Category Archives: Fear

How To Make Life Purr Like A Kitten

Slice Through Resistance Like Butter

Rev Up Your Life

What’s a chainsaw and a racecar have in common?

Other than they both make a lot of noise?

Both are designed to be more efficient at higher RPM’s. Or the faster the engine goes, the more effective it is.

If you listen to a chainsaw when it’s not cutting, when it’s kind idling, it sounds pretty rough and almost like something’s wrong with it.

But when you rev it up, it purrs like a kitten. (Not a kitten you’d want to pet, but you get the idea.)

If you’ve ever had one of those days when everything just “clicks” you know what that feels like.

All the lights are green, you get all the parking spaces up close. All the people you smile at smile right back (and some even smile first).

This is the way life is SUPPOSED to be.

When we are on purpose, when we humans have a solid goal, not just fort the next couple of days, but for life in general, it’s a lot easier to “click.” 

You’re humming along just like a chainsaw, slicing through all obstacles in your path.

If you DON’T have any idea of what you’re creating in life, it can feel like you’re running in circles.

You try one thing, it works for a while, then it falls to pieces. Then maybe something else, but you get the same result. You start off like gangbusters, but as soon as you run into trouble, it gets hard to find your mojo.

It’s easy to let your goals and direction be chosen by somebody else.

In fact, the way society is built, it takes an almost gargantuan effort to avoid being led around like a lost puppy.

Back in the old days, all you needed were your instincts, and you’d be fine. A desire for some kind of income, a desire for some kind of relationships, and some safety, and you were good.

But today you MUST choose. Not in extreme detail, just enough to give yourself some direction.

If you were wandering across the desert, for example, and you had zero idea where you were going, it’d be easy to wander in circles until you were buzzard food.

On the other hand, if you had a clear destination in mind, you’d have a much better chance.

Once you’ve got a clear direction pulling you forward, you’ll be much more “in tune” with what’s going on.

This Will Help:

Self Confidence Generator

Are You Ready To Leave The Pack?

Leave The Crowd Behind

Go You Own Way

Long time ago, I went on a backpacking trip in Scotland.

I was coming from the States, and was meeting a buddy of mine in some train station I’d never been to, next to some big clock, which was a popular meeting place.

I was coming from Southern California, and he was coming from Texas.

It seemed simple enough on paper, but the logistics were pretty complicated.

Especially since I hadn’t really planned HOW I was going to get there. I was just going to “wing it” as I went.

My first “test” came in getting from the London airport to the London train station to the Glasgow train station.

Luckily, there were enough other people who were leaving the airport, via bus, to the train station.

So I didn’t really need to do much thinking. A mix of following the signs, and following the crowd.

Mostly following the crowd.

When I finally arrived smack dab in the middle of Glasgow, I didn’t really remember much of how I got there.

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences. It seems that humans are hard wired on a deep level to simply forget themselves, and go with the flow.

In fact, up until the recent past (and I mean the RECENT past) humans have done pretty good to kind of just “go with the flow.”

Go to school, show up every day, do your homework like you’re told, pick a college, send out some resumes, get a job, show up on time, do what you’re told, and you can make enough money to live a pretty good life.

In a sense, our entire society is built so we don’t have to do much “thinking.”

You may have to stop and look at a couple signs on the way, but then you just get right back in the shuffle.

And for many people, this is perfectly fine. So long as you’ve got enough extra cash left over every month to buy some nice things, it’s all good, right?

Only that way of living is quickly coming to a close.

For whatever reason, just following the crowd, and doing what you’re told is no longer good enough.

In fact, if that’s ALL you did, there’s a good chance you’d end up in a pretty bad place.

Now more than ever, it’s up to each and every one of us to wake up and see what’s going on.

NOT to to be super heroes and save society or anything corny like that, but to simply save ourselves.

Because as I’m sure you know, NOBODY is going to do this for you.

A really scary thought to be sure. But also incredibly liberating once  you fully accept it.

Once you break out of the “follow the crowd” mindset, there’s really not much you can’t do.

If enough people like you start doing that, it may very well save society.

Necessary Steps To Romantic Success

Face Your Fears

The Cave! Remember The Cave!

In many action type movies, you’ve got two powerful guys. A good guy, and a bad guy. Often times, the general story is the good guy and the bad guy are on a collision course, and the main climax is when they fight each other.

Remember in The Empire Strikes Back? Yoda told Luke he couldn’t be a true Jedi unless he faced Vader in the cave. Of course, Vader turned out to be his Father, which had all kinds of deep mysterious meanings in and off itself.

But the main reason so many action movies, (which are primarily marketed to guys) have this same structure is all guys must face their biggest fears before they move on to the second half of their lives.

The first half, the childhood half, is when they are dependent on others. The second half, the adult half, is when they become fully functioning adults.

This main battle of “good vs. evil” MUST happen in your life if you are to achieve true greatness. And when we’re talking about creating wonderful relationships with attractive women, that fear is pretty obvious.

Not just approach anxiety, but what you might call “expression anxiety.” You like her, and you’ve got to give her a chance to see if she likes you. Since girls’s attraction is much more dependent on personality, you’ve GOT to let her see the REAL YOU.

And for most guys, this is absolutely terrifying. If she sees and understands the real you, and rejects you, then NOTHING on Earth feels worse.

This is why guys spend all kinds of time on forums, seminars, reading books and other products. Following gurus around, going on boot camps.

It’s all designed to keep you from facing your fears.

But face your fears you must. Because on the other side is brilliance.

The good news is you don’t have to face your fears all at once. Since from the initial approach, to the time you make a commitment to your new partner, there’s going to be a LOT of stuff to work through.

Take your time. Take it slow. There’s no rush. Hopefully, you’re still building your life, no matter HOW old you are.

But you absolutely must accept that facing your fears is a necessary part of creating a positive relationship with a woman.

How do you do that?

Like I said, start small. Eye contact. Smile. A few words. Introduce yourself. Extend the conversation. Ask for contact number. Go on dates. Etc.

Just work on one level, until it’s easy, and keep moving up.

If you keep moving forward, and simply accept that everything that happens will make you stronger, you will not fail.

Forget gurus, forget men’s movements, forget finger pointing. Get going today, your future is waiting.

Are You Easily Swept Up?

Don't Be A Sheep!

Learn To Think For Yourself

I’ve been to a lot of seminars, for a lot of different subjects over the years.

And one thing I’ve noticed is that the “momentum” usually wears off after a while.

During the seminar, when you’re listening to the teacher talk, and imagining how much better your life is going to get, it feels pretty good. Especially when you meet all kinds of folks and stay up late in the lounge area talking about your big plans.

Then the seminar ends, you go back home, and it’s the same old routine.

I remember once I was waiting in this HUGE line to get this famous TV personalities autograph for his book. It was for an Xmas gift, and I was kind of shocked at how much of a following this guy had.

While I was waiting in line (for about 4 hours) I formed a “bond” with a few people standing around me.

We started talking about our personal lives, families etc. We made plans to get together in the future. Like we were old chums.

But as soon as we got our autographs, that “bond” vanished like a wisp of smoke.

Poof!

It’s easy to feel all kinds of feelings “in the moment,” only to later wonder what the heck happened.

This very common, since humans are, on a deep level, “pack animals.” We pretty much soak up the energy around us, and let it override any “independent” thinking.

Most people don’t like to hear things like this, but how else do you explain how some of those crazy fads come and go and then are quickly forgotten?

Even 70 years after WWII, Germans are still wondering how in the heck they could have collectively gone so incredibly crazy.

It’s easy, natural and common to be “swept up” in “group thinking.”

It’s something else entirely to be able to create your own “energy” which has direction, and is under your control.

Energy that will propel you forward matter WHAT the circumstances are.

Energy that will keep you on track to YOUR goals and dreams, not the current “trend” of the crowd.

Now, this isn’t as easy as programming your destination into your GPS and just sitting back while it tells you where to go, but it is VERY similar.

Choose your destination. Program it into your brain, and you’ll see that “energy” fill every situation you find yourself in.

So you can do YOUR thing, not the crowds.

Why I Screamed My Brains Out

Kill Fear With A Bang

How To Quickly Kill Fear

If you’ve ever done any public speaking, you know a common trick is to look at people’s foreheads, or the tops of their heads.

This avoids some of the anxiety that comes from staring into a bunch of eyes staring back.

Another trick is to visualize everybody really happy after your speech, to give you a bit more confidence when you start.

Yet another trick is to start off with a bang, some kind of joke, or controversial statement.

I remember once I was going through toastmasters, and I was giving a speech on fear. What it is, how it’s represented, what’s real what’s not etc.

I started off by screaming at the top of my lungs for about five seconds.

I didn’t say that I was going to that. I just walked up, glanced down at my 3×5 cards as if I were about to start regular speech, and then let ‘er rip.

The funny part was that this was in a bookstore, where they have those coffee shops and a big area where people can sit. Some people thought it was pretty funny, some people got pretty angry.

But it certainly DESTROYED any nerves I had before speaking.

Now, I’m not recommending that you scream at the top of your lungs before starting anything that may cause some anxiety.

But what this DOES illustrate is that there are many mental “tricks” you can do that will help you overcome any fear.

Now, some of these are short term tricks, and some are long term strategies.

One of the BEST ways to obliterate fear is to create some very POWERFUL dreams that you are moving toward.

They don’t need to be concrete, or specific. Just something you know you’re moving toward. It’s also a good idea to choose one big thing in each area of life.

That way, no matter WHAT you are doing,  it will be easy to see it in the larger context.

Giving a speech can be pretty scary. But giving a speech KNOWING that it’s part of a skill building process that will get you a TON of money in the future will make it a lot less scary.

Especially when you’re ONLY focused on some “small” aspect of speaking, like using less “uh’s” or looking at the audience a larger percentage of the time.

Whenever you can see anything as a small step in a larger process, you’ll see it for what it is.

Not a “do or die” situation that’s going to make or break your existence.

Simply one small step on your road to inevitable success.

To learn how to do this on a deep level, check this out:

Had Enough TV Yet?

Start Your Journey

Answer Your Calling

One common theme among many movies is the “reluctant hero” idea.

Some normal guy or girl is hanging out, and suddenly something happens.

They don’t have a choice to “step up” and do something magnificent.

And often, they have a choice between using their new “power” for good or for evil.

Since these are movies, or stories with a “meaning,” the hero usually chooses the path of righteousness instead of evil.

But in real life, that is all from certain.

When I was a kid, I’d used to complain to my parents.

“I didn’t ask to be born!”

This is one of the reasons we identify with all the movie and story heroes that are “called” rather than people who consciously decide to become heroes.

None of us asked to be here. (At least not in this plane of existence.)

But here we are.

The BIG question is, what are you going to do about it?

Many folks (who have decided to use their powers for selfish purposes) would rather you NOT discover who you really are.

They would MUCH rather that part of you stays hidden, and you live a life of “quiet desperation.”

Unfortunately, most people are happy to comply.

Sure, they complain that life sucks. That they are always broke. That they never catch any breaks.

Then they proceed to tear open another bag of Cheetos and see what those crazy Kardashians will do next.

The bottom line is that because you are reading this now, there’s something inside of you that knows something’s fishy.

That there’s something more to TV, fast food, and the ever popular finger-pointing blame game.

Once again, what are you going to do about it?

It’s scary to leave your safe comfort zone behind.

But outside of your comfort zone is where all the good stuff is.

The REALLY good stuff, that most people only see on TV.

Will you go after it?

It’s not easy, it’s far from guaranteed, and it ain’t quick.

But you didn’t show up here to live the easy life. The safe life. The TV life.

You showed up here to achieve something MAGNIFICENT.

What are you waiting for?

Your Biggest Obstacle To Love

It's All In Your Head

Hint: It’s All In Your Mind

Most everything you’ll read or be sold today regarding seduction and dating is partly a scam.

I don’t mean that sellers or bloggers are scamming readers or customers. It’s the people reading and buying that are scamming themselves.

The biggest block to guys getting the girls they want is fear. I know many guys will disagree, and say their not afraid. It’s just that the market is too bad. Or they don’t want to spend a lot of money. Or they don’t have the right job, or whatever.

But think about this, if you can. Imagine you’re at the grocery store, and you’d like an apple. You have an idea of the perfect apple. So you head over to the apple cart. You start picking up the apples, looking at them, feeling their softness or hardness. Finally after ten minutes or so (you’re REALLY picky when it comes to apples) you finally settle on the perfect one.

Now, when you were picking up any individual apple, what were your emotions like? Afraid, nervous, worried, impatient, bored?

Most likely not. You looked at this big pile of apples and were pretty certain you’d find ONE that would be perfect. It may take a few minutes, but you KNEW you’d find one. The entire time, you’d likely be thinking “Man, this is going to taste SO GOOD!”

Now, just for the sake of argument, imagine if you could talk to girls, all girls, with the same mindset. Zero fear, zero anxiety, zero worry, zero consideration to what other people were doing or whether or not they were watching you.

Would you have ANY trouble finding your dream girl, REGARDLESS of your status in life?

Nope.

But many guys are terrified to admit they are terrified. So they come up with all kinds of excuses. Some of them cover up their fears by approaching and closing TONS of women, creating numerous but shallow relationships that are based on nothing but drunken fun. (Not that there’s anything wrong with drunken fun!)

The structure is the same, inspecting apples vs. dating girls, but the time period is far, far longer.

What if you were as completely open and fearless with not only talking to girls, but dating them, and completely and confidently opening yourself up to them?

Not only that, but what if you had such rock solid criteria, you’d know RIGHT AWAY if they were your type or not. There’d be NO WAY they could fool you.

What would your life be like then?

Would you need a billion and one pick up lines? Would you need to strategically organize your bedroom for the most efficient, resistance free closing?

Most likely not.

Obviously, this is much more easier said than done. Even admitting that the biggest problem is emotional resistance is tough for most guys.

It’s hard to let go of being able to blame the world, blame society, blame women, whatever.

But once you realize all you need to do is get over your irrational fears, there’s a whole world of women out there just waiting to be loyal to a guy like you.

Get In The Game

Are You Living In Past Generations?

Ready For Some Real Action?

A few generations ago, humans enjoyed a pretty nice sweet spot of history.

The industrial revolution was in full swing, wealth was increasing faster than it ever had since the dawn of time. New inventions were popping out every day making life easier and more affordable, and the population was starting to explode.

Back then, if you were a normal guy with a normal brain and a normal set of skills, you could get a decent job out of high school. So long as you showed up for work every day, and learned a bit as you went, you’d be in pretty good financial shape.

One income was enough to buy a house and a car, and your wife could stay home and watch the kids.

Meeting your wife (back then) was still tough. You still had to overcome approach anxiety, social scrutiny, the huge barrier of her parents. Not only that but the choices were pretty slim. (You certainly couldn’t hit the clubs every weekend and take home a new one nighter.)

Of course now, things are much, much different. Both in a bad way, AND in a much better way.

If you’re the kind of guy who thinks you just need to show up and get good jobs, loyal girls and affordable lifestyle, then life sucks right now. Really sucks.

But if you’re the guy willing to knuckle down and make his own way, there’s no better time in history than now.

Sure the economy is in the tank. Sure it’s hard to find a decent,  old fashioned girl.

But guess what?

Since most guys aren’t willing to do what it takes, that means those that ARE willing to will have a HUGE advantage.

Like I said, it’s not nearly as easy as it used to be. Back then, you just went with the flow and you were good.

Nowadays, you’ve got to be a nimble free agent able to shift in a moment’s notice. More than ever, you’ve got to OWN your life, rather than merely be a participant.

You’ve got to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to you, whether it’s under your control or not.

If you get caught out in the rain, you can curse the gods all you want. But it’s still going to rain.

How you RESPOND to the rain makes all the difference.

Complaining about the state of affairs isn’t a very good strategy.

It’s easy, and everybody can do it.

And the laws of economics say that if everybody can do it, it ain’t worth much.

Are you willing to take responsibility?

Are you willing to OWN your life?

If you are, glory awaits.

Are You Afraid Of Non-Barking Invisible Dogs?

Only In Your Mind

Do Imaginary Fears Rule Your Life?

Once, way back in high school, I came up against fear, and the fear won.

Me and my buddy had been watching some vids, and drinking a few beers.

His parents were out of town, and there these houses being constructed nearby.

We’d decided we would go check them out. They were just frames at this point.

It was night, and very windy. We were walking through this skeleton neighborhood, when we saw this “shape” off in the distance.

In all likelihood, it was a pile of lumber that had a tarp tied down over it. But in the dead of night, with the wind howling, we imagined it was a huge mean guard dog. (Why it didn’t bark didn’t come up in our terrified high school minds).

Instead of going to check it out, we talked ourselves into going back to the safety of the couch and the TV.

We told each other stories why it wasn’t a good idea to be out anyway. Why it was better to stay safely in familiar territory, rather than explore the scary unknown.

We convinced ourselves that going back to finish watching whatever videos we’d rented (filled with predictable plot lines where the heroes safely beat the bad guys) was the logical choice. 

The good choice. The right choice.

But the reality was that we simply came up against an unknown. We turned that unknown into something horrible, in our mind, and refused to face it.

We decided it was better to embrace a known safety, made up by somebody else (the videos) than to face an unknown risk, made up by our own minds.

This is very, very common. We humans do it all the time. We convince ourselves we’re doing the right thing. The logical thing. 

But are we?

Nobody got rich by taking the safest path. Nobody built a business by avoiding risk. Nobody ever created a wonderfully fulfilling relationship by avoiding potential rejection.

Of course, we were just kids, out exploring. We weren’t looking for hidden treasure or secret love.

But you’d be surprised how often those things show up out of nowhere.

Love, money, employment, friends, relationships. None of these really show up exactly how we think they will.

Which means in order to really get the good stuff in life, we’ve always got to be open.

Hard to do when you turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble, like me and my buddy.

What about you?

Are you ready to embrace risk, uncertainty, and potential setbacks?

Or would you rather stay where it’s safe and predictable?

If you’re ready to move forward, this will help:

Why Hidden Risk Is Dangerous 

Not All Risks Are Obvious

Risk Is Not Always What It Seems

There’s a crucial scene in the Matrix, where Neo is presented two choices.

One, a red pill, and another, a blue pill.

The red pill will remove the scales from his eyes, so he sees things the way they really are.

The blue pill is so he goes back to sleep, blissfully unaware of the evil around him.

The red pill / blue pill dichotomy was “borrowed” from Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland) who no doubt “borrowed” it from many stories from before, in various forms.

When they say that “ignorance is bliss,” what to do they mean?

By taking the “blue pill,” and staying safely unaware of what’s going on, you don’t have to worry about too much.

Now, this is fine if you happen to be in safe place, with enough resources to survive, and enjoy some free time once in a while.

Showing up to work on time, doing what you’re told, in order to collect a paycheck that’s just enough to cover monthly expenses.

To be certain, the blue pill life ain’t exciting, it’s not glamorous, but it’s safe.

Right?

This is the great paradox of risk.

We “think” we’re “playing it safe,” but we’re really not.

Sure, in the short term, it might feel safer to do what the boss says without much question, not rock the boat too much, not mess up a good thing.

But in the long term, playing it “safe” might be the riskiest thing you’ll ever do.

Why?

If something happens, and somebody “pulls the plug” on your comfy lifestyle, what then?

Being able to stay safely on auto pilot without rocking the boat isn’t a very marketable skill.

It’s not something you can proudly show off after a lifetime of “achievement.”

The good news is you can start to take control, even if  you don’t think you need to.

Meaning if you just spent a little bit of time working on some translatable skills, things that you could take with you ANYWHERE, you’d be much better off.

I’m talking about the deep “meta skills” that most people tend to lack.

Public speaking ability, decent social skills, persuasive skills, and having the confidence that you can learn anything, to get anything.

Most people have a couple of skills.

Even better would be to have several skills

But even better would be to have the deeper confidence that you could LEARN any skill.

That way, no matter WHAT happened, you’d be able to step back a couple paces, take a look at the situation, and figure out what to do.

And not merely survive, but THRIVE.