Category Archives: Belief

Do You Keep Falling Down?

Do You Keep Falling Over?

I was watching a friend of mine with her kid the other day.

They were having a conversation. Sort of.

My friend was talking, but the kid was only sort of talking.

Half sounds, half words. It was clear the mom didn’t really understand the words themselves, but she just kind of rolled with it.

Now, I don’t remember being that young, but I doubt the kid was too worried about making any mistakes.

If you’ve ever seen kids running on the grass, and they trip over their feet, most of the time they think it’s pretty funny.

Once I had this mountain bike. I rode it quite often, on the street, and decided to get those special pedals with special shoes so they can clip in.

First ride was going fine until I forgot I’d switched my pedals. It seems that getting out of them requires some practice.

I rode up to the top of this hill, during heavy traffic, to a big intersection. The light was red, and I coasted to a stop.

Only as I started to fall over did I realize my feet were stuck in the pedals.

And right next to me, was a car filled with cute girls.

Boy oh boy was that embarrassing!

On the other hand, it was valuable feedback. I spent the next ten minutes or so practicing how to get in and out of those pedals, in a parking lot without many cars.

I could have just as easily gone home and never ridden again.

This is the difference between how we “label” events that happen to us.

They can be valuable feedback, which can help us. (I ended up riding about 200 miles a week for a year or so after that.)

Or we can give up, thinking that “event” MEANS “failure.”

But nothing really means anything.

Sure, we have some instinctive, “go-to” meanings.

But if we depended on our instincts ALL THE TIME, we’d weigh a million pounds and we’d start bashing people in the head with rocks whenever we got into an argument.

How we label events plays a large part in how “scary” the events are, either as they happen, or as we imagine them BEFORE they happen.

If we imagine them the wrong way, we’ll IMAGINE something we call “fear” and that will keep us stuck.

But with some practice, you can learn how to imagine future events differently. So they’ll seem less scary.

You’ll be more likely to take action, which means you’ll get more good stuff.

Get Started:

Fearless

Secret Social Proof

Has Your Data Been Rigged?

There’s a collection of language patterns called “sleight of mouth” that can pretty much destroy any argument.

Most people are kind of shocked to believe that almost ALL of what we “believe” is true really isn’t.

It’s really only one way of looking at things.

Bottom line is humans a pretty simple creatures. Our minds are hard wired to be very quick, or not very accurate.

One of the many ways this shows up in how we “link” two things out in “reality.”

And unless that linkage is based on exhaustive scientific studies with rigorous double blind testing (something that’s almost NEVER done, btw) we really don’t know for sure.

Since most “studies” are VERY EXPENSIVE, they need to be paid for. And then tend to come out to “verify” whatever the money source wanted to verify.

Anyhow, back to those language patterns. One of them is called the “Model of the World” pattern.

Somebody tells you a limiting belief. Instead of disagreeing with them, or flat out telling them they are wrong (which most people do and only makes them dig in more) you can say, “Hmm, that’s an interesting way of looking at things.”

Then you can conversationally bring up other “interesting ways of looking at things” and let your friend or conversation partner, ON THEIR OWN, realize that there really are MANY models of the world.

However, as humans, this is pretty tough to do on your own.

If you’ve ever seen those goofy hypnotist shows where they convince people there are tiny people in their watch, or the number three has vanished, it’s clear that we are VERY GOOD at ignoring stuff we don’t want to see.

So often times our “models of the world” are really only to protect our egos, or keep us “safe” even though there’s really no danger.

Most people are ruled by fear, but at the same time won’t ever admit they feel ANY fear.

Simply admitting that irrational fear is standing between where you are and what you want makes you feel like you’re destroying your own ego.

When was the last time you heard a friend say, “Well, I’d like to do that but I’m afraid, so I won’t.”

Rarely, if ever.

They usually have some kind of logical sounding reason. Something that makes perfect sense. And keeps them safely in their protective comfort zone.

Of course, you know that the ONLY WAY to get the good stuff in life is to get outside your comfort zone.

And the EASIEST way to do that is to simply admit to yourself that you’re afraid. And then proceed to dismantle that fear, piece by piece.

Get Started:

Fearless

Don't Steal Cable

What Are You Waiting For?

There’s a pretty funny set of commercials for cable TV.

It’s a string of nonsensical “if then” statements, that end up giving you a crazy reason to buy cable.

Or maybe it’s to get rid of cable and get satellite, or something.

Like if you can’t afford cable, you’ll steal from your neighbor. If you steal from you’re neighbor you’ll end up in prison. If you end up in prison you’ll become a gang leader. If you become a gang leader, you’ll eventually overthrow the government.

So don’t overthrow the government, buy satellite TV instead!

One of the persuasive patters in the Milton Model is the “if then” statement.

Especially if it’s combined or stated as a “time” statement.

When you see how easy it is to learn hypnosis, you’ll earn a lot more money.

You like money? Right? (If you agree that you like money, you’ll also sort of agree that you can learn hypnosis).

After you realize how fun it is to dance in public, you’ll become a sex symbol. That would be fun, wouldn’t it!

The idea is to take something people don’t usually want to do (dance in public, learn hypnosis, etc) and connect in a time based “if then” statement, to something that they WANT to do.

Of course, this can work backwards. Especially when we do it to ourselves.

After all, the greatest hypnotist in the world is YOU. Because YOU are keeping YOU hypnotized all of the time.

When we say things like, “I’ll start dating after I lose weight.” We’re really TERRIFIED of dating, so we “pretend” that “as soon as” we lose weight (something we won’t likely do), we’ll start dating. This keeps us safe, and gives a logical sounding reason for our safety.

I’ll start my business as soon as I learn accounting. I’ll go back to school as soon as I finish this project at work. I’ll start X (something we’re terrified of doing) as soon as Y (something that’s conveniently just a little bit out in the future).

Seriously, I’m REALLY going to Y as soon as I do Z!

Most people kid themselves like this their entire lives.

The secret is that what we fear, is just in our heads. There’s really nothing to be afraid of. It’s about as logical as those goofy commercials.

Learn The Truth:

Fearless

Memorizing Lines?

Are You Memorizing Lines?

A long time ago I took this improv acting class.

Somebody recommended it to me, and I thought it was about telling jokes.

But it was about something much, much deeper.

Most of us think of improv as comedy. Guy up on stage telling a bunch of random stories.

Even that isn’t really improv. The reason it sounds so natural is those comedians spend plenty of time coming up all kinds of jokes on all kinds of topics.

So no matter what idea or topic comes up, they’ve got a ready stream of prepackaged jokes and stories to roll with.

Kind of like studying all kinds of martial arts moves. The more moves you know, and can reproduce unconsciously, the better you’ll be able to fight. No matter WHAT your opponent throws at you, you’ll be able to come up with an appropriate counter move.

In that improv class we did a lot of “trust” exercises. A lot of stuff where we had to make up stuff on the spot, and “trust” our acting partners not to leave us hanging.

If you are up on stage, and you mess up, and all the other actors just stare at you like you’re some goof, it’s not a good situation.

On the other hand, if ALL actors are practiced in the “art” of responding congruently to ANYTHING that comes up, you can put on a pretty good show.

One that is organic and evolving and nobody, even the actors, know what’s going to happen next.

It’s almost like some “story” floats down from the heavens and the actors simply “hear” their lines microseconds before they speak them.

Some actors are TERRIFIED of doing improv, especially in front of strangers. They would much rather have somebody else write their lines, have somebody else tell them where to stand when they say them, and even HOW to say them.

Even then they feel the need to practice over and over until they are SURE everything will go according to plan.

Unfortunately, a lot of people live their lives according to the “classically trained actor” strategy instead of the “improv actor” strategy.

They want to be told what to do, how to do it, what to happen if X, Y and Z occurs, and they need an entire support crew so that if something goes wrong, nobody will ever blame anybody.

However, with most people on Earth acting like that (lol), is it any wonder most people live lives that can be called “quiet desperation”?

The secret is to go boldly out into your future. Take action, even when you aren’t sure what’s going to happen. Just believe in yourself enough to know what to do.

Scary? Yes. Guaranteed success? Nope.

But you’ll see and experience a world few know exist.

Get Started:

Fearless

Beliefs and Tools and Rocks

Easier Than You Think

It’s Easier Than You Think

​Long time ago I used to go rock climbing with a buddy of mine.

He was MUCH better at it than I was, so he would always “lead.”

This meant he went first, put in the pieces of protection that the rope would go through as he climbed up.

My job as the “follower” was to slowly lead the rope up as he climbed. If he fell, he’d fall past the last piece of “protection” he’d placed in the rock. If that happened, I’d catch him.

Then when I went up, I had to “clean.” Meaning I had to take each piece of protection out of the rock, and put it on a sling. By the time we’d get to the top, all the pieces of “protection” would have slowly moved from his sling to my sling.

The pieces of “protection,” or “pro” were works of art in and of themselves. All different kinds, designed to fit in small cracks, wedges, and ledges. Some were pretty hard to get out, so I had to carry a “cleaning tool” which was kind like a long flat piece of metal with a small hook on the end.

I’d use it to reach into cracks to pry loose the pieces of pro.

Once, we’d done a bunch of short climbs, and we had about two hours left. He wanted to try this “face” climb. Face climbs are particularly difficult, because there’s not a lot of ledges or cracks to hold onto.

Just small smooth protrusions in the rock. You have to see them, and balance on them, and move fairly quickly.

Compared to big cracks or ledges, where you can get a good hold and hang there all day if you wanted to.

Faces, on the other hand, you had to keep moving. You always had to look a few moves ahead, see the small hand holds and foot holds, and just keep on climbing. If you stopped, you’d slip, and if you slipped, it was easy to lose your nerve.

So he tells me that this particular face was pretty easy. Much easier than the climbs I’d already done that day.

So he led, and I followed. When I followed, I walked right up, no problem. It was easy like he said it was.

Only he kind of tricked me. It was much harder than he’d told me. He figured if he told me the REAL rating, I’d chicken out, or take too long climbing up. So he said it was a lot easier than it really was.

Since I believed him, it was.

Funny how that works. Once you change your beliefs, and trust yourself, you’re good to go.

Grab yourself some tools, and make a pretty good life for yourself.

Learn How:

How To Make The Impossible Easy

Build Your Own Proof

Create Your Own Proof

Long time ago, it was thought impossible to run a mile faster than four minutes.

Then one guy did it. And pretty soon, lots of others did it.

If you look at the world record in various sporting events over the last 100 years, you’ll find that they consistently get better and better. Or faster and faster. Or stronger and stronger.

Yet if you compare the times for horse races, they’ve been about the same, time wise.

This is strong evidence that it’s not technology or nutrition that is pushing the limits of human performance, but what we believe is possible.

Most people are scared of doing something. Especially if nobody has ever done it before. But then when we see somebody do something, then everybody’s doing it. 

This is the reason role models are so crucial. Especially when we’re young. We see how to behave, what’s possible, and how to deal with things that are unexpected.

Belief and behavior form an inextricable feedback loop.

The more you do something, the more you’ll believe you can do something. The more you believe you can do something, the more you’ll do more of that something.

Whether it’s making money, talking to attractive people, or doing pushups in the morning.

If you’ve never done one pushup, you might think ten is impossible.

If you do only one pushup every morning for a week, suddenly doing ten is pretty easy.

Maybe in a few weeks maybe 50 seems pretty easy.

Funny thing about your body is that you carry it with you everywhere you go.

Which makes it a PERFECT thing to PROVE to yourself that you can do anything.

For example, do you think it’s possible to do 100 sit ups, right now?

If you’re like most people, probably not.

But how long until you not only thought it was possible, but easy and natural?

Maybe a month or two.

Then you’d be carrying around PROOF, (right there in your gut) that using ONLY your mind and body, you can take what seems difficult or even impossible, and make it simple and easy.

Then when you come across an idea or situation, and you hesitate because of those common doubts, just pat yourself on the stomach to remind yourself of what you’re capable of.

“I can take the difficult, and make it easy.”

All it takes is a few minutes a day.

Change The DNA Of Your Beliefs

Mental Time Travel

Mental Time Travel

DNA is a pretty amazing invention.

Whether it was created by God, evolution, aliens, whoever built it know what They were doing.

It’s basically this really, really long ladder that’s twisted around.

When it duplicates, the ladder splits in half, right down the middle. 

The way it works nearly perfectly is each half of each rung can ONLY hook up with the part that’s specific to it.

So each half of the ladder floats around, and attracts the perfect opposite half of each individual rung. Then you’ve got two identical DNA pieces.

And of course, each DNA contains the basic recipe for each individual human.

If DNA didn’t reproduce EXACTLY (or pretty close to exactly) we’d all end up as lumps of organic matter instead of people.

THAT would suck!

Beliefs kind of work the same way.

They are formed based on our early family life, or whatever adults you’re around.

Once they are formed, we’ve got these beliefs, or “filters” through which we see the world.

Then when we “detach” from our family (like the DNA split down the middle) we go out into the world. Much like half of the DNA (called RNA, btw) goes out cell.

Generally speaking, when we leave the “nucleus” of our early family life (just like DNA leaves the nucleus of the cell) we find matches for our beliefs, or our filters.

This is why we tend to attract the same people and situations.

They remind us, and make us feel comfortable, on a deep level, because they are very similar to our early family life.

This is fantastic if your early family life was uplifting, resourceful and helpful.

But it kinda sucks if it wasn’t.

Luckily, our beliefs are MUCH MORE flexible than DNA.

DNA is a molecule. It MUST obey the laws of molecular biology. 

Our beliefs, on the other hand, are based not only biology, but our own interpretation of how our early lives were. Or rather the EVENTS in our early life.

All you’ve got to do is go back in time (in your imagination, of course) and CHANGE the meaning you gave to those events.

Do this, and you can live ANY life you want!

For example, what if your parents (or whatever adults raised you) taught you from an early age that making money was easy, finding perfect relationships was easy, speaking in public was easy?

How much BETTER would life be?

The good news is that it’s NEVER TOO LATE to have a happy childhood!

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

After I Sitted Down I Petted The Dog

I Petted The Dog

You Were Perfect

There’s this cool theory in transformational grammar called “X-bar theory.”

This is what Chomsky was famous for, back in the day.

Basically he theorized that all humans have a very generic “language organ” in our brain.

All languages on Earth can fit onto this vague, “language tree.” When babies are between the ages of zero and about two or three, their little brains are kind of figuring out the specifics for the language around them.

Once they’ve got all the dials set, so to speak, then it’s just a matter of plugging in “data” or vocabulary on top of this pre-made language structure.

That’s why kids suddenly EXPLODE with language once they got it figured out.

One of the “rules” is that when you make a verb from a noun, it’s always a regular verb, so the past tense has the “-ed” after it.

They’ve done tons of experiments in kids, where they basically make up verbs, and get the kids to say the “past tense” version. Since the verbs are completely made up, the know they’re using some kind of internal rule, rather than some memorized rule.

This is why little kids ALWAYS make mistakes with irregular past tense verbs. Like they’ll say they “petted” the dog instead of “pet” the dog. They’ll say they “sitted” down instead of “sat down.”

Now it’s cute, but it does present a problem. As an adult, we see kids making what we think is a mistake. But they’re just going by their pre-programmed brain structure.

So when adults correct them, they really have no idea why. They assume they’ve made some kind of mistake, even though they were following the ancient programming of Mother Nature. Doing what’s natural.

How can THAT be a mistake?

While this is a VERY small and insignificant example, it’s one of many.

Kids do things they presume to be normal and natural, and adults show up and tell them they’re wrong.

Sometimes kindly, sometimes not so kindly.

Is it the adults fault? Not at all.

It’s just a natural “mis-match” between natural, childhood behavior, and the way adults think children SHOULD behave.

If you’re lucky, you don’t have many of these “mis-matches” in your history.

Even so, their effects tend to linger. Fear of speaking in public, fear of starting conversations with interesting strangers. Fear of getting out there and being creative to make some money.

None of those things used to be scary.

Luckily, you can go back in time, and re-live some of those early “imprinting” events with your adult viewpoint.

Re-write the meaning of those events, and take away the sting.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Whacking Moles and Killing Monsters

Chop Off Its Head!

Chop Off All Heads At Once

There’s a game called “whack-a-mole” that’s used in plenty of metaphors.

The game has a flat surface with a bunch of holes, and this mole keeps popping out.

You “whack” him, and as soon as he gets smashed down into his hole, another mole pops up out of another hole.

It’s one of those mindless carnival games you play when you want to smash something and impress your friends.

It’s a useful metaphor because it accurately describes a lot of life situations, especially ones where problems keep coming up.

As soon as you solve one, another one pops up.

It would seem this “problem” of never-ending problems is pretty old. Ancient mythical creatures had many heads. If you chopped one off, it would simply grow another one.

In those stories, in order to kill the beast, you had to chop of all the heads at once, at the base.

A lot of our problems are really not the “main” problem.

Kind of like an old married couple fighting over the toothpaste cap, or the toilet seat.

Sure, that’s the “content” of the argument, but that’s not what it’s really about.

Sometimes we think we’re solving our problems, when we’re merely just whacking moles or chopping off one head at time.

This can be even more confusing when similar problems keep showing up. They’re different enough that we “think” they are separate issues, but deeper down, we suspect something else is going on.

Like if you keep dating the same type of person, keep running into the same money problems, or keep sitting next to the same type of goof on the bus.

Unless you deal with the deeper issues, you’re really just whacking moles.

How do you deal with the deeper issue?

The first step is to find out what it is. This takes some introspection, and it can take a lot of courage, but it’s well worth it.

All humans go through what may be called an “imprinting” stage as we grow up. We learn about the world based on our parents, and all the other adults.

Later on, we tend to “reproduce” that same environment around us, even if we don’t realize it.

Kids that grow up in abusive households, for example, tend to “reproduce” that abusive environment without knowing why or how.

It can certainly feel like we are doomed to repeat history, but luckily that’s not the case.

The good news is you can do some digging, and cut off those problems at the root.

Killing that monster once and for all, so he’ll leave you alone.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Awaken Your Natural Learner

Your Brain Is The Same As It Was

Your Brain Is The Same

I remember a long while ago my company was merging with another company.

A lot of us were getting the boot, so we were pretty worried.

The good news was that we got to take any “approved” training to make it easier to find a new job.

I thought that was kind of cool, but I was also kind of worried.

I’d been working in the same lab for the last ten years, and my knowledge was VERY specialized.

I was afraid of stepping into a classroom and learning something new.

After all, I’d heard all those stories about how the older you get, the harder it is to learn, etc.

But what I found was totally the opposite.

At least it can be.

When you think about it, it makes total sense. It’s not like our brain structure, biology and chemistry suddenly changes as we get older. It’s the same brain in your head now that was in there however many years ago you were born. Just a bit bigger, and just a LOT more stuff in there.

Which turns out, is the problem.

When we go through school, we learn a lot of stuff. But we also learn that learning is hard. Difficult. Frustrating. Scary even.

I don’t know about you, but I had some pretty scary teachers in elementary school!

The truth is that you ARE a natural learner. You were when you were born, you are now, and you will be right up until you take your very last breath.

All you’ve got to do is ditch all those “unhelpful” things you learned going through the meat grinder they call an educational system.

Things like “failure is bad,” or “if you don’t get it right the first time, you’re wrong,” or “if you mess up everybody’s going to think less of you.”

All that is total crap. You used to know it. You used to not care if you messed up, or did the wrong thing, or called attention to yourself.

In fact, you thought it was pretty fun.

And you can discover that it still can be pretty fun.

Just learn how to get rid of all that useless junk.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom