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How To Measure Her Attraction

Always Be Testing

Always Be Testing

There are plenty of ways to measure how much a girl is attracted to you. There are also different methods to use during different stages of the relationship.

This is important to know how to do, but it’s also important to know WHY to do this.

Many guys make the tragic mistake of assuming once she’s attracted to you, she’ll ALWAYS be attracted to you. This is absolutely false.

In reality, her attraction, especially in the first few weeks or even months, will fluctuate. Even in it’s not set in stone. Guys who have been married for years are FLOORED when she suddenly announces she wants a divorce.

He thought everything was going smooth, but in reality, her attraction was slowly declining. Sometimes for YEARS.

And for better or for worse, there are few negative incentives to keep women in “bad” relationships these days.

So if you ARE intending to create a mutually happy, long term relationship, you’d better be ready to accept the fact that it takes CONSISTENT EFFORT on your part.

And measuring her attraction is the first step. Once you know if it’s high or low, you can adjust accordingly, or even decide she’s not the one for you.

In the first conversation, it’s pretty easy. Is she looking at you most of the time? When you break rapport slightly, does she follow you to get back into rapport? How does she respond when you apply some light and socially appropriate kino? Does it make her happy? Does she respond in kind?

If you’ve been dating a couple weeks, all of the same apply, but you’ve got to be able to measure her deeper behavior.

Does she show up on time? Does she return your calls promptly? When you ask her out does she agree happily or suggest another time and place if she’s busy?

These all things a highly attracted girl will do. A girl with medium or low attraction won’t.

If you’ve determined her level of attraction is less than you’d like, you’ve got a couple options.

One is to try and ramp it back up. Do something different. Measure again.

Another is to simply realize it’s not in the cards.

The cold harsh truth is that relationships are a LOT of work.  If you choose a girl that takes a lot of effort to begin with, you know you’ve got an uphill battle for the duration.

Often times, it’s much, much easier to just realize it’s not in the cards and move on.

Ideally, you want to find a girl who’s willing to work as hard as you to maintain the integrity of the relationship.

When you do that, it will make everything worthwhile.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Uncover Hidden Roadblocks

Release Internal Resistance

Release Internal Resistance

Most people have heard about that Harvard “Goal” study.

Or maybe it was Princeton? Who knows.

Anyhow, the story goes that they did some kind of study on one graduating class. They checked to see which of them had written goals, and which of the didn’t.

Then they checked later on, like twenty years later on, and were surprised.

They figured the people who had written down their goals would be more successful, but they were shocked to find out how much.

Turns out that small group of folks who had written goals upon graduation (about 5%) made more money than everybody else combined.

Now, at first it seems like all we’ve got to do is write down what we want, and like magic it shows up!

But it can be one of those chicken and egg questions.

Did those people make all that money because they wrote down their goals, or was there something else?

Maybe they had some quality that compelled them to not only write their goals, but achieve them.

Maybe writing down their goals was not a  cause, but merely one small piece of evidence of their internal drive to achieve.

Of course, because you’re reading this now, YOU also have that deep drive to achieve. Otherwise you’d be spending your time following the latest twitter trend, or wondering how long the sale is going on down at the mall.

One thing that’s not taught in almost every “goal setting” course or even workshop is how to maintain present positives.

This is the one hidden roadblock that keeps MANY of us from achieving our goals.

For example, many people would LOVE to lose weight, but somehow can’t. The reason is there are some benefits that we are usually not aware of that we simply aren’t ready to give up.

And this goes beyond the wonderful sensation of letting that chocolate ice cream melt in your  mouth!

Eating reduces stress, being heavier than you would like can give you a ready excuse to not get out there and mingle, or any other kinds of reasons.

These are just examples of course, but many things we THINK we’d like, there’s part of us that is not really willing to move forward.

Unless we address THAT part of us, we’ll stay stuck. We can either charge through with super human will power and determination (like those dudes from Harvard), or we can do it the easy way.

Just figure out we want to keep, and make sure we keep it AFTER we get what we want.

Once you figure this out, it’s pretty easy. Goal setting isn’t boring, isn’t scary, and once you realize that you really CAN get anything, it’s pretty exciting.

Learn How:

Goal Setting

How To Deal With Boundary Violations

Setting Boundaries Is Easy

Easy Ways To Assert Yourself

Many guys have problems setting boundaries with girls. Partly because most guys aren’t getting nearly as much affection as they want, when they start getting it, they’ll put up with a lot of junk to keep it.

The trouble with this is when she’s violating you’re boundaries, and you don’t say anything, she correctly assumes that it’s OK.

One of the big myths about boundaries is that people somehow “know” what they are without you saying so. Like there’s some kind of social contract that everybody has read and agreed to that regulates what’s OK and what’s not OK.

But the harsh truth is that people will do whatever they think is appropriate, based on what they want, and what they imagine the repercussions will be.

And when it comes to male-female interactions, what people think are appropriate are largely based on how they were raised, parenting issues, early childhood experiences, and tons of other stuff that you simply will never know about.

Which means if you’re making assumptions about how she “should” act, you’re setting yourself up for a letdown.

So, what do you do?

First, you need to know what your boundaries are. You can’t define them if you don’t know them.

Now, this can be hard to do if you don’t have much experience. A good system is to simply listen to your gut. If she does something and it doesn’t feel “right” say something.

Of course, it can get confusing when you don’t know whether it’s a “test” or a “boundary violation.”

Usually a test is based on what she says, and a boundary violation is based on what she does.

And once she does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s YOUR responsibility to mention it.

How do you mention it?

Don’t tell her what she should or shouldn’t do. That will only make things worse. Nobody likes to be told what they should or shouldn’t do, in any circumstance.

Instead, just say something like, “I don’t like it when you do that.” And let her respond.

This is pretty powerful. 

Why?

Because if she acts like she doesn’t care how her actions affect you, she’s not worth your time. She’s effectively disqualified herself.

On the other hand, if she genuinely makes a honest effort to not do that again, if only because it bothers you, that means she’s REALLY into you. 

Sadly, this won’t happen very often. Girls will ALWAYS push the boundaries to see what they can get away with.

Which is why you should ALWAYS be willing to simply walk away from her if she repeatedly violates your stated boundaries.

Because the ones that DO make an effort to respect your boundaries are the girls you’re looking for.

THESE are the girls that will create heaven on Earth for you.

Find Yours:

Girlfriend Generator

Are You Wandering Through Life?

Plan Your LIfe

Make A Plan

Imagine if you decided to build a birdhouse. 

So you went down to the dumpster behind the do it yourself shop, and grabbed some boards.

You thought maybe you had some tools at home, so you didn’t worry too much.

You got home, and kind of nailed the boards together. Then you got bored, and went to do something else.

Is this a good strategy for building a bird house?

How about this. You’re hungry, so you decide to cook something.

You fire up the stove, and put on your favorite frying pan. You aren’t sure what you want, so you start chucking things into your pan haphazardly. Pretty soon it’s smokey, and pretty stinky. You give up, and head down to the local convenience store.

OK, one more example.

You feel like going somewhere. So you go down to the bus station. You put down a handful of bills and coins on the counter.

The guy behind the counter looks at you and says, “OK, where to?”

And you say, “Uhh…I dunno…anywhere.”

And he says, “Well, how much do you got?” while he looks at your pile of cash.

“Beats me,” you say.

Are any of these good strategies?

Of course not. Silly. Ridiculous.

But that’s how most of us live our lives. We put in half baked plans, without knowing what we really want.

Sure, we all want more money, better relationships, a better place to live.

But beyond that, we just kind of wander through life and hope for the best.

Sure you might get lucky. You might bump into dream lover in the produce section.

You might accidentally sit next to your next boss for your ideal job on the bus.

But if you’re plans are based on luck, they’re kind of out of your control.

The truth is you really can create any life you want.

But you not only need a specific goal, but you need a specific plan.

Once you’ve got these set up, it’s pretty simple, really.

With the right set of plans and tools, anybody can build a birdhouse, cook a decent meal and plan a vacation anywhere.

It may take some time, but planning is half the fun.

If you want to get more out of life, you aren’t alone.

EVERYBODY wants more out of life. Few people do anything about it.

Luckily, there’s a step by step method. 

Tons of videos, worksheets, even a hypnosis session.

Get Started:

Goal Setting

Why To Expand Your Social Circle

Always Be Friendly

Always Be Friendly

A long time ago, I had a job selling insurance. It was the first day out, and we were going to people’s homes who had requested information. I was with my trainer, and she was showing me the ropes.

We were talking to this one couple, and I could sort of tell right away they weren’t “qualified.” Meaning they didn’t likely have the income to be able to afford what we were selling, nor would they really get much use out of the benefits.

But my trainer kept talking to them, asking them all about their problems and concerns. She even gave them some free advice that seemed to help them out.

Later, I asked why she did that, when she clearly wasn’t going to make any sales.

She explained that she recognized that they belonged to a couple of “networks” of similar workers from retired industry. Meaning they knew a LOT of people. People that would likely be able to afford what we were selling and would want what we were selling.

She explained that in the office we were working out of, the most successful salespeople made the bulk of their sales from referrals. Not cold clients, or people who responded to mailers.

Later I learned this was true in most sales jobs, other than retail. Even then if you make a good impression on a customer, they’ll send other people your way.

Most people will judge you based on how you interact with others when you have clearly nothing to gain.

Hopefully, you do this as well. If you’re out with a girl, for example, and she is exceptionally rude to the wait staff or other “help,” this should be a red flag. As least it is for most guys who know their worth.

The moral of the story? Be nice to people. Be interested in people. Even for the pure selfish boost to your self-confidence.

But chances are, if you are genuinely friendly to everybody you meet, it will send out a LOT of positive signals. One is that you’re a genuinely friendly guy. Another is that you’ve got pretty decent social skills and self confidence.

Of course, if you are social like this, you’ll meet a LOT of girls who are either interested in you, or know somebody that is.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Maximize Psychic Profits

Pay Attention To The Bottom Line

Keep An Eye On Your Bottom Line

Many people tend to think of “profits” as a bad word.

The other day I was reading some blog post about some new show on Netflix. A commenter didn’t quite like Netflix’s strategy, so they complained about “profit chasing.”

What are “profits” anyhow?
 
In a very basic sense, it’s any time you get more out of a system than you put in.

If you grow corn, for example, and it costs you $1000 to grow the corn, and you can sell them for $1200, that means you’ve made a profit of $200.

If this particular corn farmer wanted more profits, he’d figure out a way to grow more corn. And so long as people weren’t FORCED to buy his corn, the more he sold, the happier people would be, since they were buying them based on their own choice.

In this simple case, more profits is good for everybody. More people that want corn get it, the farmer has a job he knows is benefiting people, AND the farmer’s making some decent money.

Of course, whenever there are all kinds of complicated laws and hidden agreements it can spoil the system.

But on a basic, fundamental level, profits are a good thing.

Even on a personal level, we seek profits.

For example, any time you think about doing something, you imagine yourself in the future, with your new “state” better than your current “state.”

Then you imagine the action and the risks involved in going from your current “state” to your imagined better “state.”

If you are successful, you could say that the difference between the two states (the better future state minus or current state) is your own personal “profit.”

In fact, many economists have called this “psychic revenue.” Meaning you get a benefit, but since it’s not money, it’s based on your own feelings, emotions, and subjective values.

And unless we think we’ll be better off, we won’t take action.

Now, this pretty easy when we don’t perceive any risks.  Then it’s simple, and often times pretty boring. Like some routine process.

Baking a cake. Buying something from a vending machine. Driving across town to buy something you want.

But when perceived “risk” comes into play, that’s when things get tricky.

If we perceive a huge risk, then we won’t take action. We imagine the outcome as better, but we don’t want the costs associated with it (going through those scary risks).

This is why it’s so crucial to get a handle on your fears.

Since most fears are imaginary and NEVER happen, there’s plenty of things that are easily within our reach, but we simply talk ourselves out of it.

Get rid of those imaginary fears, and life becomes a LOT more fun, and a LOT easier.

Ready to blast YOUR fears away?

Get Started:

Kundalini Activator

Your Slow Steady Path To Natural Game

What Does This Turtle Know About Seduction?

Aesop Was A Player

What is your biggest obstacle to meeting girls?

Most guys come up with all kinds of reasons. There’s no quality women. They don’t know where to meet girls. They don’t know what to say. They don’t have time, they don’t have money.

All of these are ego protecting excuses, rather than reasons.

There’s a principle in psychology called “cognitive dissonance” where we don’t see or accept parts of reality because they’ll make us feel like an idiot, or weak, or foolish.

The human brain is a master manipulator of itself in order to protect our ego.

Where does the ego live? Behind our greatest fear. But also behind our greatest fear is our greatest strength.

The good news is that when it comes to meeting girls for potential relationships, you don’t need to go full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes or go big or go home. Leave that crap for Hollywood.

It’s entirely possible, and even highly recommended, to take it slow. Very slow. If ALL you did for the next year was to slowly increase your comfort zone when it comes to talking to girls, you’d be a stone cold natural.

You wouldn’t need to spend any time on forums, or study game, or practice patterns, or change your wardrobe or even get a job. Well, you might need a job to KEEP a quality woman, but you certainly don’t need one to CREATE ATTRACTION in a quality woman. (But then again, women today are so starved for a self confident man that they would likely keep you around even if you were unemployed!)

So, how do you go about this?

Start very slow. Start very small. Take small baby steps. Every day do something that just a half inch outside your comfort zone. When it becomes easy, stretch it out just a LITTLE bit further.

Eye contact, smiles, conversations, wherever you are comfortable now, just start there.

If you do NOTHING ELSE but push your comfort zone out just a little bit at a time, you’ll become a social skill ninja that can easily seduce girls any time, any where.

Now, a year is a long time. But ask yourself this: Where were you a year ago, compared to now? If you continue to do the same thing, and get the same results, where will you be a year from now?

That may seem harsh to think about, but just wait until this time next year, when you’ve got all kinds of choice, all kinds of potential, and can talk anybody into anything.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Remove The Enemy To Success

Expand Your Comfort Zone

How To Grow Your Comfort Zone

All of us want things that we don’t go after.

Most of us make up stories that we tell ourselves, in order to protect our egos.

Very few of us are honest enough with ourselves to admit the real reasons to ourselves.

When I was a kid me and my friends would always dare each other to do things.

Go ring the doorbell of some crazy ladies house.

Touch some gross looking bug.

Go say something goofy to some other kid we barely knew, usually a girl.

Many times, we’d actually kind of seek out our buddies and get them to dare us to do stuff.

Stuff we wanted to do, but couldn’t really do on our own.

Many times having a group of supporters can help you do things you want to do, but can’t on your own.

But some things in life, the really good things in life, you really do have to do them on your own.

Everything that is worth getting, is going to require some kind of risk. Some kind of action where you aren’t really sure what’s going to happen.

Many people simply aren’t comfortable with this. 

But those who achieve greatness, do so because they are comfortable with risk. Comfortable with uncertainty.

Now, this doesn’t meant that you need to go out and become a super hero or anything.

It means just expanding your comfort zone a bit. Just enough to feel like you’ve accomplished something worthwhile at the end of the day.

You’ve moved beyond merely handling what the world gives you (which is plenty most of the time!)

When you go above and beyond what’s required, when you push out just a little bit more, it feels pretty good.

Most people imagine that confronting fear is only when they pick up their sword and face that huge, fire breathing dragon.

But in reality, it’s those small behaviors you do on a daily basis. When you take a risk and smile at somebody.

Or be the person to approach the other person. Or be the person who speaks up on behalf of somebody else when something goes wrong.

You don’t need to wait for a monster to kill or a dragon to slay.

You’ve got opportunities every single day to conquer your fears. One by one. Little by little.

Napoleon Hill wrote decades ago that our most basic fears can hold us back from greatness.

From the wealth and relationships we deserve.

Many of these “base fears” live in our root Chakra. And left alone, they tend to fester and grow.

Taking daily action is a sure way to slowly eliminate them from your life.

Here’s another way:

Kundalini Activator

Her Attraction For You Is Never Set In Stone

Always Be Testing

Always Measure

There’s a lot of sales slogans that find their way into the realm of seduction and pickup.

Always be closing, always be prospecting, hot prospect, cold prospect, etc.

But there’s one that doesn’t get much air time, because it’s not really applicable to sales, or therapy, the two other areas where having persuasive language can be a benefit.

And that is to always be testing.

This is not intuitive, because it’s basic human nature to assume that everybody sees the world the way we see the world. And this can cause guys a LOT of grief in relationship building.

Guys see a girl, and become attracted to her. This is because the evolutionary triggers installed in our brains are based on how she looks more than anything else. Sure, it is also desirable for her to be smart, friendly, have a decent sense of humor, but for basic attraction, we need looks before we need anything else.

And once she’s got the right look, based on your type, that level of attraction is fixed, and won’t change, unless her body changes significantly.

With women, this is absolutely NOT true.

Just as we’d like to have things about her personality be true as an afterthought to her looks, girls are the opposite.

They’d like a guy who looks good as an afterthought to his personality. 

This is why it’s MUCH MORE LIKELY to see a decent looking girl with an ugly guy than the other way around.

If a guy has a strong personality, good social skills, is totally confident and enjoys being in his own skin, that’s generally good enough for most girls.

Which means her level of attraction for you is going to be dependent on how she feels AT THE MOMENT.

This is crucial in the early stages. Guys almost always make the mistake that if she likes him for the first night, then her attraction for him is set in stone (like his is for her) and he doesn’t have to do anything.

This is absolutely NOT TRUE.

Especially if you’re the type to go out and use “game” when you meet her first. You’re giving her a personality that’s NOT your real personality.

From a guys perspective, it would be a girl looking completely different than she did the night before.

So, it’s very likely that her level of attraction for you is going to ALWAYS be in flux the first few weeks or even months that you’re together.

Which means it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to always measure her level of attraction. If it drops, adjust your behavior accordingly. If it’s up, keep doing whatever you were doing.

Is this fair? Maybe, maybe not. But that’s not the point. The point is if you don’t continuously measure her levels of attraction, you won’t know when it sinks, and you won’t know why she’s gone.

But if you learn to measure it and keep it up, she’ll be yours for good.

Are You Happy With What You See?

Look Below The Surface

Peer Beneath The Surface

Very often we humans use metaphors to describe things. Usually to make it easier on the brain.

I read this fascinating book a while back called “Metaphors We Live By.” by George Lakoff, one of Chomsky’s original students.

It wasn’t quite what I expected. I was thinking it would be about some kind of mystical metaphysics or something. Maybe the deep meaning of life.

But it was something far more profound, and illustrates how pretty much ALL of our thinking is based on metaphors for what lies beneath the seemingly normal surface of reality.

Basically, whenever we use a noun that’s not a real object, (sometimes in NLP these are called nominalizations), we have to use them AS IF they are a real object.

And the preposition (the word that comes before them in the sentence) we use WITH THEM describes what kind of noun our subconscious minds think they are.

I know, this sounds kind of confusing.

But think of the noun, “meeting.” It’s not a physical thing. Sure, there’s the meeting room, the table, the chairs, the people. But the meeting itself is an abstract concept.

What KIND of noun do our brains think it is?

A container. How do we know this? Because we say “I’m IN a meeting.” We don’t say “on” a meeting, or “under” a meeting. We say “in” a meeting. And we are “in” containers.

How about a train, plane, or boat? We say “on.” Like it’s a vehicle.

How about a team? We also say “on.” Because we travel with a team, to meet other teams. Also like a vehicle. Compared to a club, which is more like a container. “In” the club.

There’s basically five or six different basic categories we put these abstract nouns in (containers, barriers, passages, buildings, companions, etc).

Which means in our most basic, fundamental every day language, we’re describing these abstract concepts in a way that we can pretend to make sense of them.

Most people imagine that reality is pretty simple. That what you see is what you get.

But you know there’s much more. The surface is just what’s on top.

What if all you thought about the ocean was what it looked like on top?

You know that there’s MUCH MORE to this “reality” than meets the eye. Much more underneath the surface. 

Stuff most people don’t even know exists, let alone go looking for.

How about you?

Are you willing to dig through the false surface, to see what’s REALLY inside?

Get Started:

Kundalini Activator