Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Mind Tricks To Kill Fear

Is This What Talking To Girls Feels Like?

Control Your Thoughts – Control Everything

Imagine if you tried swimming using the following method.

You stood there on the side of the pool, shaking from fear. All your buddies were swimming, but you weren’t sure if you could do it.

Maybe you looked at a point off in the distance, and imagined how cool it would be to swim over there. Then you imagined the cold hand of death grabbing your ankle and pulling you down to the lonely bottom.

You grit your teeth, and jump in. Only you don’t try and swim. You just kind of float there. Then suddenly your instincts kick in, and you start dog paddling. Everybody’s laughing. You paddle back to where you came from, and climb out.

Absolutely humiliated.

This is very similar to what most guys do when they approach girls. Especially when they’re nervous while approaching.

Now, if you’re nervous and you approach anyway, congratulations. Most guys can’t do this.

But when you approach, there’s some things you can do to make it a lot easier, and some things to do that will make it a lot harder.

The thoughts you hold in your head WHILE approaching are crucial. If you don’t purposely hold positive thoughts, your caveman brain will take over.

This is like you dog paddling in the pool. Running on instincts.

But if you approach with some positive thoughts, and HOLD those thoughts, it will be a lot easier.

This would be like swimming the crawl, based on conscious thinking, rather than dog paddling, based on instinct.

Every action you take, there’s a battle going on in your mind. Your conscious, rational self, vs. your caveman instincts.

Your caveman instincts are usually only good if you’re in a caveman environment. Like there’s some sort of horrible, life threatening danger, and you’ve got to take care of business.

But when talking to cute girls, your caveman brain is NOT your friend.

Your conscious mind is.

What thoughts should you think?

Firstly, you’ll need to FORCE them in the forefront of your brain. Like you might need to consciously remember how to swim.

Any thoughts of any positive EXPERIENCES with women will do. Ideally, you should have a positive experience in the recent past, and one in the near future. Which will take place AFTER you talk to the girl you’re about to talk to.

Any positive experience will work. A girl that smiled at you. A cute girl you talked to at Starbucks (whether she was working there or not.)

ANY experience will do.

This works for many reasons.

You won’t see the girl you’re about to talk to as a life or death situation. 

Which means you’ll significantly tone down any neediness or desperation. She’ll pick up on this, and this will increase her likelihood of being attracted to you.

Now, this can be tough to do if you don’t have ANY positive experiences with women. But you can certainly go and get some.

Just hit up some shops or restaurants around town where cute girls work. DO NOT try and pick them up. Just be friendly with them. Go in once a week or so. Learn their names, and tell them yours.

Remember, these are NOT girls you are picking up or number closing or getting advice from or anything. Just some girls to have a friendly, BRIEF, chit-chat with while you drink your coffee or whatever.

THEN, when you see some girls you’d like to talk to, for real, think of those “practice girls” while you do so.

Do this long enough, and you’ll be building up a HUGE amount of positive experiences with women.

Just remember that this ISN’T automatic, at least not at first. The first couple dozen times you talk to real girls, in the real world, you’ll need to FORCE your brain to think of those positive experiences, WHILE APPROACHING and WHILE TALKING.

But if you keep it up, that feeling of “good experiences with women” WILL become automatic.

And you’ll have suddenly turned into a natural.

How To Tilt The Game In Your Favor

What Does Ben Franklin Know About Success?

Essential Daily Mental Practice

Most people are aware of the power of visualization.

Athletes have known about this for years. They visualize what they want, over and over, and it happens.

Andre Agassi, the tennis player, made a dramatic career comeback to win Wimbleton, when nobody else thought he could.

He said it was easy, because he’d already seen it a million times in his mind.

Even in University studies, it’s been scientifically proven that visualizing something is just as good as actually practicing it.

They took three groups of basketball players. One group didn’t practice, one group practiced in their mind, and one group practiced for real.

The group that did mind practice improved just as much as the group that did real practice.

No matter what you want to do, mentally practicing before hand will make it easier. 

Benjamin Franklin talked about this hundreds of years ago. He called it a “daily review.” To be sure, he wasn’t the guy who came up with it, as it’s likely been around for a long, long time.

Basically you just spent a few minutes at the end of the day, reviewing the events. The ones you’d like to “rewrite,” you do. In your mind. You practice the way you’d like to have done whatever it is you did.

The more you do this, the more quickly you’ll improve.

You can even take this to a meta level. Stepping it up a bit.

You can do this with ANY situation. Just take a few moments before you take action, and really visualize exactly HOW you’d like it to come out.

Not only will this make it much more likely, but it will significantly diminish any fear you may have.

Sadly, most people will never do this.

It’s much easier to stay stuck, and come up with an excuse why you didn’t take action.

Especially when we blame forces outside of ourselves. Nothing’s easier than pointing fingers.

It keeps us safe, and we get to pretend that it’s not our fault.

Unfortunately, this will never get us very much good stuff.

Because as you well know, the only things REALLY worth something are things you’ve got to get on your own, rather than have them plopped safely in your lap.

Part of the process of becoming a fully functioning adult is giving up that magical thinking, and taking responsibility for your life.

Sure, it can be difficult. Sure you’ll need to step outside your comfort zone. Sure, you might get some results other than what you were hoping for.

But that’s where all the juice of life is. Taking action, and seeing what happens.

Naturally, you can use the visualization process to make it much easier. Instead of charging forward and hoping for some “good luck,” you can definitely tilt the game in your favor.

How?

How To Be Like A Kid Again

Speak With Childlike Fearlessness

How To Speak Fearlessly

Little kids are amazing.

They are both fearless and adorable at the same time.

They speak without worrying about what people will say.

Now, if you’re a parent this isn’t so great. But if you’re like me, and you enjoy other people’s kids, this is pretty fun to watch.

They have ZERO problems standing up in the middle of a crowd and shouting whatever’s on their mind.

Again, this is pretty embarrassing for the parents sometimes, but this fearlessness is precisely why kids are so adorable.

We don’t have to try and guess what they mean, or interpret the multiple layers of body language and facial expressions.

They are just pure, open, fearless energy.

Maybe they remind us the way we used to be. Maybe they remind us when times were a lot simpler. Who knows.

But it’s pretty widely agreed upon that one (there are MANY) measures of the “quality” of the adult is whether or not they like kids.

When I was a kid, there was a old lady who lived next door who HATED kids. At least we thought so. We’d be playing outside, and she’d peek out through the window and scare the crap out of us.

Now, she may have loved kids, but didn’t know how to talk to them. Who knows.

This is a funny thing that happens to us as we get older.

Communication becomes harder. More complicated. There’s more risk, more at stake.

That natural outgoing “pureness” gets covered up by a layer of careful protection, anxiety, and sometimes fear.

The problem is that when people watch us, and they see us not being as outgoing as we’d like to be, they assume all kinds of things about us.

Maybe we don’t like them. Maybe we’re “stuck up.” Maybe we think we’re better than everybody.

To make matters worse, everybody’s standing around, inside their own protective bubble of “social safety” and waiting for somebody else to make the first move.

Why not you?

Why not be the person who walks over and starts the conversation?

Why not be the person who shows everybody else it’s still safe to be outgoing and expressive?

Of course, this won’t come as naturally as when you were a kid. But the benefits of being adult means you can decide HOW you think, instead of just relying on instincts.

And make no mistake, you CAN retrain your brain just as easily as you can learn anything else.

And you HAVE learned a lot in life already, right?

Learn how to program your brain, and express yourself.

This will show you how:

Self Confidence Generator

Ancient Secrets Of Seduction

The Secrets Of Consistent Seduction Improvement

How To Become A Stone Cold Natural

Most guys spend tons of money on inside secrets of dating.

The idea is that if they only learn a secret set of strategies, or techniques, then they’ve got it made.

However, most of the time, this is just a self-generated ego-protecting, smoke screen.

Think of it this way. If you could walk up to any girl you saw, any where, any time, and talk to her as relaxed and confident as you talk to your best friend, you wouldn’t have ANY problems with the ladies. You’d just walk up to girls, talk to them, and pretty soon you’d meet somebody that was PERFECT for you.

Only most guys can’t do this. Sure, there’s plenty that can collect numbers, or hit on girls till the cows come home. But this is not really what I’m talking about.

Getting numbers and throwing out lines is more of a hit and run strategy than a conversational strategy. These conversations don’t usually last longer than a couple of minutes.

What I’m talking about is relaxed, extended conversations that let natural attraction build on its own.

The ability to do this is very, very rare. But guys won’t admit this to themselves. Guys always have some kind of excuse, some kind of reason. And when they buy into the “buy-every-seminar-and-home-study-course-there-is” mindset, they’re really just putting off what they don’t to face.

Works like this. A guy sees a cute girl. He’d love to go and talk to her. But he’s either too nervous to talk to her, or too nervous to talk to her more than the two minutes it will take to approach her and ask for the number.

So he convinces himself he needs to study more. Maybe that weekly training course he saw online is the ticket. After he studies that, THEN he’ll be able to approach.

Only that never happens.

Then he comes up with another excuse. Maybe after he gets promoted. Maybe after he loses ten pounds. Maybe in the spring when everybody’s happier.

The truth is that you’ve got all the skills you need right here, right now, to find the woman of your dreams.

Trial and error is the absolute best way to learn anything. Especially something that’s free and contains ZERO danger. Like talking to girls.

The more girls you talk to, the easier it will get. The easier it gets, the more girls you’ll talk to.

If you got started TODAY, how would your love life look in six months?

How would your love life be TODAY if you started doing this six months ago? A year ago? Two years ago?

Being able to talk to gorgeous girls while feeling relaxed, confident and playful is a very powerful, very crucial and very wonderful skill to have.

And the ONLY way you can develop that skill is to practice.

Get started.

mindpersuasion.com

Be Sociable To Find Your Dream Girl

She's Not Going To Come To You!

Get Off Your Couch!

Many people feel stuck, especially when it comes to the ladies.

It’s kind of like having a job. When you’ve got a good one, everybody wants to hire you.

But when you’re unemployed, and have been for some time, nobody wants to touch you.

Same with the ladies. When you’re in a happy relationship, it seems every girl’s got eyes on you and wants to jump your bones.

But when you haven’t gotten any in a while, no female wants to be around you.

It’s easy to understand why this is. When you’re in a happy relationship, you radiate ZERO neediness. Nothing but happy, relaxed confidence. You like yourself, you like your life. You walk the Earth like everything’s groovy. Girls pick up on this, and they want some.

On the other hand, if you haven’t even touched a female since Bush was president, you radiate something different completely. Neediness, lust, desperation. Things that women absolutely HATE.

So, what do you? How do you remedy this situation? Easy.

Consider how you’d get in shape if you haven’t moved from your sofa in a couple years. First you’d start walking ten or twenty minutes every day. Then maybe a bit longer.

Then you might actually do a couple sit ups and push ups in the morning. Maybe you’d even join a gym.

Keep it up, and pretty soon your jogging a couple miles in the morning, and then hitting the gym every other night after work.

Before long, you’re in pretty decent shape.

Now, imagine if you got right off the couch and tried to run two miles. Then spent an hour in the gym. If you didn’t end up in the hospital, you’d be sore as hell the next day, and you’d likely never work out again.

See what I’m getting at?

You can get whatever you want. Money, girls, a six pack. You just gotta take it slow.

So, how do you take is slow when you’re ultimate goal is to have a sexy sweetheart to call your own?

Start talking to people. Become sociable. Talk to the old lady at the grocery store. Talk to people at work.

Pretty soon talking to people will be easier and easier. And you’ll notice that many people actually LIKE talking to you. They’ll SMILE when they see you coming.

Just keep pushing out your comfort zone very slowly, and eventually pretty girls will be among those you talk to.

And one of them might be the girl of your dreams.

Will it be easy? Probably not. But it won’t be any more difficult than walking twenty minutes every morning if the furthest you’ve ever been is your fridge.

Most guys imagine they need some kind of magic “fix” and then it will be all good with the ladies.

It doesn’t work like that. It takes time, and dedicated effort.

But just like changing from a big squishy couch potato into a solid mass of muscle, if you put in the effort, you WILL get the results.

Just as surely as the night follows day.

These Mind Tools Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com 

Understanding The Fluidity Of Females

People Are Always Changing, Like Flowing Rivers

Can’t Step In The Same River Twice

One common mistake that men make about women is that they are somehow “fixed” in time.

The truth is that NO human is every the same, even two days in a row. You are always learning new things, discovering new skills, getting new memories in your brain.

They say the biggest problem in marriages is that women hope that men will change, and they don’t. Men hope women won’t change, and they do.

Truth is we both change, a lot.

Some guys buy into this theory that once they “get to know” a woman, that she’s not “supposed to” change.

Meaning they date her for a couple months, and expect everything to stay the same. Women do the same thing.

But when a girl likes a guy she’s NOT in a committed relationship to, she’s going to UNCONSCIUSLY be on her “best behavior.”

With guys, it’s the same thing. Only the UNCONSCIOUSLY driven “best behavior” is before the guy gets laid.

That’s why many guys have super tight game BEFORE they hit the sheets, but after it’s all over, his game crumbles.

Now, he doesn’t realize this, but she sure does. The night before he was a confident, sexy, smooth talking alpha that made her want to lose her panties.

But the next morning, he’s a big puddle of neediness. WTF just happened?

Bottom line of human nature is that when we want something, but don’t have it, we will act MUCH differently than when we have it.

Does this mean we’re doomed?

Nope.

It just means you’ve got to create more attraction than the bare minimum to get into her panties.

If you TRULY want to seduce her, in a way that she’ll want you EVEN MORE after you do the nasty, you’ve got to think long term.

Now, this be incredibly hard to fake.

Sure, most guys can get away with faking short term game. But longer than a week, your true character starts to show. And so does hers.

So not only do you need to measure her during ALL PHASES of the relationship, but you’ve got to have solid game yourself.

The easiest way to do this is to make solid game who you are. Take it out of the “game” category in your mind, and simply make it the way you live life.

Always confident. Always friendly and outgoing. Always sure of where you’re headed in life. Always ready to bail if things go south.

Never needy, never dependent on the good graces of others. Always in charge of your own life.

Do this, and you’ll have nothing to worry about.

How To Find High Quality Women

Searching For High Quality Women?

Criteria Are Essential

It’s easy to feel angry and frustrated if you aren’t having much success with the ladies.

Even if you are “hooking up” from time to time, it can be frustrating if they turn out to be “low quality” women.

The thing about sex is it’s not nearly as meaningless as many people like to believe. Humans have been around for a long, long time, and we wouldn’t have been as successful, compared to other animals, if we didn’t have a lot of advantages.

One of those advantages is that humans are one of the few animals that form long term pair-bonds.

To make it even more powerful, humans are the ONLY animal that employ sexually specific labor.

Meaning that back in the caveman days, both men and women looked for food. But men looked for different food (meat or protein) than women (roots, nuts, berries, etc). 

Basically men hunted, while women gathered.

This became a HUGE advantage because humans could live in a LOT more environments than all other animals.

If the men OR the women came up empty, we were still OK for a while.

So it became even MORE IMPORTANT to our deep programming to look for relationships, rather than anonymous sex, like many other primates.

One way this plays out is guys think they are looking for a one-nighter, only to find they’re having feelings for the girl after a couple rolls in the hay.

Since women are MUCH BETTER at compartmentalizing this kind of thing, if they’re going into it with ONLY a one-night-stand mindset, they’re much more likely to hold that one-night-stand mindset.

The end result is a guy who thinks he’s looking for a one-nighter ends up having feelings, when she doesn’t.

This leads to many guys thinking that all women are sluts, or low quality, or feeling “cheated” or lied to.

Now, I’m not saying that sex within hours of meeting is wrong or immoral, but it CAN make it complicated to build a solid relationship, if that’s what you’re after.

Another reason for a lot of confusion is many guys don’t have much criteria. Meaning they aren’t sure what kind of girl they’re looking for, other than a girl that likes them.

Then when they have sex, they assume all THEIR criteria is fulfilled, but the girl might think otherwise.

She might ONLY see you as some “guy she hooked up with” rather than boyfriend material.

One way to avoid this is to have some solid criteria BESIDES her physical appearance.

Then take some time to sort for this FIRST, before sleeping with her.

I know this is against what most gurus preach, which is to bang her as soon as possible, but if you consider a long term strategy of building a healthy relationship, rather than a string of heartbreaks, it may be something to consider.

Build Your Inner Game:

mindpersuasion.com

Easy First Conversation Techniques With Women

Easy Peasy Cherry Squeezy

Easier Than You Think

What’s better, to chase women, or to get women to chase you?

In reality, you need a mix of the two. If you try to get women to do EVERYTHING, you’re going to be lonely.

Go to any club and you’ll plenty of guys hugging the walls waiting for the girls to make a move.

On the other hand, if you are always pushing forward no matter WHAT, she’s going to be put off.

The trick is to first assert yourself, then pull back a little, and make sure she follows.

This can be physical, or conversational, or even attention wise.

But make no mistake, get used to the idea that you’re going to have to make the first approach.

You’re going to have to get the conversation started. You’re going to have to assume the authority position and make it easy for her to talk to. You are going to have to take the initial risks.

Then you pull back, and see if she’s interested enough to follow you.

Nothing dramatic, just small “tests” to see if she’s interested.

Of course, the most basic test is to simply ask for her number.  If she gives it to right away with a smile on her face, you’re doing pretty good.

But as you know, many girls will give our their numbers without really being interested. They aren’t being mean or deceptive, it’s just VERY hard sometimes to say “no.”

So if you’re the type that makes it a point to collect tons of numbers, you realize it’s a “numbers” game.

But you CAN tell whether or not she’s into you or not BEFORE you ask for the number, if you know what to look for.

Does she carry her half of the conversation? Does she offer up “free information” or do you feel like you are pulling teeth?

If you touch her lightly on the forearm, does she pull her arm back in disgust, or does she seem to warm up to you slightly, or even reciprocate within a few moments? Are here eyes wandering around the place while you’re talking to her or is she looking at you most of the time?

These are all fantastic signs that you’re doing well with her. When this happens, don’t draw it out.  She’ll never say, “Let me give you my number so you can ask me out!”

It’s your job to approach, it’s your job to “read the air” and determine if she’s into you, AND it’s your job to get her number and get out before you blow it.

A lot to remember, to be sure.

But one thing that will make it easier if you think of EVERY SINGLE GIRL you talk to ask practice.

Only by her showing significant and continued interest in you does she move from the “practice” to “potential relationship” category in your mind.

Keep this attitude and you’ll go far!

The Myth Of The Quality Woman

Are You Chasing A Mythological Woman?

Myth Busting Relationships

What does it mean to find a “quality woman?”

Many guys are moaning all over the place that they don’t exist. Or at least not anymore. And many women feel the same thing about guys.

There’s a couple of things going on here.

One is that it’s very easy, and very simple for people to complain that it’s not like the “good old days.”

This doesn’t take any effort, and it requires no risk or potential failure. It’s just another manifesting of the age old argument that it’s the world’s fault that you can’t get what you want.

This is absolute hogwash. Even if it is true to a degree, this is a horrible mindset to take on. Once you start blaming the world, or your own “unique” situation, or whatever, for your lack, it’s pretty much all over.

Because if it’s somebody else’s fault you can’t get what you want, it’s also somebody else’s responsibility to give you what you want.

Sure, if you’re two years old and still happily crapping your pants, that might be a viable argument.

But as an adult, if you’re waiting for the magic pixie dust fairy to show up and grant your deepest wishes, you’ll be waiting a long, long time.

So idea number one is that if you can’t find what you’re looking for (ideal partner or not) you’re simply not looking hard enough.

Yea, it’s a tough world. Get over it. It’s always been a tough world, it will always be a tough world.

Next idea is the whole “quality woman” (or quality man) myth.

What does this mean? Some guys will say girls that are loyal, that will stand by you, that won’t cheat on you, etc.

But any girl that’s REALLY into you will show these qualities.

Unless she’s got some serious issues, a girl who’s head over heels in love with you is going to be loyal, she’s going to have your back, and she’s not going to cheat on you.

So if you’re meeting girls that don’t seem to fall into this category, guess what?

They simply aren’t feeling you.

Who’s fault is that?

Most likely, it’s nobody’s. No girl is obligated to fall for you. No girl is obligated to feel loyalty to you.

Your job, if you want a loyal girl, is to be the guy she wants to be loyal to.

Don’t sit around moaning about the state of the world.

Improve yourself. Enhance your career. Increase your social skills. Become comfortable being a laid back leader in social situations.

Choose a life for yourself that gets you out of bed every morning. 

Turn your life into a mission.

Do this, and you won’t have any problems with girls, or anything else.

The Quest For Mythical Love

Does True Love Really Exist?

It Really DOES Exist!

What is relationship “magic?”

Is it something that ONLY comes in Disney movies, or does it happen in real life?

Now, if you’re a guy, especially a jaded guy, bear with me.

Many guys think women need to be “gamed.” Meaning you need to see them as some secret combination that will only open when you say the right words and phrases in the right order.

Sure, this is an accurate metaphor, if you want to get laid. There are certain things that women (and men) respond to. Learn them well enough, and you can get laid, just like clockwork.

But if you’re after something more, then you’ve got to go beyond “game.”

As you may know, once you get past that initial lust, you may run out of material. Then the relationship will fizzle, and she’ll wonder what happened to that guy you met.

Imagine a girl that looks absolutely gorgeous, only when she wakes up the next morning, her face looks different (because all her makeup and contacts are gone) and her body looks different (because all those constricting undergarments are now removed). Her boobs are smaller (since she’s no longer wearing a push up bra) and you see the real color of her hair.

You’d feel you’d been conned. This is precisely the danger of over relying on “game.”

She’s going to eventually wake up next to a much different guy that she went to bed with.

The REAL YOU is going to show up sooner or later.

But what if you elevated the REAL YOU so that just by acting natural, you’d be much more attractive?

Here’s something else to consider, that may take a bit of brain power for some of you.

If you were to improve your all around personality, social skills and self confidence, something pretty cool will happen.

See, when you rely on game, it can start to feel “mechanical.” Do it enough times, and you start to “expect” her to respond a certain way. Pretty soon it loses its “magic.”

But when you’re acting “natural” you don’t feel like you’re running game. You’re just talking.

AND she’s getting more and more attracted to you.

Seeing a girl get fired up because of YOU is a much different, and much better feeling that seeing a girl get fired up because of “game technology.”

It feels more natural, it feels more organic, and it generally lasts a lot longer.

So, what’s holding you back? Why don’t you ALREADY do this?

Maybe you’ve been told that “being yourself” is a lie, only for beta chumps.

Maybe gurus have been flooding the interwebs with game language for so long they’ve forgotten one thing.

Men and women have been getting together, enjoying each others company, and STAYING together for over a hundred thousand years.

Improve your inner game, your life skills, and the women you want will follow.

Learn More:

mindpersuasion.com