Hill basically took what was already working, and synthesized it into a “how to guide.” He wrote it at a time when there were a lot of metaphysical ideas and books floating around. As somebody who wasn’t just delivering a set of skills to learn and put into practice, he himself was also trying to get paid.

So he wrote it in a kind of style he hoped would make it very popular. And it did. It is still being read today. However, thinking of it in terms of any kind of metaphysical hooey is a mistake. It has real ideas, that when applied in real ways, WILL generate real results.

One technique is the “mastermind” group. Now, if you’ve got a problem, no matter how smart you are, you won’t likely think of a solution. If you asks somebody else, they won’t likely have a solution either.

But when you’ve got a group of guys and gals together, all bringing their collective experience to the table, somebody’s going to come up with an idea. And that idea will be bounced around and transformed into a solution that NOBODY would have thought up on their own.

This is why many people form “mastermind” groups for this purpose. Unfortunately, they often turn into to a “law of attraction” contest where everybody tries to impress everybody else with their own nonsense.

Which is why oftentimes these mastermind groups are great in theory, but in practice they don’t end up being more than an ego stroking waste of time.

Except when you create your own super covert mastermind group, and use it to learn how to pick up girls.

How’s that?

One of the best things to come out of NLP is modeling. Meaning you watch somebody do something, and if it works you copy it. If it doesn’t work, you do something else.

Normally this is how any skill is learned and mastered. But when everybody’s trying and learning from each other, EVERYBODY can boos their skills in a hurry.

How do you do this with social skills?

First, you’ve got to get a group of guys that will commit to getting together once every week or so, JUST TO INCREASE THEIR SKILLS.

This is pretty difficult. You get a group of guys together, they’ll end up competing, which means there’re winners or losers.

This won’t help anybody.

Which is why you’ve got to choose your mastermind very carefully.

But if you make a rule that ONLY FOR YOUR GROUP PRACTICE SESSIONS, nobody goes further than number closing, you can do pretty well.

That’s when competition will motivate everybody to up their game.

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We say things like, “She’s not my type,” or, “I’m not really looking to hook up,” or “I’m just here chilling, I don’t really want to talk to anybody.”

So even admitting to yourself you’d LIKE to approach, but feel to anxious is making a huge leap most guys never will.

Even then, there’s a misconception. Guys tend to think they are afraid of rejection, but that’s not really the case. What’s really nerve racking is being in the spotlight.

Approach a girl, especially from a distance away, feels very similar, on a gut level, to giving a speech. You feel that all eyes are on you, and if you make a mistake, everybody’s going to know and adjust their perception of you accordingly.

This is a holdover from our hunter-gatherer days, when the collective social opinion of us was absolutely crucial to our survival.

Even though it’s not any more, because it’s a deep instinct, you can’t really “switch it off” any more than you can “switch off” being hungry or horny.

So, how do you deal with it?

Very slowly.

Meaning you don’t walk over there slowly, but you simply recognize it’s going to take some time to get over that uncomfortable “everybody’s looking at me” feeling when approaching.

But if you start small, and slowly expand your comfort zone, it WILL happen.

How do you do that?

Luckily, there are plenty of ways.

Public speaking is one. Joining your local toastmasters and giving a speech once a week will get you right in a hurry.

Or you could simply see “flirting with girls” as some kind of weekly “exercise” to do. Not because you want any kind of tangible results.

Kind of like jogging on the treadmill. You’re not running on the treadmill because you think you’re going somewhere, you’re doing it to build up your endurance and burn away some of that flab.

If you did things like purposely go out to flirt and say “hi,” you’d slowly get over that social anxiety. If you coupled this with some weekly public speaking, it would happen even quicker.

So long as you acknowledge that while you can’t “switch it off” you certainly CAN slowly “turn it down,” you’ll be in good shape.

Pretty soon you’ll be in such good shape that walking over and talking to a cute girl feels perfectly normal.

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On the flip side, the more easily you can do the scary stuff (and if you can’t admit to yourself that self generated, irrational fear is your BIGGEST enemy to success with women, then there’s not much you can do with technique) the more success you’ll have.

So, how do you deal with general game-anxiety?

Well, one method is to simply blast through your fears until they are gone. But this takes a lot of uncomfortable action. This takes a lot of time. 

You could drink plenty of alcohol, but then you might wake up in a dumpster somewhere without your shoes.

One way works pretty well. It doesn’t require a million dollars worth of therapy, and it doesn’t require drugs or booze.

The reason guys feel afraid is our brains are hard wired to be more sensitive to potential danger than potential pleasure.

Which means if you simply let your brain go wherever it goes, you’re going to naturally drift to worse case scenario thinking.

The solution then is to simply FORCE yourself to think of positive things. Now, “positive thinking” gets a bad rap as being new-agey or metaphysical. But if your force yourself to think positive WHILE you are taking positive action, it’s a match made in heaven.

For example, you see a girl across the room. She smiles at you, looks away, and then looks back. This is a pretty clear signal she wants you to approach. Your rational brain is telling you it’s OK to approach.

But as soon as you start getting ready to, your caveman brain starts screaming bloody murder.

In spite of all those positive signals she’s given you, your now scared witless.

However, you can cut off your caveman brain by IMMEDIATELY thinking positive thoughts.

What positive thoughts? Rainbow riding unicorns? Cute pink puppy dogs?

No silly. Think of the last time you were getting laid!

(If you’ve never been laid, think of your last kiss, or even your favorite porno.)

Seriously.

Before you even begin your approach, start fully imagining the last time you got some. FORCE your brain to focus on that thought while you start to get up to approach. FORCE your brain to keep that imagine in mind while you walk over. Even when you start the conversation, try and hold that image in mind.

(Just don’t tell her, OK?)

Now, this is MUCH HARDER (lol) than it seems.

The brain is so hard wired to think of danger, whenever you’re doing something unfamiliar, it’s like your caveman thinks you’ll DIE if you don’t think negative.

After all, thinking negative has kept humans alive since even before we were humans!

So you’ll have to build up your “positive thinking” muscle.

Just practice when you’re out “observing” girls. 

This will take time. Think of it as building up your “approach muscle.”

Here’s the BEST PART.

When you’re thinking positive (thinking about the last time you got some) while looking at her, you’ll generally be smiling and pretty happy.

She’ll think it’s because of HER, not your porno filled brain!

Now, you may need to fine tune your own experiences, how you express your “happiness,” but once you get it dialed in, you can kick approach anxiety to the curb, for good!

First, they asked the Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for ten million dollars. At first she was a bit put off, but then when she realized how close they were to being bankrupt, she said she’d probably do it.

Then they asked the kid’s older sister (a college student) the same question, only about the video game geek who lived next door. Again, she hesitated, but gave the same answer.

“You see,” said the dad. “That’s the difference between theory and reality. In theory, we’re a couple of millionaires, but in reality, we live with a couple of sluts!”

Yuck Yuck.

The difference between theory and reality when meeting girls (not sluts) for long term relationships is basically the same. In theory, it’s pretty easy. Choose the kind of girl you want, figure out a way to sort for those characteristics, and keep meeting girls until you find her.

In reality, it’s pretty tough. Especially when sex gets involved. Men are hard wired to hang on to any warm body that they are having regular sex with.

Even if you have rock solid criteria, once you start getting physical, it’s hard to stick to your criteria. Those emotional feelings that come with sex are so powerful it’s hard to resist.

It’s like your inner caveman is a master hypnotist who convinces you she’s the perfect girl you’ve been looking for all along.

Which is why I’d recommend NOT sleeping with any girl unless you are pretty certain she ALREADY passes a lot of your criteria.

Which means you’ve got to HAVE some criteria.

Now, what those are is up to you, but you should at least come up with some basics. College or no college, politics, religion, how she feels on certain issues.

Remember, any girl you get down with is going to feel good. But once those good feelings vanish, if the both of you don’t have a good reason to stick around, you won’t.

This is why relationships can crash and burn even when they started so hot and heavy.

So do yourself a favor. Take some time, before you go out again, to figure out what kind of characteristics you’d like in your “dream girl.”

Not only will this make it less likely to get burned, but it will also give you a lot more confidence.

Since you won’t be hoping to be accepted by every hottie you see. You’ll have the  mind of a sorter, instead of a beggar. Which will make you much more attractive.

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The problem is that most guys prevent themselves from even admitting they are weak in these areas. Cognitive dissonance is something that keeps us from admitting less than positive things about ourselves to protect our ego.

So, assuming you fall into the category of most humans, you’ve got a couple choices. One is to protect your precious ego, and accept your current level of success with women.

The other is to suck it up, face your deficiencies, overcome them (which is super easy once you simply realize what they are) and then simply start getting better and better at getting better and better women.

Assuming that’s what you want, here are the deficiencies.

One is internal game. You’ve got to really, really believe that you are worthy of the girl that you are intending to catch. Meaning you have to believe based on OBJECTIVE data why YOU would be a good catch. Not the silly notion that every guy deserves a hot girl just because.

This means having rock solid, REAL self confidence. Rock solid, REAL social skills. True comfort in your own skin. The ability and natural confidence to start a conversation with anybody, anywhere.

The second is being able to notice signals. The idea you can walk up to a any girl and spit out some goofy lines and seduce her is ridiculous. It’s possible, sure, but so is winning the lotto. Anybody who’s business plan’s winning the lotto is going to be hanging out with empty bottles of Night Train.

Which means you need to only “hit on” girls that have sent you a signal that they WANT to be hit on. If you don’t see those signals, you’ll be hitting on girls who want nothing to do with you.

Solve these two problems, and you’ll get laid a lot.

However, if you want a rock solid relationship, you’ll need something else.

And that is criteria. Meaning you have to know what you want in a serious relationship. And this goes beyond silly romantic notions like “loyalty,” or “she won’t cheat on me,” or the ultra popular, “she’s gotta be hot!”

Those things are RESULTS of having a lot in common with her. If you and her have a lot in common, you’re emotionally open, and you’re committed to WORK on the relationship (which goes beyond just receiving the benefits most guys are after) then she’ll never WANT to leave you.

This means having high standards, that are SUBJECTIVE. Religion, politics, financial beliefs, financial background.

This is stuff you MUST sort for if you want a positive relationship with a “quality woman.”

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