Tag Archives: Communication

What's That Buzzing Sound?

Waiting For Magic Corn

Imagine you were out driving around.

And in this hallucination (which will require a bit of suspended disbelief) you were thinking about a new career.

Let’s say you passed by a guy who was harvesting corn.

In this metaphor, you don’t really know much about anything.

In fact, you don’t really know where food comes from.

(other than on the shelf at the supermarket).

So you drive onto the farmer’s land, pull up, and get out.

“Where does all this corn come from?” you ask, absolutely flabbergasted.

“The ground,” the farmer says, smiling.

“But how?” You ask.

The farmer smiles. Let’s suppose, for the sake of this story, that he’s a church going farmer.

“Have patience, and Lord will provide,” he answers, not quite sure he understands the question.

“But it just comes up out of the ground like that?” You ask, still trying to wrap your mind around this mysterious concept.

Food coming straight out of the dirt? That’s crazy!

“Like, every day?” you ask. The farmer smiles and shakes his head.

“No, not every day. You must be patient, and the Lord will provide,” he answers.

You get back in your car and think about it.

If you could get food out of the ground, you could sell it!

When you buy corn at the store, it’s a dollar an ear.

And that farmer had HUNDREDS, maybe THOUSANDS of ears!

You’re going to be rich!

So you find some land.

And you sit in the middle.

“OK, Lord,” you say, looking up to the sky.

“I’m ready for my corn!”

And you wait patiently for it to spring forth.

But you’re waiting a while.

The only thing that grows are weeds.

You think maybe you didn’t ask correctly. Or maybe you weren’t thinking correctly.

So you ask again, only with more enthusiasm.

“Lord, I promise. I’m really ready to receive this time,” you say.

After another few weeks pass by, the weeds are over your head.

How in the heck did that farmer get corn out of the ground, when you only got weeds?

The farmer, however, misunderstood you. He just assumed you know about farming, and planting seeds, and taking care of the soil.

But all you saw was the end result.

Not the daily consistent behaviors that were REQUIRED to get the result.

And in just sitting there, staring at the sky and asking for magic corn, you looked kind of silly.

Hopefully you’re seeing some parallels in this metaphor and how people go about getting (or trying to get) good things.

Most people focus on the outcome, rather than the required daily behaviors.

But the required daily behaviors to get anything are pretty simple.

So simple you could get started today.

Whatever seeds you plant, they will grow.

Learn How:

Seven Disciplines

Jigsaws Of Time

Three Operator Mindset

Long time ago, I got a job selling cars.

I was running out of money, and jobs were hard to come by.

Plenty of places like retail sales, especially if you don’t need a license, will more or less hire anybody.

They hire people based on the number theory.

The same kind of statistics some guys use when approaching girls.

If you chat up ten girls a day, you’ll eventually run into a few you click with.

And among those you click with, you’ll eventually find a pretty good one.

It is a very common sales strategy, referred to as the funnel.

A bunch of prospects go into the top, and a few sales come out the bottom.

Sales places hire people this way.

They hire about twenty new salespeople a month.

Every month.

They figure even if 19 of them eventually quit, they’ll end up with a team of skilled sellers.

On the other side of the equation is that once these skilled sellers realize that they are, indeed, skilled sellers, they go somewhere else.

If you are good at selling things, a car lot is the LAST place you want to be.

Stand up all day, usually outside. Really long hours.

But one thing that surprised me the most is the transition people make.

They come in terrified of the salespeople.

Most customers give of a dangerous kind of body language.

The kind that says, “Don’t you DARE come near me!”

This is why so many people quit.

But once you get past that “defense zone,” they open up pretty easily.

Talk about what they want, show them what you’ve got, and one out of ten or so will end up buying something.

What always got me was their internal transition.

From when they walked onto the lot, to the time they bought something.

They went from looking like they wanted to kill me, to acting like I was their best friend.

Since they’d overcome all their internal objections, all they had was pure desire.

Everybody loves buying stuff.

When we want it and can afford it, it’s a pretty good feeling.

Even if you’re buying lunch, that feeling when the waitress sets down your plate is a pretty good one.

One way to look at sales, (and all persuasion) is by imagining three operators.

There’s you, and the part of your target who wants to get something, and the part of your target who’s afraid to get that same thing.

Most people look at persuasion and sales as “one on one” battle.

But EVERYBODY is conflicted when buying something.

Even when ordering food in a restaurant, most of us have to think about it.

So when persuading, (or selling or seducing) think about the three operator mindset.

You, the part of them that wants what you want, and the part of them that isn’t so sure.

Three things will happen.

One is it will now be two against one.

Two is you can use plenty of sneaky patterns to HELP the good guys win.

Three is when you DO help the good guys when, there will only be two of you left.

You and your grateful friend.

Learn How:

Seven Laws

Become A Super Hero Persuader

How To Disappear Hidden Objections

It’s very hard to do something when we are afraid to do it.

Most of the time, we think of this from our own perspective.

But it can be very helpful to see this from others as well.

We all have the experience of trying to convince somebody to do something.

And they “sort of want to” but they are a little scared at the same time.

Maybe you want to go out and be social, but your buddy wants to play video games.

They’ll never say, “Yeah, going out and meeting people sounds fantastic. But I’m kid of scared of rejection or saying something stupid and looking like an idiot, so I’d rather stay here and play video games.”

Instead they say, “Dude, that’s lame, let’s just chill here.”

One of the common tactics of avoid unpleasant situations is to condemn that which we fear.

It’s kind of an internal reframe.

I don’t want to go out because I’m afraid of rejection, I don’t want to go out because going out is lame.

They may give a few supporting arguments for the “lame” part, making their argument sound logical.

Cover charges, waiting in line, traffic, etc.

But the REAL reason is the same.

Carefully hidden beneath all of their surface structure “logic.”

The common response is to argue with their surface structure logic.

But since that’s just a cover for the REAL issue (in this metaphor social anxiety) it will only REINFORCE that the REAL issue is the surface level.

You could try and “prove” you are right by forcing them to admit they’re really scared, so you could tell them there’s nothing to be scared about.

But that would make them dig even deeper.

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about? I just don’t to wait in line so I can spend $20 for a gin and tonic!”

A much BETTER strategy would be to acknowledge the real issue, and just leave it be.

Sometimes you NEED the objection to overcome it.

But often times this isn’t the case.

You just need to do the opposite.

Frame your idea so that it’s so compelling, they’ll overcome their own objection.

This way, even if you’re wrong about the objection, it won’t matter.

Luckily, pretty much any idea can be presented so it’s MORE powerful than any internal objections they may have.

Which is even better, since in overcoming their own objections (usually subconsciously) they’ll convince themselves it was THEIR idea all along.

Learn How:

Seven Laws

Angels In The Hallway

The Either Or Pattern

We humans like choice, but not too much.

Choosing between 3 or maybe 4 things is pretty easy.

Which makes sense.

They say we can hold between 5 and 9 (7 +/- 2) things in mind at once.

So looking at three kinds and choosing one means we’re really thinking of six things at once.

The pros and cons of each choice (pro and con times 3).

When we get up to four, it’s kind of stretching our brains.

Looking at five things, it starts to get difficult.

This is what marketers have found when experimenting with different choices on supermarket shelves.

Three variations seems to be the sweet spot.

But there’s another way to look at choice.

How we compare things to one another.

Students were asked to put their hands in a bucket of water, and guess the temperature.

The “test bucket” was always the same temperature.

But their “guess temperature” was dependent on what their OTHER HAND was doing.

If their other hand was in warm water, they under-estimated the test bucket.

If their other hand was in cold water, they over-estimated the test bucket.

So when offering a choice to somebody, how you present that choice will have a HUGE impact on how they choose.

Example:

A marketer was trying to sell a kitchen gadget. It had a few features and was $150.

People would look at it on the shelf, all by it’s lonesome, and only a few people would buy it.

All he did was take a much more expensive gadget ($400 or so) and put it next to the $150 gadget.

The $400 gadget had only a few more features.

So the $150 looked CHEAP by comparison.

Simply by rearranging his shelves, he sold WAY more stuff.

There are tons of ways to leverage this.

Especially if you already have two choices, and there is ONE that you prefer.

Just present the costs of the other choice (the one you don’t want them to choose) as being disproportionately higher than the associated benefits.

Then when they choose, it will be THEIR choice.

Even though you “helped” them make it.

Luckily, this is pretty easy to do conversationally.

Just take a little bit of thought before presenting your ideas, and present them accordingly.

Learn How:

Seven Laws

Magic Ball Of Fame

How He Faked Fame

Once there was a student who did an experiment.

It was for his psychology class in college.

He wanted to see if he could “fake” being famous.

Or what would happen if he could.

So he got a crew together.

They each had a “role.”

One guy was a cameraman.

Another two guys pretended to be his bodyguards.

And another two females were his publicists.

He went to a local mall, and everybody played their part.

He even made up his name.

His publicists referred to this fake name as if it were a household name.

And said something vague like, “Fake Name is doing research for a future project.”

Pretty soon the whole mall was buzzing.

A crowd was following him, people were filming him, tweeting him and posting about him.

And they were all posting his name as if it were a famous, household name.

A name that had been made up from thin air only a couple hours ago.

The punch line, of course, is we humans pay MUCH more attention to structure than we like to believe.

So when we see the structure of fame, (a crew of people, bodyguards, pretty girls acting as publicists) we assume that he’s famous.

Even if we nor our friends have ever heard of the guy.

Because of the STRUCTURE of his behavior, we treat him (or would treat him) like a rock star.

So what’s the deeper punch line?

If you want to be important, you need to look important?

That’s one way.

But hiring a fake crew to follow you everywhere is kind of expensive.

But talking is free.

And you can talk in a way that can IMPLY social proof and authority.

So even if you’re all by your lonesome, you can carefully drop some presuppositions into your language.

So your listener will naturally ASSUME you’ve got massive social proof and authority.

But since it will be subconscious, it will feel like they discovered it on their own.

They’ll even think it’s their secret.

Even better is it will have the SAME EFFECT of having a crew of people around you all the time.

Learn How:

Seven Laws

True Leadership

Awaken Your Inner Leader

We humans are pretty clever.

We are always trying to sneak our way around things.

Some shortcuts are cool.

If you can find a legitimately quicker way of doing something, that requires LESS effort and gets the SAME result, that’s a good way to make a lot of money.

Some shortcuts are different.

Some are dangerous, like when you’re driving across the country and try a shortcut and end up in Children of the Corn.

Then you’re chased around by little demon kids with knives.

That can suck.

Another way that shortcuts can suck is we convince ourselves we are getting the SAME result, but we really aren’t.

A lot of the “authority” we see in society is like this.

Everybody LOVES the idea of “having authority,” but few people like the idea of “getting” authority.

Authority is one of the laws of influence.

If somebody in authority says something, we tend to believe it without question.

And people LOVE the idea of being able to tell people what to do WITHOUT them questioning them.

So we come with plenty of convoluted ways to “get” authority, but it’s really only “pretend” authority.

When something SERIOUS happens, those “authority” figures don’t turn out to be helpful.

And they only want their “authority” so long as they are getting paid.

But humans will always crave real authority.

Most of the “authority” figures in today’s society is like sugar.

If all you ate were bowls of sugar, you might believe you were eating regular food.

It tastes good, it gives you energy, but in the long run, it will kill you.

After a while your body is STARVED for real nutrients. Protein, fat, vitamins.

Just like people in today’s society are STARVED for REAL authority.

Not the kind that is authority for it’s own sake.

Or the authority that needs a gun to back it up.

But REAL authority.

When you can speak with REAL authority, people will follow you.

Where?

That’s up to you.

You can get people to follow you anywhere, so long as you are willing to lead.

In most cases, if ALL you did was LEAD your own life, people would follow.

Learn How:

Cult Leader

Falling Into Sharks

How To Decipher Human Behavior

One of the curiosities of human nature is that being able to make sense of the world around us seems to be our prime directive.

It doesn’t seem this way, because this idea happens on a very deep subconscious level.

It’s as if the circuitry in our brains is incapable of coming to the conclusion that our world is purely random.

Even when we say, “Just because,” we REALLY don’t mean “just because.”

When we say that, it’s usually equivalent to “there’s some reason, but I don’t know what it is, and I’m not really interested in taking the time to find out.”

Because think of what it might mean if there really WERE something that really WERE purely random.

Since our entire universe is based on laws of science that are not only ALWAYS true, but ALWAYS true in the same way, we can’t fathom the idea of “randomness.”

It’s like in our brain we have a “divide by zero” alert. We HAVE to come up with a reason for EVERYTHING.

The problem comes when the REAL REASON truly is beyond our comprehension.

But unless we’re shrugging it off as “just because” we NEED to find a reason.

Something else comes into play as well.

Since our brains are organs that need energy, they’re always trying to economize.

So when it has a choice of spending a LOT of brainpower, or coming up with a simple answer, the simple answer, even if it doesn’t feel good, might be “better” than spending a bunch of energy trying to come up with a complicated answer.

Here’s a quick example.

We’re walking down the street, we smile at somebody, and they don’t smile back.

Our brain can spend a LOT of energy trying to calculate the REASON they didn’t smile back.

Remember, it can’t come back with a “no reason” answer, on a subconscious level that’s like a “divide by zero” error in Excel.

So what’s the EASIEST answer?

Usually it has to do with US not being good enough for THEM.

Problem is that on one hand, this SEEMS like the correct answer.

So it satisfies the “easy and quick logical answer” our brains crave.

But on the other hand, it’s almost IMPOSSIBLE to be correct.

There are just TOO MANY variables to calculate.

Or at least that’s what we think.

In reality, most people are VERY SIMPLE.

We run by simple triggers that spur us to action, and we are blinded by simple biases that keep us from seeing things.

And when you understand what these are, you’ll have a SIGNIFICANT understanding of human nature.

Which means your brain will start coming up with MUCH BETTER answers when it comes to deciphering other people’s behaviors.

Learn How:

Cult Leader

Sheeple Are Everywhere - Lead Them

Leave Average Ideas Behind

Life is filled with tons of complex ideas.

But in order to make sense of these, we have to use approximations.

Metaphors, models, etc.

If you have the correct model for any system, it’s pretty easy to predict what’s going to happen.

But if you have the WRONG model, nothing makes sense.

Whenever we are trying to figure out what any group of people are going to do, we need to know their intentions.

This can be difficult, especially when most of the time WE ourselves don’t really know WHY we do certain things.

In fact, the “go-to” response for ANY kid when he gets into trouble is to say, “I don’t know,” when asked WHY he did that.

Even grownups use this handy excuse!

But here’s a useful model to use whenever thinking in terms of groups.

All groups of humans (and even all mammals) organize in a hierarchy.

This happens automatically.

Which means something that is ALWAYS on EVERYBODY’S mind is wondering WHO is in charge.

The truth is that most people are just not that comfortable thinking on their own.

Few people will EVER take responsibility when something goes wrong.

Which is why MOST PEOPLE you will meet in your life will be content to follow others.

It’s safe, it’s easy, it’s comfortable.

That’s good enough for most folks.

It’s also pretty boring, and VERY average.

If you want to BE above average, you’ve got to ACT above average.

Instead of being content to follow, you’ve got to LEAD.

Even if you ONLY want to LEAD your own life, this requires NOT sitting around and waiting for somebody to tell you what to do.

This requires you figure out what’s what, and start making moves.

Own all the results, good and bad, and keep learning and moving.

Funny thing is, once you start to LEAD your own life, people will naturally start to follow you.

Once that happens, you’ll have a lot more options.

All it takes you develop the inner “energy” of a natural leader.

Whether you’re building an empire, or a weekend hobby club, it’s a lot easier with “leader energy” and loyal followers.

Learn How:

Cult Leader

Joining Of The Minds

Wordless Persuasion

I saw this really corny romantic comedy a while ago.

A guy and a girl were in love, and the guy died.

But after he died, he’d left behind a trail of “bread crumbs” for the girl (his grieving widow) to find.

The deal was they’d only known each other so long, and that was his way of showing her all the things important to him.

The movie was about her following all these clues, going to his hometown, learning all about his childhood, meeting his friends, etc.

Little too “romantic” for my tastes, but the idea is pretty cool.

To leave a bunch of bread crumbs for people to follow.

Especially if something is cool at the end.

Luckily, you don’t have to die to pull this off.

It’s actually pretty easy to do conversationally.

All you do is ask the right questions in the right order, and you can lead people to some pretty amazing feelings.

Feelings they’ve likely never felt before.

Most people are always talking about themselves.

Even when we are listening to others, part of our brains is trying to figure out what to say when they’re done talking.

If you can momentarily turn that part of your brain off, and just ask the right questions, you can lead people to some fantastic ideas.

The questions are easy to ask.

And they are really easy to answer, especially if you ask them right.

Done correctly, you can not only ask easy questions, but get them feeling fantastic without ever needing to say ANYTHING.

A lot of people feel a bit shy about talking about talking about their deepest desires.

But you can set it up so they don’t have to even talk.

And you can keep leading them deeper and deeper into the middle of their most secret fantasies.

All the while anchoring those wonderful feelings to whatever you want.

Your idea, your product, your service, or you.

Imagine all the ways you could use this!

Get Started:

Secret Agent Persuasion

Stock Market Fight

Proper Use Of The Quotes Pattern

The “quotes” pattern from NLP is VERY powerful.

Even if you “misuse” it.

Which most people do.

Here’s how it works.

You’re next to some girl at a bar or club or party.

And you’ve already broken the ice. Maybe you know her name, maybe you don’t.

But you are chit chatting about whatever.

Then you point out your “friend” across the room.

“See that guy?” you ask, and she nods her head.

“He’s got massive balls. I mean yesterday he walked up to a girl, just started dancing with her, and right in the middle of the song he looked at her and say, ‘Why don’t we get out of here, so I can show you how you can have such a powerful orgasm you’ll forget your name,’ do you believe that?”

When you start with the “Why don’t we get out of here…” part you actually turn and look at the girl you are talking to.

The whole trick is you can say that part to her (the part about giving her a mind blowing orgasm) but you are pretending you’re “quoting” your friend.

That way you have plausible deniability in case she gets angry.

And if it works, it works.

It’s like getting the potential positives, WITHOUT any of the potential negatives.

The problem is that ONE SENTENCE isn’t going to do much.

This is also the MAIN PROBLEM with any kind of hypnosis or NLP “trick” that people learn about.

They use only one or two of them, imagining that it REALLY IS possible to say about fifteen seconds worth of words and convince a girl you’ve just met to have wild sex with you.

But here’s the thing.

If you stretch that SAME CONCEPT out to a few minutes, (rather than a few seconds) it WILL work.

Meaning that instead of saying one line that some other guy said to some other girl, you tell a bunch of nested stories that other people (characters in the story) told to other people (other characters in the story).

They take a little bit longer to learn than one sentence, but once you do, you’ll have a set of stories you can use AGAIN AND AGAIN on as many girls as you want.

Learn How:

Hypnotic Seduction