Category Archives: Self Confidence

Is Your Inner Caveman Holding You Back?

Give Your Rational Mind A Chance

Leave Your Instincts Behind

Society is filled with paradoxes and contradictions.

A lot of them are simply because we are living in modern societies with caveman brains.

Our mind / body system was developed to live within groups of 200-300 people. Which can lead to problems in a society with hundreds of millions.

One idea is that we can hold about 200-300 people in our brain. Not necessarily their names, but their faces and how we interact with them. 

Like that girl you normally interact with down at the coffee shop. You see her outside of the coffee shop,  you would recognize her. Not necessarily from where, but you would see her face, feel that emotional signal of recognition.

Once you start going outside that 200-300 limit, it starts to get fuzzy. You start thinking you recognize people, when you really don’t.

Another holdover is our deep fear of being socially ostracized. Back in our caveman days, if we felt socially threatened, that was a HUGE and potentially life threatening issue.

So we developed all kinds of deep ninja emotions that kept us on guard of our social “health.”

Even a weird look, or seeing people talking in whispers would sound off alarm bells. 

Maybe they’re talking about us! Maybe the tribe is plotting something behind our back! Maybe we’re in big trouble!

These issues still plague us today. If you see a couple of people looking at you and whispering, you’ll immediately assume their talking trash about you.

Most people WOULDN’T assume they thought you were the most amazing person ever, and they were strategizing how to get on your good side.

The good news is these ancient social instincts can be overridden.

With a little bit of mental practice, you can ditch those old social fears, and grab the self confidence to do anything.

Imagine what you could do if you had ZERO social fear. If you could walk up and talk to that interesting stranger (who was super sexy or a potential super rich business partner) and talk to them as comfortably and fearlessly as an old buddy from kindergarten?

Imagine if you could stand up in a crowd of strangers, instantly command their attention and respect, and express your ideas in the best possible way.

This is your potential.

This is what happens when you leave your caveman instincts behind.

Are you ready?

Are You Ready To Leave The Pack?

Leave The Crowd Behind

Go You Own Way

Long time ago, I went on a backpacking trip in Scotland.

I was coming from the States, and was meeting a buddy of mine in some train station I’d never been to, next to some big clock, which was a popular meeting place.

I was coming from Southern California, and he was coming from Texas.

It seemed simple enough on paper, but the logistics were pretty complicated.

Especially since I hadn’t really planned HOW I was going to get there. I was just going to “wing it” as I went.

My first “test” came in getting from the London airport to the London train station to the Glasgow train station.

Luckily, there were enough other people who were leaving the airport, via bus, to the train station.

So I didn’t really need to do much thinking. A mix of following the signs, and following the crowd.

Mostly following the crowd.

When I finally arrived smack dab in the middle of Glasgow, I didn’t really remember much of how I got there.

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences. It seems that humans are hard wired on a deep level to simply forget themselves, and go with the flow.

In fact, up until the recent past (and I mean the RECENT past) humans have done pretty good to kind of just “go with the flow.”

Go to school, show up every day, do your homework like you’re told, pick a college, send out some resumes, get a job, show up on time, do what you’re told, and you can make enough money to live a pretty good life.

In a sense, our entire society is built so we don’t have to do much “thinking.”

You may have to stop and look at a couple signs on the way, but then you just get right back in the shuffle.

And for many people, this is perfectly fine. So long as you’ve got enough extra cash left over every month to buy some nice things, it’s all good, right?

Only that way of living is quickly coming to a close.

For whatever reason, just following the crowd, and doing what you’re told is no longer good enough.

In fact, if that’s ALL you did, there’s a good chance you’d end up in a pretty bad place.

Now more than ever, it’s up to each and every one of us to wake up and see what’s going on.

NOT to to be super heroes and save society or anything corny like that, but to simply save ourselves.

Because as I’m sure you know, NOBODY is going to do this for you.

A really scary thought to be sure. But also incredibly liberating once  you fully accept it.

Once you break out of the “follow the crowd” mindset, there’s really not much you can’t do.

If enough people like you start doing that, it may very well save society.

Why I Screamed My Brains Out

Kill Fear With A Bang

How To Quickly Kill Fear

If you’ve ever done any public speaking, you know a common trick is to look at people’s foreheads, or the tops of their heads.

This avoids some of the anxiety that comes from staring into a bunch of eyes staring back.

Another trick is to visualize everybody really happy after your speech, to give you a bit more confidence when you start.

Yet another trick is to start off with a bang, some kind of joke, or controversial statement.

I remember once I was going through toastmasters, and I was giving a speech on fear. What it is, how it’s represented, what’s real what’s not etc.

I started off by screaming at the top of my lungs for about five seconds.

I didn’t say that I was going to that. I just walked up, glanced down at my 3×5 cards as if I were about to start regular speech, and then let ‘er rip.

The funny part was that this was in a bookstore, where they have those coffee shops and a big area where people can sit. Some people thought it was pretty funny, some people got pretty angry.

But it certainly DESTROYED any nerves I had before speaking.

Now, I’m not recommending that you scream at the top of your lungs before starting anything that may cause some anxiety.

But what this DOES illustrate is that there are many mental “tricks” you can do that will help you overcome any fear.

Now, some of these are short term tricks, and some are long term strategies.

One of the BEST ways to obliterate fear is to create some very POWERFUL dreams that you are moving toward.

They don’t need to be concrete, or specific. Just something you know you’re moving toward. It’s also a good idea to choose one big thing in each area of life.

That way, no matter WHAT you are doing,  it will be easy to see it in the larger context.

Giving a speech can be pretty scary. But giving a speech KNOWING that it’s part of a skill building process that will get you a TON of money in the future will make it a lot less scary.

Especially when you’re ONLY focused on some “small” aspect of speaking, like using less “uh’s” or looking at the audience a larger percentage of the time.

Whenever you can see anything as a small step in a larger process, you’ll see it for what it is.

Not a “do or die” situation that’s going to make or break your existence.

Simply one small step on your road to inevitable success.

To learn how to do this on a deep level, check this out:

Had Enough TV Yet?

Start Your Journey

Answer Your Calling

One common theme among many movies is the “reluctant hero” idea.

Some normal guy or girl is hanging out, and suddenly something happens.

They don’t have a choice to “step up” and do something magnificent.

And often, they have a choice between using their new “power” for good or for evil.

Since these are movies, or stories with a “meaning,” the hero usually chooses the path of righteousness instead of evil.

But in real life, that is all from certain.

When I was a kid, I’d used to complain to my parents.

“I didn’t ask to be born!”

This is one of the reasons we identify with all the movie and story heroes that are “called” rather than people who consciously decide to become heroes.

None of us asked to be here. (At least not in this plane of existence.)

But here we are.

The BIG question is, what are you going to do about it?

Many folks (who have decided to use their powers for selfish purposes) would rather you NOT discover who you really are.

They would MUCH rather that part of you stays hidden, and you live a life of “quiet desperation.”

Unfortunately, most people are happy to comply.

Sure, they complain that life sucks. That they are always broke. That they never catch any breaks.

Then they proceed to tear open another bag of Cheetos and see what those crazy Kardashians will do next.

The bottom line is that because you are reading this now, there’s something inside of you that knows something’s fishy.

That there’s something more to TV, fast food, and the ever popular finger-pointing blame game.

Once again, what are you going to do about it?

It’s scary to leave your safe comfort zone behind.

But outside of your comfort zone is where all the good stuff is.

The REALLY good stuff, that most people only see on TV.

Will you go after it?

It’s not easy, it’s far from guaranteed, and it ain’t quick.

But you didn’t show up here to live the easy life. The safe life. The TV life.

You showed up here to achieve something MAGNIFICENT.

What are you waiting for?

Why You Shouldn’t Follow ALL The Rules

You Know Which Ones to Break, Right?

Some Were Made To Be Broken

When I was a kid, me and my friends loved to “sneak” into the movies.

This was a long time ago, when they had color coded ticket stubs, AND guys standing at the door to each theater to check your ticket.

We’d save our stubs, and after a while we would have all the colors, so we could “re-use” them to see a couple movies in one afternoon.

I don’t know about you, but many of my fond memories from my youth revolve around trying to “break” or “bend” the rules.

Being about to sneak around authority without getting caught is always pretty fun.

Especially when the “authority” is some kind of puffed up guy trying desperately to get people to believe in his “authority.”

Of course, we did go too far a few times. Once my buddies and I were into collecting bicycle air caps.

Those things that screw on the top of the air stem on your bicycle tire.

Once we saw this really cool motorcycle, with these really cool chrome caps on the air stems.

I reached down to “feel it,” being a kid I wanted to “touch” everything I wasn’t supposed to.

Then this big scary biker dude (at least from a kids standpoint) came out and accused me of trying to let the air of his tires.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I DO remember that I ran away quickly after that.

The truth is that some rules ARE meant to be broken, and some rules ARE meant to be obeyed.

One powerful skill as an adult is to know the ones that don’t really matter, and have the courage to step over the line to see what happens.

Now, I’m sure you’ve got an idea of what “rules” are REALLY ones you simply can’t break.

On the other hand, there are other “rules” that people “make up” not because they are important, but because they make the person saying the rules FEEL important.

I don’t have to tell you this, because you already you know it’s NOT your job to make others feel important.

It is your job, however, to figure out what you want, and get it.

No matter how big, how matter far out there.

Your dreams belong to you, and nobody else.

If somebody tells you that SHOULD behave in a certain way, and that would keep you from achieving your dreams, while only make THEM feel important, well, screw that!

Your job is to break as many as THOSE rules as you need to, in order to make your dreams come true.

It’s not easy. But somebody’s gotta do it.

Why not you?

Have You Started Your Hero’s Journey?

Are You Thinking Like A Robot?

Think For Yourself

Long time ago I had this job as a telemarketer.

It only lasted about a week, because I absolutely hated it, but the training was pretty insightful.

Not in learning any kind of useful skills, but the mindset of the guy who put together the whole thing.

This was during the early 2000’s when real estate was booming. The job was to sell this marketing package to real estate agents.

But the way the trainer (and founder) described these people was pretty horrible.

His opinion was that people have no real control of their thinking, and if you only push a few buttons, it’s easy to get them to do whatever you want.

That guy had an incredibly low opinion of his customers.

Before every shift, he’d get everybody in this one room to “pump us up” and build up some story that we were giving these poor customers some life or death information.

If you’ve seen the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it was very similar to that.

The truth is that there are a LOT of people like that.

People who have low regard for their customers, and who see all of us as easy marks, just desperate to buy the next “thing.”

Unfortunately, the only reason they think that is because it works.

Most of us are TERRIFIED of thinking for ourselves. We would much rather be told what to do, even if it’s some kind of con, than try and figure it out on our own.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you know that is the biggest con of all.

That inside you is a literal HERO just waiting to come up.

But if you continue to expect others to tell you what to do, step by step, that HERO is going to stay hidden.

And when I say “hero” I’m not talking dressing up and fighting crime, or flying around with a cape.

I’m talking about REAL LIFE heroes. The kind build things, invent things, create things that other people desperately need.

The kind that aren’t afraid to express themselves without concern social pressure or “what others will think.”

The kind of folks that society NEEDS to keep functioning.

One of the main goals of the hero is to FIND the journey.

Not to be told what to do, or how to do it, or how to stay safe.

Your purpose in life is to not only unleash your inner hero, but to be the one who defines their journey.

Where you are going, and how you will get there.

Are you ready?

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Is Life Really One Big Scam?

Anybody Got A Left Handed Bacon Stretcher?

How To Out-Con The Conners

I remember a long time ago, when I was in boy scouts, we had this crazy game we’d play.

It was only when we had these once a year “Jamborees” where hundreds of troops would get together and have all these competitions.

We’d all have our camps set up in this big huge circle around the competition area, which was at least a square mile.

The game was unspoken, but understood by all the different troops. Everybody would take their newest members, and send them out looking for something that didn’t exist.

My favorite was a “left handed bacon stretcher.”

The kids would go from troop to troop, and ask if they had one. The guy who answered the question would say, “No, we don’t, but I’m pretty sure that troop 634 has one.” And that troop would be the furthest away.

Now, the reason I thought this game was so fun was not in conning younger scouts. It was fun because me and my buddy would pretend to BE younger scouts going around asking for the craziest thing, and seeing how far we could push the envelope.

It was pretty fun, at least as kids, to pretend to be the “mark” while all the other guys, at least in our minds, were the “marks.”

Of course, this “game” doesn’t stop once we get older.

It seems that everybody is telling us half truths, and then happily sending us on our way, usually far, far away, so by the time we figure the jig is up, that other guy is long gone.

This partially stems from the fact that few people are comfortable saying, “I don’t know,” so they make up some half baked answer so they don’t feel stupid, and then send you away with only a partial answer.

Another reason this happens is many people are desperate to claim some kind of social status by giving you some convoluted answer, usually having nothing to do with your original question.

Politicians pull this crap all the time. Somebody asks them a question they either can’t answer, or don’t want to answer, so they simply spin it off into something else, which makes them look good, but ignores the original question.

What’s the answer?

Unfortunately, it’s ultimately up to you.

Which means few people will give you the straight dope. Few people will put their own social status aside to help you out.

Few people will tell you how it really is.

It’s up to YOU to take pretty much everything with a grain of salt, and kind of figure it out on your own, from experience.

Most people don’t like to hear this. Most people hate that it’s like this.

But the truth is that once you accept this for what it is, and why it is this way, life can be pretty fun.

Like like my buddy and I when we were kids, you can turn the whole “con” into your own game, where you can get the upper hand.

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Are You Waiting For A Miracle?

Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination

Never Ending Journey

I remember once, a long time ago, I was hanging out in the physics lab at my uni.

All kinds of cool equipment.

The guy that was responsible for maintaining the equipment was “famous” for giving out wise advise. He’d been there a long time, had known a lot of professors, and had seen his share of students, both exceptionally brilliant and exceptionally average.

Anyhow, he gave me and my buddies a piece of advice I’ll never forget. One because it continues to be true, no matter how much experience I get and no matter much older I get.

Two because at the time it kind of shattered a “dream” that I had.

Being young and dumb, I thought that if I studied hard enough to get a degree, then I’d be on easy street.

I figured companies would want to hire me, then all I’d have to do is show up, work and get paid.

But what he said contradicted that “myth.”

He said life was like a poker game, and any degree, no matter how expensive or prestigious or highly regarded, was merely the “ante” into the poker game of life.

In case you’re not up on the poker lingo, an “ante” is the minimum first bet you need to play.

It’s not uncommon for poker games to start off with a dollar ante to end up with pots of several hundred, or several thousand dollars.

There I was, a young kid, thinking I’d get a degree, and I’d be on easy street.

But like I said, that’s been proven to be a myth, over and over again.

Now, this may seem like a horrible thing. Like life is one big con job where you are “tricked” into thinking that “all you have to do” is X, Y or Z, and you’ll just sit back and enjoy everything.

But the truth is, if life really WERE like that, it would be pretty boring.

It might seem like a relief if you suddenly came into a lot of money, but sitting around enjoying the good life would get REALLY monotonous after a while.

It may not seem like it, especially if you’re struggling, which a LOT of people are these days.

But it’s a well known and often proven fact that when people win the lottery, or otherwise come into a lot of money, it actually makes things a LOT worse.

So what’s the answer?

To realize that life is one long journey. A succession of smaller goals, that will all stack up into one magnificent creation. 

Not a “once and done” kind of thing.

A step by step, always learning, always growing, and always getting better kind of thing.

If you aren’t sure where to start, this will help:

Are You Afraid Of Non-Barking Invisible Dogs?

Only In Your Mind

Do Imaginary Fears Rule Your Life?

Once, way back in high school, I came up against fear, and the fear won.

Me and my buddy had been watching some vids, and drinking a few beers.

His parents were out of town, and there these houses being constructed nearby.

We’d decided we would go check them out. They were just frames at this point.

It was night, and very windy. We were walking through this skeleton neighborhood, when we saw this “shape” off in the distance.

In all likelihood, it was a pile of lumber that had a tarp tied down over it. But in the dead of night, with the wind howling, we imagined it was a huge mean guard dog. (Why it didn’t bark didn’t come up in our terrified high school minds).

Instead of going to check it out, we talked ourselves into going back to the safety of the couch and the TV.

We told each other stories why it wasn’t a good idea to be out anyway. Why it was better to stay safely in familiar territory, rather than explore the scary unknown.

We convinced ourselves that going back to finish watching whatever videos we’d rented (filled with predictable plot lines where the heroes safely beat the bad guys) was the logical choice. 

The good choice. The right choice.

But the reality was that we simply came up against an unknown. We turned that unknown into something horrible, in our mind, and refused to face it.

We decided it was better to embrace a known safety, made up by somebody else (the videos) than to face an unknown risk, made up by our own minds.

This is very, very common. We humans do it all the time. We convince ourselves we’re doing the right thing. The logical thing. 

But are we?

Nobody got rich by taking the safest path. Nobody built a business by avoiding risk. Nobody ever created a wonderfully fulfilling relationship by avoiding potential rejection.

Of course, we were just kids, out exploring. We weren’t looking for hidden treasure or secret love.

But you’d be surprised how often those things show up out of nowhere.

Love, money, employment, friends, relationships. None of these really show up exactly how we think they will.

Which means in order to really get the good stuff in life, we’ve always got to be open.

Hard to do when you turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble, like me and my buddy.

What about you?

Are you ready to embrace risk, uncertainty, and potential setbacks?

Or would you rather stay where it’s safe and predictable?

If you’re ready to move forward, this will help:

Why You Shouldn’t Talk Like A Gangster

Don't Look At The Finger, Look Where It's Pointing

Don’t Copy The Finger

There’s all kinds of funny alien type movies that play off a common riff.

They have some kind of advanced technology, but all they know about Earth people is from one or two TV shows they’ve watched.

One episode of Star Trek, for example, they found a whole planet of people that modeled themselves after old gangster movies.

This is pretty funny when it’s put into a goofy alien sci-fi movie, but we do it all the time.

Not walk around talking like gangsters, but we completely miss the structure, and focus on the content.

Now, most people don’t even know the difference between structure and content, let alone know how to separate the two.

Let’s say you wanted to start a business. So you figured you’d “reverse engineer” the most successful business you could find.

Great idea, right?

So you head down to the mall, and ask the guy in charge who has the most successful shop.

And up you go, to find out everything you can about her shop, so you can do the same.

So far so good?

You see she’s got a yellow colored sign in front, so you get a yellow colored sign.

You see she’s next to an ice cream shop, so you figure you’ve got to set up next to an ice cream shop.

You notice she’s got some guy in front dressed like a panda, so you do the same.

The trouble with “reverse engineering” things like this is that most of what we see on the outside, are a RESULT of what’s on the inside.

We see the EFFECT, and not the CAUSE.

That person’s belief about themselves. That person’s ability to understand people’s needs and come up with a solution. That person’s ability to keep trying, accepting feedback, and adjusting her shop until it matches perfectly with the customer’s needs.

Not the color of her sign.

Wanna know the REAL secret of life?

That it’s an INSIDE game first, and then it manifests in the outer world.

If you start outside and work your way, you’ll have some rough going.

One of the most important qualities you can have is self confidence.

Without that, you won’t be able to talk to people to find out what they want.

You won’t be able to keep trying and “failing” until you get closer and closer.

But with self confidence, ANYTHING is possible.

Just start trying things. Improve on what works.

Not only will you be successful, but people will start copying YOU.