Category Archives: Belief

Why You’re NOT Broken

You Are Perfect

You And The World Are Perfect

Once upon a time, you had the world at your fingertips.

Perhaps you can remember now, what it’s like to dream big, and expect the dream to come true.

Big plans, goals, visions.

Of course, they are still there. If you take the time to reawaken them, you will.

They are just as strong now as they ever were.

It’s not that they weakened, or diminished in value. Only they were covered up.

By fears, worries, anxieties. A layer of protection that kept you safe.

Or you thought kept you safe.

Stuff you accepted from others. Stuff you thought you needed, but not any more.

However, you’re still carrying around a bunch of junk. A layer of gunk between the real you, and the world outside.

That’s why it’s hard to express yourself the way you really want.

That’s why it’s hard for others to see the real you, and appreciate your real value.

Most people don’t know this layer of gunk exists.

Some blame the world, some blame themselves.

If they only change the world, things will be better. Or if they only “fix” themselves, things will be better.

Of course, you can’t change the world. The world does what the world does. A huge evolving juggernaut of ever expanding reality that relentlessly moves forward.

You don’t need to change yourself, because you aren’t broken.

And there really is no “you” anyhow. Not that you’re a hallucination or anything. But the “you” is really ALWAYS changing and evolving and growing and learning.

Any definition of “you” is obsolete by the time you even think of the words.

How can you “fix” something that never stands still?

The ONLY thing that needs changing is that layer of gunk between you and the world.

That layer of gunk that was put there by well meaning but misinformed adults.

That layer of gunk you’re still carrying around.

Take in a deep breath, and blast away that junk once and for all.

Let loose your brilliance. Let in the world.

This will help:

Belief Change

How To Make The Complicated Seem Familiar

Get A Bird's Eye View

Go Meta

One of the great things about humans is we are always trying to simplify things.

Take some kind of complex problem, and figure out how to solve is as easily as possible.

Physicists are always looking for some kind of “grand unifying theory,” one idea can be used to describe everything we see.

Even our conscious-unconscious minds are looking for ways to minimize effort.

This is the whole idea behind “unconscious competence,” when you can do something without much thought.

Like riding a bike (or playing an instrument or tying your shoes)  was once impossible. Then you could do it with a lot of conscious effort. Now you can do it while doing a million other things.

Any skill that we learn pretty much goes through the same process. Talking to girls, making money, learning a programming language, everything.

At first it’s difficult and confusing. Then, if you stick with it, it gets so you can get pretty good at it, while keeping your mind focused.

Then, if you really keep at it, you can do it without much thought. Just think of the things you can do now, that baffled you a while ago.

Of course, how quickly you learn any new skill depends on a lot of things. Your natural abilities in that area, how many people in your social reference group have already mastered it, etc.

Even if other people have done it can help.

For the longest time, nobody could break the 4 minute mile. Once one guy did, everybody started doing it.

Before, they believed it was impossible, then they believed it was possible.

As they believed, so it was. All the guys who broke the four minute mile AFTER the first guy did ONLY did so because their beliefs changed.

This is the ONE ingredient that will make learning ANY skill a lot easier.

One trick is to “go meta.”

Next time you start to learn something, instead of thinking of that “thing,” just think in terms of “learning new things.”

Taking making money for example. If you think of it as “making a ton of money,” it may seem difficult and out of read.

But if you think of it as “learning something new,” it will be a lot easier.

Because no matter who you are, or what you’ve accomplished, you’ve ALREADY learned TONS of complicated stuff.

What’s one more thing?

It’s really just like riding a bike. You get on, start pedaling, and adjust as you go, and “learn” while go.

To make it even easier, take a look at this:

Belief Change

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

She'll Only Follow You If You Lead

Go First And See If She Follows

One of the most crucial things to understand about being a guy is that guys go first.

Now, this of course isn’t always true. If you’re at work, in the military, anywhere professionally, and your not top on the totem pole, you’re going to following orders and following in general. Sometimes men, sometimes women.

But in the world of romance, especially in the early days, you’ve got to go first. With pretty much everything.

Now, this is tough. It’s easy to go overboard. If you walk up to some stranger and tell her you love her, she’ll call the cops.

And if you’re on a first or second date and you open the emotional floodgates, she’ll run away screaming.

So on the one side, you’ve got to go first, just so show her it’s safe. Then you’ve got to wait and let her catch up.

The metaphor of walking down an uncertain trail in the woods is good. You lead, but not by very far. If it’s safe, you walk side by side. When it’s dangerous, you go first, but just enough so she doesn’t get scared. Don’t leave her behind. Always make sure she’s following close behind.

How does this translate into the dating world?

You approach her. You start talking to her. If you want to know something about her that may be uncomfortable, you reveal yours first.

Now, many “gurus” will disagree with this. They’ll say all girls are super defensive and will need to have their “shields” broken through with all kinds of slippery mind games and pick up gambits.

Sure, if you approach a super model who’s getting hit on by millionaire pro athletes all the time, you may indeed need to step up your game.

But if you’re a normal guy, looking to meet a normal girl, you don’t really need too many tricks.

If you see her across the room, and she sees you seeing her, she knows you like her. And if she looks at you a couple of times, (without that look of fear in her eyes) she WANTS you to go and talk to her.

She’s not going to walk to you.

When you walk over, introduce your name first. Say things that are easy for her to respond to. Save the “did you see those two girls fighting outside” opener for the club girls.

Reveal your interests, then ask about hers. If she seems to like talking to you, keep going.

Be honest with her. Tell you enjoyed talking to her, you’ve got to go, but you’d like to continue the conversation later. 

Exchange numbers by getting her to call her phone from your phone.

Then bounce.

Always keep the trail metaphor in mind. You go first, and then wait for her to follow. So long as she follows, you’re good. 

If she doesn’t? 

No big deal. There’s more where she came from.

How To Be One Who Makes Things Happen

Which One Are You?

Three Categories Of Actors

A wise man once said that there are three kinds of people in this world.

Those that make things happen.

Those that watch things happen.

And those who say, “What happened?”

Now, the funny thing is that all of us belong to all three groups at different times. Sometimes we make things happen. Sometimes we watch others make things happen. Other times we are blindsided by reality and have no clue what just happened.

Of course, how we respond in those situations will make all the difference.

You could rage and shake your fists at the gods, or you could make the best of the situation.

However, if you take a closer look at any group of people, you’ll find that certain “types” tend to be the ones that make things happen, certain “types” tend to be the ones that watch things happen, and other “types” are the kind who wander around wondering why they’re always getting crapped on.

One very popular theme in literature since the dawn of time (and a common theme in real life BAM’s like Genghis Kahn) is somebody who gets crapped on early in life, and vows to NEVER have that happen again.

Of course, how they do that will determine if they are remembered as an evil genius or a world class entrepreneur.

The bottom line is no matter how much we convince ourselves otherwise, the world is going to do what the world is going to do.

How we respond will make us or break us.

You could hide in your closet, and curse the gods, or you could get in the mix and get some.

How do you do that?

It all starts with choosing what you want. This is something that you DO have absolute control over.

Next is to make the solid choice that you’ll GET whatever you want no matter WHAT.

You will operate in and on the world, take whatever it gives you, and flip it around somehow so it works in your favor.

Of course, this can be very, very tough for some people.

People who need some kind of step by step paint by numbers procedure will find this VERY discomforting.

In order to really GET SOME (whatever that means to you) you’ve got to be open to taking ANYTHING, that comes your way, and have enough faith in yourself, and your abilities, to flip it around into SOMETHING that will help you.

Kind of like those ultra ninja Aikido black belts who can easily redirect the energy in everything that comes their way.

It starts on the inside. 

If you’re worried you’ll get smothered by the continuous onslaught of reality, you will.

But if you believe you can take ANYTHING and make it YOURS, you will.

Learn how:

Belief Change

How To Get Science On Your Side

Science Can Solve Anything

Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist!

There’s a lot of new-agey type stuff that sounds pretty good, but also can be pretty useless.

I used to love the TV show, “X-Files,” primarily because in almost every episode, there was always both a scientific explanation, and a parapsychology explanation for what had happened.

One guy was chasing UFO’s and was always explaining things in terms of alien conspiracies.

His partner was an M.D. and was always explaining everything in terms of medical science.

Whenever it comes to things like law of attraction, personal achievement, or anything  similar, we MUST hold these ideas to the same standards.

Of course, EVERYTHING must be explained by science. Not necessarily science we can understand, but some kind of repeatable, scientific principles.

If we don’t believe in science, then we’re pretty much at the mercy of the gods of randomness.

And since the laws of physics, chemistry and biology appear to be pretty consistent, relying on randomness might not be a good idea.

On the other hand, sometimes science is so confusing that the best we can do is rely on over simplified metaphors to help us understand the underlying structure.

Unfortunately, if we get the metaphor “wrong” we may end up looking in the wrong place.

Sometimes we get stuck with a metaphor not because we think it will work, but because it sounds good, makes us feel special, and makes it seem like we don’t have to take any risks, or face any potential failure.

But as Dale Carnegie famously said, “The sure thing boat never gets too far from shore.”

This, of course, is a metaphor that describes life. If you insist in any proof or guarantee, you aren’t going to accomplish much.

Another famous “Carnegie-ism” is that “If you want the sweet fruit, you’ve got to go out on a limb.” Meaning if you are safely hugging the trunk of the tree, you won’t be able to reach very far.

Since most people are too terrified to go out on the thin branches, there’s not much within an arms reach of safety.

One of these metaphysical type statements is “When You Believe It, You’ll See It.”

What does this mean?

Now, most people think the opposite. They wait for proof, or a guarantee, and won’t believe anything unless they see it written up in the latest scientific journals.

But humans are very, very good at conning ourselves.

We see things that aren’t there, and we don’t see things that are right in front of us.

Cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias are just a couple of scientific examples that show this is true.

But think of what this means.

All those things you WISH were true CAN be true. All you’ve got to do is believe they are, THEN you will see the evidence.

Allowing YOU to get whatever you want.

Learn How:

Belief Change

Two Crucial Aspects Of Life

Inner Game Is Key To Everything

Inner Game vs. Outer Game

There’s always two aspects to everything.

Of course, many things  have many variables, all interdependent, and many that are way beyond conscious comprehension.

But for most things, they can be broke down into a couple of broad categories.

Like movies. Guy movies (action, aliens, horror, zombies) vs. girl movies (romance, drama, etc.)

Or if you’re talking about booze, there’s beer and wine, and then the hard stuff.

If you’re making a cake, there’s the baking part, and then the decorating part.

In music there’s tension, and release.

Human accomplishment is something that is both incredibly complicated, and also incredibly simple, based on how you look at it.

Take making more money, for example. On the outside, there’s a virtual limitless amount of skills you can learn, relationships you can build, products you can help create, sell and otherwise bring to the market.

On the inside, there’s the simple belief that no matter what happens, you’ll succeed.

Outside is filled with endless and ever changing variables.

Inside is either the worry of, “I don’t know if this will work..” vs. the thought of “Yep. I got this. No matter what.”

Once the inside is taken care of, the outside takes care of itself.

This is true no matter what field you look in. Sports, money, romance, business, building your own cult, anything.

The most fundamental component that ALL successful people have is the raw belief that they’ll be successful.

BEFORE they become successful.

Before Bill Gates became a multi-kajillionaire, he believed he could.

Before Alexander conquered much of the known world, he believed that he could.

Before you succeed at anything, you must believe that you will.

And once you believe you wil, you will.

So why limit yourself?

Why not set HUGE goals, HUGE dreams, HUGE plans for your life?

Choose whatever you want, and then set the belief.

Because once that belief is set on the inside, all that stuff on the outside will be easy.

Learn How:

Belief Change

Are You Plagued By Hallucinations?

Create Your Own Custom Hallucinations

Why Not Hallucinate What You Want?

I used to love those 3D pictures, the kind that looked like noise at first.

Then if you stare at them the right way, a cool image appears, suddenly out of nowhere.

Some people are better at “getting it” than others. It usually took me a while.

Most of us aren’t used to looking at a flat object as if it were in three dimensions.

There’s plenty of other images that are specifically designed to “trick” the mind.

Old ladies that suddenly morph into young girls, a lamp that suddenly turns into two people about to kiss, stairs that go up in a loop, but really don’t go up at all.

One of the biggest tricks of the mind is one we play on ourselves.

We can “negatively hallucinate” something, meaning it’s right in front of us, but we can’t see it.

(Guys are particularly good at this, especially when looking for our keys).

Or we can think something is there, when there’s not. Like when somebody looks at us with a plain expression on their face, and we read WAY too much into the situation.

The trouble is that we respond not to reality itself, but our interpretation of reality.

Even if our keys are right there, since we can’t see them, we’ll keep looking, and end up being late to wherever we’re going.

We could have talked to that person, and turned their genuine neutral feelings about us into something positive, but since we imagined they were angry or judgmental or whatever, we never even held eye contact for more than a split second.

The good news it that our perception of reality is TOTALLY flexible, AND it’s TOTALLY up to us.

Do you think our keys really care if we find them or not?

Even better, that neutral person would LOVE for us to turn them into a “positive-feelings” person, so they’re actually hoping we’ll perceive them differently than we have been.

This skill is rarely talked about, let alone taught, but it exists, and learning it is perhaps the most important thing you can do.

Since there’s so much “stuff’ out there to choose from, why not choose things that support you?

Why not “imagine” people are dying for you to talk to them?

Why not “imagine” that opportunities are everywhere, just waiting to scoop them up?

Why not “imagine” that your biggest and most compelling plans in life are not only easy, but the whole reason you were put here?

All you’ve got to do is shift your mind, and you’ll see.

Learn How:

Belief Change

Take Your Brain on a Shopping Spree

Grab Whatever You Want

Take Anything You Want

Here’s a fun mind experiment.

You are at your favorite shopping mall. (Or department store, or supermarket or whatever).

You’ve got a shopping cart, and five minutes.

You can go to any store, and grab anything you want, and put it in your basket, for free.

No limitations.

What would you grab? Assuming you can’t sell anything, so you don’t just grab the most expensive stuff, what would you get?

This is a fun experiment to play with your friends, just to see what kinds of things they value.

But it’s also a good metaphor for the way we look at the world.

How so?

Our senses are being hit with millions of bits of information per second, but our conscious minds only handle a small fraction. Less than a hundred bits.

The stuff that’s important to us, like our names, money on the ground, a tiger that just escaped from the zoo, that stuff gets front row seats in our conscious minds.

The rest?

Straight into long term storage, most likely to never been seen again.

What kinds of things?

Those attractive people who are checking you out.

Those people that would be perfect for you to talk to and get some traction behind that idea of yours.

That bookstore or magazine stand that’s got the book or article that might send your career into a completely different direction, allowing you to make more money than you ever thought possible.

The trouble is that most of us never notice ANY of those things.

But it’s easy to “fine-tune” your mind, to see whatever you want to see.

Even better, you can create any set of ideas or beliefs you want, and train your mind to see PROOF of whatever you want.

Most people say they’ll believe it when they see it.

But as I’m sure you know, you’ve got to believe it FIRST, then you’ll start seeing it.

Granted, it’s not quick. It’s not as simple as mumbling some magic phrases.

But it is very easy. And it only takes a few minutes a day of private mental practice.

What would YOU like to believe?

The world really IS like that imaginary shopping mall with all the stuff.

You really CAN grab whatever you want.

Tune your brain, and it’s yours for the taking.

Learn How:

Belief Change

Stop Making Childish Excuses!

Get Out There And Get In The Mix!

Put On Your Big Boy Pants

It doesn’t take much effort find so called “game experts” bemoaning the state of male-female relationships these days.

If you dig beneath the surface, what many of these “gurus” are really teaching is a very complicated philosophical “proof” that is based on the oldest excuse in the book.

“It’s Not My Fault.”

Now, this is a very touchy subject. On the one hand, very few people had ideal childhoods. And it’s no secret that something as emotionally deep and powerful as male-female relationships is HIGHLY dependent on how well you were “raised” in this regard.

To be certain, those things that happened to you as a kid were absolutely NOT your fault.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about guys who claim they can’t get laid, or find the ideal woman, or find WHATEVER they want, because of a variation of an age old argument that will simply not die.

“The World Is Broken.”

If you were to develop some invisible time machine that had a universal translator so you could travel around and listen in on various people belly aching about pretty much ANY kind of “lack,” you’d hear the same argument.

“It was much better in the good old days.”

“This generation has gotten a raw deal.”

“There just aren’t any X out there. I’ve looked.”

X can be jobs, girls, plots of land to build a cabin, places to prospect for gold, rocks to throw at zebras, you name it.

Why is this argument so popular?

Because it’s incredibly easy.

It takes no risk. It takes little mental effort. It’s very common so you’ll always have good company (misery loves company, eh?)

AND it protects you from taking risks, failing, or doing ANYTHING uncomfortable.

But guess what?

When it comes to girls, WHATEVER you want, you can get.

So long as you are willing to do what it takes to get it.

The strategy is simple.

Choose your criteria. Looks, personality, belief, religion, family background, etc.

Then simply start sorting.

AND realize that your dream girl must be attracted to you as much as you’ll be attracted to her.

Many guys miss this obvious point.

They think any kind of “work” they do is not dependent on her subjective desires.

Your job is to NOT ONLY find a girl who meets your criteria, but to meet a girl that thinks YOU meet HER criteria.

This, unquestionably, is a LOT of work.

And it’s understandable if you don’t want to put in that much work.

Just don’t kid yourself.

Don’t say, “The market sucks.” Or “There aren’t any quality women.”

At least do yourself the courtesy of telling yourself the truth:

“I probably could find my dream girl, but I’m too scared, and I’m too lazy.”

But if you really DO want to find her, (and you should because the benefits are better than ANYTHING on planet Earth), then get busy.

This Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com

How To Get A Bigger Brain

Get A Better Perspective

Expand Your Picture Of Reality

One of the cool tricks you learn in NLP is “going meta.”

This just means looking at something from a larger perspective.

Looking at the big picture, stepping back, etc.

For example, if you’ve ever been to a live training, you’ve probably done this while speaking to somebody. Choose a partner and start talking about something not so important.

Then see the conversation from their eyes, and back from your eyes.

Then see the conversation from an imaginary, third person perspective, off to the side.

This gets pretty complicated, and it’s hard to keep even the simplest conversation going when flipping around like this.

It is, however, a very important skill to learn. For example, whenever making a big decision, it’s tough to separate from your emotions.

Which means if you CAN do that, you’ll have a much better chance of choosing an option that will serve you best, in the long run.

Another great skill to have is to “go meta” regarding your capabilities.

For example, when many people go into new environments, especially social environments where there’s some pretty good potential, it’s very common to feel nervous or anxious.

The brain looks out into the situation, and quickly notices two things. One is that there are many interesting people, with many potential benefits.

On the other hand, ALL of them are strangers.

This mix can easily cause anxiety.

On the one hand, part of you is saying “Let’s Go!” and is eager to get the good stuff.

On the other hand, another part of you is saying, “Hold on! We don’t know any of these people!”

Which is why being able to “go meta” is very helpful.

Sure, they are strangers, but they are also people, in the larger sense.

So when you’ve got your brain thinking “Let’s Go!” And “Hey, People! We’ve talked to people before!”

It will give you a lot more confidence and enthusiasm.

The trick is to train your brain so you “go meta” automatically, instead of having to do it consciously.

All you’ve got to do is learn how to build in the beliefs you want, rather than rely on your “factory programmed” beliefs.

How do you do that?

Here’s How:

Belief Change