Category Archives: Attraction

Love Life Party

Turn Life Into A Playground

I had a buddy once who was going through some tough times.

He was seeing a counselor, and the counselor gave him an interesting homework assignment.

To go to his local playground once a week, for an hour, and just watch the kids play.

He had a note from his doctor, so the cops wouldn’t think he was a predator or anything.

One of his issues is that he was emotionally closed off. And it had ruined his last couple of relationships, and it was affecting his job.

The idea of watching kids play was to help him “model” their behavior.

Usually it’s the other way around. One of our jobs as adults (if we have kids) is to model good behavior that our kids will copy.

But my friend was trying to do the opposite.

He was trying to copy the kids behavior, at least on a subconscious level.

Being able to run around and play without worrying about being judged or told whatever they were expressing was wrong.

If he could be more like that in his real life, he would have a better time expressing himself.

All of us go through dramatic changes as we grow up. Some worse than others.

We pick up tons of baggage, stuff that we instinctively thought was protective at the time.

Unfortunately, our brains tend to generalize a lot.

If you got yelled out in third grade by your angry teacher, a “correct” response would be to decide that your particular teacher, in that particular context (whatever was going on a the time) was a little bit sketchy.

However, our brains don’t work like that. They are lightning fast, but not very accurate.

So the natural conclusion to getting yelled at by an authority figure, as a little kid is that “expressing myself is sometimes dangerous.”

The more we experience events like that, the stronger that belief becomes.

And for some of us, just the idea of asserting ourselves in public is pretty nerve wracking.

Like if a waiter brings the wrong order, some people would have a hard time asking the waiter to fix it.

However, there are plenty of ways to “undo” those unconscious learnings and generalizations.

The more you do, the more socially outgoing and confident you’ll be.

Imagine being able to express yourself anywhere, anytime, and with anybody, and having absolutely zero fear.

You’d make more money and have much better relationships.

Click Here to learn more.

Social Charisma Super Hero

Picture

Structure Is Crucial

Many people believe they need to have some really interesting stories to talk about to be interesting.

Sounds kind of logical, but it’s not.

If you’ve ever seen a stand up comedian, they usually talk about pretty everyday stuff, right?

But it’s how they talk about it that’s funny.

If you want to become a powerfully mesmerizing speaker, either in one on one situations, or in front of groups, all you need is the stories you’ve got in your head right now.

To start, speak with bigger gestures. Congruent gestures. Don’t be afraid to show emotions on your face. It seems pretty scary at first, but when you really show a wide range of emotions that exaggerate the stories you’re telling,  you’ll turn a normal incident at a stop light into something people will remember for days or even weeks.

The second thing is to break the stories up. If you’re halfway through a story, suddenly switch into a similar story without really finishing the first one.

If you do these a few times, you’ll be creating “open loops.” The brain HATES unfinished business, so every time you “open a new loop” it will create a more desire and attention in your listener.

To make yourself even more persuasive and magnetic, take some time to think of the “emotional flavor” of all your stories. Sad, happy, exciting, surprising, discovery, etc.

Ultimately, these are the three things you’re aiming for:

1) Use a wide range of facial expressions and gestures

2) Create and leave many open loops

3) Take your listeners through several different emotions in a few minutes time

Now, this does take practice, but once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty fun. You’ll show up at a party or something, and start talking about random, everyday stuff, and people will think you are some social charisma super hero.

There’s another way to generate massive magnetism, and it’s pretty easy.

All you’ve got to do is simply pay attention to, and become interested in the person you are talking to.

After all, the most interesting thing to anybody are things about themselves. If you can get them talking about things they are interested in, and ask the right questions at the right time to get them even MORE fired up, this will also put you in the “social charisma super hero” category in their mind.

All it takes is getting out there, getting social, and having fun.

This Can Help:

Charisma Generator

Inside Out Confidence

Don't Miss Out

Get The Big Picture

It’s easy to miss the forest for the trees.

Even that statement is used so often that it can be easy to misunderstand it.

People tend to focus on little details (the trees) so they don’t have to address the big picture (the forest).

Often times, when there’s some big task at hand, we easily get caught up in the little things to avoid facing it.

Like if you need to do your taxes, you might spend a couple hours clearing up your desk. That’s easier, emotionally, than doing all the uncomfortable financial calculations.

It’s been said that one of the reasons Victorian England was so “Victorian,” meaning so focused on sexual behavior and etiquette is because they didn’t want to address a larger issue of their crumbling empire.

We humans don’t like big confrontations, so we avoid them whenever possible. These can come across as lies we tell ourselves.

I won’t try to create a relationship until I lose ten pounds. I don’t want to look for a job until I finish this project. I don’t want to have that conversation with my partner until I’ve cleaned out the garage. And on and on.

One of the ways we do this is when we focus on our external behavior, when we should be focusing on our internal state.

For example, if you’ve ever given a speech, you may have been told to, “maintain eye contact,” or “don’t memorize,” or “don’t shift your body weight back and forth,” or “use gestures when you speak.”

These are all good advice, but guess what?

Somebody who had a strong internal state would do these things naturally, without even thinking about it.

To be sure, you can “fake it till you make it.” Meaning if you started to pretend to be confident and self assured, you’d eventually become confident and self assured.

But that’s kind of a roundabout, and emotionally unpleasant way of doing it.

Why not start from the inside?

After all, those reasons for discomfort are based on what you “perceive” to be “out there,” now what’s really out there.

One way is to simply FORCE your brain to recall feelings of confidence, before and WHILE you’re speaking (in this particular example) instead of letting it run all over the place, like most people do.

Another way is to practice meditation. Strengthen your ability to quiet your mind at will, so you can more easily turn off those doubts and worries, and be much more centered.

Then you’ll open whole new range of behavior and energy most people never experience.

The Power Of Slow And Steady Movements

Not So Fast Jack!

Not So Fast!

Stability is an often valuable trait.

A stable job is much better than one that may end any time. A stable relationship is preferred to one where everybody’s cheating on everybody. A stable economy is preferred to one that has booms and busts every few years.

Even if chemistry and physics they talk of stable systems in positive terms.

On the other hand, flexibility is often a desired trait. Being able to roll with the punches, change with the times, or respond quickly to market forces is the sign of a healthy individual.

It’s also good to know when to be stable, and when to be flexible.

Long, long ago, there were a bunch of horse and buggy companies. Then the car was invented. They chose stability, and quickly vanished from existence.

Coke chose flexibility over stability when they conjured up “new coke” and it almost ruined them.

Not so easy to choose which is best, even for some of the biggest and most established companies.

One area when it’s generally better to be stable, rather than flexible, is in your mannerisms and movements.

I once saw a movie about old England, and one of the characters was Walter Raleigh, the guy who discovered tobacco and brought it back to England. He was supposed to be this ultra-bold, ultra-confident explorer upon whom the Queen depended in times of crisis.

Only there was this one scene where he was on this ship, and somebody behind him (A romantic interest) called his name. He whipped his head around so fast, he suddenly looked like a schoolboy responding to the call of his crush.

Suddenly, he no longer seemed like a bold explorer. For me at least, that one quick movement ruined it.

I don’t know if that’s what the director was going for, but I don’t think so, as it seemed wholly incongruent with the rest of the character’s actions.

This is what happens when you are in a social setting, and your eyes are darting around, head turning right and left, like some jackrabbit on crack desperate for attention.

On the other hand, those that are ultra charismatic and confident have a very slow, very steady gaze. Very measured movements. Even there speech is slow and conscious. Not ultra conscious like a politician, but slow enough so they don’t spit out the first thing that pops into their brain.

They use their words and actions like a well honed tool, to get a consciously chosen outcome, which is generally an increase in the happiness of those around them.

They enjoy themselves, they enjoy their environment, and they enjoy whomever they happen to be talking to.

If you’re interested in becoming more charismatic, check this out:

How To Develop A Magnetic Gaze

Develop An Incredibly Seductive Gaze

Magical Eye Contact

What exactly is a magnetic gaze?

It’s one of those things you know when you see it. You know when you feel it. Sometimes even before you see it.

First of all, what’s the “magnetic” part? Clearly, this means it’s attractive. Something you want to move towards. Something that grabs your attention, in a good way, so you don’t want to think about anything else.

Second, the gaze part. A gaze is different than a stare. Different than a glance. Different than a look. Different than an intense focus.

A gaze is relaxed, taking in everything. Open peripheral vision, taking in everything, but kind of looking at the center. Like if you’re standing up close to a HUGE but gorgeous painting. In order to see the whole thing, you’d need to stand back a few meters.

But if you’re only a couple feet away, you can gaze at the center, while taking in the outer edges with your peripheral vision.

When somebody looks at you with a magnetic gaze, they are projecting quite a few things at once.

One is they are only slightly looking at you. They are interested in you, but you’re clearly not the most important person in the world, otherwise it would be an intense stare.

Like a starving dog looking a bowl of puppy chow.

They’re also very, very relaxed. Which means they aren’t concerned in the least if you “gaze” back at them, or even stare.

They’re basically saying, “I enjoy looking at you. Whether or not you appreciate that isn’t really important, but it could be. Also, I’m not really concerned with what other people think of me standing here enjoying looking at you.”

This takes confidence. This takes inner control. This takes some practice.

Not practice DOING anything, but practice NOT doing certain things.

Like listening to those self doubts. Like worrying about what other people think about you. Like making your own self confidence and self worth dependent on their response to your appreciation of them.

How can you practice?

One way is to simple go out and “people watch.” Find somebody that you find interesting, for whatever reason. Then just relax your eyes, put them at the center of your gaze, and enjoy what you see.

At first, you may start to worry what will happen if they “catch you.” See how long you can dismiss that worry.

If they do, “catch you,” simply smile, and keep gazing. Then just slowly shift your eyes somewhere else.

Make a game out of it. See how long you can “hold it,” even after they see you. 

The magic comes when they see you gazing, you smile, and keep gazing, and they smile, and gaze right back.

Slow Movements Of Confidence

Slow Motion

Lead With Body Language

A lot of things can be reverse engineered.

For many human qualities, form follows function, and function follows form.

Meaning if you feel confident on the inside, you’ll act confident on the outside.

But if you’re not confident on the inside, you can “prime the pump” by pretending to be confident on the outside.

Fake it till you make it, as they say.

You can change your mood quickly, when sad or depressed, but standing up, rolling your shoulders around, puffing out your chest, and putting on a HUGE smile. You’ll feel pretty goofy at first, but it works.

Especially if you’re walking around other people. Once people start smiling back at you, you’ll turn any negative emotions around, driven by the positive feedback loop.

Sometimes, when you’re not sure what somebody means, you can take a good guess by simply copying their movement, facial expression, and body language. Like you see somebody doing some “weird” body language or facial gesture, you can “try it on” to see what kind of internal emotions it creates.

This why often times it’s good to say things that are true, or you’d like to be true, with your feet on the floor, and open body language.

You can try this yourself, and see the difference. Take something you’d like to happen, like a medium term goal.

Sit in a chair with your legs crossed, feet off the floor, head tilted, and arms crossed. They say your goal.

Now sit with your back straight, feet flat on the floor, palms open on your lap, facing up. Your face squarely ahead, eyes solid, looking in the mirror if you can. NOW say your goal.

It will feel completely different.

This is one of the ways you can tell that somebody’s ultra confident as soon as they walk in a room. They’re eyes aren’t darting around. Their head isn’t spinning at the smallest evidence of interest from others. They aren’t nervously tapping their feet or moving their hands around.

They’re just moving very slowly. Head slowly gazing about, eyes relaxed and open, taking in the whole scene. A slight smile on their face that shows they’re thinking, “Hmmm, I wonder what kind of cool people I’ll meet here?”

And when they see somebody they think is interesting, they don’t circle them wondering how to approach or anything like that. They just look at them and smile and let them know, allowing the other person time to gather themselves before they walk over.

While they do, people are all thinking the same thing:

“Who IS that?”

THAT, can be YOU:

Make Them Love You

Give and Get

Secrets Of Automatic Charisma

According to Dale Carnegie, the original guru of social skills, everybody’s always listening to their favorite radio station.

WII-FM

Or, “What’s In It For Me?”

Now, this isn’t bad, or negative or a slam on human nature. If humans DIDN’T always concern themselves for what was important to us, we’d never get anything.

Even on a subconscious level, whenever we consider taking action, there’s part of us that’s hoping to improve ourselves.

Now, a lot of people have problems with this. But even when we’re doing charity work, selflessly serving others, we are STILL doing it for OUR own reasons, even if they are spiritual.

And even if those reasons are only known by us, even subconsciously, they are STILL our reasons.

However, humans are ALSO highly social creatures. We also know on a deep level that one of the BEST ways to get what we want is to participate in a group so that EVERYBODY’S interests kind of overlap.

It’s a lot more fun when everybody’s getting their needs met. When it’s win-win instead of win-lose.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are too afraid to participate like that. They’re so worried about getting the short end of the stick that they make sure they stick it others before they get stuck.

But if you’re brave, you can find plenty of people that have enough overlap. Otherwise society wouldn’t be possible.

The way most people go about doing this they talk about what’s important to them, but in a friendly and outgoing way.

It’s like they’re tossing their own interests out there, and hoping somebody will share them.

This works pretty well. In fact, you may say this kind of behavior is hard wired into us.

However, there is a better way.

And that is to simply START OFF by finding out what’s important to other people FIRST.

Keep asking them about their interests, their desires, their goals.

Get them fired up. If you do that, a funny thing will start to happen.

They’ll start to SEE YOU through the lens of their desires and interests.

Meaning before they even know anything about you, they’ll have a deep appreciation and attraction for you.

Which means if then start talking about what’s important to you, they’ll almost certainly help you get it.

This is what charisma and personal magnetism REALLY is.

It’s being interested enough in others so that NO MATTER what you start talking about next, THEY will be interested in you. Not only that, but they’ll be willing to help you get it, simply because how you make them feel on a deep level.

Powerful Presence And Pure Focus

There Is Only Now

Here and Now

One powerful ingredient for charisma is presence.

Being fully present in the moment, especially if you’re speaking with somebody.

Meaning you’re not thinking about what happened five minutes ago, or what you think might happen five minutes later.

But what’s happening right here, right now.

Now, if you only did this, you’d have something most people don’t.

Since most people’s brains are bouncing all over the place, several times a second, you’d have a congruence that few people ever experience, let alone have themselves.

If you were in sales, for example, and you could talk about your product and ONLY focus on the words coming out of your own mouth devoid of any worries of the past or worries of the future, you’d be pretty mesmerizing.

However, that’s just the start.

If you can do the above AND only talk about what’s important to the person you are speaking with, then they’ll literally do ANYTHING to keep you around.

Buy your product, agree with your ideas, follow you home,  ANYTHING.

(Of course, you should NEVER abuse such power!)

Not only do most people have thoughts bouncing all over the universe, but  they are also generally talking about THEIR own worries, fears, needs, wants, etc. AND they are usually gunning for some kind of approval or validation.

Which is why this double whammy, presence and focus, is SO powerful.

However, it can be hard to practice.

Here’s one way. Try this a few times a day if you can. Get somewhere quiet, and sit and close your eyes.

Then find a feeling you’re currently feeling. ANY feeling is fine.

Just feel the pure, now, feeling. Take off the label of the feeling. Feel it as pure NOW energy.

Feel it as strongly as you can, in the here and now. If you can, describe it in your mind, as if it were a real object. Shape, color, texture, size, etc.

Then simply APPRECIATE that feeling, EXACTLY as it is.

This only takes a couple minutes, and you can literally do it anywhere. At red lights, in the elevator, even while somebody else is talking.

Of course, there are plenty other components of charisma, but this simple exercise will take you a long, long way.

If you want to learn more, check this out:

Make People Happy To Be Around You

Open Up Yourself

Express Yourself!

Why are little kids so cute?

One reason is they are totally innocent. When they express themselves, they have no ulterior motive, like many adults.

They also don’t have a lot of fears, like many adults. We grown-ups tend to get an impulse to say something, but then we imagine all kinds of horrible things that might happen, so we back pedal a bit, in our minds.

Then we say something that’s less than 100% congruent. 

Kids, on the other hand, are pure congruence. They’re not like, “Part of me wants to run over and see what that red shiny thing is, but another part is still kind of tired out from this morning.”

They see something they want, and go after it.

I used to know this guy in college. Always smiling, always making people laugh. Always making some lighthearted joke about any particular situation. Never putting anybody else down, except when it was perfectly clear it was a good-natured joke.

Always with over the top facial expressions and gestures.

And ALWAYS surrounded by girls.

This guy was the total opposite of the typical “player” type you see on TV or in the movies.

This was a guy you just enjoyed being around. If there was a party, and you knew this guy was going to be there, you wanted to go. 

This is what happens when you carry that child like congruence into adulthood.

You have that congruence, but also the responsibility of being an adult.

You don’t censor yourself because you’re afraid how people will respond, you only censor yourself because you honestly don’t like saying mean things about other people.

But the funny thing is once you spend just a little bit of time expressing yourself like this, all those negatives ideas in your mind about others tends to vanish.

Since whenever you show up, people are always so happy to see you, you suddenly think of everybody in at their best.

It’s like you project this bubble out around that everybody is happy to be in.

Of course, this isn’t magic. You still need to think and act and plan ahead, and be careful how you use your energy and resources.

But it sure makes life a lot more fun.

If you’d like to be more charismatic, check this out:

Create Instant Rapport With Everybody

Create Instant Rapport

Release Internal Resistance

It’s pretty easy to spot a couple on their first date.

At the very least, you can tell something’s a bit different.

But since you know about these things, and can dig deeper, and notice things certain people don’t.

Like how their posture is a bit less relaxed. Their facial expressions and body language show a bit more politeness.

Maybe their laughter is a bit less natural, a bit more forced. If they’re eating they pick up their food and chew it carefully.

On the other hand, when you see two people who have clearly known each other for a long time, their behavior is pretty easy to spot as well.

Eating off each other’s plates. Interrupting each other while talking. Open scowls and rolled eyes whenever appropriate.

Most people take a while to “feel comfortable” with other people.

Even if they’re not a potential client or romantic interest, we tend to “stiffen up” a bit when we’re around strangers.

Some rare people, have a gift of making EVERYBODY relaxed around them.

They walk up, and you don’t feel the need to guard your emotions, or feel any worry about offending them or pleasing them.

Something about them, their body language, facial expressions, voice tone, movements, make you feel relaxed, and at ease.

Maybe because they fully accept the world, and themselves, exactly how it is.

Maybe they’re not worried about needing to impress anybody or try to prove anything to anybody.

They know that no matter what happens, they’ll be fine.

They give off a vibe of “The only time and place I’d like to be is right here, right now.”

And they ALWAYS tend to give off that vibe. Stuck in traffic, sitting in a business meeting, on a first date, on a fiftieth date, anywhere. Everywhere.

How can YOU be that person?

The first step is to get rid of all that emotional junk that most of us have. Those secret sore spots you may be worried about hitting on accident.

Like when you’re talking to somebody, and they bring up some “taboo” subject, (at least in your mind) and suddenly you’re on full alert. 

You may have decided that these “sore spots” are there to stay, and there’s nothing you can do.

You might not even be ready to admit they’re there.

We’ve ALL got them. They are not because you’re broken, or dysfunctional. It’s merely a result of the “growing up process.”

Luckily, when you find out how easy they are to get rid of, you can let out that deep, charismatic you.

That person EVERYBODY looks forward to being around.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom