Category Archives: Congruence

Improve Your Life Game

Improve Your Life, Not Your Game

Improve Yourself, Not Your Game

One of the easiest traps to fall into is thinking that women are the enemy.

Even when guys talk about picking up girls, they act as if they need some kind of ultra ninja secret weapon techniques to keep her off balance, or use all kinds of social proof, and get her thinking in a certain way.

Think about it from a sales standpoint.

Think about a product you really like. One you buy over and over again. Or maybe a brand. For me, whenever I buy sneakers, either for jogging or walking, I always get New Balance. I bought my first pair in high school when I ran a marathon, and they served me well. They’ve been my go-to brand ever since.

So, what’s your brand or product? Got it?

Now, think of the amount of thought that goes into it. You go into a store, ask the clerk where it is, and you get it.

Now, think of something you bought because of a whole bunch of hype. Something that maybe had some really slick advertisement on TV. Maybe a smooth talking salesperson helped you “decide.”

Then you when you started to actually USE the product, you found it wasn’t all that. So when you needed to buy something similar again, you gave that particular product a pass.

When girls think about the guys, and the kind of guys they want in their lives, they think the same way.

Sure, they can be conned (sometimes pretty easily) buy smooth talking “salesman” who knows all the angles, but when they get it home and see what it’s really made of, they start to have second thoughts.

Now, if you’re a guy, seeing this from a guy’s perspective, you may not see it this way.

You may think she was super sweet and into you at the bar, but then she “turned” on you. You may say things like “women aren’t loyal,” or “woman always play you,” or “women always use you,” or something similar.

This is ALWAYS going to happen if you come on strong early on with “game” and then later show her your “true self.”

Now, I know that when guys hear, “be yourself” they think it’s the lamest idea in the world, but it does keep you honest.

If you don’t like the way you are, measured by the quality of the women you attract, putting on a fake “game face” is only going to be a short term solution.

Why not simply improve the “real you”?

Why not continuously learn new social skills and language skills that you use with everybody, all the time?

Why not develop your self-confidence and create a REAL purpose for your life that is independent from women?

I know, this is a lot of work. But so is putting on a fake “game face” and getting rejected later.

Why not put in the work on the “real you” so the relationships with quality women just happen naturally, and pretty much take care of themselves?

This will help:

Frame Control

How To Practice Seduction

They Ain't Gonna Play Themselves!

Daily Practice Is Crucial For Any Skill

If you practiced picking up girls like some guys practice playing the piano, you’d be a virtuoso in no time.

What do I mean?

Think about the piano. First you learn the C chord. Then you learn a few arpeggios. Then you practice them (which is REALLY boring) until you can play any combination without much conscious thought.

Say this takes a couple weeks, 30 minutes a day. Then you move on to the G chord, then the F chord, then A, etc.

Each time, getting a little bit more efficient. In say, six months time, you can look at a piece of music, know immediately what chord it’s in, and play it through the first time.

Thirty minutes a day of boring practice, and six months or so later, you can play some pretty decent music. Even make some. Combine your new music skills with some software instruments, and there’s really nothing you can’t do.

Now, compare this to picking up girls. Most guys NEVER practice. Sure, they go out a lot and talk to girls, get their numbers, go on dates, create relationships, but it’s NEVER practice. It’s ALWAYS real.

Imagine if you ONLY practiced the piano while giving a recital in front of a bunch of people you’d never met.

You’d ALWAYS be nervous, and you’d NEVER get better.

Any time you even THOUGHT of playing the piano, you’d break out into a cold sweat. You may even spend thousands of dollars on seminars to learn the “one secret trick” that allows you to play the piano without EVER needing to practice.

So, how do you PRACTICE picking up girls?  The SAME way you practice the piano.

Spend the first week ONLY practicing eye contact. Nothing else.

Then move on to saying “hi.” 

Make sure you understand which categories girls are in. (In your mind). Practice or real.

This will shoot your game to the upper echelons of natural player mode faster than anything else.

Except maybe the skills you’ll learn here:

Frame Control

Who Does Your Life Belong To?

Get Out Of The Carriage!

Grow Up!

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is take responsibility.

One of the easiest things to do is overly depend on others, blame others, or see yourself as less than adequate.

You want something, something big. But we all have a ready made list of excuses why we don’t have it.

Maybe we think our education isn’t enough. Maybe we think we don’t have the right connections. Maybe we think there’s some hidden group of conspirators keeping us from the goods.

What makes it even worse is many times, those are all correct.

After all, having a good education, plenty of connections and a silver spoon certainly doesn’t hurt.

But the moment you blame others for your lack, in any capacity, you put yourself in a tough spot.

Because while it does feel good to shrug off responsibility, it also severely limits what you can accomplish.

If you want something, and can’t get it due to others, it doesn’t feel so bad. I mean, if you COULD get it, you would right? But since “those people” are keeping you down, why bother?

The problem with shifting blame (even when it’s factually accurate) is makes you DEPENDENT on the world. You have to wait for “them” to give you what you want. What you need. What you desire.

While it does feel good to hold that fantasy in mind, that you’ll be given stuff for free, it’s not the best strategy for success.

Because pretty much everybody else on planet earth has the same exact game plan.

On the other hand, taking responsibility is scary. Risky. Prone with failure after failure.

But the upside potential is HUGE.

Instead of waiting to be “given” free stuff, you’ll be creating MUCH BETTER stuff.

Life is a long string of trial and error experiences. If you are prone to blame others, you’ll see each one as PROOF that “they” are holding you down.

On the other hand, if you see each one as a learning experience, AND a step closer to whatever you want, you’ll see those very same events as PROOF that you are DESTINED for greatness.

Same exact events, two different perspectives.

It all depends on what you CHOOSE to believe.

Believe about yourself, believe about your skills, and believe about your purpose in life.

Do you believe you are a victim, and can ONLY get good stuff if “the universe” decides to give it to you?

Or are you in charge of your brain, your actions, and your life? And see the world as one big canvas upon which to paint your masterpiece?

One way’s easy. So easy that EVERYBODY can do it.

Which one do you want?

Get Yours:

Why Social Magnetism Precedes Language

Magnetism and Charisma

Ancient Secrets Of Charisma

Most of us assume that communication is to simply transfer information.

You’ve got some info in your brain, and you’ve got to get into the brains of others.

You come up with an idea, speak it out loud, see that other people understand it, and that’s that.

Right?

Maybe it’s not so simple.

The thing about something as complicated as human interaction and communication is it’s hard to tell sometimes between “means” and “ends.” The intention and the process by which we get that intention met. Or our outcome and our behavior.

Like it would seem that our intention is to convey information, and the process by which we do that is communication.

However, is that all there is?

Some psychologists, especially those focused on linguistics (like Steven Pinker, for example) believe that there’s a deeper purpose for simply “transmitting information.”

Your behavior is speaking, and the outcome is to get your idea inside their head.

But why do you want to do that?

According to Pinker, and others on the same page, the reason is ALWAYS to influence the other person in some way. That’s the ultimate goal.

We want them to do something (or not do something) or believe something (or not believe something).

In reality, the “transfer of information” is really a means to a deeper end.

What kinds of things do we normally want others to do?

They range from simple, subconscious actions to complicated conscious and extended behaviors.

Short term subconscious things like smile at us, give us their attention and companionship, validate us, and all kinds of other things.

Complex, long term and conscious things like buy our products, hire us, give us their phone numbers and start relationships with us.

Social Interactions Precede Language

Here’s something else to ponder.

Humans have been living in groups, and interacting with each other long, long before language was even invented.

So the structure of human interactions, relationship building, soliciting cooperation and going after common goals HAS to be based on something much, much deeper than language.

As complex as human grammar is, it’s really just icing on the cake.

What’s underneath?

It’s hard to measure, hard to describe. But you know when somebody’s got it, and when they don’t.

Somebody that’s got it can simply make a suggestion, and everybody’s on board. They usually drop whatever’s on their minds, and follow the leader.

Somebody that doesn’t have it can write the most eloquent words ever spoken, but when they speak them out loud, they fall flat. The words make sense, but for some reason, other people aren’t “feeling it.”

What’s that deeper quality?

More importantly, do YOU have it?

Get It:

Frame Control

Metaphysical Secret Sauce of Success

Your Vision Is The Most Crucial Element Of Your Success

Do You Have Your Own Vision?

What’s the difference between goals and visions?

Each of those probably has lots of different words to describe them, but I think it’s important to understand what each one is.

A goal is something that’s specific. Something you’ll know when you get there. Losing ten pounds, making X amount of money per month, being in a relationship.

These are all things that you KNOW if you have them, and you KNOW if you don’t.

Visions, on the other hand, are much more hard to pin down. 

You can think of goals as certain and specific places. Visions, on the other hand, are more like directions.

Of course, the right goals will support you in your visions. Losing weight can certainly be proof that you’re on the right path to a “healthy lifestyle,” which is much harder to define.

And just as important as it is to have goals, it’s even more important to have visions.

If you think of the most successful people you have ever heard of, they got where they are because they had visions they stuck to. 

Usually for decades.

Your Life Is Only Up To You

Your Vision Will Take You Anywhere

Great inventors usually keep inventing stuff because of their visions, rather than their individual goals.

Ultra wealthy business people get there not because they have a specific goal of making a million dollars, but because they have a broad vision to keep creating things that people will gladly pay for.

Take Bill Gates for example. Before he was the richest nerd on the planet, he was an entrepreneur. When he was still a teenager, he was already finding ways to make and sell stuff.

He sold the idea of Windows to BEFORE he created it. That’s how much he believed in his Vision.

The truth of success in life is pretty simple.

Choose a vision. A powerful vision that will guide you for most of your life. Get started, and no matter what happens, never, ever give up.

Most people don’t have any kind of a vision, other than make it through the next couple weeks.

The few people that DO have visions, rarely get started, or rarely think of them as more than wishes.

But when you take your vision, and make it your overriding purpose in life, something will happen.

People will notice something “different” about you. You won’t be like the billions of other aimless souls wandering the Earth waiting to be told what to do.

You will have a true purpose in life. Something that comes through the way you walk, the way you talk, and the way you look at people.

This will make you stand out in a room filled with average folks. So much that people will look at you and think, “I don’t know who that is or what they’re doing, but I’d like to help.”

This is what happens when you create a vision, and the powerful frame to wrap around it.

Get Started:

Frame Control

Easy Ways To Keep Talking To A Girl

How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

Keep The Conversation Flowing Like Water

Most guys can walk up to a girl, say “hi,” and maybe get  her smiling.

Then what?

Knowing how to keep a conversation flowing, and her feeling relaxed and not under any pressure, is essential to being able to effectively increase her interest.

So, how do you do that?

You could come up with a bunch of stuff to say beforehand, as some people recommend, but then you’d be like a roving stand up comedian. If she doesn’t like your “act” then you don’t have much to fall back on.

A much better strategy would be to combine a couple of ideas from covert hypnosis.

One is called “Utilization.” This is when you simply take whatever she gives you, and use it. This way, you won’t freak out if she doesn’t respond the way you think she “should.”

The other thing to use is to elicit her own “trance states.”

Now, this doesn’t mean pull out your watch and start swinging like some goof up on stage.

What it does mean is eliciting, or get her talking about things she’s really interested in.

Now, most girls are going to freeze up if you walk up and start asking her all kinds of personal questions.

If You Lead, She Will Follow

Always Go First

Which is why you’ve got to go first. Meaning you mention some stuff you’re interested in, then ask her opinion.

Don’t argue or bust on her if hers are different. That comes later.

At this stage of the conversation, you’re just interested in getting her talking about things that make her feel good.

Since they are  her ideas, and not your stories or techniques, there won’t be any resistance.

Then just keep “digging for gold” and get her more and more juiced about her own ideas.

The ideal outcome for this conversational tactic is to get her talking about her “ideal future” with regards to hobbies, jobs, school, or whatever she’s comfortable talking about.

Granted, this takes time, and practice. But once you get to this level, you won’t need any kind of memorized game or patterns or even any bling.

Because she’ll be talking about her ideal future, all while looking at you.

Which will get her to subconsciously associate the two, together, (you and her dreams) in her mind.

And when you can do that, you’re doing pretty good.

This can help:

Frame Control

Practice Makes Perfect

How To Practice Drilling

Game Time and Practice Time

The best night I ever had with a girl was when I absolutely did not care.

I wasn’t angry, and I wasn’t trying to get anything specific.

I was just relaxed, in a mixed crowd of some folks I knew and some I didn’t know.

I just said whatever was on my mind, sexual or not.

And the girls were just eating it up, including this one super cutie I ended up with.

This was way back in college, when I had no clue how “game” worked, or even what “game” was.

The truth is that this is now “naturals” are all the time.

They don’t have a specific “outcome” in mind, other than having fun and enjoying people’s company.

They are just as likely to flirt with old ladies in line at the supermarket as they are hotties at the club.

If you were to “reverse” engineer their outer behavior, you’d miss a HUGE piece of the puzzle.

It’s very similar to sports, or playing an instrument. If you were playing the piano, for example, and you focused intently on each and every note, you’d be a mess. Similarly if you were playing basketball, for example and you were intently focused on every single dribble, and exactly when and where you should stop and take a shot, you’d also be a mess.

Take Shots To Get Good At Taking Shots

How To Practice Game

Now, if you’re not a natural, that doesn’t mean you have no hope.

But here’s the thing. In your mind, there should be a difference between “practice” and “real” interaction.

Whenever you’re out for “real,” you should simply relax, and enjoy other people. Follow your instincts. Say what’s on your mind. Talk to whomever you want to talk to.

But when you practice, you should see it as practice. Meaning you really should take a few hours each week to PRACTICE your game. Practice talking to people. Practice making and holding eye contact.

Then when you’re relaxed and having fun, simply relax, and have fun.

Basketball players practice by doing drills. Then when they play in a real game, they let loose and go with the flow.

Musicians practice by doing drills, practicing scales, etc. But when they’re playing a live set, they relax and go with the flow.

Hopefully, by now, you’ve come to a realization.

When you are in that state of “flow,” the best you can is whatever level of practice you are proficient in.

So if you want to increase your game level in the “flow” state, up your level while in the “practice” state.

This will help:

Frame Control

How To Generate Meta Social Confidence

See The Big Picture

How To Get The Big Picture

Sometimes we feel pretty good about ourselves, other times we don’t.

While everybody’s different, we all have common areas where we’re most likely to feel “in the zone” or “in our element.”

For most of us, that’s whenever we’re doing something familiar, something that we’ve done well in the past.

If you’ve been playing the piano and doing recitals since you were in grade school, for example, playing a medium difficult piece in front of strangers is probably no big deal.

Other people would be terrified of sitting down at the piano in a hotel lobby and playing “chopsticks.”

Once I was watching this TV show with an old roommate of mine. It was this guy trying to break some record with the Rubik’s Cube.

My roommate told me he could NEVER perform like that in front of people, even if it was something he did very well.

He said all that attention and focus on him would make it impossible for him to perform.

This is also pretty common. Something you’re good at, but you’ve never really done it in front of others.

This can be anything from cooking to typing to balancing a broom on your nose. Most of us feel a lot more pressure, and a lot less confident, when we’re the center of social attention.

Direct Correlation?

Content Stays With Content

Even the guy in the example above who’s comfortable playing the piano in front of others might not feel so comfortable giving a speech or riding a unicycle while juggling in front of others, or even walking up to and talking to strangers.

There’s something about being at the center of social attention that makes most of us shake in our boots.

There are basically two ways of getting over this fear. One is content based, one is structurally based.

The content way is like the guy with the piano. Just practice whatever skill you want to practice, and get plenty of practice doing it in front of others.

You can do this with pretty much any skill. If you can find a way to practice that skill in front of others, you’ll do pretty good.

Except it generally won’t translate into other skills that need to be done in front of others.

Playing the piano in front of others won’t help you become a better speaker.

Unless you attack this from a structural level. 

Instead of simply focusing on any particular skill, just focus on feeling a general sense of confidence in any social group, especially unknown social groups.

This is the great thing about our brains. It’s very good at generalizing. Once you learn to tie on pair of shoes, you can tie all the shoes on Earth.

So when you learn to simply be confident in social situations, anything you choose to do socially (create relationships, make sales, juggle on a unicycle) will seem easy and familiar.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

How To Become a Pure Adult

Time To Grow Up!

Are You Still A Child?

Most of us would love to be recognized for who we really are.

You aren’t going to like this, but that’s kind of a myth.

When we were children, we didn’t have to do anything. We just kind of expressed ourselves, however we knew how, and got instant feedback.

This lead us to develop a strategy, that was helpful as a child, but not so helpful as an adult.

As a child, in most situations, you just need to speak up, and somebody will come and give you what you need. If you’re a parent, then you know children are hard wired to be the best manipulators on Earth.

Before they learn to talk they learn that certain expressions and sounds will get certain results.

It’s hard to shed this strategy.

As an adult, it’s incredibly tempting to think that all we need to do is simply express ourselves, and get our needs met.

The trouble is that in the adult world, we’re dealing with other adults. Adults we AREN’T related to, and adults who really don’t have any reason to “give us” what we want or need.

In fact, when you consider that MOST adults still have remnants of this childhood strategy, it’s kind of silly to expect that it would work.

Because if you’re sitting there thinking all you need to do is express yourself and you’ll get what you want, everybody else is thinking the same thing, to a certain degree.

It's NOT Really All About YOU!

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

This is one of the reasons we ALL tend to blather on and on about oursevles in social conversations.

It’s that deep inner child screaming out, “Look at me! Notice me! I’m special!”

See, in order for others to fully recognize who we are, we’ve got to make it worth their while. Since most adults are still operating from a childhood mentality, they’re not going to suddenly ditch that mentality when we show up and demand the same thing that they’re demanding.

So, how do you make it worth their while?

How do we set it up so they’ll WANT to get to know us?

By becoming a leader. Not the kind where you get up on the table and rally the troops to march on the castle, but the kind of person who REALLY knows where he’s going.

By becoming a person who has shed all  neediness, and looks out into the world with eyes of expectation and curiosity.

Someone who looks out into the world and thinks, “Hmm, I wonder what opportunities I’ll find here…”

When you develop THAT personality, that energy, that aura, people will feel they are getting their needs met simply by being around you. 

And since they’ll feel, on a deep subconscious level, that you are NOT biologically connected, that good feeling of being around you will ALWAYS be conditional.

Making them the perfect support crew for WHATEVER you’re creating in life.

How do you GET that personality?

Right Here:

Frame Control

Secrets Of Frame Test For Instant Attraction With Gorgeous Girls

Scientifically Proven Paths To Her Magic Box Of Love

How To Pass Every Test

How do you pass a girl’s tests?

It’s not like most guys think.

To understand how, you’ve got to understand the difference between “re-framing” and “out framing.”

Reframing is when you take something she’s said, usually a “cause effect” type statement, and then using the content within that statement and flip it around to make it mean something else.

For example, let’s say you’re talking to some girl in a club or wherever. Things are going good, and then she looks over and see’s a guy who’s a bit taller than you, maybe a bit more handsome than you, and maybe has on some better bling than you.

She says something like, “Wow, that guy looks like he’s famous or something. I bet he gets ALL the girls!”

Now, a guy without any control of his frame would get all butt hurt, and get angry at her for even saying such a thing, and stomp home in a huff of boyish anger.

Don’t do that.

In order to “reframe” what she said, you’d take the same content (the handsome guy over there) and flip it around so it means something else.

Now, this is a “test” because it’s SUPPOSED to rattle your cage a bit. She’s actually hoping it doesn’t rattle your cage, so she can be more attracted to you. That’s why she’s talking to you in the first place. She HOPES you seduce her and take her home.

Anyhow, you may say something like this:

“He’s not famous, he’s gay, look at the way he’s holding is drink!”

Or

“Yea, but I bet that guy doesn’t have a very good sense of humor.”

Or

“Yea, but only sluts go for somebody that’s so obviously fake.”

Now, these might work, but it shows you are threatened by him (what she wanted, to see how you’d respond) and they all attempt to “disarm” the threat.

Go Big Or Go Home Baby!

Go Big Baby!

A much better way would be to OUT FRAME.

Which means that you just take what she said, agree with it, and put it in a larger context. You agree that guys handsome, and he gets laid a lot, and he should be famous.

Instead of putting him down, you completely accept it, and come up with a reason it’s a GOOD thing, because it supports YOU in some way.

Something like these might work:

“Yea, I’m glad there are guys like that, or else all those fake girls would be all over me, and I’d have no time for a nice, sweet girl like you.”

Or

“Yep. If it wasn’t for guys like that, and the girls who love them, places like this would never stay in business and we never would have met!”

Or

“Actually, I think that guys IS famous. He was on the cover of some mens magazine with an article teaching guys how to give women three hour long orgams. I’ve been dying to try some of those techniques…”

Now, this are tough to come up with off the top of your head, so practicing can help a lot.

How do you practice?

Here’s How:

Frame Control