Category Archives: Congruence

Mind Control For Approach Anxiety

Think Your Way Around Approach Anxiety

Ditch Your Inner Caveman

Most guys feel a certain amount of approach anxiety when even THINKING about going over and talking to a girl. 

You could be sitting there with your buddies, and they point out a group of girls that YOU should go and talk to. Just thinking about it may send you into an anxiety brain freeze.

This is perfectly natural.

The trick is to train your brain so you don’t automatically respond in your naturally programmed way.

Humans are hard wired with all kinds of automatic responses. These were helpful in our ancient days as hunters and gatherers, but they aren’t so useful any more.

For example, if you stuff your pie hole every time you had an opportunity, you’d be pretty obese. If caveman DIDN’T do this, they’d die of starvation.

Approach anxiety is another leftover instinct from our caveman days. Back in those days, there were only a couple hundred people TOTAL in our tribe. We spent our entire lives with these people.

Which meant that there were MAYBE ten or twenty girls to choose from, and ten or twenty guys who were going after those ten or twenty girls. Everybody else was either too old, too young, or already hitched.

So in those days, it was absolutely CRUCIAL that you approach correctly, or you were in deep trouble.

These days, not so much. In fact, you could walk up to ten cuties TODAY, fail miserably, and NOBODY would know.

If you tried that the caveman days you’d be one lonely dude.

So the first trick is to simply accept that EVERYBODY is hard wired to feel approach anxiety. There’s NOTHING wrong with you. It’s COMPLETELY normal.

So, how do you fix it?

Think of it like you’d think of planning  a diet. If you wanted to get a six pack, you’d decide ahead of time which kinds of food you’d eat, right? And when you’d eat, right?

So if you were walking down the street and you passed a burger joint, you’d tell yourself, with your conscious mind, “Hmm. That smells good, but it’s not on my diet plan, so I can’t eat it.”

You would overcome your irrational instincts with rational planning. To the extent you could stick to your plan, you’d get your six pack.

You can approach girls the same way.

Plan ahead of time which girls you’d like to date, just like you plan your six pack meal plan.

Figure out what kind of personalities they need to have. What kind of education, religion, politics, etc.

So when you do this, you’ll see girls and NOT KNOW if she qualifies or not.

So when you think about approaching her, you’ll be curious rather than anxious.

The first couple of times may be difficult.

But the more you do this, the more you’ll realize that not a lot of girls meet your criteria. Once you get that deep feeling from experience that “good looks aren’t enough” you’ll be home free.

Free Downloads:

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How To Change Limiting Filters

Change Your Filters

Scientific Mind Control

I’ve always loved science, ever since I was a kid.

I used to beg my mom to buy me these “kits” from Radio Shack where you could wire a whole bunch of simple circuits together.

Once I ran my regular room light through the circuit to turn my room into a strobe light discotheque.

Of course, my dad thought I was going to burn the house down.

They say that science can seem like magic if it’s sufficiently advanced. But to a kid it’s just a cool trick.

Like pouring vinegar into baking soda, and watching it foam up all over the place. Nowadays you can do that with Mentos and Diet Coke.

When I was in college me and some buddies would find some pool acid (from the dormitory pool supply room) and mix it with some aluminum foil in a big 2 liter plastic bottle.

The aluminum foil would mix with the acid, cause heat and gas, melting the plastic and expanding the bottle until BOOM!

Since we were young and dumb, we didn’t realize how dangerous that was.

One of the coolest discoveries I made (or rather was taught) was about polarized lenses.

When light comes from the sun, it’s bouncing in all different directions. The part of the light that is parallel to the ground, or any level surface can bounce off, and cause glare.

So polarized sunglasses take out the horizontal element of light, so you don’t get any glare.

The cool part is when you take to lenses that are polarized, and rotate them against one another.

Once you’ve got them at 90 degree angles, they’ll cut off ALL light.

You can see it getting darker and darker as you rotate them.

By simply changing some simple filters, you can’t see all the stuff that light allows us to see.

Of course, our brains come the same way.

Now, sun glasses are specifically made that way for a specific purpose.

But the filters in our brains, that keep us from seeing what’s right in front of us, were likely put there, but others, or ourselves, without us really knowing what was going on.

Most of us pick up quite a few filters by the time we’re seven or eight years old, and unless you consciously change them, you’re pretty much stuck with them.

Of course, if your filters are helpful, and help you to see things that enrich and empower you, that’s great.

On the other hand, if your filters are keeping you from seeing the truth about yourself and your rightful place in the world, unless you take the time to change them, things will stay the same.

Luckily, changing them is pretty easy. First you’ve got to find them, them simply replace them with more helpful ones.

If you’re interested in learning how, check this out:

Belief Change

The Secret Of Getting Girls To Fall In Love With You

How To Create Love

Is Love Possible To Engineer?

A long, long time, conversational hypnosis was invented. Some guy (a genius really) in a wheelchair needed to come up with a more effective way of hypnotizing people.

Even even though they were coming to see a hypnotist, to be hypnotized, they still were afraid. So they still had their mental shields.

Enter the Milton Model.

This is when Milton Erickson invented a new form of hypnosis that wasn’t really dependent on the client voluntarily going into hypnosis.

He would talk to them a little “strange.” Not so strange they thought they were being hypnotized. But strange enough so they still paid attention, even though most of the time they didn’t know what the heck he was talking about.

Then they would leave his office, confused, thinking maybe they’d wasted their money. Only their problems were GONE.

Poof!

Then some guys figured out how he “talked” and taught it to others. They figured it would be great for therapy. Of course, it didn’t take long after that for people to use it in sales, (to make a lot of money) and seduction (to have a lot of sex).

However, something happened along the way, and a lot of men today are very angry. They feel cheated. They feel as if they’ve discovered the “truth” about women, and they don’t like it.

And if you keep reading, you may not like what you’re about to hear either.

Sure, these patterns work great on firing up emotions. They work great in sales, because they get to the heart of the deep feelings the customer is trying to satisfy. Which means they can help salespeople create some very valuable and profitable relationships with their customers.

But picking up girls is VASTLY different than selling things to customers.

A customer walks into your shop, and they want something. They know they want something. You know they know they want something. They know you know they know they want something. (Ok, enough already!)

So you create rapport, and talk about what they want. They share why they want what they want. You build up their feelings, and attach those feelings to your product. They buy it, and go home. They are happy. You are happy.

Next time they want to buy something, they think of you. Because you made them feel happy about buying something.

Girls are different.

Girls don’t go shopping for a boyfriend or a husband. Girls like romance. (Many guys do also, but we’re terrified to admit it.)

They want it to “just happen.”

Now, with these language patterns, you can make it “just happen.”

At least in the short term.

But think of one very important thing. A girl deciding to have sex is NOT the same thing as a girl falling in love with you and wanting you to be her boyfriend.

Those feelings take a long time. She needs to see you several times. Those thoughts need to bubble up in her mind on their own. 

Mother Nature made damn sure most girls don’t fall head-over-heels in love with guys at the drop of a hat.

They are VERY HARD to create. They are much different than those “let’s have sex” feelings.

Many guys don’t get this. They think if they talk to her, build up her emotions enough to get her in between the sheets, that’s good enough.

It’s sometimes is, but usually not.

Deep feelings of love take a lot longer to create. Because they must be real, not fake.

Which means YOU must be real, and not fake. Which means you must RISK getting rejected.

Not from approaching her, but from dating her a couple months and then getting dumped.

If you want to get laid, you’re going to have to overcome approach anxiety. Once you do, talk to enough girls, and you’ll get laid.

But if you want to create a real relationships, you’re going to have to do a lot more.

It’s certainly not easy, and it’s not quick. 

But it certainly is worth it.

Essential Mind Tools:


mindpersuasion.com

How To Define Your Life

Choose Your Destiny Of Your Life

Become Master Of Your Destiny

What is the secret of life?

That all depends.

In order to understand the secret of anything, we’ve got to first understand what that “thing” is, and what it means.

For example, what’s the secret of cake?

It all depends on what you’re doing with the cake. Are you making it? Eating it? Baking it? Decorating it? Smashing it into somebody’s face?

All actions regarding cake would have different secrets. If you’re eating it, the secret might be to use a spoon, and not let it touch the ice cream.

But different cake eaters would have different secrets. Some folks might like to mix it with the ice cream in a bowl, and eat it with their fingers.

Obviously, since we can’t really come to a widespread agreement of the secret of eating cake, how the heck are we supposed to uncover the secret of life?

While there’s certainly no secret that will apply to everybody, there IS a secret that will apply to you.

Again, this requires that you come up with what “life” means to you.

What do you want out of it?

How will you know when you get it?

What are the constraints? (e.g. “I want to make a lot of money without cheating or stealing or deceiving anybody”).

The better you define “your life” the more likely you’ll find the secret to making it happen.

Unfortunately, most people don’t even know they have this power.

They are content to let others do their thinking for them. To tell them what’s important, and what’s not. To tell them when they’re doing a good job, and when they aren’t. To tell them when they’re successful, and when they aren’t.

How about you?

Are you content to take what you’ve been given? Or do you want something more?

Do you want to not only define life on your terms, but also define when you’re successful?

Are you willing to take ownership of your life, and everything in it?

Most people are too terrified to even contemplate this.

The truth is that the world will respond to your own definition of our own life.

If you are content to let others handle it for you, the world will comply.

If you demand you create your own life, on your terms, the world will comply.

This is the one secret most people will never know.

It all starts with your inner mind.

How you see yourself, how you see the world, and how you define your place in it.

This will help:

Belief Change

How To Find High Quality Women

Searching For High Quality Women?

Criteria Are Essential

It’s easy to feel angry and frustrated if you aren’t having much success with the ladies.

Even if you are “hooking up” from time to time, it can be frustrating if they turn out to be “low quality” women.

The thing about sex is it’s not nearly as meaningless as many people like to believe. Humans have been around for a long, long time, and we wouldn’t have been as successful, compared to other animals, if we didn’t have a lot of advantages.

One of those advantages is that humans are one of the few animals that form long term pair-bonds.

To make it even more powerful, humans are the ONLY animal that employ sexually specific labor.

Meaning that back in the caveman days, both men and women looked for food. But men looked for different food (meat or protein) than women (roots, nuts, berries, etc). 

Basically men hunted, while women gathered.

This became a HUGE advantage because humans could live in a LOT more environments than all other animals.

If the men OR the women came up empty, we were still OK for a while.

So it became even MORE IMPORTANT to our deep programming to look for relationships, rather than anonymous sex, like many other primates.

One way this plays out is guys think they are looking for a one-nighter, only to find they’re having feelings for the girl after a couple rolls in the hay.

Since women are MUCH BETTER at compartmentalizing this kind of thing, if they’re going into it with ONLY a one-night-stand mindset, they’re much more likely to hold that one-night-stand mindset.

The end result is a guy who thinks he’s looking for a one-nighter ends up having feelings, when she doesn’t.

This leads to many guys thinking that all women are sluts, or low quality, or feeling “cheated” or lied to.

Now, I’m not saying that sex within hours of meeting is wrong or immoral, but it CAN make it complicated to build a solid relationship, if that’s what you’re after.

Another reason for a lot of confusion is many guys don’t have much criteria. Meaning they aren’t sure what kind of girl they’re looking for, other than a girl that likes them.

Then when they have sex, they assume all THEIR criteria is fulfilled, but the girl might think otherwise.

She might ONLY see you as some “guy she hooked up with” rather than boyfriend material.

One way to avoid this is to have some solid criteria BESIDES her physical appearance.

Then take some time to sort for this FIRST, before sleeping with her.

I know this is against what most gurus preach, which is to bang her as soon as possible, but if you consider a long term strategy of building a healthy relationship, rather than a string of heartbreaks, it may be something to consider.

Build Your Inner Game:

mindpersuasion.com

Are You Stuck With A White Elephant?

White Elephant - Get Rid Of Limiting Beliefs

How To Drop Limiting Beliefs

When I was a kid I used to love playing hot potato.

It’s kind of a variation of musical chairs.

You take any object, and pass it around in a circle. If you drop it, you lose and you’re out.

If you’re holding it when the music stops, you’re out.

And just like musical chairs, it keeps going until one person’s left.

When I was younger, I got a particular gift for Xmas that I didn’t particularly want.

So I kept it in it’s box, wrapped it up again, and gave it to somebody else the following year.

People even organize Xmas parties like this. Everybody brings a “white elephant” gift.

Then people choose at random, and can “take away” any particular gift a certain number of times.

Invariably, somebody brings a gift that’s not really a “white elephant.” It’s something good, that people want to keep.

This is what makes the whole game fun. Sometimes you end up with something good, but most of the time you go home with something that you’re embarrassed to be seen with.

(Like a video tape set of “Polka Dancing Classics.”)

In life, we accept a lot of things that we don’t want. But instead of getting rid of them, we keep them.

We don’t want to be rude, or we’re too shy to say, “no thanks,” or some other reason we tell ourselves.

Sometimes we accept things from others that we don’t even realize.

Like most of our limiting beliefs.

Most everybody believes making money is hard. Not because they’ve gone out and done extensive testing, but because adults told them so.

The Jesuits were famous for saying “give me a child and by the time he’s seven, he’ll be a soldier for Christ.”

What this means is that kids will not only believe anything, but they’ll keep those ideas in their heads their entire lives.

Normally, this is OK. This is normal. This helped us survive many, many years ago.

But when ideas are passed on NOT because they are true, but ONLY because they were passed on, then that becomes a problem.

Most of us have plenty of these limiting beliefs. Most people don’t even question them. They just accept them.

Things like, “making money is hard,” or “speaking in public is scary,” or, “If I talk to strangers I’ll get rejected,” or the WORST of all:

“I’m not good enough.”

Like I said, most people don’t even know these exist, let alone know how to blast them away with the powerful light of truth.

How about you?

If you’re ready to not only uncover your limiting beliefs, but blast them to smithereens, check this out:

Why You’re NOT Broken

You Are Perfect

You And The World Are Perfect

Once upon a time, you had the world at your fingertips.

Perhaps you can remember now, what it’s like to dream big, and expect the dream to come true.

Big plans, goals, visions.

Of course, they are still there. If you take the time to reawaken them, you will.

They are just as strong now as they ever were.

It’s not that they weakened, or diminished in value. Only they were covered up.

By fears, worries, anxieties. A layer of protection that kept you safe.

Or you thought kept you safe.

Stuff you accepted from others. Stuff you thought you needed, but not any more.

However, you’re still carrying around a bunch of junk. A layer of gunk between the real you, and the world outside.

That’s why it’s hard to express yourself the way you really want.

That’s why it’s hard for others to see the real you, and appreciate your real value.

Most people don’t know this layer of gunk exists.

Some blame the world, some blame themselves.

If they only change the world, things will be better. Or if they only “fix” themselves, things will be better.

Of course, you can’t change the world. The world does what the world does. A huge evolving juggernaut of ever expanding reality that relentlessly moves forward.

You don’t need to change yourself, because you aren’t broken.

And there really is no “you” anyhow. Not that you’re a hallucination or anything. But the “you” is really ALWAYS changing and evolving and growing and learning.

Any definition of “you” is obsolete by the time you even think of the words.

How can you “fix” something that never stands still?

The ONLY thing that needs changing is that layer of gunk between you and the world.

That layer of gunk that was put there by well meaning but misinformed adults.

That layer of gunk you’re still carrying around.

Take in a deep breath, and blast away that junk once and for all.

Let loose your brilliance. Let in the world.

This will help:

Belief Change

The Myth Of The Quality Woman

Are You Chasing A Mythological Woman?

Myth Busting Relationships

What does it mean to find a “quality woman?”

Many guys are moaning all over the place that they don’t exist. Or at least not anymore. And many women feel the same thing about guys.

There’s a couple of things going on here.

One is that it’s very easy, and very simple for people to complain that it’s not like the “good old days.”

This doesn’t take any effort, and it requires no risk or potential failure. It’s just another manifesting of the age old argument that it’s the world’s fault that you can’t get what you want.

This is absolute hogwash. Even if it is true to a degree, this is a horrible mindset to take on. Once you start blaming the world, or your own “unique” situation, or whatever, for your lack, it’s pretty much all over.

Because if it’s somebody else’s fault you can’t get what you want, it’s also somebody else’s responsibility to give you what you want.

Sure, if you’re two years old and still happily crapping your pants, that might be a viable argument.

But as an adult, if you’re waiting for the magic pixie dust fairy to show up and grant your deepest wishes, you’ll be waiting a long, long time.

So idea number one is that if you can’t find what you’re looking for (ideal partner or not) you’re simply not looking hard enough.

Yea, it’s a tough world. Get over it. It’s always been a tough world, it will always be a tough world.

Next idea is the whole “quality woman” (or quality man) myth.

What does this mean? Some guys will say girls that are loyal, that will stand by you, that won’t cheat on you, etc.

But any girl that’s REALLY into you will show these qualities.

Unless she’s got some serious issues, a girl who’s head over heels in love with you is going to be loyal, she’s going to have your back, and she’s not going to cheat on you.

So if you’re meeting girls that don’t seem to fall into this category, guess what?

They simply aren’t feeling you.

Who’s fault is that?

Most likely, it’s nobody’s. No girl is obligated to fall for you. No girl is obligated to feel loyalty to you.

Your job, if you want a loyal girl, is to be the guy she wants to be loyal to.

Don’t sit around moaning about the state of the world.

Improve yourself. Enhance your career. Increase your social skills. Become comfortable being a laid back leader in social situations.

Choose a life for yourself that gets you out of bed every morning. 

Turn your life into a mission.

Do this, and you won’t have any problems with girls, or anything else.

How To Make The Complicated Seem Familiar

Get A Bird's Eye View

Go Meta

One of the great things about humans is we are always trying to simplify things.

Take some kind of complex problem, and figure out how to solve is as easily as possible.

Physicists are always looking for some kind of “grand unifying theory,” one idea can be used to describe everything we see.

Even our conscious-unconscious minds are looking for ways to minimize effort.

This is the whole idea behind “unconscious competence,” when you can do something without much thought.

Like riding a bike (or playing an instrument or tying your shoes)  was once impossible. Then you could do it with a lot of conscious effort. Now you can do it while doing a million other things.

Any skill that we learn pretty much goes through the same process. Talking to girls, making money, learning a programming language, everything.

At first it’s difficult and confusing. Then, if you stick with it, it gets so you can get pretty good at it, while keeping your mind focused.

Then, if you really keep at it, you can do it without much thought. Just think of the things you can do now, that baffled you a while ago.

Of course, how quickly you learn any new skill depends on a lot of things. Your natural abilities in that area, how many people in your social reference group have already mastered it, etc.

Even if other people have done it can help.

For the longest time, nobody could break the 4 minute mile. Once one guy did, everybody started doing it.

Before, they believed it was impossible, then they believed it was possible.

As they believed, so it was. All the guys who broke the four minute mile AFTER the first guy did ONLY did so because their beliefs changed.

This is the ONE ingredient that will make learning ANY skill a lot easier.

One trick is to “go meta.”

Next time you start to learn something, instead of thinking of that “thing,” just think in terms of “learning new things.”

Taking making money for example. If you think of it as “making a ton of money,” it may seem difficult and out of read.

But if you think of it as “learning something new,” it will be a lot easier.

Because no matter who you are, or what you’ve accomplished, you’ve ALREADY learned TONS of complicated stuff.

What’s one more thing?

It’s really just like riding a bike. You get on, start pedaling, and adjust as you go, and “learn” while go.

To make it even easier, take a look at this:

Belief Change

How To Get Science On Your Side

Science Can Solve Anything

Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist!

There’s a lot of new-agey type stuff that sounds pretty good, but also can be pretty useless.

I used to love the TV show, “X-Files,” primarily because in almost every episode, there was always both a scientific explanation, and a parapsychology explanation for what had happened.

One guy was chasing UFO’s and was always explaining things in terms of alien conspiracies.

His partner was an M.D. and was always explaining everything in terms of medical science.

Whenever it comes to things like law of attraction, personal achievement, or anything  similar, we MUST hold these ideas to the same standards.

Of course, EVERYTHING must be explained by science. Not necessarily science we can understand, but some kind of repeatable, scientific principles.

If we don’t believe in science, then we’re pretty much at the mercy of the gods of randomness.

And since the laws of physics, chemistry and biology appear to be pretty consistent, relying on randomness might not be a good idea.

On the other hand, sometimes science is so confusing that the best we can do is rely on over simplified metaphors to help us understand the underlying structure.

Unfortunately, if we get the metaphor “wrong” we may end up looking in the wrong place.

Sometimes we get stuck with a metaphor not because we think it will work, but because it sounds good, makes us feel special, and makes it seem like we don’t have to take any risks, or face any potential failure.

But as Dale Carnegie famously said, “The sure thing boat never gets too far from shore.”

This, of course, is a metaphor that describes life. If you insist in any proof or guarantee, you aren’t going to accomplish much.

Another famous “Carnegie-ism” is that “If you want the sweet fruit, you’ve got to go out on a limb.” Meaning if you are safely hugging the trunk of the tree, you won’t be able to reach very far.

Since most people are too terrified to go out on the thin branches, there’s not much within an arms reach of safety.

One of these metaphysical type statements is “When You Believe It, You’ll See It.”

What does this mean?

Now, most people think the opposite. They wait for proof, or a guarantee, and won’t believe anything unless they see it written up in the latest scientific journals.

But humans are very, very good at conning ourselves.

We see things that aren’t there, and we don’t see things that are right in front of us.

Cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias are just a couple of scientific examples that show this is true.

But think of what this means.

All those things you WISH were true CAN be true. All you’ve got to do is believe they are, THEN you will see the evidence.

Allowing YOU to get whatever you want.

Learn How:

Belief Change