifies or not.

So when you think about approaching her, you’ll be curious rather than anxious.

The first couple of times may be difficult.

But the more you do this, the more you’ll realize that not a lot of girls meet your criteria. Once you get that deep feeling from experience that “good looks aren’t enough” you’ll be home free.

Free Downloads:

mindpersuasion.com

The Secret Of Getting Girls To Fall In Love With You

How To Create Love

Is Love Possible To Engineer?

A long, long time, conversational hypnosis was invented. Some guy (a genius really) in a wheelchair needed to come up with a more effective way of hypnotizing people.

Even even though they were coming to see a hypnotist, to be hypnotized, they still were afraid. So they still had their mental shields.

Enter the Milton Model.

This is when Milton Erickson invented a new form of hypnosis that wasn’t really dependent on the client voluntarily going into hypnosis.

He would talk to them a little “strange.” Not so strange they thought they were being hypnotized. But strange enough so they still paid attention, even though most of the time they didn’t know what the heck he was talking about.

Then they would leave his office, confused, thinking maybe they’d wasted their money. Only their problems were GONE.

Poof!

Then some guys figured out how he “talked” and taught it to others. They figured it would be great for therapy. Of course, it didn’t take long after that for people to use it in sales, (to make a lot of money) and seduction (to have a lot of sex).

However, something happened along the way, and a lot of men today are very angry. They feel cheated. They feel as if they’ve discovered the “truth” about women, and they don’t like it.

And if you keep reading, you may not like what you’re about to hear either.

Sure, these patterns work great on firing up emotions. They work great in sales, because they get to the heart of the deep feelings the customer is trying to satisfy. Which means they can help salespeople create some very valuable and profitable relationships with their customers.

But picking up girls is VASTLY different than selling things to customers.

A customer walks into your shop, and they want something. They know they want something. You know they know they want something. They know you know they know they want something. (Ok, enough already!)

So you create rapport, and talk about what they want. They share why they want what they want. You build up their feelings, and attach those feelings to your product. They buy it, and go home. They are happy. You are happy.

Next time they want to buy something, they think of you. Because you made them feel happy about buying something.

Girls are different.

Girls don’t go shopping for a boyfriend or a husband. Girls like romance. (Many guys do also, but we’re terrified to admit it.)

They want it to “just happen.”

Now, with these language patterns, you can make it “just happen.”

At least in the short term.

But think of one very important thing. A girl deciding to have sex is NOT the same thing as a girl falling in love with you and wanting you to be her boyfriend.

Those feelings take a long time. She needs to see you several times. Those thoughts need to bubble up in her mind on their own. 

Mother Nature made damn sure most girls don’t fall head-over-heels in love with guys at the drop of a hat.

They are VERY HARD to create. They are much different than those “let’s have sex” feelings.

Many guys don’t get this. They think if they talk to her, build up her emotions enough to get her in between the sheets, that’s good enough.

It’s sometimes is, but usually not.

Deep feelings of love take a lot longer to create. Because they must be real, not fake.

Which means YOU must be real, and not fake. Which means you must RISK getting rejected.

Not from approaching her, but from dating her a couple months and then getting dumped.

If you want to get laid, you’re going to have to overcome approach anxiety. Once you do, talk to enough girls, and you’ll get laid.

But if you want to create a real relationships, you’re going to have to do a lot more.

It’s certainly not easy, and it’s not quick. 

But it certainly is worth it.

Essential Mind Tools:


mindpersuasion.com

Easy First Conversation Techniques With Women

Easy Peasy Cherry Squeezy

Easier Than You Think

What’s better, to chase women, or to get women to chase you?

In reality, you need a mix of the two. If you try to get women to do EVERYTHING, you’re going to be lonely.

Go to any club and you’ll plenty of guys hugging the walls waiting for the girls to make a move.

On the other hand, if you are always pushing forward no matter WHAT, she’s going to be put off.

The trick is to first assert yourself, then pull back a little, and make sure she follows.

This can be physical, or conversational, or even attention wise.

But make no mistake, get used to the idea that you’re going to have to make the first approach.

You’re going to have to get the conversation started. You’re going to have to assume the authority position and make it easy for her to talk to. You are going to have to take the initial risks.

Then you pull back, and see if she’s interested enough to follow you.

Nothing dramatic, just small “tests” to see if she’s interested.

Of course, the most basic test is to simply ask for her number.  If she gives it to right away with a smile on her face, you’re doing pretty good.

But as you know, many girls will give our their numbers without really being interested. They aren’t being mean or deceptive, it’s just VERY hard sometimes to say “no.”

So if you’re the type that makes it a point to collect tons of numbers, you realize it’s a “numbers” game.

But you CAN tell whether or not she’s into you or not BEFORE you ask for the number, if you know what to look for.

Does she carry her half of the conversation? Does she offer up “free information” or do you feel like you are pulling teeth?

If you touch her lightly on the forearm, does she pull her arm back in disgust, or does she seem to warm up to you slightly, or even reciprocate within a few moments? Are here eyes wandering around the place while you’re talking to her or is she looking at you most of the time?

These are all fantastic signs that you’re doing well with her. When this happens, don’t draw it out.  She’ll never say, “Let me give you my number so you can ask me out!”

It’s your job to approach, it’s your job to “read the air” and determine if she’s into you, AND it’s your job to get her number and get out before you blow it.

A lot to remember, to be sure.

But one thing that will make it easier if you think of EVERY SINGLE GIRL you talk to ask practice.

Only by her showing significant and continued interest in you does she move from the “practice” to “potential relationship” category in your mind.

Keep this attitude and you’ll go far!

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

She'll Only Follow You If You Lead

Go First And See If She Follows

One of the most crucial things to understand about being a guy is that guys go first.

Now, this of course isn’t always true. If you’re at work, in the military, anywhere professionally, and your not top on the totem pole, you’re going to following orders and following in general. Sometimes men, sometimes women.

But in the world of romance, especially in the early days, you’ve got to go first. With pretty much everything.

Now, this is tough. It’s easy to go overboard. If you walk up to some stranger and tell her you love her, she’ll call the cops.

And if you’re on a first or second date and you open the emotional floodgates, she’ll run away screaming.

So on the one side, you’ve got to go first, just so show her it’s safe. Then you’ve got to wait and let her catch up.

The metaphor of walking down an uncertain trail in the woods is good. You lead, but not by very far. If it’s safe, you walk side by side. When it’s dangerous, you go first, but just enough so she doesn’t get scared. Don’t leave her behind. Always make sure she’s following close behind.

How does this translate into the dating world?

You approach her. You start talking to her. If you want to know something about her that may be uncomfortable, you reveal yours first.

Now, many “gurus” will disagree with this. They’ll say all girls are super defensive and will need to have their “shields” broken through with all kinds of slippery mind games and pick up gambits.

Sure, if you approach a super model who’s getting hit on by millionaire pro athletes all the time, you may indeed need to step up your game.

But if you’re a normal guy, looking to meet a normal girl, you don’t really need too many tricks.

If you see her across the room, and she sees you seeing her, she knows you like her. And if she looks at you a couple of times, (without that look of fear in her eyes) she WANTS you to go and talk to her.

She’s not going to walk to you.

When you walk over, introduce your name first. Say things that are easy for her to respond to. Save the “did you see those two girls fighting outside” opener for the club girls.

Reveal your interests, then ask about hers. If she seems to like talking to you, keep going.

Be honest with her. Tell you enjoyed talking to her, you’ve got to go, but you’d like to continue the conversation later. 

Exchange numbers by getting her to call her phone from your phone.

Then bounce.

Always keep the trail metaphor in mind. You go first, and then wait for her to follow. So long as she follows, you’re good. 

If she doesn’t? 

No big deal. There’s more where she came from.

The Quest For Mythical Love

Does True Love Really Exist?

It Really DOES Exist!

What is relationship “magic?”

Is it something that ONLY comes in Disney movies, or does it happen in real life?

Now, if you’re a guy, especially a jaded guy, bear with me.

Many guys think women need to be “gamed.” Meaning you need to see them as some secret combination that will only open when you say the right words and phrases in the right order.

Sure, this is an accurate metaphor, if you want to get laid. There are certain things that women (and men) respond to. Learn them well enough, and you can get laid, just like clockwork.

But if you’re after something more, then you’ve got to go beyond “game.”

As you may know, once you get past that initial lust, you may run out of material. Then the relationship will fizzle, and she’ll wonder what happened to that guy you met.

Imagine a girl that looks absolutely gorgeous, only when she wakes up the next morning, her face looks different (because all her makeup and contacts are gone) and her body looks different (because all those constricting undergarments are now removed). Her boobs are smaller (since she’s no longer wearing a push up bra) and you see the real color of her hair.

You’d feel you’d been conned. This is precisely the danger of over relying on “game.”

She’s going to eventually wake up next to a much different guy that she went to bed with.

The REAL YOU is going to show up sooner or later.

But what if you elevated the REAL YOU so that just by acting natural, you’d be much more attractive?

Here’s something else to consider, that may take a bit of brain power for some of you.

If you were to improve your all around personality, social skills and self confidence, something pretty cool will happen.

See, when you rely on game, it can start to feel “mechanical.” Do it enough times, and you start to “expect” her to respond a certain way. Pretty soon it loses its “magic.”

But when you’re acting “natural” you don’t feel like you’re running game. You’re just talking.

AND she’s getting more and more attracted to you.

Seeing a girl get fired up because of YOU is a much different, and much better feeling that seeing a girl get fired up because of “game technology.”

It feels more natural, it feels more organic, and it generally lasts a lot longer.

So, what’s holding you back? Why don’t you ALREADY do this?

Maybe you’ve been told that “being yourself” is a lie, only for beta chumps.

Maybe gurus have been flooding the interwebs with game language for so long they’ve forgotten one thing.

Men and women have been getting together, enjoying each others company, and STAYING together for over a hundred thousand years.

Improve your inner game, your life skills, and the women you want will follow.

Learn More:

mindpersuasion.com

How To Sort For Your Dream Girl

You're Number One!

Why Settle For Second Best?

It’s easy to miss the forest for the trees, when it comes to meeting girls and looking for Miss Right.

(Or Miss Right Now if that’s your thing.)

Long time ago I went skydiving. It was the kind that required only about five minutes of instruction before jumping out of the plane.

We had an experienced jumper strapped to our backs, which would kind of hold our hand. We got to pull the chute, but in case we blacked out or puked, he’d be there to make sure we didn’t die.

One thing the guy told me right before we jumped has stuck in my mind, as it’s very useful in many different areas.

“Don’t look at a point on the ground. You’ll fixate on it and miss everything.”

What he meant was that we were only free falling for about a minute. And if we looked way down below, and saw a house or a car or something, we’d tend to stare at it. If that happened, our ride would be over and we would have missed it.

I followed his advice and didn’t look down at all. Just out onto the horizon.

(One of the most amazing experiences of my life.)

When you’re talking to girls (or prospecting as they say in sales) it’s easy to “fixate” on one girl.

There’s a whole world of girls out there, but once you start talking to one, and she seems to like you a bit, it’s very easy to lose the big picture.

Then suddenly she’s turned from a “prospect” into the only game in town. Sink or swim. Win or lose. Live or die.

If this happens, it’s almost guaranteed you WON’T get her, unless she’s TOTALLY into you.

One thing that turns both girls AND guys off is desperation.

Texting too much, calling too much, hanging onto conversations too much.

If she’s got a medium level of attraction, this will kill it in a hurry.

Sure, there’s certain “rules,” like only text three times a week, or only call every other day, or whatever.

But if she’s your ONLY option, these rules are impossible to follow. You’ll drive yourself nuts.

The EASIEST way to make sure you don’t switch in to desperation mode is to ALWAYS BE PROSPECTING.

Meaning you should always be talking to girls, making them laugh, seeing if they’re personalities are as attractive as their faces.

And always dating them if you’re into each other enough.

AND always being open about it.

One criteria that you MUST have is that she should be into you AT LEAST as much as you are into her.

And when you’re going out with several girls, and one of them starts pressuring you for exclusivity, then it’s time to consider her.

But never before that.

This will make you more attractive, and give you much more choice, which will keep you out of the desperation mind set.

These Tools Will  Help:

mindpersuasion.com

Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety By Becoming The Sorter

They Pass Your Tests - Not The Other Way Around

See Beneath The Surface

Most guys are incredibly nervous when they approach girls. In fact, it can take years of practice to fully get over this.

And even guys who DO get over this, once they’re off the market for a while, their skills will go back to zero.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship for a while and then suddenly tried the market, you may have felt WAY out of your league.

Why is this?

One of the reasons is all of the assumptions that guys make about girls. Since guys are hard wired to be attracted primarily to looks, we assume that if she’s cute, then every other part of her is good also.

Which means when we walk over there, we assume that SHE already passes our “tests” and it’s completely up to us to pass her tests.

This is enough to give ANYBODY the jitters, no matter WHAT it is your doing.

Luckily, the part about her looks being “good enough” is absolutely false.

And here’s a way to prove it to yourself, AND get over your approach anxiety faster than you ever could just by pushing through them.

This will take some time, but you’ll be gaining an EXTRAORDINARY amount of experience, AND decreasing your levels of anxiety significantly.

Here’s what you do.

First, come up with some deal breakers. Either pure red flags, (according to you, nobody else) or things you’d rather she didn’t have.

This must be personality traits, habits, beliefs, things that will take a little bit of conversation to get to.

Smoking, a certain religion or political affiliation, cat person (or dog person) anything that you don’t imagine your “Dream Girl” of having.

Then, simply talk to girls LONG ENOUGH to disqualify them. Don’t get ANY numbers.

After you go through ten or twenty girls, you’ll have a sudden burst of realization.

That there’s MUCH more to girls than just their looks.

And that will absolutely DESTROY any feelings of “she’s perfect and I must qualify myself to her.”

ALL without getting any rejection.

Now, it’s important to have a friendly attitude while doing this. Don’t get angry, don’t put them down (out loud or in your mind). Just talk to them long enough until you get a red flag.

Then simply disqualify them IN YOUR MIND, politely end the conversation, and walk away.

Once you leave the mindset of the desperate beggar, and enter the mindset of the sorter, it will get much, much easier.

This Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com

Mind Tricks For Massive Confidence With Girls

How To Shift From Anxiety To Confidence In No Time

Flip Your Mental Switch

Here’s a great trick that will quickly boost your confidence.

You go somewhere where there’s plenty of cute girls to flirt with.

Someplace where people are out walking around is best. When you see a cutie coming your way, make eye contact and smile at her like she’s a friend. Like you know her.

While you are doing this, purposely remember a fun time you actually had with a cute girl. Nothing physical, just a fun conversation with a friend from school or work or something.

Nine times out of ten, she’ll smile back.  Even do a few double takes when you pass each other.

This is the perfect “energy” to have when out in public.

Most guys like girls, but they don’t know how to meet girls. For most guys, meeting girls just happens. Which means it always feels out of control.

And most guys like sex, but don’t get nearly as much as they want (if any lol).

You combine these two feelings, and whenever they see a cute girl they’d LIKE to get with, it brings up all kinds of negative feelings. Lack, being out of control, feeling alone, left behind, etc.

And sometimes these feelings morph into anger at the girl.

This is a natural human trait. We want something, and we can’t get it, so we blame the world. In this case the girl.

Now, it’s pretty obvious what will happen with this mindset. You’ll be looking at a girl with a mixture of lust, frustration, desperation and perhaps even a tinge of anger.

Not the kind of energy she’s looking for in a guy.

This, of course, will make it much harder to meet girls, which will increase those feelings. And this is a very hard trap to get out of.

So you’ve got to prime the pump, so to speak.

Hence the exercise described above.

The trick is to FORCE your brain to think of a happy, carefree spontaneous conversation you had with  a girl, no matter how long ago.

Then FORCE your brain to “pretend” the girl you’re looking at is an old friend. 

These two thoughts combined will get rid of those negative feelings and emotions long enough for her to notice your energy, and flash you an honest smile.

And when a cute girl flashes you an honest smile, and holds it, and even does a double take, it feels pretty good.

Try this out whenever you’re in a funk. Try and get five to ten good, honest smiles before talking to anybody.

It will not only put you in a good mood, but it will turn that negative self sustaining loop into a positive one.

Learn More Mind Tricks:

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