Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Are You A Bully?

Is This Your Best Strategy For Gaining Compliance?

Stop Pushing People Around!

Many people are easy to persuade to do something. The truth about the best salesperson on any kind of sales force is that they are usually pretty high energy. You’ll see this in many different industries.

They may not be “in your face” type of high energy, but they are pretty relentless. In most sales, one technique (certainly not the best) is to simply keep closing until the client just gives up and buys.

There’s a famous book called “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” which is about being assertive. There’s a technique in there called “The Broken Record.” This is exactly like it sounds. You just keep repeating your point until the other side gives up.

It works great if your dealing with a fussy customer service person, or trying to get a refund without a receipt.  

What about sales, or even seduction?

First, lets consider sales. You’ve got a product, and your client may or may not want it. Ideally, they’d buy it for their own reasons. But if you sit around and wait for them to come up with their own reasons, you may be waiting a while.

So you start to push them, slightly. You say buy, they say no. You say buy, they say maybe. You say buy, they say give me a better deal. You say buy, they say OK.

Now, this may seem like some masterful sales technique that only advanced persuaders know, but it’s really only a hair above bullying.

You’re not really building up value in the product. Your just making it more uncomfortable for them to say no. So maybe by comparison, buying is looking like a better option. If only to get you out of their face.

The only problem comes when they get home, use the product, and find out it sucks. Then they feel conned. Angry. Cheated. By you.

Lots of guys do this with girls. Lots of girls have low self esteem. Lots of guys have low self esteem.

So what happens when you keep pressuring somebody that has low self esteem? They give in, that’s what.

But then they get buyers remorse. This is why you may be getting laid a lot, but then they vanish.

They are getting buyers remorse.

How do you avoid that? Don’t bully them. Don’t overwhelm them with what you want until they give in.

Take your time. Talk to them about things they like. Things they dream about. Their ideal future. Their ideal job. Their favorite movies, etc.

Of course, you’ve got to go back and forth a bit, ask and share, etc.

But if you spend some time opening them up, talking about what they like, they’ll start seeing you through the filter and frame of their own desires.

Which means they’ll start liking you for THEIR reasons, rather than yours.

Make It Easy:

mindpersuasion.com

The Caveman Pick Up Angle

Look For A Partner, Not A Lover

Economic Partners

Taking a big picture look is a big help in a lot of situations.

Finding a suitable partner is no different. 

So if you’re wondering how to best go about finding a girlfriend, this may help give you another perspective.

One of the biggest problems facing mankind is that we are living in a modern world with a caveman brain.

We lived as hunter-gatherers for hundreds of thousands of years. Before we were even human, really. So the instincts that kept us safe, alive and thriving are still very powerful.

Consider hunger. Back then, food was scarce. So those that had genes that made them eat until they couldn’t move any chance they got tended to last longer.

Those that had genes that made them always worry about their figures didn’t.

Consequently, all humans today, when presented with cheap and plentiful food tend to get fat. It’s very HARD to simply not eat when the opportunity is right in front of  you.

All of our other instincts are the same way. They helped us then, but now, not so much.

One thing to understand is how male-female relationships were back then. They were much different than they are now. Much of what we expect now is really a very recent addition, and often times just not true.

Most people have been brainwashed into thinking that partnership between males and females should be about fantastic feelings and sex that never ends.

That’s partly true. 

That’s the attraction that brings us together in the first place. But it’s not what keeps us together.

What keeps us together?

If we look back in our common ancestry, we’ll see the difference.

A mutual cooperation in the creation of wealth.

Men and women were attracted because of physical reasons. They stayed together for economic reasons.

Meaning they were both on the same team. They were both pursuing the same goal. They wanted as much wealth as they could get, for the family.

And when the kids got old enough, that was their job too. To create as much wealth as they could to keep the family safe and secure.

This was true all the way up to the industrial revolution. Only after that did it start to be possible for one person to make enough money for the whole family.

That’s when all these crazy notions about lifelong romance and sappy love stories started to become popular.

If that’s ALL you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find it. But it won’t last long.

How can you apply this to modern dating?

Just ask yourself, next time you’re thinking about approaching a girl:

“Do I want her on my team, to help me create wealth for my future family?”

And she should be asking herself the same question about you, so you’d better be ready to answer. Not directly of course, but through your approach to relationships and life.

This can go a long ways it getting rid of that approach anxiety that’s based on false ideas about human relationships.

Something to think about next time you’re out looking for ladies.

Why I Screamed My Brains Out

Kill Fear With A Bang

How To Quickly Kill Fear

If you’ve ever done any public speaking, you know a common trick is to look at people’s foreheads, or the tops of their heads.

This avoids some of the anxiety that comes from staring into a bunch of eyes staring back.

Another trick is to visualize everybody really happy after your speech, to give you a bit more confidence when you start.

Yet another trick is to start off with a bang, some kind of joke, or controversial statement.

I remember once I was going through toastmasters, and I was giving a speech on fear. What it is, how it’s represented, what’s real what’s not etc.

I started off by screaming at the top of my lungs for about five seconds.

I didn’t say that I was going to that. I just walked up, glanced down at my 3×5 cards as if I were about to start regular speech, and then let ‘er rip.

The funny part was that this was in a bookstore, where they have those coffee shops and a big area where people can sit. Some people thought it was pretty funny, some people got pretty angry.

But it certainly DESTROYED any nerves I had before speaking.

Now, I’m not recommending that you scream at the top of your lungs before starting anything that may cause some anxiety.

But what this DOES illustrate is that there are many mental “tricks” you can do that will help you overcome any fear.

Now, some of these are short term tricks, and some are long term strategies.

One of the BEST ways to obliterate fear is to create some very POWERFUL dreams that you are moving toward.

They don’t need to be concrete, or specific. Just something you know you’re moving toward. It’s also a good idea to choose one big thing in each area of life.

That way, no matter WHAT you are doing,  it will be easy to see it in the larger context.

Giving a speech can be pretty scary. But giving a speech KNOWING that it’s part of a skill building process that will get you a TON of money in the future will make it a lot less scary.

Especially when you’re ONLY focused on some “small” aspect of speaking, like using less “uh’s” or looking at the audience a larger percentage of the time.

Whenever you can see anything as a small step in a larger process, you’ll see it for what it is.

Not a “do or die” situation that’s going to make or break your existence.

Simply one small step on your road to inevitable success.

To learn how to do this on a deep level, check this out:

The Statistics Of Seduction

Get Your Numbers Up!

How To Minimize Anxiety

If you want more success with women, then you’ve got to fail more often.

This is true of anything.

Now, most people don’t like to hear this. Especially when it comes to feeling confident talking to girls and not worrying too much about what happens.

Rejection sucks. Getting rejected in a social setting sucks even worse. 

But consider this, everything you learned how to do, you either learned from trial and error, or modeling.

Now, I’m not talking about some dates in history that you memorized for a history test. I’m talking about skills. Walking, talking, driving, any kind of sports or music.

Generally speaking, any learning involved modeling, which just means copying somebody else, and trial and error.

Think about a little kid who learns to walk. He or she sees all the other adults around, standing and walking on two legs. Much more efficient than four legs, right?

So they give it a try, and fall flat on their face. And laugh. And try again. And fail. And laugh. And continue until they succeed.

Being able to walk up and confidently talk to girls, and walk away JUST as confident regardless of what happens is also a skill.

And just like any other skill, it requires practice. Lots of practice.

But whenever most guys walk up to a girl, they tell themselves that THIS girl is going to be the one for them. If they succeed, they’ll be the happiest guy on Earth.

If they fail, they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives.

Hard to practice under the sitatuions.

But practice you must, says Master Yoda.

How can you practice? One way is to simply keep some stats. Just of yourself. Not to show off to your boys or post online or try to prove your alpha-ness. Just to keep the idea of practice firmly in your mind whenever you see a cutie.

Just write down the number of girls you made eye contact with, smiled at, talked to, exchanged names with, etc.

Keep it in Excel or another form. It’s really BEST if you don’t share this with anybody.

Once you get started, you’ll see girls in a different light. It will seem much LESS like a do or die situation, and much more like practice.

Becuase you’ll have proof that every single girl is a stat. (Within YOUR experience).

Imagine if a baseball team played every single game like it was the last game of the world series.

They’d be a basketcase! In truth, if a team is a few games over 500, they’re doing pretty good. Since they play 162 (I think…) games a year, they KNOW they are bound to lose some.

Since baseball is the most statistically driven sport on Earth, they all know this.

So will you when you start keeping stats.

This will jack up your confidence, and make you much more attractive.

And pretty soon, those cute girls will be trying to get YOU into a relationship.

Seduction: Manipulation Vs. Persuasion

Don't Be This Guy

Beware Of Mind Tricks

The structure of persuasion is pretty simple. Honest persuasion, that is.

In fact, the structure of dishonest manipulation is pretty simple as well.

Everybody has “triggers” things that we respond to unconsciously. Without really thinking.

For example, “social proof” is a trigger that humans are hard wired to notice. If a crowd is going one way, we’ll generally go with the crowd.

Scarcity is another thing. If something is running out, it will seem more valuable, even if we don’t really know what it is.

Another one is commitment and consistency. We tend to do what we’ve done in the past.

All of these are designed to save energy on brain power. Our brains use a lot of energy. And energy is pretty scarce, at least it was when our minds were being built here on Earth.

So if you can set up anything, sales, seduction, whatever, based on these instinctive triggers, people will generally go along with you.

Until they suddenly find out that what you’ve got isn’t really what you’ve promised.

The problem with this instinctive triggers is that they can make ANYTHING seem really special and valuable. But once the effect of the triggers wear off, they’ll see that “thing” (which is usually YOU, btw), for what it REALLY is. Which is usually not nearly as great as they thought it was.

That’s why using these in seduction is not really a good idea, unless you are some kind of “pump-n-dump” or “hit-it-and-quit-it” type of guy.

So if that’s manipulation, what’s persuasion?

Kind of the same. Only you find out what their (whoever THEY are) SPECIFIC triggers are based on the situation.

If you’re selling a car, for example, you find out what specific things get their juices flowing when they think about their idea car.

If you’re talking about a health club membership, you talk about their ideal health goals and how they’d like to achieve them.

Then it’s just a matter of taking their specific triggers, and matching them up with your product, if you can.

Now, if you FIRST find out what their specific triggers are, THEN see that they match your product pretty closely, THEN use their unconscious, pre-programmed triggers, they’ll literally fall in love with you and your product.

If you can do this consistently in sales, you can make a TON of money.

How does it apply to seduction and dating? 

Same basic structure.

Just get them talking in terms of what they’re looking for in a relationship. Of course, you can’t do this overtly, it’s got to be covert.

But however you do so, when you get them talking in terms of love, commitment, a future together, a family, whatever, you’re doing pretty good.

And if you see there’s a match, even better. Once you do, then you can start using the unconscious triggers, and you’ll be home free.

Just DON’T use these to build up emotions for short term fun, especially if SHE’S looking for long term stuff.

That’s pretty evil, and it WILL come back to haunt you.

But so long as you’re open, honest and on the up and up, this works pretty well.

Why You Shouldn’t Follow ALL The Rules

You Know Which Ones to Break, Right?

Some Were Made To Be Broken

When I was a kid, me and my friends loved to “sneak” into the movies.

This was a long time ago, when they had color coded ticket stubs, AND guys standing at the door to each theater to check your ticket.

We’d save our stubs, and after a while we would have all the colors, so we could “re-use” them to see a couple movies in one afternoon.

I don’t know about you, but many of my fond memories from my youth revolve around trying to “break” or “bend” the rules.

Being about to sneak around authority without getting caught is always pretty fun.

Especially when the “authority” is some kind of puffed up guy trying desperately to get people to believe in his “authority.”

Of course, we did go too far a few times. Once my buddies and I were into collecting bicycle air caps.

Those things that screw on the top of the air stem on your bicycle tire.

Once we saw this really cool motorcycle, with these really cool chrome caps on the air stems.

I reached down to “feel it,” being a kid I wanted to “touch” everything I wasn’t supposed to.

Then this big scary biker dude (at least from a kids standpoint) came out and accused me of trying to let the air of his tires.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I DO remember that I ran away quickly after that.

The truth is that some rules ARE meant to be broken, and some rules ARE meant to be obeyed.

One powerful skill as an adult is to know the ones that don’t really matter, and have the courage to step over the line to see what happens.

Now, I’m sure you’ve got an idea of what “rules” are REALLY ones you simply can’t break.

On the other hand, there are other “rules” that people “make up” not because they are important, but because they make the person saying the rules FEEL important.

I don’t have to tell you this, because you already you know it’s NOT your job to make others feel important.

It is your job, however, to figure out what you want, and get it.

No matter how big, how matter far out there.

Your dreams belong to you, and nobody else.

If somebody tells you that SHOULD behave in a certain way, and that would keep you from achieving your dreams, while only make THEM feel important, well, screw that!

Your job is to break as many as THOSE rules as you need to, in order to make your dreams come true.

It’s not easy. But somebody’s gotta do it.

Why not you?

Always Be Ready To Bounce

Keep One Of These In Sight At All Times

Always Have An Exit Strategy

What thing that can get anybody into a heap of trouble is having unrealistic expectations.

It works like this. You think you’re going to get something good. Doesn’t matter what. But if something happens and you DON’T get it, you’re going to feel cheated.

Now, if you think you might have one more slice of pizza leftover from last night, but really don’t, that’s not so bad.

The trouble comes when you think you are going to get something from somebody else.

Most people set themselves up for HUGE pains when they think they are getting something they deserve, and it doesn’t show up.

Even if somebody tells you they are giving you something for free, and then they change their mind, you’re going to feel cheated.

There’s no rhyme or reason to this, it’s just human nature.

And when there’s sex or romance of affection involved, it REALLY hurts.

Guy walks up to a girl, and he does everything right. She’s even into him for a while, friendly, flirty, touchy-feely, etc.

Then he number closes her, and gets shut down.

In this situation, it is REALLY easy to feel burned. Like she played you for a chump. Like she’s off with her buddies laughing all the free booze she mooched off you.

And yes, this DOES happen. Quite a bit.

But guess what?

Getting angry will ONLY make it worse.

Getting angry or hurt because of what a girl DIDN’T give you will make you much LESS attractive, not the other way around.

This why any idea of “deserving” should be absolutely ABSENT from your mind whenever you’re interacting with the ladies.

No girl wants to end up with a guy that she’ll feel any sort of obligation to.

No guy wants that either.

Humans are hard wired to cherish our freedom. Our freedom of thought.

Whenever you try to put her in a box where she SHOULD behave in a certain way, you’re basically trying to get her to be your willing mind slave.

Nobody likes doing things because they HAVE to. We only want to do things because we CHOOSE to.

So next time you’re out and about, think of how you could behave and interact with her so she’ll CHOOSE you, rather than feel obligated by any imaginary social pressure.

How do you do this?

Luckily, all humans are hard wired to want what we think we can’t have.

This is why being confident AND slightly aloof is so powerful.

Talk to her, enjoy her, but also radiate a slight vibe that says, “I like you, I enjoy you, but if you suddenly vanished from site, I’d recover pretty quickly.”

If she ever THINKS she has you, you’re done.

And any sign of neediness or expectation of what she SHOULD do is about a clear a sign as you can send that she does indeed have you.

Avoid this at all costs.

Friendly, confident, playful, and ready to bounce at any moment.

Have You Started Your Hero’s Journey?

Are You Thinking Like A Robot?

Think For Yourself

Long time ago I had this job as a telemarketer.

It only lasted about a week, because I absolutely hated it, but the training was pretty insightful.

Not in learning any kind of useful skills, but the mindset of the guy who put together the whole thing.

This was during the early 2000’s when real estate was booming. The job was to sell this marketing package to real estate agents.

But the way the trainer (and founder) described these people was pretty horrible.

His opinion was that people have no real control of their thinking, and if you only push a few buttons, it’s easy to get them to do whatever you want.

That guy had an incredibly low opinion of his customers.

Before every shift, he’d get everybody in this one room to “pump us up” and build up some story that we were giving these poor customers some life or death information.

If you’ve seen the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it was very similar to that.

The truth is that there are a LOT of people like that.

People who have low regard for their customers, and who see all of us as easy marks, just desperate to buy the next “thing.”

Unfortunately, the only reason they think that is because it works.

Most of us are TERRIFIED of thinking for ourselves. We would much rather be told what to do, even if it’s some kind of con, than try and figure it out on our own.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you know that is the biggest con of all.

That inside you is a literal HERO just waiting to come up.

But if you continue to expect others to tell you what to do, step by step, that HERO is going to stay hidden.

And when I say “hero” I’m not talking dressing up and fighting crime, or flying around with a cape.

I’m talking about REAL LIFE heroes. The kind build things, invent things, create things that other people desperately need.

The kind that aren’t afraid to express themselves without concern social pressure or “what others will think.”

The kind of folks that society NEEDS to keep functioning.

One of the main goals of the hero is to FIND the journey.

Not to be told what to do, or how to do it, or how to stay safe.

Your purpose in life is to not only unleash your inner hero, but to be the one who defines their journey.

Where you are going, and how you will get there.

Are you ready?

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Is Life Really One Big Scam?

Anybody Got A Left Handed Bacon Stretcher?

How To Out-Con The Conners

I remember a long time ago, when I was in boy scouts, we had this crazy game we’d play.

It was only when we had these once a year “Jamborees” where hundreds of troops would get together and have all these competitions.

We’d all have our camps set up in this big huge circle around the competition area, which was at least a square mile.

The game was unspoken, but understood by all the different troops. Everybody would take their newest members, and send them out looking for something that didn’t exist.

My favorite was a “left handed bacon stretcher.”

The kids would go from troop to troop, and ask if they had one. The guy who answered the question would say, “No, we don’t, but I’m pretty sure that troop 634 has one.” And that troop would be the furthest away.

Now, the reason I thought this game was so fun was not in conning younger scouts. It was fun because me and my buddy would pretend to BE younger scouts going around asking for the craziest thing, and seeing how far we could push the envelope.

It was pretty fun, at least as kids, to pretend to be the “mark” while all the other guys, at least in our minds, were the “marks.”

Of course, this “game” doesn’t stop once we get older.

It seems that everybody is telling us half truths, and then happily sending us on our way, usually far, far away, so by the time we figure the jig is up, that other guy is long gone.

This partially stems from the fact that few people are comfortable saying, “I don’t know,” so they make up some half baked answer so they don’t feel stupid, and then send you away with only a partial answer.

Another reason this happens is many people are desperate to claim some kind of social status by giving you some convoluted answer, usually having nothing to do with your original question.

Politicians pull this crap all the time. Somebody asks them a question they either can’t answer, or don’t want to answer, so they simply spin it off into something else, which makes them look good, but ignores the original question.

What’s the answer?

Unfortunately, it’s ultimately up to you.

Which means few people will give you the straight dope. Few people will put their own social status aside to help you out.

Few people will tell you how it really is.

It’s up to YOU to take pretty much everything with a grain of salt, and kind of figure it out on your own, from experience.

Most people don’t like to hear this. Most people hate that it’s like this.

But the truth is that once you accept this for what it is, and why it is this way, life can be pretty fun.

Like like my buddy and I when we were kids, you can turn the whole “con” into your own game, where you can get the upper hand.

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Get Ready For Game Day

There's Only One Way To Get Better

Practice Makes Perfect

If you want to develop rock solid confidence with girls, this is for you.

Now, to start off you need to understand this is NOT a magic switch.

Talking confidently to girls, ANY girl, is a skill. And just like any skill, it takes practice. And no matter who you are, the more practice you put in, the better you’ll get.

But you still need to practice.

Now, even guys that are pretty good NEVER practice. Imagine being on a sports team and ONLY playing when you had a regular season game. That would be a really lame way to organize your team. If you were the manager you’d be fired pretty quick.

Obviously, teams that practiced more would perform the better. 

When it comes to girls, not only do most guys NEVER practice, but each and every time they talk to a girl, it’s not even a regular season game. It’s the bottom of the ninth in the world series, and they’re down by three runs.

So, the first realization is to make time for practice. When you are practicing, you are NOT picking up. You are not EVER going to meet these girls again, even if they throw themselves at you.

Practice is practice. Game time is game time.

How do you practice?

It all depends on what level you’re comfortable with. Whatever that is, that’s a good place to start.

Say you’re good at saying “Hi” to cute girls, but after that you collapse into a puddle of terror.

So your “practice” is to go and say “hi” to ten or twenty girls, every day for a week or so.

Choose ONE DAY out of the week to be “game day.” These are girls you’re allowed to number close and call and date if you can.

Otherwise, they’re only practice.

Now, this next part is crucial. The other component of actual, in-the-field physical practice is mental practice.

Every single night (preferably before sleep so your subconscious can process it), mentally review whatever practice you did that day.

Only re-engineer the memory so it’s slightly better than what actually happened. But only slightly.

And ONLY re-engineer YOUR PART, don’t re-engineer any responses you get. So if you said a timid “hi,” change your memory so you said very congruent “Hey!” with a nice smile.

This is pretty easy, and the more you do this, the better you’ll get. No two ways about it.

It will only take a few minutes per day, and a few minutes per night.

If you did this for six months solid, your game would improve by leaps and bounds, and talking to real girls, on GAME DAYS would be much, much easier, and much, much more successful than it is now.

The only question is, are you willing to practice?

Get Started:

mindpersuasion.com