Tag Archives: outcome based communication

Speak To Be Heard

How To Get Them To Love Your Message

I watched this interesting documentary the other day on Netflix.

Kind of positive but sad at the same time.

About an American family that wanted kids, but couldn’t have them, so they adopted a couple from Russia.

These kids were already speaking, so they could speak Russian but not English.

Positive because the parents were trying to improve all of their lives (theirs and the kids).

But sad because they had troubles communicating.

They kept trying to lecture the kids in English, but you could tell the kids didn’t really know what the parents were saying.

Once I was in Thailand, haggling over the price of some tourist knick-knack from a street vendor.

Not only did she not speak English, but she didn’t speak. Deaf-mute.

But we communicated perfectly. In fact, I enjoyed the conversation very much.

One thing I get a kick out of is haggling over prices, especially if the other guy or girl likes haggling as well, as this lady clearly did.

But even though we could only use gestures, we got our messages across perfectly.

They say in NLP that the purpose of your communication is the outcome you get.

Meaning it doesn’t matter WHAT your intention is, it ONLY matters how the other person will perceive your message.

In a tragic case showing this, a Japanese student was in Texas looking for a Halloween party. He was dressed up, and went into the wrong house.

The owner pointed a gun at him and told him to FREEZE.

But the Japanese guy misunderstood, kept moving forward, and was killed.

If it’s really important for you to get your message across, it may be a good idea to take a little time to make sure it’s heard.

The adoptive parents didn’t, and it cause problems.

The sidewalk vendor did, and made a sale. I was HAPPY to give her my money, if only for the experience.

So, how do you know how to best present your message?

How do you know it will be heard, and understood?


If you ask other people what they want, BEFORE you throw a random jumble of word salad at their brains, you’ll have a much better chance of your message getting across.

And them taking your advice, or buying your product, or giving you their phone number.

The truth about us humans is we are a walking, talking collection of unmet needs and desires.

Once we get them satisfied, we want something else.

Even where you are right now, as you read this, it will be hard to sit or stand very long before you shift your position.

We are ALWAYS on the lookout to improve our state.

Sometimes subconsciously, in the second to second short term.

Sometimes consciously, in the year to year long term.

If you KNOW what they want, and frame YOUR message in terms of THEIR desires, they’ll LOVE listening to you.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance