Category Archives: Conversational Skills

How To Be Your Own Dating Coach

Drill Yourself To Seduction Genius

Turn Weaknesses Into Strengths

Most guys do very well when they have a “dating coach.”

But the reason isn’t why most people think. Dating coaches don’t know anything more than your random Internet Keyboard jockey. 

But what they DO do (if they are worth their fees) is keep you honest.

When you think about it, most coaches are like this. Even sports coaches. Some of the greatest coaches of all time were lousy players. They aren’t great coaches because of their playing skills. They are great coaches because they have an objective view of their players. Their strengths, their weaknesses. And most crucially, specific exercises to turn their weaknesses into strengths.

So if you were to hire an expensive dating coach, this is what they’d do. They’d ask you about your strengths and weaknesses. The part of dating that is easy, and the part that is hard. Then they’d simply give you homework assignments, to keep practicing the hard stuff, until it becomes easy.

Then you’d just keep getting better and better. Then they’d help you elicit the criteria that is most important to you in finding your ideal dream girl. Then they’d help you come up with strategies and techniques to “test her” for those criteria without spending a lot of time and money. Usually on the first couple of dates.

How much would a coach like this cost? Probably a few thousand dollars. How long would it take? Maybe a few months.

And for a lot of guys, this would be money well spent. Think about it, if you could spend five grand, and be pretty much guaranteed that within six months you’d be in a relationship with your dream girl, wouldn’t it be worth it?

What’s that? Don’t have five grand laying around. No problem!

Why?

Because you can be your own coach.

You’ve just got to create some “space” to be a coach, and then use the rest of the time to be a “player.”

How do you do that?

First, you’ve got to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Then, as a coach, you’ve got to give yourself assignments. Do this at night. Daily journaling is a great way to do this.

Simply write down anything you did to further your skills. Then write down something you could do the very next day that would further them even more. Do this while being completely objective.

Then simply take that as your next day’s assignment. Some days you’ll do fine. Some days you won’t. Big deal.

But you’ll continue to make forward progress.

This does require you be honest with yourself. And this does require you actually DO your daily assignments.

But if you do, amazing things will happen.

Are you willing?

How To Be Your Own Eye In The Sky

Spy On Your Future

Peer Into Your Own Future

What’s the difference between fate and free will?

Whatever your thoughts are, here’s a mind experiment to make it more confusing.

Let’s say you’re jamming along down the freeway. 

At the same time, there’s some guy way up in a spy plane looking at all the freeways. He notices a wreck about ten miles ahead of where you’re currently driving.

So he KNOWS that in about three to five minutes, you are going to slow, and then you are going to stop.

But you have no idea.

Now, there’s a lot of ways to explain this, in terms of free will or fate.

One way might be that the person who has the most information is in the best position to exercise his or her “free will,” while people with less information are locked into “fate.”

Most people go through life and readily give up their choices, or their free will, to fate. It’s easy that way. If you rely on fate to give you good things or bad things, you’ll never feel like a failure.

Sure, you won’t usually get very much, but you won’t feel as if you’ve tried and gotten rejected.

I’m sure you can understand the attraction of this position. Getting rejected sucks. A lot.

But if you plan your life around what you DON’T want to have happen, rather than what you do, you ARE leaving it up to the gods.

But what if you were to look at your life like the guy in the spy plane?

What if you got a really, really big picture of where you were going?

Instead of each situation being a life or death, fail or succeed, win or lose, you’d see it as one step along the MASSIVE journey that is your life.

If you practiced looking at your life in this way, it would be easier to “shift” between “big picture” thinking and “in the moment” thinking.

What if the guy in that spy plane told the guy in the car about the wreck, as soon as it happened?

He’d know about it before everybody else, and would know EXACTLY which roads to take to avoid the accident, and get to wherever he was going. Safe and on time.

What if you learned how to do this? Looking at the big picture, and at the same time, looking out through your own eyes inside each and every situation?

This is what you’ll learn in the Self-Confidence course.

A way to choose several VISIONS for your life, so you can easily place any situation where it belongs, giving you an inside angle.

How To Become The Ultimate Alpha

Are You Trying To Salivate?

Are You Trying To Be A Wolf?

Girls will always go for the alpha.

But what does that really mean? If you’re a wolf, it means the biggest most fiercest dude in the pack. The one who can physically dominate all the rest.

And for most other animals, this is true as well. Basically it means the one dude who can control the situation. In the animal kingdom, this means by sheer brute force, nothing else.

What about humans? Most guys mistakenly assume guys are the same. The biggest, toughest, most physically fit. To be sure, if you go by Hollywood movies (which are written by NON-alphas) this holds true.

But what about real life?

Remember, the measure of an alpha is the guy who can hold control the best. 

So who controls people the best? And in the most situations?

To be sure, in many situations, the biggest, loudest, most obnoxious guy. But put this guy in a boardroom, and he’ll most likely be WAY over his head. Maybe on a desert island he’ll do OK. But not in real life.

For one thing, this is situationally dependent. And since we’re talking about being an alpha to attract the females, we need to think about how she’s interpreting this alphaness.

Does she want alpha who’s ONLY alpha in that particular situation? Or is she going to be attracted to a guy who is likely to be alpha in MOST situations he finds himself in?

Remember, the more situations she imagines he’ll be alpha in, the better.

The boardroom, the bedroom, the locker room, AND the desert island situation.

How can you demonstrate ALL that?

Easy. Show her that no matter what happens, you can not only handle it, but come out on top. This means you’ve always got to feel confident in your ability to get your needs met no matter HOW the situation turns out.

Which means you’ve FIRST got to determine what your needs are. Most guys don’t even get this far. They just hope they’ll get something good, and not get something bad.

So if you first determine your basic outcome for the particular situation, then you’ll be already ahead.

Then you simply figure out how to “work the room” to get your outcome.

If you’re going into a boardroom situation, then you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the meeting. If you’re hanging with your boys, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the evening.

If you’re going on a date, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome for the evening as well.

If you can not only come up with an ideal outcome for each and every situation, and make that outcome come true, no matter what happens, (and crucially to convince everybody else it’s the best outcome) THEN she’ll see you as the ultimate alpha. 

And she’ll never want to leave you.

The Cutting Edge of Forward Momentum

The Magic of Forward Momentum

Generate Long Range Vision

They have this thing in economics called “disruptive technology.”

Everything’s going swell in one particular industry, and then somebody invents something new.

And it pretty much shakes everything up.

For example, when Henry Ford came along, the horse and buggy industry took it pretty hard.

When the Internet came along, print newspapers started going belly up. When Kindle came along, traditional publishers started going out of business.

The bottom line is that technology, which really means creative people at the forefront of society, is always marching forward.

While it’s pretty scary to get caught unaware, it’s pretty thrilling (and EXTREMELY profitable) to be on the cutting edge.

Even if you’re just a consumer, having all these things invented that make life easier is pretty cool.

Ever since I switched to Kindle, for example, I can bring my entire library with me everywhere I go. That is something I couldn’t have even imagined only a few years ago.

Before, if I brought a book to a coffees shop, and the book sucked, there wasn’t much I could do.

Both society wide an on an individual level, life is a constant forward motion of learning and discovery.

Or at least it can be. It SHOULD be, but many of us are afraid.

Many of us are afraid of change, afraid of learning new things, and afraid of the unknown.

To be sure, that feeling of “not knowing what to do” isn’t the best in the world.

But on the flip side, knowing perfectly well what’s going to happen, and being completely prepared, is pretty boring.

It’s like sitting on your couch eating familiar food and watching the same movie for the fiftieth time.

Sure, that might be a great plan if there’s a blizzard outside, but it’s not exactly the best strategy for a fulfilled life.

On the other hand, charging forward all the time without thinking can be pretty dangerous.

Naturally, having a balance is best. Being in that “sweet spot” of accepting the unknown while carrying within you that natural attitude of learning, discovering, and accepting all feedback that comes your way.

Being able to look out into a situation, and not know what’s going to happen, but still feel confident enough to make a move anyway is a pretty good skill to have.

Especially in our rapidly changing society and economy.

One thing that can help considerably is by having several long term “visions” for your life.

Meaning no matter what situation you find yourself in, you know how you can leverage it to your benefit.

Fully participating, and fully appreciating every interaction.

That’s what having strong self confidence is REALLY all about.

To fire up your own self confidence, so you can fully appreciate everything life has to offer, check this out:

Your Personal Road To Riches

Can You Paint By Numbers To Riches?

Is Step By Step Success Possible?

Most people would love a “paint by the numbers” system of success.

It doesn’t really matter what field. Relationships, business, health.

It seems us humans are hard wired to look for shortcuts. So when some savvy marketer comes along and gives us some secret formula that he discovered while hiking through some hidden cave in Tibet, we start salivating.

While that seems compelling from the inside out, let’s take a look from the outside in.

To be sure, doing anything mechanical WILL have a proven, step by step system. One that leaves no room for error, or mistakes.

Like rebuilding an engine, or baking a cake, or traveling from point A to point B. All you need is a simple, step by step system to follow, and so long follow the steps in order, you’ll be OK.

But whenever we do ANYTHING that involves other people, there’s really no simple method that works for everybody.

The “secret method” can ONLY be vague, at best.

Humans are a HUGE collecting of continuously changing variables, so if you want to create ANYTHING that’s based on the cooperation of others, there IS going to be a LARGE amount of winging it.

And this means doing stuff that won’t work, doing stuff that may have the opposite effect, and doing stuff that will work a million times better than we’d hoped.

To make it even more confusing, we’ll never know until AFTER we try.

To make even MORE confusing-er, we humans tend to look back at things that worked out and “rewrite” history, to make ourselves look like super heroes.

We say things like, “See, I KNEW that was going to happen!”

Or, “I had a feeling he’d say that!”

Now, most people are pretty uncomfortable doing things when they have no idea how it’s going to come up.

Hence our repeated tendency (since pretty much the dawn of time) to try or buy “secret solutions.”

But the bottom line is that unless you’re willing to take risks, accept and learn from ALL feedback, you won’t get very far.

The GOOD news is that changing your mindset, and doing some consistent mental practice, you can learn to actually HAVE FUN doing things when the outcome is uncertain.

Once you start to EXPECT and look forward to any feedback, (rather than pin you hopes on ONLY good feedback) life really becomes an incredibly fun journey.

Filled with learning, growing, success in all areas, and plenty other ideas to be discovered.

Short Term Or Long Term?

Choose Wisely

The Virtue Of Dating Patience

It can be a lot of fun to figure out how to “cheat the system.” I remember long, long ago when Pac Man was pretty popular (Yep, I’m THAT old!) Once one of my buddies got a hold of some “cheats” we could easily get through the first few levels without getting eaten.

When NLP was first unleashed, it didn’t take long for it to move from therapy to the world of sales. And it didn’t take long after that to move into the world of seduction.

Before long, guys with just a little bit of skill were taking unsuspecting ladies and firing up their desires. Take something like fractionation for example.

This is a purely hypnotic phenomenon that was later applied to seduction. In a hypnosis setting, it basically means speaking hypnotically, and then speaking normally. Every time you go back to speaking hypnotically, the person goes deeper and deeper into trance. Put them in, take them out, and then when you put the in again, they go deeper.

This can work in dating as well. You can use the same technique. Speak hypnotically, then speak normally, or what they call “fluff talk.”

Or you can be a bit more sneaky. Talk to her in one part of the bar. Then take her to another part of the bar. Then take her to a little diner that only you know about. Then take her to the park next to the diner. Or wherever. The idea is that in a few hours, it will feel as though she’s been on several “dates” with you. 

If she’s the kind of girl who will only sleep with a guy after a few dates, you can accelerate the process.

But then you run into problems.

One of the reasons people take their time dating is to feel each other out. To get to know each other. Even if you have hard core criteria, it’s easy to forget about them.

Traditionally, the whole process of dating is so you can “feel each other out’ on an unconscious basis. So after a few dates, you sort of know if you’re each other’s type or not.

You’ll also be building up some powerful “glue” that will keep you together should you decide that you are each other’s type.

This “glue” simply won’t exist if you accelerate the process using technology. Nor will you have gone through the sorting process.

Sure, it’s pretty straightforward to use technology to get laid. But you’ll be missing out on the subconscious sorting process, AND the “glue building” that comes with creating a lot of shared experiences together BEFORE you get intimate.

The problem with many guys today is they are SO desperate to get laid, they’ll do anything. But once they get laid, they suddenly want that girl to become their girlfriend.

That tends to happen after sex, unless you’re especially jaded.

This, of course, can present a lot of problems.

Just something to consider next time you’re out and about. Ask yourself what you’re after. A short term fling or a long term relationship. Because often times, you cannot have both.

Secrets Of Self Actualization

Love The Path For Enlightenment

The Path Is Where It’s At

What does it mean to be “fully actualized?”

Maslow talked about this in his hierarchy of needs.

At the bottom are things like food, sex, etc. Stuff we all can imagine without any trouble.

But as you go further up the top, they get more vague and much more dependent on your own personal definitions.

The very top is “Self Actualized.”

I remember way back in university, one teacher was telling us that you had to go through the bottom levels to get to the top levels. And somebody asked of an example of a “self-actualized” person.

One of the examples she gave was Jesus. And I immediately thought of Jesus down at the lower levels getting his freak on so he could move up the pyramid. I guess they left that stuff out of the Bible.

Anyhow, I think most people have a bit of a misconception of the top levels of Uncle Maslow’s pyramid.

We tend to think it’s some kind of “state of being.” That once we arrive, all we’ve go to do is drink champagne and eat sushi off naked girls (or guys).

But the problem is that would get pretty boring, pretty quick.

Study after study shows that folks who win lotteries tend to go nuts after the initial thrill wears off.

Sure, we can all think of massive piles of material goods that we WANT, but what happens when we have them?

I suppose you could take handfuls of pills and play video games all day, but you’d self destruct pretty quickly.

Maybe being “self actualized” means being fully congruent in the PURSUIT of your goals, not in the getting them.

When you have something really big, really important (to you) and it’s just out of reach. Which means you’re firing on all cylinders, using all your skills (and learning new ones) to get you closer.

Some famous guy once said, “A man’s reach should be beyond his grasp.”

Meaning if you can get it with your current level of skills and energy, it’s not big enough.

Maybe we humans need some kind of a carrot out there to keep us moving forward.

One that we create, and one that we put out there.

Only when you focus on your own dreams with laser like intensity, and get busy, do you feel alive.

Click Here To Get Moving:

Self Confidence Generator

Are You Willing To Pay The Costs?

Everything Comes With Costs - Are You Willing to Pay Them?

Everything Has A Price

Here’s a surefire way to get a girlfriend, if that’s what you want.

Now before we get started, many people claim they want something, when they really don’t. Or what they say they want is not really what they want. For example, most anybody on the street would say that want a million dollars. But that’s not the whole truth.

The whole truth is that they want a million dollars without taking any risks, putting themselves in any uncomfortable situations, or doing anything that might make them look foolish.

Ask a bunch of people if they were willing to spend three hours a day on side projects. Taking away from their TV time and socializing time. Doing things that would bring them disdain from friends and family, for three years and THEN get a million dollars. Ask this and most of them would laugh and walk away.

Same with guys that claim they want a girlfriend. Sure if their dream girl showed up on their doorstep one night, and asked if she could come in, they’d welcome her with open arms.

Of course, that only happens in fantasy lands. If you asked the question another way, you’d get a different answer.

Like this:

Would you be willing to talk to ten girls day, and ask for their phone number at the end of the conversation?

Would be willing to date at least one or two of THOSE girls a week, and disqualify those that don’t meet your criteria?

Would you be willing to ALWAYS be juggling two or three girls that you’ve dated more than once, yet aren’t in a committed relationship with yet?

Would you be willing to do this for ONE YEAR before you found that one special lady?

Most guys would run for the hills if that’s what they thought was required.

In fact, a lot of guys that have voluntarily removed themselves from the dating pool claim it’s because there are no quality women, or the game is stacked against men, or whatever.

But in reality, going through the above is a lot of work. Work most guys are simply not willing to put in.

They’d rather live in an imaginary “good old days” when girls just feel from the sky onto your arm.

But the cold harsh truth of economics will always prevail. Specifically the element of cost.

You can get whatever you want, so long as you are willing to pay the cost.

Most guys aren’t willing to pay the cost.

Are you?

If you are, then you can have any girl you want.

It’s not easy. But it is worth it.

Super Size Your Language Skills

Word Power

Practice The Obvious

“Give me ten minutes to talk away my ugly face, and I’ll bed the Queen of France.”

So says Voltaire.

Now, I don’t know if you’re interested in seducing kings or queens, but this perfectly describes the power of language.

When most of us speak, we have a bunch of half baked ideas, and then spit out a bunch of haphazardly chosen words that we hope will accurately describe those jumbled ideas in our heads.

Now, you CAN get lucky. People can look at you as if you’re the biggest brained genius since Beethoven.

On the other hand, you may get some puzzled looks,

“Wait, what?”

The truth is that because language is natural, we assume it’s not something we need to practice.

I mean, we don’t practice walking, or eating, or taking a dump. We just do it.

But if we only “just do it” when using language, we’re missing a HUGE amount of opportunity.

If you take just a tad bit longer to formulate those ideas, and spend a few extra moments of brainpower formulating your words instead of just “spitting them out,” you’ll get a LOT better response from whomever you’re talking to.

Now, some people assume there’s a bunch of magic words or combinations that work anywhere any time, on anybody.

But in reality, any kind of language technology is MUCH more like martial arts.

You learn a bunch of individual moves, and maybe a few combinations.

But the REAL practice comes when you use them in their natural habitat.

You can only get so far by shadow boxing. If you want to get to the big leagues (whatever that means for you) you’ve got to put on some gloves and mix it up a bit.

That means not only learning these patterns, but practicing them in real life conversations.

The good news is that this is a LOT easier than you think.

If you’d like to brush up on these patterns, I’ve just released a video training course that goes over the most powerful patterns.

Check it out:

Covert Hypnosis

Two Requirements For Happy Relationships

The Essential Ingredients That Are The Basis Of Every Lasting Relationship

Get These Right And You’ll Be On Easy Street

Many guys look at relationships the wrong way. So do many women. A common belief is that there is something “missing” and that once we get into a relationship with the right person, that missing piece will be filled, and we’ll be more complete.

That’s sort of true, but not in the way we think.

Part of that comes from our natural tendency to mix metaphors. We think in terms of creating like going somewhere. And what happens when you are going somewhere? There’s the going part, and the arriving part.

What happens after the arriving part? We usually think of sitting around and not doing much. 

Even when we talk about becoming “successful” in life (whatever  THAT means) we use terms like “I’ve arrived!”

Meaning all the “work” is done, and you just need to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) it doesn’t really work like that.

In reality, we never really “arrive” anywhere. We get to new levels, new situations, expanded responsibilities and skills, but we never get to a point were we just get to kick back and enjoy life.

Even sports teams that win major championships don’t rest too long. They know after a couple weeks, they need to start getting in shape to defend their title.

If you’re in any kind of business, every successful product launch is the start of researching something even better.

A lot of problems guys have with girls is that they can’t find a girl who will fit into their ideal model of their ideal partner.

But here’s the thing. Humans are hard wired to see sexual partners as wealth creating partners.

For the longest time in human history, the main requirement to human bonding was a shared responsibility in finding and accumulating wealth, whatever “wealth” meant at the time.

Which means if you are looking for a partner, she’s at least got to have an understanding by what you mean by “finding and accumulating wealth.”

Now, this is a very vague term, and I don’t mean “money” when I say “wealth.” I mean whatever it is you are creating with your life. Whatever goals or careers you’ve got lined up.

The happiest couples compliment and support each other. It’s not a one way street.

This can only come naturally when there are two things present.

One is there must be real attraction. You can’t just hand her your resume and hope she’s convinced by your stats.

You’ve got to talk to her in a way that gets her juices flowing.

Not just once, but consistently.

The second thing you must have is an absolute faith in yourself that your plan for your life is important and worthy.

Sadly, most guys have neither of these.

If you don’t, start building them.