When I was a kid I love doing experiments.
I always wanted to see what would happen if I did something.
Especially things I didn’t know about.
I’d mix this and that, or hook up this to something else.
Once I even stuck my finger in a light socket just to see what would happen.
When I was in High School, I got kicked out of chemistry lab because I mixed two chemicals just to “see” what would happen.
Most of the time scientific studies aren’t really scientific studies.
Because scientific studies cost a lot of money. Which means somebody has to pay for them.
And the studies have a funny way of turning out in favor of those who are paying for the studies.
But sometimes, you find somebody who does research just to “see” what will happen.
There was this guy in the seventies who did something like that. He would send his team out into the world, and have them behave in different ways, just to see how people would respond.
Like people with business suits were much more likely to get a pass in a restaurant when they’d forgotten their wallets, than people who were dressed casually.
People who wore beige raincoats seemed to be more “upper class” than people who wore black raincoats.
People that walked upright and with confident body language were perceived much more attractive than when they had their shoulders slumped and looked at the ground when they walked.
One thing that turned out to be a very strong undercurrent to everything was somebody’s “congruence.”
The more “congruent” people were, the more attractive and likeable they were.
The less “congruent” they were, the harder they were to get along with. The less people liked talking to them. The less influential they were.
What exactly is “congruence”?
Everything is consistent. Your words match your body language. Your body language matches your facial expressions. You don’t say “yes” while breaking eye contact and crossing your arms.
More importantly, you stick to your intentions. Meaning you don’t keep changing your mind every twenty seconds. You don’t keep asking everybody their opinions to make sure it’s “safe.”
You don’t get halfway through a project and give up because the steady stream of positive feedback from your friends and family suddenly dried up.
You set an intention in your mind, and keep to that intention.
If you think of two different people on opposite sides of this extreme, you’ll get an idea.
People that are ultra wishy washy and are always asking for feedback and approval aren’t very attractive or persuasive.
On the other hand, people that have a very clear idea of what they want, and where they are going, are much more magnetic and charismatic.
How do you become one and not the other?