Category Archives: Persuasion

Powerful Communication Skills

Increase Your People Skills

The other night I watched “Castaway” on Netflix.

It had been a while since I’d seen it.

Partly a study of how a normal guy keeps from going nuts all alone.

If you haven’t seen it, he gets stuck on an island, and forms a relationship with a volleyball.

Then when he builds a raft to escape, he brings the volleyball (Wilson) with him. But then it gets swept out to sea, and the hero breaks down.

Even though it’s “just” a volleyball, it was his best friend the past few years.

The worst thing they do to prisoners is put them in solitary confinement. Separate from other prisoners. Nobody to talk to.

Clearly, one absolutely VITAL ingredient for human happiness, WHATEVER plans you’ve got for your life, is other people.

Business relationships, personal relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships.

We humans are pretty pathetic on our own. But if we get hooked in with the right crowd of people and there’s no stopping us.

This is the meaning behind Napoleon Hill’s “Mastermind Group.”

A grew of experts, diverse backgrounds, to collectively come up with a genius idea to solve the problems at hand.

To the extent that you can easily build relationships with anybody, anywhere, any time, you’ll be able to accomplish ANYTHING.

To the extent that you are inhibited, due to erroneous beliefs, internal limitations, or even social anxiety, you’ll be held back from living to your fullest.

Luckily, getting “better” at people-skills is pretty simple.

All humans are hard wired to be social super stars. It’s in our DNA. We are social animals.

So it’s not really a matter of learning “how,” it’s more a matter of unlearning all those false beliefs you may have picked up along the way.

What’s even better is as soon as you start working on those false beliefs, you’ll notice that EVERYBODY has the same ones, to an extent.

Everybody is afraid of rejection. Everybody feels nervous when they are suddenly the center of attention.

So when you come to others with the experience of OVERCOMING those common limiting beliefs, they’ll notice something about you.

They’ll feel “better” when you’re around. Happier. More enthusiastic about life in general.

If you’re just out to have a good time, you’ll have a better time.

If you’re looking to make friends, you’ll make good friends.

If you’re looking to start a business relationship, you’ll be on your way.

Tons of exercises, practice routines, and journaling techniques, this guide will show you how.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Pushy Boy

How To Avoid Pushy Persuasion

Most people hate to be micro-managed.

Meaning that your boss (or husband or wife) is standing right over your shoulder.

Telling you exactly what to do and exactly how to do it.

Humans are hard wired to have a strong need to feel in control.

Only when WE decide WE want somebody else to tell us what to do, is it OK.

This is why unasked for advice is almost always taken the wrong way.

There you are merrily going along, and some goof comes and tries to tell you what to do.

Think about what this means. They think they know MORE about the situation than you do.

Which may be true, but part of being human is discovering and learning on our own, instead of having some busybody sticking their nose in our business.

Which is why most of us absolutely HATE salespeople.

They are pushy, obnoxious and are always telling us THEIR reasons why we should do things.

If they are being sneaky, they might use some manipulation tactics. You want to buy something for $200. They try and sell you something for $500. They push it really hard. Finally, you “win” and buy the one in the middle for “only” $300.

Lucky you!

Most people are so turned off by these ultra pushy and manipulative sales people that they’d never DREAM of working in sales, despite the ENORMOUS amount of money you can make with very little education.

However, even if you aren’t in sales, you ARE going to have to persuade people.

You might persuade that girl or guy to date you.

Or that boss to hire you instead of the fifty other candidates.

Or your wife or husband to watch and action movie instead of a romance.

The truth is that it’s very difficult to squeeze through life without having some kind of persuasion skills.

Luckily, you don’t have to be pushy, or manipulative, or sleazy.

You can use THEIR ideas to help them understand YOUR point of view.

And when they finally agree to do what you want them to, it will be THEIR idea.

They won’t feel conned, they won’t feel tricked, and they won’t feel suckered.

They probably won’t even realize you “helped” them come to a decision.

And they’ll start to associate YOU with their decisions to get what they want.

Which can help out in a lot of ways.

To be sure, doing this is a skill, and it takes practice.

There’s no magic words or shortcuts.

But it is a skill that few people know exist, let alone know how to use effectively.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

The REAL Golden Rule

The Real Golden Rule

Unlimited Opportunities

​I used to have this friend that was an on-purpose polarity responder.

Meaning he would always say and do the opposite of what was socially expected.

If a sign said “Do Not Enter,” he would enter.

If somebody told to “wait here,” he would wait over there.

Now, sometimes it was cool to hang around this guy, but most of the time it was kind of annoying.

It was like he couldn’t shut it off. You’d try and have a normal conversation, and he would always say the opposite of what you would expect most normal people to do.

On the other hand, most people are the opposite of “opposite-man,” meaning they ONLY do what is socially expected.

To be sure, this is definitely a safe choice in most situations. Most of us don’t like calling attention to ourselves when we don’t need to.

The trick is knowing WHEN to break the rules, and WHY to break the rules.

Sure, most rules are set up to keep everybody safe and happy. But plenty of rules are set up to protect “some” people at the expense of others.

When you encounter THESE rules, the REAL rule is to “not get caught.”

When I was a kid, we were all taught the “Golden Rule” in school.

“Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done Unto You.”

I had a buddy who had a beach towel that said, “Do Unto Others…Then Split!”

Meaning do what you want, then get the heck out of town before the cops show up!

The other day, however, I read an interesting article regarding the secrets of charisma.

It said the Golden Rule is bogus.

Because if we treat others the way we want to be treated, that’s actually pretty selfish.

Instead, we should treat others the way THEY WANT to be treated.

Problem is, most people don’t ask. They just “do unto others” and assume it’s OK.

Often times it’s not.

Now do you know how to treat others?

Ask them!

(I know, stunning realization!)

Funny thing is that even though this is pretty obvious, most people walk around talking about themselves.

Next time you’re in a group of friends, turn off your yap for a little bit, and listen to the flow of conversation.

Chances are it will be everybody taking turns talking about themselves. Their wants, their needs, their opinions.

At first glance, this seems pretty selfish of them.

But it gives YOU a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

Since they’re saying pretty much EXACTLY what they want, you know EXACTLY how to talk to them, in order to get what you want.

Just take whatever you want, and put it in their terms, and they’ll be glad to give it to you.

What’s more, they’ll think it was their idea!

Learn How:

Are You Working Numbers?

Half Baked

Half Baked Thoughts

What makes two people “click”?

You meet somebody, either a friend or potential lover, and everything just kind of “works.”

You be yourself, they be themselves, and everything just works out.

If you’re building a business, meeting somebody like this can be the difference between struggling for years, or suddenly making it big.

Most people think this is simply kind of “numbers game.” And to an extent, it certainly is.

After all, not every single person on Earth is going to be your best friend. Or you lover, or your business partner. If you are intending to meet that person, there is going to be some “sorting” involved.

This requires you know what you want, and you’ll know when you find it.

However, most people lean too heavily on the “numbers game” model.

You walk up, spit out some words that vaguely represent the thoughts in your mind. They hear them, and interpret them based on the thoughts in THEIR mind. Then those thoughts in their mind (caused by your randomly chosen words) are mixed up with the thoughts they had before that.

Then THEY spit out some random words. If everything works out, a conversation ensues. If THAT works out, then maybe you’ll create a relationship.

When most folks approach somebody else, they just “hope” it works.

However, you CAN significantly increase your odds. Instead of just spitting out some words, you can choose them carefully.

Instead of “hoping” that your thoughts are going to hopefully overlap with theirs, you can make it much more likely.

How?

Simply by asking them the right questions, in the right way.

Most people lead with their own desires. You walk over, you break the ice, and then you start with your “pitch.” 

Since most people mostly talk about themselves, the end result is many people aren’t compatible. Which is when that “numbers game” theory comes up.

But by asking the right questions, in the right order, you’ll be STARTING with their wants and needs.

Only then do you start talking about what YOU want.

And when you do that, somebody pretty amazing will happen.

Instead of just hearing about you and what you want, they’ll be hearing that THROUGH the filter of their own wants needs and desires.

Making YOUR wants, needs and desires seem so much better.

Which means you’ll have a lot more success, with a lot more people.

No matter WHAT you want.

Learn How:

One Trick To His Wealth

Word Power

Only Your Words

​I like to watch apocalyptic type movies.

Zombies, end of the world, stuff like that.

Sometimes, though, I get a bit curious (especially if the movie is a bit slow) and start looking stuff up just to see “What if…”

For example, I watched one movie where they were these two neighbors up in the hills. One group was some ultra yuppie type that liked drinking wine and talking about the world’s social problems.

The other group was a bunch of hippies that were cooking meth.

They were both in their respective cabins when the end came. The movie was about how they had to work together to survive. It ended with them happily planting some vegetables in their garden.

Which got me a bit curious. How big of a garden would you need?

As it turns out, in a modern economy, each person requires about an acre per year for enough food.

And in the movie, there were about ten people all working on something MUCH smaller than that.

But then again, movies aren’t known for their scientific accuracy!

I saw an interview with this ultra rich guy. A guy that was born poor, and clawed his way up to wealth. It took most of his life, so he wasn’t some kind of Law of Attraction guy that was promoting any kind of metaphysical magic.

Rather, his was a story of hard work, measured risk, self-belief, and perseverance.

The interviewer asked him what skills he would need if he was dropped into a strange city with only a few dollars to his name.

The MOST IMPORTANT skill, according to him, was the ability to communicate effectively AND persuasively to others.

Even if you had the best idea, it wouldn’t be worth squat unless you could not only communicate your idea to others, but do so in a way where they could see how THEY would benefit if they helped you.

After all, no matter HOW good your ideas are, few people will work with you unless you not only have a strong belief that your ideas will pan out, but that EVERYBODY INVOLVED will benefit in some way.

Which means you have to have an idea, (or several) and you have to have the ability to talk other people into helping you.

If you can do that, you can build anything. 

Get Started:

Are You Asking For The Right Things?

Picture

Time To Grow Up

​There’s a lot of watershed moments in a person’s life.

The time before your first kiss, and the time after.

The time before you started working, and the time after.

The time before you had kids, and the time after.

One of the most important is also the hardest to identify, as it manifests itself in many ways.

The childhood portion, and the adult portion.

When we are children, all we need do is ask, and we receive.

But this doesn’t work so well when we’re adults. On the other hand, there are plenty of books, strategies, political beliefs, and even religions that promise simply asking is all we need do.

This begs the question, if ALL of us ONLY ask, then who’s doing the giving?

What if all the guys and gals who ran the electricity and water plants decided they didn’t need to go to work, and all they needed to do was sit home and “ask”?

What if the people around the world that grew the food we all depend on every day decided that they just needed to sit home and “ask” instead of going to work every day?

I know, these are tough questions we don’t like asking. We LOVE the idea of getting something for nothing.

But as mentioned above, that really only works for kids. Who have parents who are genetically programmed to take care of them.

As adults, we have to always look for not only what we want, but what we can give in order to get it.

And the easiest way to do this is to simply ask others what THEY want.

When we get into the habit of doing this, then things can go pretty smoothly.

Most people walk around talking about themselves. What they’ve done. What they want to do. What they think they deserve.

Sure, if you happen to have EXACTLY what they want, and you KNOW somehow that they’ve got what you want, then that may work pretty well.

But this is pretty rare. 

On the other hand, when you have enough faith in people in general, that just by talking to them in a certain way, you can get a LOT more than you think you can. 

When you start ASKING other people what they want, instead of overwhelming them with your desires, something pretty amazing will happen.

They’ll suddenly become energized. Open. Excited. They’ll wonder who the heck YOU are, and how they can help YOU.

This will open many more doors that most people realize exist.

Find Out More:

The Tipping Point

Create Your Tipping Point

How To Engineer Luck

​I used to go to the gym a lot.

For a while, I was using these stair climbers.

They had a program that looked like you were going up and down hills.

Going up was hard, and when you watched the readout, you could tell when an easy part was coming.

The resistance in the pedals suddenly lessened considerably. You could go a lot faster with a lot less effort.

I remember the first couple times I went rock climbing. Pretty scary to say the least.

But paradoxically, after I slipped a couple of times, it became a lot less scary. I had a buddy who was an expert, and he would always go first. As he climbed up, I’d feed the rope out. He would put the rope through pieces of “protection” so that if he fell, he’d fall until the rope was tight, from his waist, through the “protection” and then back down to me.

But when I climbed up after, slipping was only a couple inches. As the rope was straight from me to him.

So when I did slip a couple of times, I IMMEDIATELY felt the rope holding me. 

Once I had experience that the rope was there to protect me, the fear vanished, and I climbed a lot faster, and more confidently.

If you’ve seen romantic movies, there’s often a time when a couple has a lot of sexual tension. He feels it, she feels it, but both are kind of scared to act on it.

Then when they both act on it at the same time, that’s when the fireworks start. That fear is IMMEDIATELY replaced by a pleasure that has no equal.

If you’ve experienced this, you KNOW what an awesome feeling that is.

Most of the time, resistance, either internal or external, takes a while to get over. It slowly gets smaller, as our courage and fortitude slowly gets bigger, until we get to that tipping point.

But sometimes, it can happen in an instant. Like on the stair climber, or rock climbing or kissing your partner for the first time.

Most people think that these things “just happen.” That when they do happen we are “lucky.”

But in reality, these “tipping points” can be engineered.

Not only engineered, but reproduced at will. Which means you can walk up to anybody, and talk to them in a way that will almost GUARANTEE that tipping point will happen.

When THEIR internal fear vanishes, and the floodgates open.

Now, GETTING to that point takes some time. Some practice. Some mental exercises.

But it IS worth it.

Learn How:

How The Light Bulb Went Off In My Head

Use Their Reasons, Not Yours

Speak Their Language

​I remember when I got my first job right out of college.

Pretty broke, didn’t have much furniture. First apartment was pretty bare.

I needed a lamp, so I went to a local lamp shop (that I walked to).

The guy working there was really helpful. Asked a bunch of questions not only about what kind of lamp I wanted, but a little bit about me as well.

He didn’t try and sell me the biggest and most expensive lamp. Rather, he helped me find one that was inexpensive, and would do the job. He was also understood that I’d just started working, and didn’t have much cash.

He said something like, “Every other paycheck or so, you can come back and slowly build up your lamp collection.”

And guess what?

For the next couple years, every time I needed a lamp, that’s where I went.

On the other hand, I’ve bought (or tried to buy) things and the salesperson had the opposite effect. I said I wanted to spend 20 bucks, and they’s show me something for 30 bucks. 

Once I was taking a piano class, and I wanted to buy a cheap keyboard. Since I was just beginning, I wanted the cheapest one I could find.

So I went to my local Guitar Center, and the guy noticed me looking at keyboards. He didn’t ask me many questions, only noticed I was looking at the more cheaper models.

“You don’t want those, man! That’s kid stuff! You need this one over here!” And he showed me this $500 model that had too many buttons in to count.

Needless to say, not only did I NOT buy a keyboard from this guy, but I don’t think I EVER shopped at that particular Guitar Center again.

Even if you’re not selling anything, or not overtly persuading anybody, I’m sure you can see the difference in communication styles.

Talking to somebody based on THEIR needs, vs. talking to somebody based on YOUR needs.

The funny thing is, if you take some time to get to know them, find out not only what you want, but what their limitations are (real or imagined) you’ll be MUCH MORE LIKELY to get YOUR needs met.

That lamp guy went out of his way to help me find the cheapest lamp. But over the next two years or so, I probably bought 5 or 6 lamps from him.

When you first find out about others, you can create a much, much stronger relationship. And they’ll remember you for a lot longer. Even know, I can picture that lamp guy in my mind.

This type of communication will help you create much, much more.

Learn How:

Two Secrets Of Irresistible Communication

Are You Spitting Word Salad?

Do Your Words Make Sense?

​Dale Carnegie tells an interesting story in one of his books.

Some famous lady (politician or rich person or something) had a “conversation” with Carnegie one evening.

Only Carnegie didn’t speak much. All he did was ask directed questions and follow up questions. All the while being genuinely interested in what she had to say.

A couple days later, when somebody asked her opinion of Carnegie, she said, “He’s the most interesting conversationalist I’ve ever met!”

This, of course, is after he discovered that EVERYBODY is always most interested in themselves.

So when you talk to people about themselves, they will like talking to you.

ESPECIALLY when most of us walk around talking about ourselves.

If you want to do an interesting, eye opening experiment, eavesdrop on a couple people talking. Or take yourself out of the conversation, mentally, if you’re in a group. 

You’ll hear something like this:

“Well, I …. and I … so I…”

“Yes, that’s fascination. But me… and me… and me…”

Another thing you’ll notice is there is a HUGE lack of “content” in most every day conversations.

In our heads we’ve got these half baked ideas. Then we attach a bunch of random words onto these ideas and spit them out. And hope something works.

Trouble is, when EVERYBODY is doing that, you get a bunch of people talking about themselves with a LOT of “fillers.”

Sure, talking is natural. Walking is natural. Eating is natural. We don’t have to think about it. We just do it.

But you can also improve the way you walk, talk and eat.

In fact, ANYTHING you can do, you can improve upon. All you’ve got to do is elevate it to the conscious level, improve what works, get rid of what doesn’t and let it sink back down into your unconscious.

Your words are your most valuable tool. Your most effective skill. Your ability to take a thought from inside your head, put words to it, and put that SAME thought (and what you think about that thought) into the heads of others will open doors most don’t know exist.

The power of your words will take you farther than any degree, any amount of experience, and any connections (or lack thereof).

And when you combine these two ideas, that if increasing your ability with your words AND the fact that everybody is MOST worried about themselves, you can create anything you want.

Learn More:

Are You Running Numbers?

Stop Ignoring People

Find Out What They Want First

​A long, long time ago, I used to work at Disneyland.

No, I wasn’t dressed up as a character. My job was to walk around and ask people various questions. Where they were from. How long they were staying. Which rides they liked the best, etc.

I worked for the “guest research” department. Our job was to collect demographic data to support the marketing department.

At first, it was pretty nerve wracking. We had to walk up and start conversations with people all day long. On an average day, we’d interact with 500-1000 people. A lot of people quit after a week.

But after a while, it became pretty fun. After all, you get to meet people from all over the world who are on vacation, and usually in a pretty good mood.

There’s a lot of ways you can use statistics. Marketing, sales, baseball, economics. If it weren’t for statistics, we humans would be pretty clueless. They wouldn’t even know how much to charge for insurance.

Sometimes when we think in terms of meeting people, for friends, romance, or even in sales, we tend to think in terms of “numbers.”

If you call enough people, you’ll get enough sales. If you ask enough people for their phone number, and go on enough dates, you’ll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Problem is sorting through all those people can be pretty intimidating. Sure, you intellectually know that if you “number close” the next 500 attractive people you see, your BOUND to find your “soul mate” in there somewhere! (Or at least somebody close enough!)

However, the whole “numbers game” theory can be a little misleading.

Sure, no matter WHAT you do, you will NEVER be able to convince everybody. Despite what WAY over-hyped marketing may claim, there ARE going to be people who simply aren’t interested.

However, with just a few simple tweaks in how you communicate, you can SIGNIFICANTLY increase your odds.

What if you KNEW that you really only need to talk to TEN people before finding your soul mate?

What if you KNEW that instead of calling a hundred people for every sale, you only needed to call ten?

Would that make it easier? You bet it would!

How do you do this? The first step is to remove all your inner conflicts. Even if you have the best sales pitch written by Dale Carnegie himself, it won’t work if you’re so nervous you’re shaking when you deliver it. (Same goes with meeting guys and girls for relationships.)

The second step is to FIRST find out what THEY want, so you can speak in “their language.” You’ll find this will SIGNIFICANTLY improve your chances. With ANYBODY you speak with.

Do that, and ALL communication will be much, much easier.

Learn More: