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The Mistake That Kills Any Chance Of Love

The Truth About Love

How To Create Magic

How do people fall in love?

This may sound incredibly cynical, but it’s really not. Understanding how the world really works can only help you to operate within it to get what you want.

Love is based on self-hypnosis. You meet somebody. You go on a few dates. Then you start thinking about them. You start to look forward to seeing them. You plan what to do with them. You remember them after the date is over.

Most of the thinking about the other person is when they are not around. Based on your own ideas. This is why “one-itis” is such a hard thing to kick. It’s not based on an honest and realistic interpretation of what the other person is really like, but your own imagination of what they are really like.

You’ve got this idea of her, that’s based ONLY on your imagination. Finally when you talk to her, or if you’re like some guys, you express your deep and undying love for her, it’s going to sound creepy as hell.

Why?

Because you’re talking to her like you know her. Like you’ve been with her. And she maybe only knows you from one or two conversations.

However, when two people start feeling this way about each other, at the same rate, it’s pretty cool. So cool that there’s nothing else that even comes close, pleasure wise.

But remember those feelings are generated when you are apart. When you are thinking about each other.

Which means if you DON’T give her time to think about you, and crucially to WONDER about you, it’s simply NOT going to happen.

If she knows you’ll always be there for her, (at least in the early stages) she won’t dream about you.

Humans don’t dream or fantasize about things we KNOW we are going to get.

There HAS to be a bit of uncertainty.

So if you are trying to create those deep feelings, you HAVE to give her room.

DO NOT text her fifteen times a day. DO NOT chase her like desperate puppy.

Now, this is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT if you are head over heels in love with her (or at least think you are) and are unsure of how she feels about you.

Which is why you should ALWAYS be in the habit of talking to cute girls wherever you go. Not to pick them up, or number close, or even flirt.

Just to be friendly. Just to keep yourself from going insane.

The BEST TIME to start doing this is BEFORE you meet “her” and start to feel those longings.

That way, it will already be part of who you are.

AND it will make it much more likely to find “her.”

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Have You Started To Build Your Life?

Make All Dreams Come True

Dreams Walking In Broad Daylight

It’s always easier to go with the flow, than go against the flow.

If you are swimming, for example, swimming with the current is a lot easier than swimming against the current.

Often times beaches have “rip tides” which pull swimmers out to sea. The instinct is to swim back towards the beach, but this can get you killed.

Since you’re swimming against the tide, you’ll get pretty tired, and unless you swim on a regular basis, you won’t last long.

Instead, lifeguards say to swim parallel to the beach, until you are out of the “path” of the rip ride. Then you can swim much easier, even though you may be a bit further out.

When I was in college,we had to write three essays as part of this English class. Then we had to rewrite one of them, for our final grade.

Naturally, we would choose the best one, since that we’d already got a good start. This would make it much easier to get a good grade than if we tried to completely rewrite one that wasn’t so good.

Any time we do something that’s congruent with our nature, it’s easier than something that’s not.

What is in our nature? Being social. Interacting with others. Sleeping at night instead of during the day. Having urges to make more people. Having urges to make money or create wealth of some form.

Sure, there are exceptions. Some times we want to be alone, sleep all day, and stay away from the opposite sex.

But for most of our lives, we are striving to improve ourselves along these lines. We want better relationships. We want more income. We want more intimacy.

This is human nature. The human condition.

How you do that in your own life will be based on your own personality, likes and dislikes, history, beliefs, and about a kajillion other variables.

For most of human history, we never really had to think about this stuff. We just kind of did what was natural, and that was good enough.

But now we’ve got an incredible opportunity. To create things with much more specificity. Much more control. Much more creativity.

Every year there are more and more millionaires, some for the craziest reasons, some for pretty boring reasons.

But if you just kind “go with the flow,” it’s not likely to happen.

But when you choose it to happen, and plan it to happen, you can expect it to happen.

Because it will.

No matter what “it” is. Money. Relationships. A better career. Artistic expressions.

What will you create?

Learn How:

Goal Setting

Is Your Game Based On Irrational Thinking?

Stop The Insanity!

Stop The Insanity!

There’s a sane way to meet girls, and an insane way.

According to Einstein, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.

Unfortunately, this is the strategy of most guys. Meaning they meet girls, date them for a couple weeks or months, and then crash and burn.

Sometimes even for a few years until it fizzles out.

Why do relationships fizzle? Why don’t they last with those good feelings you have in the beginning?

One reason is any time you get with somebody, you’re both on your best behavior. Both consciously and unconsciously. Our caveman brains are programmed to think that sexual relationships are few and far between. So when we think we’re getting close, we’re careful not to mess things up.

Then later on, we’re so thrilled to be with somebody (that we hope will be THE ONE) it has that new, fresh, feeling of discovery.

When this happens, there is an unconscious feedback loop. You push her buttons, which makes her feel good so she pushes yours, which makes you feel good so you push hers. And on and on.

In the beginning this feels fantastic, because when she pushes your buttons, it’s unexpected, so it feels like magic.

Then once you get used to each other, that “magical” feeling wears off. It is entirely possible to keep that magical feeling, but you have to push each buttons consciously. You have to push her buttons when you don’t want to, which will create pleasure in her, which will make her WANT to push your buttons.

In the beginning, the pump primes itself, but later on, you’ve got to keep it primed consciously.

This is hard to do when you’re not that compatible. When you are consciously pushing somebody’s buttons, in order to make them feel emotional pleasure, you actually have to LIKE the person beyond sexual intimacy. You have to actually RESPECT and ADMIRE the person beyond sexual and emotional intimacy.

This is not going to happen automatically.

And guess what? For every ten or twenty people you meet, there’s really only one, maybe two that you will genuinely like, admire, and respect. This goes for all people. Male and female.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to see this when meeting girls, because you’re senses are overwhelmed by potential sexual intimacy, which ALWAYS takes precedent, since it’s a survival function.

How do you get around this?

Simply come up with some characteristics of somebody you have a HIGH PROBABILITY of liking, admiring, and respecting BEFORE you go out and meet girls.

Then when you’re talking to her, before you turn on the charm, sort for these characteristics. If she has them, then seduce her till she begs for more.

But if she doesn’t? Don’t waste your time. Because you’ll know how this one ends.

Sure, it will take time to find the RIGHT GIRL for you, but you know it’s worth it.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Build Your Castle

Brick By Brick

Turn Vague Desires Into Concrete Achievements

Inch by inch, life’s a cinch.

What does this mean? Any huge project, when broken down into very small, very manageable chunks, is pretty easy.

Alcoholics know that one day at a time is the best they can do.

Ancients told us that Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Confucius told us that every journey begins with a small step.

Sure, this makes sense, and this is easy when we have a plan that’s laid out. 

But what happens when we know what we want, but have ZERO idea how to get there?

Luckily, you’ve got the latest version of the most incredible software every created.

This software can take any vague idea and make it turn from thought into reality.

Of course, I’m talking about that squishy stuff between your ears.

The Human Brain.

Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) our brains don’t come with a user’s manual.

There’s no customer service hotline you can call. 

So, how do you turn those vague dreams into reality?

One way is by journaling. Think of something you’d like. ANYTHING. Vague or specific, doesn’t matter.

For sake of example, we’ll use “more money.” 

So at the end of every day, take a few minutes and jot down some ideas. Ideas you could do TOMORROW to make more money.

ANYTHING that comes to mind is fine.

Then the next day, make TWO entries in your journal (and two entries every day after that).

The first entry is ANYTHING you did THAT DAY, that may make it easier for you to earn more money.

Not money that you got, not money that you found, but any behavior that you did, which may turn into a bigger income stream in the future.

ANYTHING. Looking up different careers on Google, for example.

Next, write down anything you COULD do, tomorrow. Nothing huge, just one very small next step on your road to riches (or whatever else you’d like to create.)

If you got started today, and this is all you ever did, you’d be amazed. Sure, the first couple weeks, maybe even the first couple months may not seem or feel any different.

But you would be building up some huge momentum, AND training your subconscious what you want, and what to look for to help you.

Imagine if you started today. What would your life look like a year from now? Five years from now?

What would your life be like today if you started this five years ago?

Ten minutes a day can have a HUGE impact on your life.

To learn many more skills like this, check this out:

Should You Hide Your Attraction For Her?

Be An Open Book PUA

Ditch The Day Game

Many guys think they need to “slip in under the radar” when they are out meeting girls. To some extent, this is true. If it’s obvious that you are in a club, for example, and are chatting up and number closing every girl in sight, you might put out the wrong vibe.

Nobody, girls included, likes to feel like they are just another number in a book that you get to when all the others don’t pan out.

Of course, if you see a cute girl in a place that’s NOT a meet market, then it’s usually OK to let her know why you’re talking to her. Naturally, you won’t have to say anything, since girls pretty much know that if a guy walks up to her in public, it’s not for the time or some lame, “I’m shopping for my sister” pick up angle.

If you make eye contact, do a bit of non-verbal flirting, then she knows what’s what. She likely, in her own mind, has already sent you a clear and conscious message she wants you to walk over. No point in covering up your approach by pretending your not approaching, especially when she knows you’re approaching.

So why do guys use lines like that? Short answer is they want to bypass the non-verbal flirting stage. They approach at an angle, surprise her, and try to “sneak their way in” to her mind. Then if the conversation goes well, they figure they can number close.

But unless you are VERY smooth, she’s going to know you were just running game. Now, some guys might think this makes them ultra suave and alpha PUA. But in reality, she’s going to think you were to shy to simply be straight with her.

Remember, girls like a guy with confidence. A guy that can look at her, and let her know in no uncertain terms that he likes looking at her because she is pretty. Pleasing to the eyes. Guys that are afraid to do this, and come up with “approach at an angle” type of game can come off as kind of less than honest. And weak.

Since first impressions last a long time, you may be shooting yourself in the foot before you even call her.

Bottom line is if you see a pretty girl, don’t be shy about it. Let her know you think she’s cute. Be comfortable checking her out. If she responds in kind, walk over. She’s already invited you. And when you, don’t worry about any lines or any goofy game. She knows what’s up.

Lay it all out. Say she’s pretty, say you’d like to know more about her personality. Say it in your own words, and go from there.

Are You Pulling Yourself Apart?

Keep Everything While Moving Forward

Keep Everything And Move Forward

There’s a lot of squishy words that people throw around, and many of them are kind of hard to pin down.

One thing you learn in NLP is something called the “meta model.”

Basically, it’s asking questions to get more specific information.

Like if I said I had a delicious meal, that may seem pretty specific, but it’s really not.

What did I eat? How did I eat? Who did I eat with? Where did I eat? How often do I eat whatever it was I ate?

Now, if you were at some party and you started throwing these questions around, you’d find yourself alone in a hurry.

We humans LIKE using vague words, for many, many reasons. Feeling somebody ask you all these “meta model” questions feels like somebody’s digging through your brain, which these days is one of the few places we can be alone.

However, the meta model DOES have its place. Like if somebody is giving us directions. If they just said, “go up this street turn left a couple of times,” that wouldn’t help us much. We’d need to know exactly WHERE to turn and what to look for to let us know it’s the turning place.

(My buddy in high school wanted to design a residential neighborhood where all the streets were named things like, “The Big Rock,” or “The Ugly Tree,” just to make directions sound pretty funny.)

One of the ways the meta model can help is when we run into some meta-physical sounding terms.

Take “congruence” for example. Most people will agree that it’s a good thing, and that having more is better than having less.

But what specifically is it? And how specifically can you get more of it?

That’s the part they usually leave out.

It’s based on the idea from NLP that we all have “parts,” which of course, is a metaphor.

But we act as if there are separate parts in our heads. Part of us wants to lose weight, but part of us wants to eat ice cream. Part of us wants to make money, but part of us is terrified of rejection. Part of us would love a relationship, but part of us is terrified expressing our sexual desires, even subtly.

The process of becoming more congruent is when you take out all your “parts” and take a look at them.

That way, you can figure out what’s holding you back. For example, if you’d like to lose weight, but don’t want to give up eating ice cream, you can figure out what you like so much about eating ice cream.

Then it’s matter of finding something else, that satisfies those deeper desires, that’s more congruent with losing weight.

So instead of having two parts going in different directions, you’ll have ALL your parts going the same direction. Making it much easier to create what you want.

You’ll learn that, and more, in this course:

Why You Must Be A Leader

Become A Leader To Create Attraction

Essential Skills To Create Attraction

On a deep and fundamental level, it’s easy to see what women want, and what men want.

Look back into our long evolutionary history, and it becomes pretty obvious. Women want a strong, confident, socially comfortable man to lead. Men want a supportive, loyal, feminine woman to stand behind him.

Sure, this sounds very old school, very anti-feminist, very anti-modern and empowered. But consider the vast majority of human history, where our instincts and gender roles were pretty much set.

Men went out every day and hunted. Took risks, found new places to live, and pretty much built all the tools of society. Women stayed behind while the men were hunting, and gathered. They took care of the kids. They got roots, nuts, other food in case the men got skunked.

Scientists tell us that this “sexual diversification of labor” was one of the main drivers of our evolutionary success. In all other mammals, both men and women searched for the same type of food.

Because humans looked for different food between men and women, we could live in twice as many places.

This is also why men are good at some things, while women are good at others. Men have narrow, long range vision, for example. Women have short, very wide vision. One is good for hunting, the other is good for gathering while watching kids at the same time.

Men don’t talk much, women talk all the time. Hunters vs. gatherers.

How does this translate to the modern dating scene?

On a deep level, she wants you to lead the way. She wants to follow you. But if you assume she SHOULD follow you, you’re in for a surprise.

Sadly, many “men” today are simply not worthy of being followed.

Are you?

When you make a decision, do you immediately take action, or do you wait to make sure it’s OK?

If you are on a date, for example, this is the worst thing you can do. Ask your date if your decision is OK.

Now, you don’t want to be rude, but you also don’t want to radiate a sense of weakness, and lean on her to call the shots.

In the very early stages, this means you MUST lead in all aspects. You MUST be the one who approaches. You MUST be the one who carries the conversation. You MUST be the one to set the first get together.

Will she follow? Maybe, maybe not. The ones that don’t follow simply aren’t into you. Let them slide.

But the ones that do follow you are the ones you’re after.

Start leading, and see who follows. That will tell you everything you need to know.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Find Gold

Set Your Vision

Clear Goal With A Strong Desire

One of the biggest migrations in human history was the California Gold Rush.

A bunch of people, hanging out on the east coast of the United States. Working regular jobs, living in regular houses with regular families.

Then somebody discovered gold. Now, human nature is human nature. If you go to any point in human history and ask people if they’ve got enough money, they’ll all say the same thing.

“Well, if I had just a little bit more, I’d be OK.”

Study after study shows that’s true today, no matter HOW much they’ve currently got. So you can imagine what it felt like, back then, to just want a “little bit more” and hear the news.

Out yonder on that there west coast, people are digging gold nuggets right up out of the dirt!

And this was enough for a significant amount of people to up and leave. Leave their jobs, take their kids, their belongings, pack them up in a covered wagon, and start heading West.

There was no health insurance back then, no 7-11’s every twenty feet, no 911, no cops, no paramedics, no Triple A to call if they got a flat.

Only a burning desire, and a destination. Not a vague destination. A clear, easy to imagine picture with clear benefits.

Even now that’s easy to imagine. Digging up some dirt, and finding a gold nugget. One’s that’s big enough to solve all your financial problems.

Now, all of those people, up to that point, had a desire for more money. But it was a vague desire, without any real plan of making it happen.

But when they heard news that it was really possible, enough of them made the sacrifice to literally change U.S. history.

That visualization they kept in their heads kept them motivated to traverse thousands of miles of dangerous territory.

This is the power of a clear, specific, burning desire.

This is what happens when you take those vague desires and wishes we ALL have (money, love, career, etc) and turn them into a specific desire that seems real when you imagine it.

Now, back then, people imagined more money all the time, but they didn’t have much of a reference. No internet, no TV. All they had were newspapers and dime store novels.

But once they heard of specific evidence, and a specific method of finding their riches, they were off.

Today, it’s EASY to find specific evidence AND the techniques to get what you want to create.

All you’ve got do is the up front planning, and get going.

And today, it’s a lot easier than spending a few months crossing barren deserts!

Get Started:

Goal Setting

How To Plan Your Relationships

Do You Depend On Blind Luck?

Don’t Rely On Blind Luck

Do you have any seduction goals?

Most guys don’t. Most guys are happy with their preprogrammed desires for sex, intimacy, and companionship. They go out, keep trying, until these get fulfilled.

For a long, long time, this was all men needed. Only in recent times did people need to consciously plan what they were going after. Why?

Up until fifty years or so ago, once a guy and a girl hooked up, there were plenty of “negative incentives” to keep them together. Meaning if they broke up, especially after they were married and had kids, everybody would know.

Even on “Mad Men” there was that one single mom in the neighborhood that everybody gossiped about.

The thing about having “negative incentives” is that we don’t tend to notice them. Kind of like having a boss that will fire you if you show up late. So long the rest of the job is pretty good, and you get paid well, getting up early in order to show up on time (so you don’t get fired) will kind of slip into the back of your mind.

At first it might be pretty difficult, but pretty soon it will be just be something that you do without thinking.

This is the kind of world couples lived in a generation or so ago. Since they were many more negative incentives regarding breaking up, they were much more motivated to work on the relationship, and deal with whatever issues came up instead of ignoring them.

Nowadays, people don’t do that. There’s zero stigma with breaking up, getting divorced, or being a single parent.

Which means if you want a happy relationship, it’s going to take a lot of SELF MOTIVATION, rather than relying on those external negative incentives.

However, most guys don’t even realize this. They just hook up with whoever they can hook up with, cross their fingers and hope for the best.

Now, sometimes you’ll get lucky. Sometimes you’ll meet a girl from a similar background, who has similar beliefs as you, and shares plenty of the same interests. This will make it much more likely you’ll both WANT to work on any issues, as you genuinely like each other’s company, beyond just sex and intimacy.

But if you just get with whoever you can get with, this isn’t very likely.

Instead, consider the type of girl you’re going after. Consider the type of girl you’d like to hang out with AFTER that initial thrill wears off. Consider a girl who has the same basic life plans as you, instead of some girl who you expect will blindly follow you wherever you go.

To be sure, this is a lot of work. But the work you put into today will save you a lot of pain tomorrow.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Who’s The Boss Of You?

Choose Your Own Course

How To Take Control Of Your Life

I love walking in the mornings. 

Especially really early, when it’s still dark. Normally, I follow a pretty standard route. Down to the big park near the main library, and then back home.

But sometimes I take a detour. Sometimes I’ll see something down a side street I feel like checking out.

My only intention for walking is to let my mind wander, and as a side benefit get a little bit of exercise.

I’m not going anywhere in particular, just out and back.

This is a great strategy for a lot of things. When the process is more important than the outcome.

Going on holiday is another example. Sure, the destination is important. But most of the time, the main outcome of a holiday is just to relax and unwind.

Even some things that seem to have a clear outcome are really process focused. People that have certain hobbies for example. Building stuff with wood. Painting, other forms of creative expression.

The intentions is not so much the outcome (unless it’s your career or you want it to be your career someday), but the process. Just losing yourself in the creative process and seeing what happens.

Other things require a much more detailed focus on the outcome.

When you’re boss tells you to have a certain report by a certain date, for example. You wouldn’t write the report the same way you enjoyed one of your hobbies, would you?

Or if your job was a truck driver, for example, and you were carrying perishable materials. You wouldn’t lazily take the scenic route, stopping for photos along the way.

You’d have a specific outcome, to be in a specific place at a specific time. 

Most of the time, it’s easy to tell the difference between process activities, and outcome activities.

One huge indicator is when somebody tells us to do something. Then it’s clear there’s some kind of outcome we’d better achieve.

However, only leaving those “outcome based” activities up to the directions of others is a mistake.

A potentially HUGE one.

See, the biggest process of all is your life.

And your life is filled with outcome after outcome.

Most people are content to let others choose each of these intermediary outcomes, and then just relax on process stuff in the middle.

This is certainly safe. It’s certainly low risk. If you get into trouble, you’ve always got somebody to blame.

But it’s INCREDIBLY limiting.

The truth is that choosing your OWN outcomes is a lot easier than many people realize.

Now, I’m not talking about vague wishes that most people have.

“I want more money. I want to lose weight. I need a partner.”

Everybody’s got these.

I’m talking about rock solid plans to make them happen.

This is what happens when you “become your own boss” of your life.

You can build whatever you want.

Get Started:

Goal Setting