Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Why You Should Love Rejection

Rejection Is Your Fastest Path To Success

Rejection Is Essential To Success

A lot of guys have a common problem with women.

And that is that they are waiting for some kind of obvious “green light” that tells them it’s OK.

This is normal. Nobody likes taking risks. We’d all love some perfect step by step method that is guaranteed to work. Some paint by the numbers system that gets us whatever we want, especially affection from gorgeous girls, without every having to put it on the line.

The trouble is that NOTHING is certain. All action requires risk. Sure, some actions are so LOW in risk they seem risk free. Things like ordering a pizza, going to the toilet in the middle of the night, or anything else simple and routine that we do over and over again.

But the simple truth of reality is that we absolutely cannot predict the future. 

It’s very common to be sitting there on the couch or in the bar talking to the girl of your dreams, and wondering whether or not you should make a move. And many guys DON’T make a move, and later claim that it was because they weren’t getting the right signals.

This is utter nonsense.

Let’s take a step back and see this from a scientific and biological perspective.

If a guy makes a move, and gets shot down, he’s going to feel like crap. BUT it won’t likely affect his social standing.  Think about one of your buddies right now. Now imagine him making a move (not an obscene or illegal move) and getting shot down. Politely shot down, not some girl screaming bloody murder.

Now, how do you feel about him after imagining that he tried and got shot down? Is he a social outcast? Is he some pariah to be avoided? Are the guys going to suddenly stop talking when he comes around, and look around in an uncomfortable silence?

Nope. If anything, he’ll get more props for trying.

Now imagine if a girl gave clear and obvious signs that she wants to be kissed. And SHE gets shot down.

What would happen to her reputation? What would her friends say? What would happen if she were known as the girl who throws herself at guys?

You know what would happen. Every girl who knew her (and every guy) would suddenly use different adjectives to describe her. (Easy, for example.)

So if you are waiting for a girl to make it obvious she wants you to kiss her, or touch her, or ask for her number, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

Not fair? Maybe not. But so what?

If you want success, you’re going to have to make a move. A risky move.

As the great founder of Sony once said, “If you want to double your success rate, simply double your failure rate!”

Now go out there and get shot down!

Are You Waiting For Permission?

Press Forward

Why You Should Boldly Press Forward

One of the differences between being a child and being an adult is the idea of “permission.”

When we are very young, we need to ask permission for pretty much everything.

In school, we need permission to speak, to ask questions, sometimes even to go to the bathroom.

The older we get, the more we need to just take action without waiting for approval.

Sometimes, though, we don’t really need permission, but we pretend we do.

We’d like to do something, like walk over there and talk to that interesting person, or start a business, or make a suggestion to our boss.

But we hold back, and tell ourselves it’s because we need “permission.” We say things like, “Oh, they wouldn’t like that.”

Even though we’re fully functioning adults, often times we feel we need prior approval before taking any action that we’re not “supposed” to take.

But as I’m sure you know, those that succeed BIG don’t wait around for permission, or approval, or even validation.

They lead, knowing eventually others will follow.

In pretty much all areas of life, there have been pioneers who have created new products, inventions, types of music and art, medical techniques, and on and on, simply by acting on their own inspiration.

Now, most people are content to be followers. To wait around on the sidelines and watch the leaders and creators take all the risks, and get all the rewards.

They’re content to stay safely in the middle of the pack, where it’s “OK” to follow the herd.

What about you?

What about your ideas? 

Will you wait until you get full permission and approval before you try something new? 

Or will you just boldly go where no one has gone before?

It’s not easy, it’s not guaranteed, and it’s not always safe.

But it’s a LOT more fun that hiding in the middle of a crowd, waiting to be told what to do.

If you’re ready to get started, check this out:

Frame Control

Girl Getting Confidence Tricks

Extreme Confidence With Women

Obliterate All Fear

Here’s a trick that will blast your self confidence with girls through the roof.

However, you MUST understand one thing. The girls you use this “trick” on are NOT girls you are going to try and pick up.

They are only “practice” girls.

This means when you see a girl for the first time, and you’ve exchanged some IOI’s, you’ve got to decide BEFORE you go over there which category she’s in, and STICK to that decision.

Most guys CANNOT do this. They see a girl, and go over there and try anything and everything to get as far as they can, and either get her number, and leave (usually because SHE says she’s got to go or something) or they get blown out. (Which is when SHE says she’s got to go or something).

However, if you follow this strategy, you WILL see positive results.

So, assume you see a girl, and you decide she’s “practice.” Meaning you WILL NOT ask for her contact information or even suggest getting together. You won’t even tell her that you’re not going to ask for her number.

This is what you do.

You walk over and break the ice. Say something that paces the situation. Say you noticed her, you noticed something she did (actually say the thing she did) and then tell her you wanted to find out  more about her, because she seemed interesting.

(All of this is absolutely true, by the way.)

Then ask her name. Ask what she does. Ask open ended questions about anything she seems willing to tell you about. The idea, the goal, the intention, the mission, is to get her to smile while she’s talking to you about things she likes.

Once you get a few smiles, say thanks, and then LEAVE.

Don’t hesitate. Don’t linger. Don’t wait around for her to tell you what a genius alpha male you are or how clever you are.

LEAVE.

Remember, this is ONLY a confidence building exercise.

If you do this two or three times a week, your self confidence around women will SOAR.

But ONLY if you stick to the plan. The ENTIRE plan.

Wait…wait…wait…

What if she asks for YOUR number?

DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER.

Say something like, “Wow, I’m really flattered, but I’m not ready for a relationship or dating or anything right now.”

Right now, of course, meaning that very moment. You may be ready in another hour or so with another girl, but DO NOT tell her than.

This will build up a HUGE and POWERFUL belief in your brain that says this:

“Girls like me. Girls like talking to me. Girls want to talk to me more than I want to talk to them. Girls want me to stick around after I talk to them. Girls actually try to chase me.”

Do this a few times, and when you see a girl that’s NOT practice, it will be much, much easier.

Get Historical Heroes On Your Side

Surround Yourself With Heroes

Your Own Hero Support Crew

There’s many different resources you need in many different situations.

In golf, for example, even the highest paid athletes rely on their caddies to help them select the right “resource” (club) for the job.

If you were having a big dinner party, most folks wouldn’t likely cook everything up from scratch off the top of your head. You’d at least consult the Internet to find out how to make certain things.

Even though you’re intelligent, know how to find your way, sometimes it’s just a lot quicker, and a lot easier to stop and ask for directions.

Often times, though, we’ve simply got to “wing it.”

If you had to stand up and give a speech, most people could tell you how to structure your speech, and the mechanics of holding eye contact, but that’s about it.

Sure, they may say things like, “Be Confident!” But seriously, if we could just “be confident” then we wouldn’t have a problem, right?

Some things are easy to learn based on step by step instructions. If you follow a cake recipe for example, you wouldn’t likely need to bake it sixteen times until you got it right.

But giving a speech, being persuasive with people you’ve just met, effectively getting somebody’s phone number in a social setting, these aren’t things that we can learn from a book.

But what if there was a way to copy not only the strategies, but the inner beliefs and feelings as well?

What if you could fully absorb all the confidence, intelligence and inner game skills of your favorite heroes from history?

Well, that’s precisely what you’ll be getting in the Frame Control course.

Not only will you learn the step by step mental exercises that will build a strong, attractive and magnetic frame from the inside out, but you’ll also be able to construct a circle of supporters that will subconsciously be there for you.

Everywhere you go.

Who are these supporters? Anybody you want. Historical figures. Mythological figures. Great leaders from past Empires.

Anybody.

To learn more, check this out:

Frame Control

The Secret Of Irresistible Magnetism

Blast Out Your Truth

Resonate Your Message

One of the most powerful things you can do is increase your congruence.

This is one of those things that’s easy to talk about, but hard to measure or even define.

It basically comes down to how much of “you” is on board with your actions or words.

Like if you said something you really didn’t believe, most people would know.

One clear sign of incongruence is body language. We all know the signs. Crossed arms, crossed legs, not making eye contact.

If you’ve got kids, you can spot a lie a mile a way.

But a deeper incongruence is when we “think” we believe something, but we really don’t. At least not on all levels.

It’s like when we say something, we’re trying to convince ourselves just as much as everybody else.

However, when you DO develop a large amount of inner congruence, it’s like the gates of heaven open up.

People not only believe every word you say, but they agree with you, and will follow you to the ends of the earth.

Cult leaders are notorious for this kind of thing. They say and do the craziest stuff, that on paper would look absolutely ridiculous.

But when they say it, they are so congruent, and they believe it on ALL levels, it sounds like the most obvious and natural thing there is.

The truth about us humans is we are EASILY swayed by somebody who believes something with all their heart, REGARDLESS of what the content of the message is.

Throw in some social proof, and it’s literally impossible to resist.

Of course, like any other tool, this can be used for good, or for evil.

You can lead people to massive happiness and self-expression, or lead them off a cliff.

You can lead people to generate real and lasting change in their own lives, and the lives of all around them, or you could easily con them out of their life’s savings.

I’m sure you’ve seen examples of both.

Luckily, we all get a choice. A choice of not only which skills to learn, but how we decide to use them.

If you want to learn more, check this out:

Frame Control

Train Out Approach Anxiety With Mind Control

How To Evaporate Approach Anxiety

Total Control Of Your Feelings

Your brain is filled up with literally millions of memories.

What’s more, each and every memory can be seen in plenty of different ways. The older you get, the more you “understand” what your parents were trying to tell you as a kid.

This, of course, can be a double edged sword.

Since you can pretty much reference any memories with any flavor in an instant, you can use your own experience to validate any hair-brained idea that pops into your head.

If you think women are evil and will only hurt you, you’ll find plenty of personal memories to support that.

If you think women are all Angels of Heaven who were put here to bring sensual pleasure to God’s Earth, you’ll find THAT evidence in your past as well. 

It all depends on how willing you are to look for evidence CONTRARY to what you THINK is true.

Confirmation bias doesn’t ONLY color what we see in the world.

It colors which memories we decide to call up.

And here’s something else to wrap your mind around.

The collective color or energy of the memories you call up (usually within a few microseconds) will determine your state.

Your level of confidence, stress, verbal flexibility, motivation, and even your heart rate, breathing levels and perspiration (or lack thereof.).

All from the ten or twenty memories you pull up out of a memory bank of millions.

If you don’t like the way you “feel” in certain situations, it’s simply a matter of learning how to change your reference memories.

Just like building muscle memory, this takes time. If you want to naturally play the piano without thinking, you’re going to need to slowly go through each chord and play every note slowly and methodically, to build in that muscle-brain-sound memory.

Do that enough, and you can play anything by ear, instantly and perfectly.

Same goes with girls.

If you want to feel confident around girls, you’ve got to practice feeling confident. How do you do that?

First, decide what you’d like to feel.

Then, come up with a bunch of memories that MAKE you feel that way.

Then go into a situation where you’d LIKE to feel that way.

Then, just like practicing piano scales, FORCE yourself to slowly recall those memories, that make those feelings bubble up in your brain.

Now, this won’t be instantaneous, and it won’t be easy. Your thoughts are like a slippery eel on meth in vat of salad oil, so holding them won’t be easy.

And to be honest, most guys aren’t willing to do something like this. They’d rather pay for some imaginary quick fix instead of putting in some real work.

But consider what will happen if you DID put in the work.

Imagine six months or so from now, when you can walk up to anybody, anywhere, any time and feel TOTALLY comfortable, and TOTALLY on top of your game.

What will you do then?

Learn More:

mindpersuasion.com

Brass Tacks And Hot Girls

Everything In Life Is A Negotiation

What Most Guys Are Afraid To Know About Girls

Many guys tend to see women as the “enemy.”

Meaning if they walk up to a girl, and don’t get what they want, then it’s some kind of female conspiracy. Or if they go out and get shot down by every girl they approach, they go home bitter and angry.

To be sure, it can seem like an adversarial relationship. On a very deep level, women are programmed to find men to “seem like” good resource providers. And men are programmed to find women to “seem” like good baby makers.

It’s kind of like we’re both, on a VERY subconscious level, trying to pull one over on each other. Guys try getting as much as they can, while giving as little as they can, so do girls. It’s just the way of life.

If you walk into any store where the price is negotiable, it’s the same way. The sales clerk, while pretending to be your long-lost bestest buddy, will charge you as much as possible.

You, on the other hand, while being ultra friendly, are hoping he gets ZERO commissions.

Friendly on the surface, but adversarial on a deeper level.

But like they say in Ancient Rome, “Caveat Emptor.” Which means it’s up to YOU, the customer, to make sure you’re getting a good deal. It’s not up to the store, or the advertisers, or the sales clerk. That job falls squarely on YOU.

Perhaps the reason for so much anger towards women is that guys EXPECT to get something. Then when they don’t get it, they feel cheated.

Like if your goofball neighbor lied to you about the price he paid for his car, telling you he got it for 10K less than he really did.

You go to the shop, asking for the same price, and they look at you like you’re nuts. This of course, makes you angry, as you feel like they’re trying to pull one over on you.

If you want success with women, it’s up to YOU to make it happen. Nobody’s going to give it to you. Women aren’t some magic “reward” for graduating college, or getting a good job, or finally getting that promotion.

They aren’t a “prize” and neither are you.

You are a negotiator and so is she.

And both are you are trying, hoping, to enter into a long term agreement with each other that BOTH parties get what they want, at a reasonable cost.

If you want an attractive woman in your life who spins your propellers in the right ways, YOU’VE got to be an attractive man in HER life to spin HER propellers the right ways.

That requires negotiation. Usually a lot.

This will help:

Frame Control

Why Words Only Get You So Far

Explode Your Personal Magnetism

Deep Structure Of Charisma and Personal Magnetism

One mistake we tend to make is when we model other people.

Since humans have been around, we’ve learned much of what we can do by copying others.

When we were young, we copied our parents and those around us.

When we were in school, we learned by paying attention to social triggers.

I remember once in third grade, there was this brief but intense “yo-yo” fad.

At the end of second grade, nobody had a yo-yo. But by the first couple months of third grade, EVERYBODY had a yo-yo, and everybody was trying to outdo each other with all the different tricks.

Since this was WAAAAY before the internet, the only way we could learn new tricks was by watching and copying others. It’s not like that they had a book of yo-yo tricks in the local library.

With yo-yo tricks, what you see is what you get. You can either do the trick, or you can’t. You have feedback right then and there that tells you if you are doing it right or not. (My big trick was “around the world”).

It gets pretty complicated, pretty quickly, when the skills we are “copying” from others involve human interaction and communication.

In sales, they try to make this as simple as possible. I’ve had a couple of face to face, in-home sales jobs where they wouldn’t let you go out into the field unless you had a complete, 20 minute presentation fully memorized.

Funny thing was, that even though everybody was going out and spitting out the same memorized pitch, some people sold a lot, some people didn’t sell anything.

I’m sure you know that communication is only about 7% verbal. The rest of the 93%, all the body language, facial expressions, indications of confidence or lack of confidence, that accounts for the sales, and the non-sales.

So even if you take a perfectly written script, and memorize it line for line, it will only take you 7% of the way.

(This is one reason why really good actors get paid so much, they can “fake” most of that 93% where “bad” actors can’t).

How do you get that other 93%? 

It’s all about your inner game. The energy you carry with you, and subconsciously project everywhere you go.

Funny thing is, when somebody comes along that is REALLY solid in that 93%, the words won’t really matter much.

They just show up, and everybody knows.

The good news is that building up that “inner game” is pretty easy. You just need to know HOW to practice, and be willing to spend the 5-10 minutes a day that will get you there.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

Blast Away Approach Anxiety

How To Talk To Any Girl Without Fear Or Anxiety

How To Make Talking To Girls Easy

Here’s a quick set of mind tricks that will help you when you’re out talking to the ladies.

Whenever humans encounter a new situation that’s potentially beneficial, our brains quickly go through a couple of “scanning” processes.

The first thing is to imagine the “best case” scenario, and the next is to imagine the “worst case” scenario.

Then it calculates the likelihood of each happening, followed by the “strength” of each potential outcome.

I know this sounds like a LOT, but our brains are incredibly FAST.

Problem is they pay for that speed by not being very accurate.

So when your brain scans the past, it’s only going to grab a few of the “strongest” memories.

And since most guys have a LOT of memories of getting rejected by ladies, (real or imagined) your brain’s going to come back with a big fat DANGER signal.

THIS is where all that anxiety comes from.

How do you get rid of this anxiety?

Easy. Simply rewire your brain. 

How?

Two ways.

One is to take conscious control of your thoughts while out in the field. While you’re looking a girl you’d like to approach (based on IOI’s, flirting eye contact, etc.), literally FORCE your brain to think of positive memories with girls.

Think of the last time you had sex, or kissed a girl, or a girl looked at you in that special way.

And HOLD THAT thought while you’re walking over there and talking to her. This DOES take mental effort, but so long as you FORCE your brain to hold that thought, it will keep any fear from creeping in there. It’s not a “once and done” thought. It’s a “grab and hold” thought.

This may sound simple, but it is very, very difficult. If you’ve ever meditated, you know how difficult it is to force your brain to think of something simple, like a candle, or simple numbers from one to ten.

But your concentration is just like a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger it will get.

The SECOND way is to actually go out and CREATE positive responses from women.

This means walking up (or close to her) getting her to smile, and then leaving.

You need to build up a huge memory bank of experiences in your mind with YOU leaving a girl who WANTED YOU TO STAY.

Now, this may seem easy, but it’s VERY difficult. As soon as you get a nice smile, your caveman brain will be SCREAMING at you to go and talk to her. To hang out and hope for some good stuff.

In order for this to work, you’ve got to NOT do that.

If you do practice these two mental tricks regularly, you’ll be amazed how fast that approach anxiety vanishes.

Even more if you put this in the mix:

Frame Control

Do You Reference The Right Memories?

How To Control Your Brain

How To Gain Control Of Your Brain

I remember going to my first junior high school dance.

All the guys were on one side, and all the girls were on another.

Both groups went there to meet each other, but both were too scared to make the first move.

Then later on, in high school, I learned that most girls would say “yes” when asked to dance.

After all, it WAS a dance, right?

Of course, sometimes it’s not so easy. People go to clubs, bookstores, coffee shops etc, and don’t exactly want to be approached by strangers, for any reason.

Many people join Network Marketing with hopes of making a lot of cash, but end up not making squat when they realize the name of the game is approaching enough strangers to make a decent living.

To be sure, walking up cold to somebody, for any reason, is not something most of us do naturally.

But not because of what happens, but what we IMAGINE is going to happen.

There was an old movie with Steve Martin called “The Lonely Guy,” and he would imagine going into a restaurant, or other social place, and everybody would stop what they were doing, and all stare at him.

That’s what most of us imagine when we push ourselves out of our social comfort zone.

But most, if not all, of our social fears are false. 

We’re scared of what we think might happen, rather than what really does happen.

One of the reasons is that we’re referencing the wrong memories.

If you don’t take the time to reprogram how you think when going into social situations, your brain will always be in “protection” mode, meaning any uncertainly will be met with anxiety.

That’s just your brain thinking that it’s keeping you safe.

But when you flip the switch, so to speak, so you automatically reference positive memories when you enter into social uncertainty, you’ll feel a lot differently.

Not only that, but you’ll project a much different type of energy.

After all, people that are ultra confident and dynamic in public are only that way because they’ve learned to reference the right memories, either on purpose or by accident. (Usually by accident.)

But when you do a little bit of programming, (5-10 minutes a day) you’ll soon reference those positive memories that are ALREADY THERE.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control