Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Create A Seduction Mastermind Group

How To Leverage Competition

How To Leverage Competition

Napoleon Hill is famous for writing a book on how to get rich. This wasn’t some philosophical mumbo jumbo like a lot of “law of attraction” books, this was based on reverse engineering people who already WERE rich.

Hill basically took what was already working, and synthesized it into a “how to guide.” He wrote it at a time when there were a lot of metaphysical ideas and books floating around. As somebody who wasn’t just delivering a set of skills to learn and put into practice, he himself was also trying to get paid.

So he wrote it in a kind of style he hoped would make it very popular. And it did. It is still being read today. However, thinking of it in terms of any kind of metaphysical hooey is a mistake. It has real ideas, that when applied in real ways, WILL generate real results.

One technique is the “mastermind” group. Now, if you’ve got a problem, no matter how smart you are, you won’t likely think of a solution. If you asks somebody else, they won’t likely have a solution either.

But when you’ve got a group of guys and gals together, all bringing their collective experience to the table, somebody’s going to come up with an idea. And that idea will be bounced around and transformed into a solution that NOBODY would have thought up on their own.

This is why many people form “mastermind” groups for this purpose. Unfortunately, they often turn into to a “law of attraction” contest where everybody tries to impress everybody else with their own nonsense.

Which is why oftentimes these mastermind groups are great in theory, but in practice they don’t end up being more than an ego stroking waste of time.

Except when you create your own super covert mastermind group, and use it to learn how to pick up girls.

How’s that?

One of the best things to come out of NLP is modeling. Meaning you watch somebody do something, and if it works you copy it. If it doesn’t work, you do something else.

Normally this is how any skill is learned and mastered. But when everybody’s trying and learning from each other, EVERYBODY can boos their skills in a hurry.

How do you do this with social skills?

First, you’ve got to get a group of guys that will commit to getting together once every week or so, JUST TO INCREASE THEIR SKILLS.

This is pretty difficult. You get a group of guys together, they’ll end up competing, which means there’re winners or losers.

This won’t help anybody.

Which is why you’ve got to choose your mastermind very carefully.

But if you make a rule that ONLY FOR YOUR GROUP PRACTICE SESSIONS, nobody goes further than number closing, you can do pretty well.

That’s when competition will motivate everybody to up their game.

Try it, and see.

Girlfriend Generator

Drill The Three Second Rule Into Your Monkey Brain

Get Rid Your Monkey Brain

Essential Training

Why is the three second rule the three second rule? Any time you’ve got some general rule like that, that makes sense, it’s going to be for a bunch of different reasons.

For one, if she sees you and you see her seeing you, the sooner you walk over there, the better. If you walk over there pretty quickly, she’ll think you’re pretty confident. If you wait a few hours, she’ll think you’re a nervous goof like most guys.

If you walk over right away, you won’t give your monkey brain any time to think of all the horrible things that might happen. As soon as you start moving adrenalin kicks in and shuts that monkey brain down. The more you stand there trying to think of that perfect pick up line you read on the Internet, you’re scared monkey brain will think of a million reasons why you SHOULDN’T walk over.

If you walk over right away, you’ll be doing so BEFORE any other goof has the opportunity. If you don’t walk over right away, some other guy might.

If you’ve noticed she’s flirting with you, that means in her mind she’s being VERY blatant, about as much as most girls can be. Which means if you DON’T walk over right away, she’ll think you’re either rude or not interested. If you wait an hour before you walk over, she’ll wonder what changed in your mind. Not a good starting point.

So you see, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. The sooner you take action, the better your chances are.

And just like any other inter-personal skill, this is something that you can PRACTICE, and get better at.

There’s not a magical switch in your mind that makes it easy. The ONLY way that makes it easy is to simply get in the habit of doing it. 

Kind of like waking up early in the morning. If you ALWAYS hit your snooze button sixteen times, you’ll never develop that bounce-out-of-bed habit. You’ll always be some lazy slouch who can’t get up.

So, how do you PRACTICE adhering to the three second rule?

The basic structure is observe then act. Practice this any way you can. Like quickly raise your eyebrows after any kind of eye contact.

Or quickly smile after eye contact. Any kind of observation MUST be followed quickly by some kind of action on  your part. This will build in that automatic response that girls find so attractive.

Remember, this is PRACTICE. Every time you practice you are NOT trying to number closer or name close or anything else. Only practice. Observe and action. It DOES NOT MATTER what she does. This is only to build in your automatic response to any observations. Keep this up, and the three second rule will be automatic in no time.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

The Most Crucial Goal Of Life

It's All Up To You

It’s All On You

Many guys make an absolutely crucial error when meeting girls. Simply stated, they blame the market, rather than themselves.

Now, that may seem harsh, but if you can’t get what you want, there’s only one thing you can do. And that is to improve yourself until you CAN get what you want.

Imagine going to the store to buy something to eat. But all you’ve got is a dollar. You could complain that the market is rigged, that food is too expensive, or that the food producers are ripping everybody off and there’s some kind of food scam conspiracy going on.

Or you could simply find a way to get more money, so you have more choice. 

One of the most common things people tend to do is NOT take responsibility. Politicians have known this for thousands of years. So long as they promise the common man their problems are NOT their fault, they keep getting elected.

Unfortunately, it is a false promise.

While it’s not technically your “fault,” it is most certainly your responsibility. Most of the time it’s not ANYBODY’S “fault.”

But something about the human brain keeps us from seeing things this way. We seem to be hard wired to ALWAYS need some kind of “bad guy” to point our fingers at.

So, how do you respond when you approach ten girls and they all shut you down?

Do something different.

Anything.

You can’t call the pickup police and force them to accept your advances. You COULD get angry or hurt, take your ball and go home, and never go out again, but there’s no fun in that.

What exactly should you do differently?

This is where your own personal responsibility comes into play. This is only up to YOU to decide. You can’t learn what to do specifically on the Internet. You can’t copy something from a movie.

You can only try different things, and keep trying different things, until you find something that works. Then keep doing variations of THAT (whatever it is) until it works better and better.

Is this fair? Absolutely not. Some guys are naturals, some guys aren’t. Nothing you can do about that.

Is this easy? No way! Getting rejected by a cute girl hurts worse than pretty much anything else.

Will this be a quick process? Not likely. You’ll have to sort through a lot of girls that won’t want to have anything to do with you, until you find one that does.

But guess what?

If you really want a high quality woman to share your life with, this is the ONLY way.

However, here’s some good news. If you make it a point to spend the next year or two (yes, YEAR or two) refining this process, increasing your skills, until you DO meet her, you will be able to do ANYTHING.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Make It Easy To Talk To Her

Practice Without Pressure

Not Always Do Or Die

It can be incredibly frustrating if you don’t have the social skills and confidence to walk up and start talking to a cute girl, even though you’d really, really like to.

Especially if you haven’t done anything like this before. Many guys are desperately searching for some kind of magic line or phrase that will instantaneously fire up her attraction.

In reality, those first few moments of the conversation are not nearly as dependent on words as we’d like to believe. It really doesn’t matter WHAT you say, so long as you’re relaxed, and confident, and not pushy.

If you’re a little nervous, that’s OK. She is usually going to be to. That’s normal, and that’s expected.

It’s when you’re SUPER nervous is when that becomes a problem.

However, the only way to move from SUPER nervous from a normal level of nervousness is to practice doing things that make you nervous.

No memorized lines or patterns are going to do this. In fact, they are likely going to hurt in the long run.

Why?

The best possible thing you can say is whatever comes up, in the moment. If you practice a bunch of memorized stories and openers, you’ll just get good at these particular openers or routines.

This takes away feeling of spontaneity that’s a crucial ingredient in that first important conversation.

The only way to be “in the moment” is to practice being “in the moment.”

But before you start walking up to strange girls just to practice, ease into it.

Start with whatever you’re comfortable with, and work your way up. If you’re comfortable with eye contact, then start with that. Then move to flirty eye contact. Then move to eye contact and smiles. Then move to saying, “hi.” Then move to short conversations.

It’s absolutely crucial to see this as exercise. Skill building. Not actual pick up. If you’re working on eye contact, for example, DON’T do anything else. If she says “hi,” don’t get excited and try to number close her or make her your girlfriend.

This is much harder than it sounds. The tendency is to suddenly treat her as a potential relationship and go as far as you can. This will hurt your ego, and will be counter productive.

When doing these skill building exercises, tell yourself before you go out it’s ONLY PRACTICE. Don’t push yourself further than you can. Just get ten “hello’s” and that’s that (or whatever level you’re at.)

When you finally do see a girl you’d like to talk to for REAL, it will be a lot easier.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Turn Down Approach Anxiety

Slowly Turn Down Approach Anxiety

Slowly But Surely

Approach anxiety is a common barrier to successful relationship creation. And often times, guys don’t even admit they’ve got approach anxiety. Humans are pretty good at lying to ourselves in order to cover up uncomfortable truths.

We say things like, “She’s not my type,” or, “I’m not really looking to hook up,” or “I’m just here chilling, I don’t really want to talk to anybody.”

So even admitting to yourself you’d LIKE to approach, but feel to anxious is making a huge leap most guys never will.

Even then, there’s a misconception. Guys tend to think they are afraid of rejection, but that’s not really the case. What’s really nerve racking is being in the spotlight.

Approach a girl, especially from a distance away, feels very similar, on a gut level, to giving a speech. You feel that all eyes are on you, and if you make a mistake, everybody’s going to know and adjust their perception of you accordingly.

This is a holdover from our hunter-gatherer days, when the collective social opinion of us was absolutely crucial to our survival.

Even though it’s not any more, because it’s a deep instinct, you can’t really “switch it off” any more than you can “switch off” being hungry or horny.

So, how do you deal with it?

Very slowly.

Meaning you don’t walk over there slowly, but you simply recognize it’s going to take some time to get over that uncomfortable “everybody’s looking at me” feeling when approaching.

But if you start small, and slowly expand your comfort zone, it WILL happen.

How do you do that?

Luckily, there are plenty of ways.

Public speaking is one. Joining your local toastmasters and giving a speech once a week will get you right in a hurry.

Or you could simply see “flirting with girls” as some kind of weekly “exercise” to do. Not because you want any kind of tangible results.

Kind of like jogging on the treadmill. You’re not running on the treadmill because you think you’re going somewhere, you’re doing it to build up your endurance and burn away some of that flab.

If you did things like purposely go out to flirt and say “hi,” you’d slowly get over that social anxiety. If you coupled this with some weekly public speaking, it would happen even quicker.

So long as you acknowledge that while you can’t “switch it off” you certainly CAN slowly “turn it down,” you’ll be in good shape.

Pretty soon you’ll be in such good shape that walking over and talking to a cute girl feels perfectly normal.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Obliterate All Rejection

Become The Sorter

Become The Sorter

I’ve had plenty of sales jobs in my time.

Always lured in by the promise of big money.

And then confronted with the cold hard reality of constant rejection.

Really successful outfits knew that because they had such high turnover, they ALWAYS had to be hiring.

Meaning that part of their daily operations were hiring and training new people. Baked into the cake was the idea that most of their sales would be made by new salespeople only a week or two out in the field.

Many didn’t last longer than that.

Like I said, just a few rejections can quickly kill any dreams of big money.

The guys that seemed to do the best had super human charisma and were always high energy.

Kind of inefficient if you ask me.

Then later I learned all about NLP, proper criteria elicitation, and how it’s MUCH better than simply spitting out the same “features and benefits” pitch over and over and over.

The people that are in sales the longest know that no matter WHAT kind of technique you use, it’s all a numbers game.

Call enough people, and you’ll get some sales. Get enough sales, and you’ll make some good money.

Now, for most people, this requires getting rejected so many times that it simply doesn’t matter any more.

While this does work, it’s not a fun strategy.

The very few people who tend to make serious bank from the beginning never see it as rejection in the first place.

If somebody says they don’t want to buy, they salesperson doesn’t take it personally.

Once I had a phone number with the last two digits missing. So I basically had to call up to 99 different phone numbers to find the person I was looking for (who happened to represent a HUGE commission).

I didn’t see each wrong number as a “rejection” since there was no way to magically make the wrong number a right number.

It was more a matter of pure sorting.

When you look at sales, or anything you want in life, with the mind of a sorter, there’s NO rejection.

Since you’re not trying to get “accepted” by anybody. You’re just looking for somebody who matches what you’re looking for.

When you get down to it, EVERYTHING in life can be put into this broad model.

Figure out what you want, and sort through everything out in the world until you get it.

You used to be able to do this without ANY problem.

Back when you were a little kid. Back before you learned what “failure” even meant.

The good news is you can get back that mindset of the sorter. The fearless explorer. That golden child within that loves the journey as much as the destination.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Get In The Game And Find Your Match

The Jigsaw Puzzle Pickup Angle

The Jigsaw Puzzle Pattern

When I was a kid I loved jigsaw puzzles. Sort of. I like the idea of being able to finish one, but I never really had the motivation. I would put together all the outside edges, since that was the easy part.

But once it got to the inside pieces, I just didn’t have the patience to sort through all those pieces.

Lots of things are like that. For a jigsaw puzzle, it’s kind of easy to understand. When you finish, you’ve got some picture of a castle or something. For some, the feeling of accomplishment is a good enough feeling.

But for kids, when all you end up is a picture of a castle after spending a few hours that you COULD have been doing something fun outside, well…

You can think of meeting the right woman as putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Every woman’s got her own set of things she’s looking for in a guy. And every woman’s got her own qualities that she has to offer to a guy.

Every guy has (or should have) these same two groups of qualities. Those he’s looking for, and those he’s got to offer.

The more you’ve got to offer, the more you can demand. Basic market economics.

The process seems simple enough.

Work on yourself, building up what you’ve got to offer. Keep meeting girls until you find a match.

Luckily, even if you are starting from zero, meaning you have no idea what you have to offer, and no idea what you want, both of these will build over time.

Meaning the very process of walking up to and talking to girls (and falling on your face) will build up your self confidence, your social skills, and your experience. All things a quality woman looks for in a guy.

At the same time, you’ll be refining your criteria of what’s important to you in a woman BEYOND her looks.

Which means if you treat “pick up” as an exercise in criteria generation, AND personal development, you’ll be a natural in no time.

The trick is to see it as scrimmage. Those pretend games in practice that have no effect on the standings.

Sure, it sucks getting shot down, but think if it as practice. Practice in building up your skills until you meet Miss Right.

The more you build your skills BEFORE you meet her, the more likely she’ll be AUTOMATICALLY attracted to you when she sees you.

Making it easy to get together with her.

Get Started:

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Shock And Awe Relationship Opener

Don't Dance Around The Issue

Stop Dancing Around!

When it comes to picking up girls, guys tend to beat around the bush, so to speak. (NO pun intended, you sick freak!)

Meaning guys rarely come out and say what’s on their minds. But consider a few statistics, mental or otherwise.

Imagine how much time, money and energy you spend trying to “meet girls.” Now, I know that plenty of guys go out to meet girls, don’t meet any girls, and then tell themselves they REALLY were just going out to hang with their boys.

Yea, right!

But just play along. Think of the percent of time you actually get some, vs. the time you spend TRYING to get some. Probably a pretty slim percentage.

Now, consider the famous “Shock and Awe” opener. You walk up, introduce yourself, and calmly and plainly, (not offensively) ask if she wants to go somewhere and get busy.

IF (and I know this is a huge IF) someone had the balls to do this, how do you think those numbers (shock and awe) would compare to somebody who simply approaches when he’s confident, flails around, and finally asks for the number?

Sure, the shock and awe guy would get rejected a lot. But you’d be surprised how often you wouldn’t be. Now, not every girl would go somewhere right away with you, but a lot would definitely be impressed with your confidence.

And you would be INCREDIBLY confident just after a few times.

Now, I’m not recommending that you do this. And you’re likely thinking, “Yea, but I don’t WANT short 
term sex, I want a relationship!”

So why not try the “shock and awe” relationship opener?

“Hey, I think you’re cute, and I’m wondering if you have an equally interesting personality. Maybe we might have enough in common to at least be friends, or maybe even fall in love, after we get to know each other. Why don’t you give me your phone number, and I’ll call you later on so we can get together?”

How do you think THIS would work? If you tried it only ONCE a night on any cute enough girl that was giving you some IOI’s?

Now, this certainly WOULDN’T guarantee your success, but it would certainly short cut all the dancing around the topic most people do in the club! (See what I did there?)

Now, you don’t have to necessarily say this, but if you keep this IDEA in the forefront of you mind while you approach, and while you’re talking to her, it would certainly make things at lot clearer.

Try it, and see:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Find Your Ideal Girlfriend

Always Be Prospecting

Always Be Prospecting

There are two phases of life. Being a kid, and being an adult.

Little kids only get stuff when the grown ups give it to them. Adults only get stuff when they get out there and interact with other adults, and create some kind of mutually beneficial exchange.

Of course, there are some adults who get things by stealing, or manipulating others. Hopefully you’re not one of those.

Not only because it’s immoral, but it’s a horrible strategy that only works in the short term.

So, how do you get whatever you want as a rational thinking adult?

First, you’ve got to figure out what you want. Then you’ve got to find somebody that has it. Then you’ve got to figure out what they want. If you’ve each got what each other wants, then you can make a trade.

Luckily, in advanced economies, we’ve created money that can get around this “coincidence of wants.”

But this only works if you can pay somebody money for what you want, and then they can go and pay somebody that same money for what they want.

But what if what you want is not based on money? What if you’re after a relationship with an attractive woman?

You’ve still got to play the same game. Figure out what she wants, figure out what you want, and see if there’s a basis for exchange.

Granted, in relationships most of this happens unconsciously. Which means you’ve got to just get in there and see what happens. If you both have what each other want, you’ll feel it. If you don’t, you won’t.

But you’ve still got to get out there and interact with plenty of girls. Interact with them enough to find out if there’s a mutual benefit.

Generally speaking, this can happen after the first couple of face to face conversations. Get togethers, dates, whatever you want to call them.

Of course, this requires that you know what you want. And you have a pretty good idea of what you’ve got to offer. And the conversational and social skills to not only elicit these from her, and demonstrate what you’ve got.

Again, it’s crucial to understand that most of this is NOT based on any kind of overtly measurable quantities. If you show her your resume or portfolio, it probably won’t go over well.

However, you must have something in your brain besides merely a hope that she’ll accept you.

You’ve got to have an idea of what you’re looking for, and an established line of communication between you and your intuition.

Naturally, this is like any other skill. To get really good at it, you’ve got to practice. How do you practice? Start talking to and dating plenty of cute girls, that’s how!

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Be Excellent – Be Gone

How To Get Girls

Make Yourself Scarce

If you’ve never seen a movie called, “The Tao Of Steve,” you should check it out. Not because it’s a well made movie or anything. The main character is this PUA named Steve, and while it does have a sappy, Hollywood ending, the character does convey some powerful points.

Namely, the secret of getting girls is to “Be excellent, be gone.”

Now, this can easily be misinterpreted, and like any vague truism, how you apply it makes all the different. Just saying it or reading about it won’t do squat.

Be Excellent

This simply means be the BEST you can be, at SOMETHING. You don’t have to be a renaissance man, or a jack of all trades. Just be really good, and really enjoy being really good, at something. Women are hard wired to love a guy who passionate about something.

This means you’ve got something going on in your life that drives you. Some mad goal way out in the future you are pursuing. Some skill that you want to be the best out, even if it kills you.

It also means being confident and socially outgoing. If you are the best piano player in the world, but pass out in fear every time a girl smiles at you, it won’t get you very far.

You’ve got to be comfortable enough talking about your passion in a way that inspires other, not for the skill itself, but how you describe it.

If you want a good character study of this, Paul  Newman’s character in “The Hustler” is perfect. He sucks in life, but he’s a pool master. And when he talks about how he loves pool, it makes his girl go crazy for him.

Be Gone

This means you aren’t dependent on any one person’s approval. You can bounce on a dime if the situation turns against you. While you enjoy her company, if she violates any of your spoken boundaries, you’re gone faster than a puff of smoke in a hurricane.

It also means you don’t hang around longer than you need to. Instead of hanging around on the first or second date hoping to eventually get lucky, you get in, you have fun, and you leave.

You are confident enough that if she doesn’t want to see you again, somebody else will. Most guys are terrified since they imagine this will lower her desire for you. Luckily, it has the opposite effect.

As Steve describes, “We want what we can’t have.” This, of course, invokes the Law of Scarcity. If you are excellent AND you are scarce, this will significantly increase her desire for you.

This is why too much texting, too much calling, too much fawning will KILL your chances with any one girl.

The take away from all this?

Choose some skills that you will pursue whether or not they get you laid.

Be comfortable talking about your passion about these skills as socially appropriate, and let your passion shine when appropriate.

Make yourself scarce.

Do this, and you’ll have your pick of dream girls to choose from.