Monthly Archives: December 2015

Copy What You Want To Do

Are You Copying The Right Things?

Little kids are cute. Very cute.

Especially when they copy adults. Now, a lot of us grownups think we’re all that.

And when we see a little kid copying, we imagine all kinds of wonderful things about ourselves.

Like that little kid is somehow seeing us for our “real self” or they have some kind of “special” connection to us.

Unfortunately, biology tells us something different. Little kids of all animals (humans, birds, etc) learn by modeling.

They are hard wired to copy those around them. Especially if the person that they are copying from is confident and enjoying themselves.

If you’ve ever wondered why it was hard to get your kids to eat that gross baby food while you were eating a burrito, now you know.

They CANNOT turn off their “copy mode,” it’s always on.

Which is why parents know they need to be very careful how they behave around their kids.

But for some reason, when we grow up, we seem to forget our natural learning mode.

Simply watching somebody doing what we want, and then copying them.

Of course, the more complicated the “thing” is, the harder it is to “copy.” Like if you wanted to copy a concert pianist, it would be hard if all you did was dress in a tuxedo and bang around on the keys.

You would have to copy how they read music. You would have to effectively copy how they reference their own memories of learning.

No matter WHAT you are learning, part of it should be imagining yourself performing it as if you were an expert.

To give your subconscious some kind of direction when you ARE doing the necessary boring stuff. Like playing the scales, or learning the more simple songs. Or building in the lighting quick response from seeing a note written on a page, and making that same sound come out of the piano.

No matter WHAT skill you are learning, there is one META-SKILL that will always be required:

A belief that it is possible.

Even if you practiced piano for three hours a day for the next ten years, if you BELIEVED that you’d always suck at the piano, you would always suck.

But if you BELIEVED you were destined for greatness, you’d get there a lot quicker.

Sure, you’d still have to do the work to get there, but the path would be a lot smoother, and a lot more enjoyable.

One of the biggest elements of a negative believe is fear. If you are afraid of success or failure, that will manifest as a belief that you CANNOT do what you want to do.

Which means if you get rid of that fear, you’ll also get rid of your negative beliefs.

Get Started:

Fearless

Slip Right In

Slowly Or All At Once?

I was playing golf a long while ago.

I was sitting in the cart, waiting for my friend to t-off.

I looked up, and written on the ceiling of the cart was this:

“This is why your game sucks. You can’t keep your head down!”

I thought that was pretty funny. Because you have to look up to see that writing.

One of the reasons people can’t “keep their head down” in golf is they want to look up before they are done swinging.

For most people, it’s because they are worried about messing up, so they can’t wait to check.

Kind of like in school, after a difficult test, when the teacher hands them back face down.

You turn them over slowly, thinking that maybe if you “sneak up” on your score, it won’t be so bad.

Some people, when they start conversations with new people, are very hesitant.

Even their movements are jerky. If you could imagine the other person’s “frame” and your “frame” it’s like you sort of “bounce off” their frame a few times before entering, because of the fear of what may happen.

Kind of like jumping into a swimming pool. Some people jump right in. Others take their sweet time.

Those that jump right in get acclimated much quicker. Those that take their sweet time take about a minute with every inch they further submerse themselves.

Then there are those that neither jump or go slowly. They walk right in. They don’t make a big splash, but they don’t standing their with their hands out above the water acting like they are walking into a pool of carbonite.

They walk in, get about to waist or chest level, take a deep breath and purposely submerse their body.

They don’t fear the cold, they embrace it.

Imagine walking up to another person like that.

Some people go timidly, back and forth, taking forever to break the ice.

Others do the opposite. They walk up with some extremely blatant “line” that supposedly makes them stand out as super alpha.

Then there are those that just walk up and start talking. Completely open, and relaxed.

Which works the best?

Imagine you’re the person being talked to. Which do you prefer? Some super timid person? Some super aggressive alpha-type that needs to blow all resistance out of the water?

Or somebody that just walks up and starts talking?

And not just “talking” but “communicating.” Back and forth. Interactive. Not passive, and not aggressive.

How would that feel?

Pretty good.

How do YOU be that person?

Here’s How:

Fearless

False Fears

Going Swimming With Snakes?

Imagine going on a diet.

You read a couple of books and came up with a plan.

You went shopping and carefully bought the right foods.

So you knew that when you ate the right things, in the right amounts, it would be physically impossible to not lose weight.

Only when you ate your food, you didn’t do it at home.

You ate it at the food court in the mall. Or at your favorite restaurant.

Surrounded by friends who were chowing down like no tomorrow.

Could you do it?

I know I couldn’t!

This is the problem with a lot of our instincts. When they are fired up, it’s pretty impossible to ignore them.

That’s why humans have survived all these years.

If our instincts were super easy to ignore (meaning that losing weight was super easy and didn’t require a lot of willpower) then we would have died out a long time ago.

There’s even a few disease that somehow “turn off” the eating instinct.

They don’t feel compelled to eat, so they don’t. And they starve to death. Or they would without medical intervention.

Quickly pulling back from pain is another instinct. Yet there are a few unlucky people who don’t feel pain. Which means they can get an infection, and die before they know something’s wrong.

One of the drawbacks to our instincts is that societies evolve MUCH FASTER than our instincts do.

It’s like we’ve got this caveman brain that still thinks we need to chase after food, and eat as much as we can whenever we see some.

This is one of the primary causes of “self sabotage,” the mis-match between our conscious desires, chosen by living rationally in a modern society, and our primitive instincts.

Social fear is a prime example of this.

You want to walk over there and start a conversation, but your caveman brain thinks you’re about to go wrestle a dinosaur or something.

You’d like to give a speech, but you feel like you’re about to jump into a pit of piranhas.

You want to pitch an idea to your boss, one you’re sure will make you a lot of money, but you feel like you’re sticking your head in a tiger’s mouth.

Now, some say you should “feel the fear and do it anyway.”

Some say the only way is to FORCE yourself through those situations.

Sure, that will work. But it takes a LOT of willpower, and some very uncomfortable feelings.

Or you could use some mental techniques.

Practice doing it while FORCING your brain to think good thoughts.

Re-Training that ancient part of you that thinks there’s danger behind every shadow.

When you do that, you’ll notice how much easier life becomes.

Get Started:

Fearless

Are You Afraid of Cannibals?

Ditch The Meatsuit

Ditch The Meatsuit

​I was reading this interesting book on linguistics once.

It was talking about humans, and what aliens would think of us if they found Earth by accident.

Not the type of aliens who have been living here for decades, and have successfully infiltrated congress.

I’m talking about the aliens that are kind of out cruising around, get lost, and see Earth.

Then zoom in closer to see what kind of creatures live here.

They see humans, and then try to classify us.

First of all, trying to wrap your mind around this is impossible without knowing what type of creatures the aliens are.

Which means trying to imagine something that doesn’t exist, to get a perspective on something that does exist.

Anyhow, in the book, the guy concluded that aliens would look at Earth, all the stuff that’s been built, and then look at us.

And they’d conclude that we were “meat.”

If you’ve ever watched the TV show “Supernatural,” it’s about demons, angels and monsters.

And when the demons and angles take human form, they have to “borrow” a person to inhabit their body.

And what do they call it?

A “meatsuit.”

Now, I know we are much more than walking hunks of meat waiting to be barbecued.

But there are some cultures that may disagree. Thankfully, not many.

Just imagine the juxtaposition. One group of dudes has spent their lives exploring. Instead of sitting around being told what to do, they decided to go out around the planet to explore. Dangerous. Risky.

These were learned men and women. Mean and women of means. Of Letters (whatever that means, lol).

And here they come to some unique and never before seen culture, and the natives look at them.

What do the natives think?

“Wow, maybe we can learn about science, and math!”

Or, “hey those dudes look tasty! Let’s cook them and eat them!”

Obviously, deliciousness is in the eye of the beholder.

The bottom line is that you CAN see yourself as a collection of chemicals, electrical circuits, bones, and a bunch of steaks.

OR you can decide to see yourself as something incredible. Something miraculous. Something that is destined to CREATE something fantastic.

But if you’re waiting for somebody to give you permission, or give you a head start, or hold your hand and lead you to the front door of creative genius, you’ll be waiting a while.

And yes, you might wander into the wrong part of the world and get eaten.

But NOTHING will happen if don’t MAKE it happen.

Your life belongs to you.

How will you build it?

What Are You Afraid Of?

Break False Fears

Destroy False Enemies

​There’s a pretty cool movie called “Coach Carter.”

It’s based on a true story of a guy who took over a high school basketball program, and turned a bunch of failing hooligans into a group of self respecting young men.

When they would practice, usually doing drills, he would lean in close and ask, “What is your greatest fear?”

The idea being that if they could confront their greatest fear, they could do anything.

I watched a documentary on the life of Bruce Lee, and in it he kept having this dream of some dragon that he needed to fight.

He couldn’t accomplish his life’s purpose until he fought this metaphorical dragon.

All the classic stories and myths since the dawn of language involves some kind of conflict.

Man vs. Man.

Man vs. Nature.

Man vs. Himself.

All of these are stories to help US go inside and face OUR biggest fears.

Because until you DO face your biggest fear, it’s got a funny way of popping up everywhere.

Back when I was in sales and starting to learn all about NLP, I did an interesting exercise.

I practiced, alone, with some of my most feared sales objections, from the scariest people, according to my own imagination.

I would practice, out loud, overcoming my biggest, scariest objections.

Once I did that, they stopped coming in the real world.

Fear has a way of doing that.

Even if you don’t acknowledge you’ve got any fear, it’s still there.

And it will keep popping up, everywhere you look.

Only because you don’t look inside to confront it, it SEEMS like the “world” is against you.

But that’s really just a projection.

A quick subconscious Jedi mind trick you play on yourself to “protect” your ego.

It’s safe to blame the world.

It’s easy to pretend it’s not your fault.

It’s TERRIFYING to admit that you’ve some unresolved issues.

It’s even MORE TERRIFYING to confront them.

But as Yoda would say, “Confront them you must.”

How?

There are many ways.

Actually going out and facing them, again and again.

Practice facing them in your imagination, until you’re ready for the real world. Kind of like shadow boxing.

Bottom line?

Face them ANY WAY YOU CAN, and defeat them.

Because on the other side of your greatest fears, are life’s greatest pleasures.

Just waiting.

Get Started:

How To Get Better Each Time

Secrets Of Continuous Improvement

Leverage Every Experience

One of the worst feelings is getting taken advantage of.

That’s why people really don’t like salespeople.

Even if you negotiate for something, there’s always a suspicion in the back of your mind that you could have gotten a better deal.

Even in a job interview, you may get the job, accept whatever they were offering, but in the back of your mind you’re thinking that maybe if you would have held out, you could have gotten more money.

Some people are good at sniffing out people that are easy to take advantage of.

I recently read a book about these people, written by a psychologists who worked in the prison system.

They had some kind of “sixth sense” for needy and desperate people. Then they’d swoop in, manipulate the crap out of them, take what they wanted, and then leave.

Even if you’ve never been outright manipulated, it can still feel pretty terrible if you think you could have done better had you only asked, but you were afraid to or not assertive enough.

However, consider how powerful that feeling is.

That feeling of, “I could have done better.”

What happens when you think of that as a resource, rather than a burden, or a shortcoming.

Then simply “reframe” that feeling to “I will use this experience to do better next time.”

Sure, it helps to learn from the past, but if you ONLY dwell in the past,  you can’t see what’s coming.

Think of each job interview as practice for the next one.

Think of each job as practice for the next one.

Each project, each goal, each success.

After all, no matter who you are or what you’ve accomplished, unless you’ve only got a couple minutes to live, there’s still plenty more you can do.

You can either use the past to “prove” that you’re a failure, or use it to “prove” that you’re always getting better.

It’s completely up to you.

Now, for some people, admitting failure, and then blaming the world, is a lot easier and safer than actually getting out there and trying to better each time.

Because let’s be honest, not a lot of people accomplish much in their lives, other than becoming incredibly creative in justifying their limitations.

What about you?

If you look back into your past, up to now, and then way up into your future, where does it lead?

Get Going:

Are You Wasting Your Genius?

Build A Better Mousetrap

Build A Better Mousetrap

​I was watching a movie the other night about some guy who invented a new device.

It was to help nurses who need to take blood from patients who may have HIV.

The device made it much safer, and all the nurses and blood techs the inventor talked to LOVED the idea.

The problem came with getting it past hospital administrators, who it turned out had secret deals with insurance companies.

The inventor himself was infected, as he was an intravenous drug user.

There was one scene where he was talking to one of the lawyers for the hospital, and he was trying to explain to the lawyer that he felt compelled to see this project through.

It was his personal vision. His life’s purpose. He said he had a great plan for his life.

The lawyer, trying to dissuade him, said “Feeling you have a great purpose is the most common feelings there is.”

Meaning his point was that EVERYBODY feels like they have some kind of “great idea” that they NEED to get out there.

And he’s right.

The problem is that most people do nothing about it.

Most people sit around and wait for the super important people to come knocking at their door and ask them what their great idea is, and then come back a couple months later with a sack of money.

You’ve likely heard the old saying, “Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.”

Meaning if you come up with a great invention, people will recognize you for it. 

But many people misunderstand this to mean “think of a great idea and people will beat a path to your door.”

However, you need to BUILD a better mousetrap. You need to take your idea, and turn it into something tangible.

Like the hero of the movie did before he died.

He didn’t sit around and wait to be discovered. He built his idea and went out into the world and FOUGHT against great adversaries to get it accepted.

He didn’t complain that “the system” was against him.

He didn’t wish it was easier.

He just got it done.

Having a great idea is just the start. You need to take that idea and turn it into something. Then you need to take that “something” (skills, products, whatever) and get it out there. Get it in front of people.

Sure, this isn’t easy. Often times it’s VERY difficult, and will take a LIFETIME.

But if you get started, and never stop, you WILL change the world.

Learn More:

Blasting Off Is Only The Beginning

​If you take a piece of ice out of the freezer, it will melt.

It undergoes what scientists call a “phase transition,” meaning it changes from solid to liquid.

I once had this freezer that, for some reason, was the PERFECT temperature for some weird science.

If I put an unopened plastic bottle of water in the freezer, it wouldn’t freeze.

But if I took it out, and opened the lid, the whole bottle would freeze in a few seconds.

It was the COOLEST thing to watch.

Usually phase transitions take a while, like water turning into gas as it boils, but when it happens quickly it’s pretty cool.

Like in those super far north areas where it gets really cold in winter. People make YouTube videos of taking a cup of hot water, throwing it into the air, and before it lands it’s frozen.

It goes from the border of one phase transition (the water is steaming, so it’s going from liquid to gas) and then slams it into another phase transition (liquid to solid).

The idea of an “escape velocity” is kind of similar. Like if you happened to be on a space ship, trying to get out of orbit. It would take  HUGE amount of energy to blast off. Then it would take another HUGE amount of energy to leave orbit, and get out into space, where you’d avoid the pull of gravity from Earth.

Human struggles can be seen as the same way. You can be pushing along, not seeming to make any progress and then BAM! 

You’re up on the next level.

Most people are terrified to start ANYTHING unless they have some kind of guarantee it will work. And those that DO start something usually quit, because they don’t seem to be making any progress.

If you’ve ever tried to lose weight you know how frustrating this seems. At the beginning, you’re losing a pound or two a day. But then for a couple weeks, you’re flat lining.

This is when it’s EASIEST to give up, but at the same time, it’s the most CRUCIAL time to keep going.

Because it’s all that work on the plateau that is building up, which will eventually SPRINGBOARD you to the next level.

Next time you’re stuck, look up some old NASA launches on YouTube. See how much energy, and force is requires just to move a couple inches off the Earth.

Then imagine that same spaceship floating through space, effortless, not requiring any energy. Just momentum.

The energy is within you. When you tap it, you need to tap it consistently. Let it build up.

THEN you’ll go through your own “phase transition.”

Get Started:

Resistance Is Futile

Resistance is Futile

Rolling

​I have a friend who is holds an advanced black belt in Aikido.

This is not really a “hard” martial art, but it’s not exactly soft either.

He described it to me as managing energy flow, rather than throwing or blocking punches.

Which means you need to understand energy flow in the first place.

He told me that people who study other traditional “fighting” martial arts like Karate, learn how to avoid a fight. 

By always being confident and assure of your ability to defend yourself, you’ll never really reach that “fight or flight” point, therefore, you’ll avoid fights.

But he said that Aikido will allow you to leave a location BEFORE even the idea of a fight pops up.

Like if you were in a bar and the “energy level” started to disintegrate, you’d sense it and leave.

Then maybe twenty or thirty minutes later a fight would break out.

It was also interesting how he described the first full YEAR of training.

Nothing esoteric like in the movies where they blind fold you and throw ping pong balls at you, or have you sit and try and hit you in the head with a broom stick and you grab it from behind. 

These are great party tricks, and if you’re attending some kind of seminar, their good ways to make you feel you’ve got your money’s worth.

But in real life, they’re not so useful.

Anyhow, my friend said the first year of training was spent rolling.

Rolling around on the mats.

Rolling away from punches, and then rolling on the mats.

Not plopping down and springing back up like Jason Bourne.

Accepting whatever energy comes at you, and simply rolling with it.

Not fighting it, or changing it.

Rolling with it.

Only AFTER mastering the art of rolling with the energy that reality is ALWAYS throwing your way, do you learn to work WITH it. Never against it.

What does this mean to you?

Well, within the Borg collective, there is wisdom:

Resistance is Futile.

Meaning if you resist what the world throws at you, you’ll get slammed.

If you ignore what the world throws at you, you’ll get slammed.

But when you first ACCEPT everything that happens, and learn to ROLL with what happens, then you can move on to the next step.

Using the energy of the world, channeling it. Bending it like a prism bends light rays.

Never stopping it, or ignoring it, or wishing somebody else would take it away.

Of course, the strongest energy is ALWAYS coming from within.

Most people don’t realize this, let alone accept it, or even begin to think about using it.

But when you do, magnificent things will occur.

Learn How:

Destroy The Evil One

Hero's Journey

Start Your Journey

​Many stories have common themes.

If you study any kind of mythology, you’ve likely come across Joseph Campbell.

He pointed out that most myths from most cultures throughout all time have a very common story.

Normal guy or girl. Gets pulled into a big adventure. Makes friends along the way. Kills some evil bad guy.

Of course, the reason all humans respond to this type of story is because this is our lives.

Not just when we were born, but over and over. Every time you go through a different “phase,” you go through the same archetype structure.

You’re safe, yet bored. You’re pulled into an adventure (new school, new job, new relationships, etc). And you’ve got to learn new skills and make new friends.

But who’s the “bad guy” that you have to defeat?

Every time you have a desire “out there” in front of you, there’s ALWAYS going to be some kind of obstacles.

Even if you want to walk over there and talk to that cute girl or guy, the obstacle is always there.

Now sometimes, there really IS an obstacle. Like maybe she’s talking to some goof you need to deal with.

But most of the time, those obstacles, those “bad guys” are in your head.

And the ONLY way to defeat them is to face them.

Because simply by facing them, they will vanish.

Because they are not real.

This is why we LOVE stories like that. When the good guy kills the bad guy, we subconsciously imagine that it is US killing OUR bad guys. Our inner demons. Those imaginary obstacles that are keeping us from where we want to be.

How can you IMPROVE your bad guy killing skills?

One way is to accept that they will ALWAYS be there.

NOTHING worth getting is going to come without some kind of struggle.

Any time you face any kind of fear, of any sort, large or small, think of it as another exercise in “killing bad guy” skills.

And like any other skill, the more you do it, the better you’ll get.

In your imagination, pretend you’re Bruce Lee. Flicking his nose with the thumb of his right hand, while beckoning his enemies with his left.

Or if you want, you can be Scarface:

“Say hello to my little friend!”

There is no shortage of role models to help you kill your bad guys.

Get Started: