Category Archives: Charisma

Massive Self Confidence

How To Get Six Pack Confidence

There’s always been a debate about what makes up our “humanness.”

We know we are “animals” like all of other “animals.”

We share internal organs, brain, blood, bones, skin, etc.

But why are humans SO much different?

One thing is that we are self-aware.

Another is that we can speak.

Another, more important thing, is we can learn.

Not just simple things, like fetching a ball or simple sign language.

But complex things like the mathematics to describe space travel.

Science to understand medicine, so one “brain” can operate on another “brain.”

We also have a lot of instincts.

We are naturally frightened of certain things, and we are naturally drawn to certain things.

When you smell a particular odor, you don’t need to “think” how to respond.

It happens automatically.

Athletes have known for centuries that you can “train” in new “instincts.”

This is the whole gimmick behind both “Karate Kid” movies.

Wax on, wax off, until it’s programmed into the muscle memory.

Some things, we learn once, and that’s it.

Once you learn how to ride a bike, or how to tie your shoes, you’ll never need to “re-learn.”

But other things, usually things that involve interacting with other people, aren’t like that.

These are kind of like endurance.

If you started jogging every day, it might take a while before you could run 10K in less than 45 minutes.

And you’d have to KEEP jogging every day to maintain that level of endurance.

Nobody thinks, before they start any physical training program, that they will get to a level where it will become “permanent” and they can STOP exercising.

If you want to get a six pack, it’s going to take effort to GET IT, and it’s going to take effort to MAINTAIN IT.

Social confidence is the same thing. It’s not “set and forget” like riding a bike.

It’s not a certain technique that you “learn how” to do.

There ARE techniques that ARE simple to learn, but they require a certain level of social confidence to do.

For example, it’s pretty simple to learn how to use your gestures effectively, to communicate on a subconscious level.

To get whoever is listening to you (individual or group) to take a certain action.

But in order to be able to DO that certain technique, you’ve got to have a base level of social confidence.

Luckily, there are plenty of exercises that will let you GET that much social confidence, and KEEP it when you get there.

Just like a six pack or a sub-45 minute 10K.
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Inside Out Thinking

How To Bake Your Inner Cake

One thing that confuses us humans is cause and effect.

Or more specifically, events that happen close together in time.

Much more often than is true, we tend to assume a causal link.

They’ve even shown that babies as young as six months demonstrate this.

They put a kid in front of a monitor, and they have two blips moving around.

Both are driven by two separate programs.

When both blips stop, it doesn’t cause the kid much worry.

The only thing that freaks the poor kid out is when one stops and the other doesn’t.

The researchers think this means the kid assumes there’s some kind of relationships between the blips.

So when one stops, and the other doesn’t, it messes up his “model of the world.”

As adults, we do this all the time.

It was what superstitions are made of.

The term, “Knock on wood” is from all the way back to when they thought evil creatures lived in trees, and you had knock on the tree to scare them away so they wouldn’t mess you up.

Another way this “cause-effect” misunderstanding pops up is when we try and put the cart before the horse.

Nobody is immune from this.

Even central bankers make this mistake.

Economists call it “pushing on a string.”

A causes B.

So they figure if they create B that will somehow make A happen.

This happens a lot when we consider human behavior.

We tend to copy “outer behavior” and wonder why we don’t get the same results.

That’s kind of like looking at a delicious cake, and thinking you can replicate it with ONLY the frosting.

You figure since the outer surface LOOKS the same, it will BE the same.

This is what happens when people try and copy outer behaviors with understanding what makes up the inner state.

More often than not, the outer behaviors are a natural OUTCOME of the inner state.

But if you try and copy the outer behaviors without the inner state, it will come across as incongruent.

The paradox is that with the right inner state, ANY outer behavior will do.

Kind of like a delicious cake.

The frosting, in many cakes, isn’t even needed.

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Social Confidence

Expand Your Social Universe

Imagine if you lived in a large city, but you only went up and down three big boulevards.

Whenever you thought about going shopping, you’d only think of the stores on those streets.

Whenever you thought of checking out a band or seeing a movie, you’d only imagine what was available on those three streets.

Whenever your imagination drifted to the weekend, and you started to daydream about what you were going to do, it would ONLY cover those three streets.

A goofy example, right?

One of the common things they do in hypnosis training is to get people to forget letters or numbers.

Then they say the alphabet, without the vowels, for example, with a straight face.

Or they count to ten without five, thinking it’s normal.

Everybody watches and giggles.

But it’s really a metaphor for how we live.

Most people are interested in hypnosis so they can hypnotize others, or hypnotize themselves and get rid of some of the junk they’ve been carrying around.

But maybe the BEST thing you can do is to first DE-Hypnotize yourself.

So you can see MORE of the stuff that’s around you.

Because the guy in the three boulevard universe is not so far from the truth.

Most of us go to the same places, do the same things, talk to the same people.

Even about the same topics.

Consider that doing things specifically that you AREN’T comfortable doing can be a useful exercise in de-hypnotizing yourself.

Just going places you’ve never gone, or eating at new restaurants or going to new bars can be helpful.

But what is MOST helpful is to talk to people you’ve never talked to before.

Most of us are VERY closed minded. We tend to hang out with people with similar ideas and beliefs, so we reinforce those similar ideas and beliefs.

Pretty soon we think THOSE IDEAS are all that’s out there.

But there is much more than you could EVER discover.

Of course, you won’t get any ideas from buildings. Concrete can’t talk.

But the people there can.

And you’ll be AMAZED at some of the treasure people have to share.

But they won’t come to you.

You must go to them. When you do, you’ll realize it’s well-worth the journey.

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Destroy The Evil One

How To Easily Kill Fear

Reframes can be very powerful.

Especially if after the reframe things seem a lot easier.

Because when we humans give meaning to something, even if the meaning isn’t true, we act as if it is.

This happens under hypnosis all the time.

People can be hypnotized to think a lemon is a cheeseburger.

And when they eat the lemon whole, (in front of stunned observers) it tastes just like a cheeseburger.

Even after, when they KNOW they’ve been hypnotized, they remember it as a cheeseburger.

They “meaning” of that thing they were holding was not a sour citrus fruit, but their favorite food.

We do this to ourselves all the time, but in the opposite direction.

Sometimes before we do something, we imagine it’s going to be really, really scary.

And often times, this keeps us from doing it.

But if we do it anyway (feel the fear and do it anyway) then we realize there was nothing to fear in the first place.

While this technique works (to conquer false fears) it’s not very efficient.

This is why Milton Erickson ditched this method when he invented “Ericksonian Hypnosis” or covert hypnosis.

He used to have his clients to all kinds of crazy things to prove their fears weren’t real.

But then he learned how to destroy their fears by telling stories.

This is the power of reframing.

You can reframe things FIRST without having to “prove” the reframe.

This is essentially what the “feel the fear and do it anyway” theory is.

You reframe the fear through action.

But it’s just as effective (and much more comfortable) to reframe the fear by trying on different thoughts in different combinations.

This way, you can realize things are safe and enjoyable BEFORE needing to prove it.

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Social Confidence

How To Become Master Of The Universe

One famous expression or “truism” from NLP is “The map is not the territory.”

What does this mean?

Any map of reality we have is not reality itself.

We perceive the world through a very small window.

We only consciously see one out of every 25,000 bits of information.

If you count all the data hitting all of our senses, that’s how the ratio breaks down.

Our “pre-conscious processor” has to figure out what’s important, and what’s not important.

It also keeps us safe as best it can.

Unfortunately, it follows the “better safe than sorry” strategy.

Which is why we jump at shadows, an unexpected hand on our shoulder, even if the doorbell rings.

It also keeps us oblivious to things that MIGHT be dangerous.

Some things like snakes and vampires are PURE danger. So our pre-conscious processor forces them into our awareness so we an run.

But some things are only dangerous if we INTERACT with them.

So just to play it safe, it doesn’t allow us to even notice them.

Which means that most of us are working with incomplete and distorted maps of reality.

Our maps filter our own fears and biases.

Whenever we describe reality metaphorically, this is also a map.

Like, for example, in the LOA, they say “radiate your desires and the universe will provide them.”

Clearly, this is pretty vague. It sounds cool, but it doesn’t explain exactly HOW to do that.

How does one radiate, anyhow? And where exactly in the VAST UNIVERSE will our “desires” be provided? Somewhere out by Saturn? Jupiter?

I take this to mean by “radiating” we share our desires. We talk about them, plan them, take steps to make them happen. Demonstrate to the world that we are actively building them.

What about the “Universe?” Do we need to build a spaceship to go out and get our stuff?

I take “The Universe” to mean all the other people we interact with.

Unfortunately, if your preconscious processor is keeping you from noticing those same people, (because part of you doesn’t feel totally confident around strangers) you’ll be missing out on a LOT of opportunity.

Luckily, if you shift your mind slightly so you have a more ACCURATE map of reality, life will be a lot more fulfilling.

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Social Confidence

Destroy Fear of Rejection

Having more resources is better than having less resources.

If you were having a party, you might consider all the snacks and drinks at your place as resources.

If you were going shopping, you might consider a fat wallet a resource.

If you needed a date on short notice, you might consider all the girls’ numbers in your phone as potential resources.

Some things can switch from being burdens to resources.

Like you might consider a garage full of junk as a burden. Every time you look at them piled up in the corner you’d get a bit of anxiety. Maybe realize that some day you’re going to have to clean up all that junk.

But then you decide to have a garage sale. You move all the junk from the back out to your driveway.

Maybe you make a couple hundred bucks. Not only did all the bargain shoppers pay you for your junk, but they took it away for you as well.

Many people look at other people with a mix of desire and anxiety.

On the one hand, they look pretty cool, and might make good friends or potential lovers.

But on the other hand, they could represent potential rejection.

Depending on your background and history, you might have more of one than the other.

You probably know a few people who LOVE groups of people.

They see them as PURE resources. Nothing negative. Only potential positive.

This, of course, tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because they’re looking over the crowd with a positive expectation, they send out a certain “energy.”

So when they interact with people, that positive “energy” tends to generate the result they expect.

Luckily, being able to project that “positive energy” is a skill.

Meaning no matter where you are on the spectrum, you can tilt the scale in your favor.

Until you see EVERYBODY as pure potential. Positive resources you can “use” for any occasion.

Friends, business partners, lovers, whatever you want.

Click Here To Learn How

How To Click With Anybody

How To Click With Anybody

You know a relationship (either with a friend or a lover) is in a good place when you can sit in silence without needing to say anything.

A long time ago, a buddy of mine and I went to Vegas, driving from LA.

We took two cars, he took his girlfriend, and she brought a friend.

Her friend rode with me, and it was kind of awkward.

Sometimes you click with people, and sometimes you don’t.

Having to sit with somebody you don’t click with for a four hour drive through the desert is not the ideal way to pass the time.

Being able to click with more people is certainly a benefit.

Job interviews, parties where you don’t know a lot of people, new coworkers, etc.

All of these situations will go a lot smoother if you click more easily with other people.

Luckily, this is pretty easy.

Most people get nervous, try talking about themselves, and HOPE that they have something in common with the other person.

But it’s much easier just to sit back and let the other person talk.

Of course, most people won’t do this on their own.

They need encouragement.

But once you get them going, it’s easy to find plenty in common.

You can think of it for looking for two specific things.

One is something they enjoy talking about.

Hobbies, their job (if they like it) any big plans they have for their future.

The second is things that you have in common.

Now, most people when they are looking for things in common, they look for “content” things.

Like the same music, the same movies, the same favorite restaurants, etc.

But if you go up one logical level, you’ll have a LOT more in common with a LOT more people.

Say they were a political science major, and they’re talking about how they made a huge mistake when giving a speech in class.

Even if you’ve never been to college, you can find a similar “structural event” in your past.

Any kind of goof you made in front of other people.

That way, even though you have different educational backgrounds, different interests, you’ll have created a connection based on similar experiences.

This requires that you are relaxed and confident enough to sit back and ask the right questions in the right order.

But once you get the hang of it, you can “click” with pretty much anybody.

Click Here To Learn How

Massive Social Confidence

Best State for Effortless Persuasion

Regardless of your reason for talking to somebody, rapport is essential.

With a lot of rapport there’s not much else you need to do.

For example, let’s say you’re thinking about buying a computer.

You’ve got a couple in mind, and you want to go see one up close, so you wander down to your local computer shop.

And you are standing there looking at the three computers you’re thinking off, all sitting next to each other.

And up comes a good buddy who you haven’t seen in a while. And he works at the shop.

You forget that you’re shopping for computers, and talk to your buddy and catch up on old times. Maybe you exchange pictures of your kids or something. You find out he lives nearby and turns out you know his wife from back in the day as well. You’re excited, he’s excited.

Then he asks what you’re interested in, computer wise. (He does work there after all.)

You tell him you’re thinking of model A, B or C.

Without even thinking, he says C is the best and he gives you a couple reasons why.

Now, most people would buy C.

This is because you would have MASSIVE rapport with your buddy.

He doesn’t need to use any goofy language patterns, or NLP tricks.

With ENOUGH rapport, all you really need to say is, “C is best,” and then give them a couple reasons.

Unfortunately rapport is one of those things where people hear about it and say, “Oh rapport, yeah, I already know about that stuff. Tell me the super-ninja secret stuff!”

But with enough rapport, you don’t really need the super ninja complicated stuff.

Sure it will help, it will make them feel much better about whatever they are doing, but it’s really just icing on the cake.

There are a lot of ways to develop deep rapport very quickly with strangers.

Match body language, match movements, match rate of speech. Monitor and adjust accordingly. Move and make sure they follow you.

But under all of that external behavior, you HAVE to be relaxed and laid back on the inside.

Creating rapport on the outside, when you are anxious and nervous on the inside is pretty difficult.

In fact, if you are anxious and nervous on the inside, you’ll FORGET to even create rapport. You’ll be too busy trying to memorize all those ninja language patterns.

But if you are relaxed and confident ENOUGH, they will AUTOMATICALLY not only get into rapport with you, but they’ll naturally follow you as well.

Making everything else very easy.
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Naturally Relaxed

How To Make Other People Relaxed

There’s an ancient saying about how we humans represent ourselves.

The way we present ourselves to others, the way we present ourselves to ourselves, and then how we really are.

Most people rarely get past the first once. You might know somebody for a long time and find out later they were living some sort of secret life.

One of the hardest things in any sales or persuasion is making the person feel comfortable.

Unfortunately, when we read sales books we kind of skip past the part about rapport because we “already know that stuff.”

But since it’s the most important part, if we don’t get that stuff right, we won’t get very far.

Because without a degree of rapport, we’ll only be seeing the “pretend” part of the person we’re talking to.

So when we start to elicit criteria, or find out what’s important, they’ll only be telling us things we WANT to hear, not the real stuff.

One of the biggest obstacles to creating that deep feeling of rapport, so you can see the more of their real self, is anxiety.

Even if you go through all the steps, and spend a long time on rapport, they will automatically be as anxious as you.

Humans are like that.

We tend to resonate each other’s feelings and emotional state.

If you’re nervous, they’ll be nervous.

But the flip side is just as true.

If you are calm and relaxed, they’ll also be calm and relaxed. And they’ll do so unconsciously.

Meaning they’ll just feel calm and relaxed, and not really understand why.

They’ll interpret this as YOU somehow being “different” from everybody else.

So if you’re selling something, or creating a relationship, or just trying to make friends, it will be a lot easier.

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Love Life Party

Turn Life Into A Playground

I had a buddy once who was going through some tough times.

He was seeing a counselor, and the counselor gave him an interesting homework assignment.

To go to his local playground once a week, for an hour, and just watch the kids play.

He had a note from his doctor, so the cops wouldn’t think he was a predator or anything.

One of his issues is that he was emotionally closed off. And it had ruined his last couple of relationships, and it was affecting his job.

The idea of watching kids play was to help him “model” their behavior.

Usually it’s the other way around. One of our jobs as adults (if we have kids) is to model good behavior that our kids will copy.

But my friend was trying to do the opposite.

He was trying to copy the kids behavior, at least on a subconscious level.

Being able to run around and play without worrying about being judged or told whatever they were expressing was wrong.

If he could be more like that in his real life, he would have a better time expressing himself.

All of us go through dramatic changes as we grow up. Some worse than others.

We pick up tons of baggage, stuff that we instinctively thought was protective at the time.

Unfortunately, our brains tend to generalize a lot.

If you got yelled out in third grade by your angry teacher, a “correct” response would be to decide that your particular teacher, in that particular context (whatever was going on a the time) was a little bit sketchy.

However, our brains don’t work like that. They are lightning fast, but not very accurate.

So the natural conclusion to getting yelled at by an authority figure, as a little kid is that “expressing myself is sometimes dangerous.”

The more we experience events like that, the stronger that belief becomes.

And for some of us, just the idea of asserting ourselves in public is pretty nerve wracking.

Like if a waiter brings the wrong order, some people would have a hard time asking the waiter to fix it.

However, there are plenty of ways to “undo” those unconscious learnings and generalizations.

The more you do, the more socially outgoing and confident you’ll be.

Imagine being able to express yourself anywhere, anytime, and with anybody, and having absolutely zero fear.

You’d make more money and have much better relationships.

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