I used to play a lot of racquetball a few years ago.
There as a gym that had a “challenge court” with a glass back wall.
You’d write your name on a list, and play whoever won the current game.
The most I ever won in one night was three games in a row. Meaning I beat the next two guys that had “next.”
One particular game (that I lost) was memorable. I was very young, in my early twenties.
The guy I was playing was older, in his sixties. And he absolutely killed me.
I would run all over the place, and try to make a “kill shot” with pretty much every shot.
But he took his time, and used “placement” as his weapon. He would pretty much stay in the center of the court, and hit the ball so it would bounce all over the place, and end up EXACTLY where he wanted.
I would run around chasing them like a dumb jackrabbit on meth.
I was only thinking ONE SHOT ahead (kill shot), while he was content to just keep rallying until I eventually couldn’t catch up.
I did score a couple points, but in the end, it wasn’t even close. At the end, he summed it up nicely:
“Youth and speed vs. experience and patience.”
Many people try to speak conversationally like I tried playing. Slam the other person with witty remarks, genius openers, and reframes that ostensibly show how awesome they are. Or think they are.
If you’ve ever been overwhelmed by a high-pressure salesperson, you know what I mean.
They don’t pause even for a second to find out what’s important, or what you want, or what you’re even interested in. They just slam you over and over with “kill shot” statements about themselves, their product or their services.
On the other hand, if the “patient” approach, it works a lot better.
Hold back on the conversational “kill shots.”
Ask them what’s important. Ask them what kinds of things they’re interested in, and NOT interested in.
Find out about what they’d like to be doing in the future. A week, a year, ten years.
All without mentioning your ideas or your products AT ALL.
Just relax, and let them come to you, in their own way, in their own time.
When they do, it will be THEIR IDEA. Not yours.
Which means they’ll be very little (if any) resistance.
Doesn’t matter if you’re making friends, looking for business partners, or talking to strangers while waiting in line at the supermarket.
This will open them up, so they see YOU through THEIR desires.
Making YOU seem much more DESIERABLE than anybody else they’ve ever met.