Category Archives: Fear

The Truth Of Rejection Vs. Regret

Not As Bad As You Think

How To Gain Real World Experience

They say that rejection is better than regret.

Meaning if you walk up, talk to a girl, and get rejected, it feels pretty bad. 

On the other hand, if you see a pretty girl, and DON’T talk to her, it feels pretty bad to.

However, even if you agree with the above statement, it may not make it any easier to approach.

Why?

It only holds true on an experiential level.

Meaning if you’re like most guys, you’ve got TONS more experience with regret than with rejection.

Which means you’re pretty used to regret. So much in fact it feels normal.

On the other hand, rejection is mostly in your imagination. And anything in our imaginations can feel pretty terrifying.

So, what good does that statement or any other supposed “truism” about dating, do for us?

If you gain as much experience with rejection as we do with regret, then you’ll get it on a gut level.

So much so that it seems totally obvious, and even silly to say out loud.

Kind of like if you told your buddy, “the sky is blue,” as if it were some kind of genius insight.

This is pretty common when guys start to get pretty good with game.

They wonder what the big deal is.

Why?

If you don’t have a lot of success with girls, it’s easy to imagine that talking to girls on the one hand is totally terrifying. But it’s also pretty easy to imagine that it’s also like cutting in line to heaven.

But in reality, it’s nothing like that.

Any girl you walk up to and talk to isn’t going to scream at the top of her lungs, get all her friends to gang up on you and beat you to death.

On the other hand, she’s not going to morph into your fantasy porn goddess and go into a trance of desperate sexual submission.

In fact, when you get into the habit of talking to cute girls, you’ll find out that they are pretty normal. They ARE people after all.

And in case you haven’t noticed, most people are pretty normal. Some are weird, some absolute nut jobs and some you wish you’d never met. But most are pretty normal.

The more girls you talk to, the less you’ll worry about rejection. 

What about regret?

Imagine you were walking down the street, and you saw something on the ground that looked like it might be money.

But you were feeling lazy, so you didn’t pick it up. Then later, you’d start to wonder. What if it WAS money? What if was A LOT of money?

You’ll never know. Compare that to the “rejection” of picking it up and finding it was some pretend money or monopoly money or something. Sure, you’d be disappointed, but not “rejected.”

This is the comparison of “rejection vs. regret” that you’re going for.

The more experience you get, the sooner you’ll get there.

The more people you talk to, the more experience you’ll get.

So get going!

Continue Your Journey

Let Loose Your Inner Hero

Have You Discovered Your Inner Hero Yet?

What is your greatest gift?

We all love a good movie, and one of the most powerful movie structures is the “Hero’s Journey.”

Spiderman, Dorothy, Luke, Neo, Harry Potter, all these characters have the same kind of path.

That is they all pretty normal dudes, (or gals) living normal lives, and then something takes them (usually against their will) somewhere and forces them to step up their game. 

A lot.

Luke has to defeat Vader, Dorothy has to overcome the fake Wizard, Harry has to kill Voldemort, etc.

Why are these stories so popular?

Because they represent our lives.

From the time we are born (actually a few hours before) we face the same structure, over and over again.

We’re cruising along, safe, (and also kinda bored) and then something pulls us out of our comfort zone.

We pretty much HAVE to learn new skills. Going to school for the first time, making friends, getting a job, starting a family, becoming an established member of your community, all follows the same path.

Leaving behind your comfort zone and moving further out into the world.

Those stories, books, and movies speak to us on a deep level.

They help us remember who we are.

Heroes.

Now, I’m not saying you need to grab a cape and start beating up bad guys. That might get you arrested.

But if you’re playing it safe, you’re not living up to your potential. If you believe in any kind of a Creator, you can’t think He or She put us here so we could be safe.

We were put here to continuously move forward. Take risks. Make mistakes. Expand our social circle. Expand our vision. Create dreams and MAKE them come true.

Go. See. Conquer.

So, what is your greatest gift?

When you’re long gone, what would you like your greatest contribution to humanity be?

What would you like to create? What service would you like to provide? How will you help people?

Deep within you lies the answer.

Discover It:

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Are You Truly Open To Receive?

Life Is All Give and Get

Ditch Those False Fears And Receive Truth

There’re a lot of ways we humans deceive ourselves.

In order to protect our egos, we tend see things that aren’t there, and not see things that are there.

One thing humans are pretty terrified of is risk. We don’t like doing something when we don’t know what’s going to happen.

It’s very common to think about doing something, or maybe even start doing something, and then the doubts start.

We start to worry about what people will think when they see us.

To be sure, the opinion of others is a HUGE motivating factor in pretty much everything we do.

Even when we’re alone, we can imagine that people are watching us and judging us.

Like if I told you right now the secret of getting rich quick was to hop on one foot in your room while slapping your belly and singing happy birthday in the highest voice possible, you wouldn’t do it.

Even if you saw video proof of money magically appearing, you’d start to do it, and then suddenly “feel stupid” as if the whole world was watching you.

Now, I’m not saying there’s any kind of magic money secret, but I’m sure you know the feeling of “feeling stupid” as if somebody were watching. Even when you’re all alone.

The truth is that social pressure can be wonderful and terrible. 

Long long time ago, our “tribe” was crucial to our survival. So if they started to gossip about us, or talk smack about us, we were in very bad shape.

And if they thought we were the bomb, we could get a lot more stuff (resources and love).

So Mother Nature gave us this super-hyper-sensitivity to the opinion of others. (Gee, thanks!)

This can be hard to shake.

So in order to avoid this at all costs, we tell ourselves all kinds of lies to keep us safe. To keep us from taking any action that might bring us some negative feedback from our peers.

From looking stupid.

We even spend thousands of dollars on seminars, techniques and secret methods passed down through the generations to avoid taking any kind of risk.

And looking stupid.

But here’s the thing. Most of your fears are false. Meaning that unless you are jumping off a cliff with a bunch of flying rattlesnakes chasing you, what you’re afraid of isn’t real.

And here’s another thing. Usually, when we’re scared of something that’s not real, we imagine something horrible happening.

But when we embrace our fears, walk right through them and do the thing anyway, usually the OPPOSITE of our fears take place.

In our minds, we are terrified of feedback.

But in reality, feedback is essential to our success. It tells us what works, so we can do more. It tells us what doesn’t work, so we can do less.

When you “open yourself to receive,” what you’re telling the world is that you’ll not only accept good feedback, but “negative” feedback as well.

When that happens, wonderful things happen.

Get Started:

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Continuous Improvement

You're Not A Ninja Yet!

Keep Getting Better

Here’s a question for those of you who study martial arts. And even if you don’t it will still make sense.

Suppose you do the work required to earn your black belt. Are you done? Can you effectively defend yourself against pretty much anybody?

What about in tournaments? Obviously not. At the tournament level, getting a black belt is like your entry fee. There’s guys in tournaments who are way ahead of just a black belt. 

How about this, suppose you got a black belt, and were decent enough to win some local tournaments. Then you took a few years off. Could you jump right back in the ring and compete? Even if you stayed in shape, if you didn’t practice those specific skills, you wouldn’t do very well.

Most guys recognize this as obvious, with any sport. It takes a while to get to a certain level, and it takes a while to maintain that level.

But when it comes to dating, we suddenly think that we not only don’t need to practice, but all it takes is some kind of minimum understanding of game (no doubt read on blogs or forums) and we think we’re Jedi masters of seduction.

Now, I know that martial arts isn’t the best metaphor for meeting girls. After all, you’re not walking over there to spar. She wants you to succeed just as you do.

No girl wants to reject a guy who’s walking over to talk to her. She’d rather he be the man of her dreams. Or at least the man of the evening.

But the idea of always needing to practice, and always needing to improve yourself IS a good part of the fighting metaphor.

Most guys don’t get this. They assume if they can get laid, then it’s a matter of finding the right girl.

But consider this.

Once you can get laid on a fairly consistent basis, that’s kind of like a black belt. Sure, it’s a good accomplishment you should be proud of.

But it’s only the beginning. There’s ALWAYS a need to improve your fighting skills.

While you may not be fighting against her, you ARE fighting against every other guy she can potentially date.

And sure, if you’re talking to her in a bar surrounded by other goofs, she might see you as a hero.

But as soon as she starts comparing you to other guys, you may not seem like much.

Not fair? No, it’s not. But neither is life.

Everybody’s main objective on planet Earth is to get as much as they can while they’re here, for as little effort as possible. Nobody’s job is to give away stuff for free.

Mother Nature isn’t too concerned with evenly handing out the goodies. She’s not the kind grandma who makes sure all the kids get a piece of candy.

She’s a ruthless ringmaster who let’s us loose an says, “Go!”

And then steps back to watch the fun.

If you don’t step up your game to get the quality girl, and KEEP HER, somebody else will.

Like it or not, that’s the way it goes.

Now are you going to sit there and let all those other goofs get your dream girl?

Up And Down The Hills Of Life

Get To The Bottom and Go Back To The Top

Earn Your Pleasure

I used to love riding up and down hills on my bike.

As I did, I’d always play “Helter Skelter,” by the Beatles, in my mind.

Especially the first part, which goes:

“When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
till I get to the bottom and I see you again…
Yea yea yea…”

I love going up, and I also loved going down. But I also love being up on top, especially if was a particularly good hill with a particularly good view.

Some of my friends would like riding on long, flat spaces. I thought that was pretty boring.

It was easy, as you didn’t have any hills. But you also didn’t get the views, nor the massive speeds you got riding back down.

The fastest I ever clocked was 53 mph, just coasting down this big long hills.

It’s hard to separate out best part, in my mind. All three (the climb, the view, and the ride back down) all have their unique pleasures.

There’s also these trips you can take in famous places, where they haul you and your bike up to the top of a mountain and then let you coast back down. Usually places like Hawaii or Costa Rica or other Island type resort spots with high hills.

I went on a canoe trip like that once. They drove us up river, and then let us ride the current back down for a few days. 

It didn’t take much work, so we just kind of relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

(and drank lots of alcohol!)

Now, that can be fun from time to time, but it’s also pretty boring. Since you didn’t really put in any effort, there’s not much enjoyment you can get out of it.

If you’ve got kids or know anybody that’s got kids, then you know it’s not such a great idea to simply give them whatever the want without the necessary feeling of “earning it,” especially as they get older.

This can create some pretty spoiled kids. (A lot of famous people like that these days…)

What about you? What kind of life do you envision?

A flat, stable ride that’s safe, easy and boring?

Somebody to do all the work, while you get the benefits?

Or the ability to do the work, enjoy the view, AND the ride down?

And then, as Paul screamed, “go back to the top of the slide”?

Your life, your choice.

If you want it safe, it’s easy, but limited.

If you want somebody to do all the work, it’s pretty boring.

But if you want to put in the effort, your life belongs to you. And you’ll get much, much more.

What do YOU want?

Make It Happen:

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Secrets Of Natural Seduction

Signs Are Everywhere

Respond To The Ever Present Signs

If you want to be a natural with the ladies, so you can more quickly find your dream girl, you’ve got to leave plenty of childhood ideas behind.

One thing that many guys complain about, when they’ve finished a date but haven’t been able to “close” effectively, is that they didn’t get any “green lights.”

Meaning they didn’t see any obvious signals that told them it was OK to lean in for the kiss or whatever.

Ideally, you need to get to the level where you can interpret signals that are kind of fuzzy. You’ll never get a girl looking straight at you and say, “Ok, you can kiss me now!” Unless you’re in some kind of goofy romance movie.

In reality, most of the signals will be fuzzy, and unclear. It’s your job, as a man, to notice those signals, and act on them. And to dial it back a little bit if you go too far.

Many guys don’t like hearing this. Many guys like to be told exactly what to do, exactly what signs to look for when it’s “safe” to kiss her, etc.

But if you wait for a sure thing, it’s never going to come.

Think of it like the stock market. There’s no sure thing. There’s no perfect set up. Any stock you buy can tank right away. Any stock you don’t buy can to straight to the moon. It’s your job as an investor to take a risk and pay close attention to the stock’s behavior after you buy it, and act accordingly.

Or think of it like a boxing match. Every single thing you do is based on what your opponent does. If what you’re doing isn’t working, you’ve got to change things up.

Imagine asking your boxing coach which specific moves to use, before the match even started. He’d look at you like you were nuts. You just get in there, throw a few punches, and see what happens.

How does this apply to dating, or pretty much the whole spectrum of male-female involvement?

The exact same way. There are ZERO guarantees. There’s no surefire, step by step method. There’s only those signals that girls are ALWAYS giving off. Then there’s your ability to interpret them, and then take a risk.

Then, just like the stock market, once you take a risk, you simply need to pay careful attention to how she responds, and act accordingly.

Are you getting more positive signals? Great, keep moving forward. Is she turning cold on you? Step back a bit and try something different.

Is there any way to predict how she’ll respond to you? None whatsoever. It’s all based on you, her, and the energy between you. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 

So long as you keep playing the game, it’s all good.

Who Controls Your Life’s Meaning?

Are You Relying On Pre-Defined Meanings?

How To Define Your Own

If somebody gives you an egg, what does it mean?

Naturally, it depends on the context. If you’re making a cake, it means you’re one step closer to eating something sweet.

If you’re in the middle of an egg fight, it’s time to throw it at the enemy.

If you’re a high school hooligan, and you’re in the middle of vandalizing a “friend’s” house, it means something completely different.

What if somebody hands you a iron bar? Does it mean you can finally escape from prison, or they’re helping you change a tire?

What if somebody hands you a stack of money? Does it mean you’re on easy street, or now you’re in debt to the devil?

Very little of what happens to us has any meaning that is absolutely set in stone.

There is a LOT more flexibility than most of us realize.

Of course, if trying to “buck the trend” makes your brain hurt, and you’d rather be told what things mean, so you can get back to your bag of Cheetos and TV shows, then this won’t make much sense.

But I suspect you’re not the Cheetos eating, TV watching couch blob like most people these days.

You suspect there’s much more to life than simply taking what “they” give you.

You want more. Maybe a little, maybe a lot.

And you know there IS more.

There’s plenty of sappy statements that describe the ability to look out into the world and make it mean what you want it to.

But there are scarce few who actually make it a habit of doing that.

Most people are desperate for somebody to “tell them what it means.”

Other people dare to wonder, “Hmm, I wonder what meanings I’ll discover today.”

What about you?

Are you ready to realize that the meaning of every single situation really IS up for grabs?

Unless you’re taking a math of physics test, you can “play around” with meanings all you want.

In fact, society is ruled by those who control not events, but the meaning of events.

And you can do the same.

Maybe not rule the world, but you can certainly rule YOUR world.

Just figure out what you want in life, and see how easily you can mold situations to fall in line.

And instead of seeing the world with scary situations that may end badly (as most people do), you’ll see situations as stepping stones to your inevitable success.

Your Personal Road To Riches

Can You Paint By Numbers To Riches?

Is Step By Step Success Possible?

Most people would love a “paint by the numbers” system of success.

It doesn’t really matter what field. Relationships, business, health.

It seems us humans are hard wired to look for shortcuts. So when some savvy marketer comes along and gives us some secret formula that he discovered while hiking through some hidden cave in Tibet, we start salivating.

While that seems compelling from the inside out, let’s take a look from the outside in.

To be sure, doing anything mechanical WILL have a proven, step by step system. One that leaves no room for error, or mistakes.

Like rebuilding an engine, or baking a cake, or traveling from point A to point B. All you need is a simple, step by step system to follow, and so long follow the steps in order, you’ll be OK.

But whenever we do ANYTHING that involves other people, there’s really no simple method that works for everybody.

The “secret method” can ONLY be vague, at best.

Humans are a HUGE collecting of continuously changing variables, so if you want to create ANYTHING that’s based on the cooperation of others, there IS going to be a LARGE amount of winging it.

And this means doing stuff that won’t work, doing stuff that may have the opposite effect, and doing stuff that will work a million times better than we’d hoped.

To make it even more confusing, we’ll never know until AFTER we try.

To make even MORE confusing-er, we humans tend to look back at things that worked out and “rewrite” history, to make ourselves look like super heroes.

We say things like, “See, I KNEW that was going to happen!”

Or, “I had a feeling he’d say that!”

Now, most people are pretty uncomfortable doing things when they have no idea how it’s going to come up.

Hence our repeated tendency (since pretty much the dawn of time) to try or buy “secret solutions.”

But the bottom line is that unless you’re willing to take risks, accept and learn from ALL feedback, you won’t get very far.

The GOOD news is that changing your mindset, and doing some consistent mental practice, you can learn to actually HAVE FUN doing things when the outcome is uncertain.

Once you start to EXPECT and look forward to any feedback, (rather than pin you hopes on ONLY good feedback) life really becomes an incredibly fun journey.

Filled with learning, growing, success in all areas, and plenty other ideas to be discovered.

Secrets Of Self Actualization

Love The Path For Enlightenment

The Path Is Where It’s At

What does it mean to be “fully actualized?”

Maslow talked about this in his hierarchy of needs.

At the bottom are things like food, sex, etc. Stuff we all can imagine without any trouble.

But as you go further up the top, they get more vague and much more dependent on your own personal definitions.

The very top is “Self Actualized.”

I remember way back in university, one teacher was telling us that you had to go through the bottom levels to get to the top levels. And somebody asked of an example of a “self-actualized” person.

One of the examples she gave was Jesus. And I immediately thought of Jesus down at the lower levels getting his freak on so he could move up the pyramid. I guess they left that stuff out of the Bible.

Anyhow, I think most people have a bit of a misconception of the top levels of Uncle Maslow’s pyramid.

We tend to think it’s some kind of “state of being.” That once we arrive, all we’ve go to do is drink champagne and eat sushi off naked girls (or guys).

But the problem is that would get pretty boring, pretty quick.

Study after study shows that folks who win lotteries tend to go nuts after the initial thrill wears off.

Sure, we can all think of massive piles of material goods that we WANT, but what happens when we have them?

I suppose you could take handfuls of pills and play video games all day, but you’d self destruct pretty quickly.

Maybe being “self actualized” means being fully congruent in the PURSUIT of your goals, not in the getting them.

When you have something really big, really important (to you) and it’s just out of reach. Which means you’re firing on all cylinders, using all your skills (and learning new ones) to get you closer.

Some famous guy once said, “A man’s reach should be beyond his grasp.”

Meaning if you can get it with your current level of skills and energy, it’s not big enough.

Maybe we humans need some kind of a carrot out there to keep us moving forward.

One that we create, and one that we put out there.

Only when you focus on your own dreams with laser like intensity, and get busy, do you feel alive.

Click Here To Get Moving:

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Are You Willing To Pay The Costs?

Everything Comes With Costs - Are You Willing to Pay Them?

Everything Has A Price

Here’s a surefire way to get a girlfriend, if that’s what you want.

Now before we get started, many people claim they want something, when they really don’t. Or what they say they want is not really what they want. For example, most anybody on the street would say that want a million dollars. But that’s not the whole truth.

The whole truth is that they want a million dollars without taking any risks, putting themselves in any uncomfortable situations, or doing anything that might make them look foolish.

Ask a bunch of people if they were willing to spend three hours a day on side projects. Taking away from their TV time and socializing time. Doing things that would bring them disdain from friends and family, for three years and THEN get a million dollars. Ask this and most of them would laugh and walk away.

Same with guys that claim they want a girlfriend. Sure if their dream girl showed up on their doorstep one night, and asked if she could come in, they’d welcome her with open arms.

Of course, that only happens in fantasy lands. If you asked the question another way, you’d get a different answer.

Like this:

Would you be willing to talk to ten girls day, and ask for their phone number at the end of the conversation?

Would be willing to date at least one or two of THOSE girls a week, and disqualify those that don’t meet your criteria?

Would you be willing to ALWAYS be juggling two or three girls that you’ve dated more than once, yet aren’t in a committed relationship with yet?

Would you be willing to do this for ONE YEAR before you found that one special lady?

Most guys would run for the hills if that’s what they thought was required.

In fact, a lot of guys that have voluntarily removed themselves from the dating pool claim it’s because there are no quality women, or the game is stacked against men, or whatever.

But in reality, going through the above is a lot of work. Work most guys are simply not willing to put in.

They’d rather live in an imaginary “good old days” when girls just feel from the sky onto your arm.

But the cold harsh truth of economics will always prevail. Specifically the element of cost.

You can get whatever you want, so long as you are willing to pay the cost.

Most guys aren’t willing to pay the cost.

Are you?

If you are, then you can have any girl you want.

It’s not easy. But it is worth it.