Tag Archives: fear

How To Copy Movie Stars

A lot of our ideas come from the wrong places.

For example, we tend to confused real life and entertainment.

On one hand, movies, TV and books have to be “believable” (unless they are in the fantasy genre).

But on the other hand, they have to be interesting.

The BEST TV shows and movies do well on both counts. On the one hand, they are filled with normal people in normal situations.

Then something extra-ordinary happens to them, and they have to battle the monster (or whatever).

But one thing that is ALWAYS different is how people talk in the movies, vs. how people talk in real life.

In movies and TV, people are always super witty, always say the right thing, and are ALWAYS supremely confident (unless overcoming their lack of confidence is part of the story).

But in real life, most of us are, “um, well, like, um yea, so, uh, what?”

But you CAN use movie characters as a reference point, if you are specifically trying to IMPROVE in the areas of social confidence and “in-the-moment” speaking skills.

Based on the NLP technique of modeling.

First find somebody that behaves in a way that YOU would like to behave. Ideally, find it on YouTube so you can watch it over and over.

Then watch the clip while you are SUPER RELAXED. Release all tension and anxiety. Turn off all backgrounds sounds. Watch it a few times.

First, just as relaxed and open as possible. To absorb all of their micro-movements, behaviors and expressions.

Then watch it a few times, and imagine it’s YOU up there.

Then watch it a few times, but with your eyes closed, and imagine you see the scene FROM the characters eyes.

Try and actually move your lips along with whatever the character is saying.

Now, this does sound pretty goofy, so you probably shouldn’t tell your friends or family about this.

But it is a powerful and very safe way to increase your social skills, if you do this a few times a week.

And since there’s a kajillion different clips on YouTube to choose from, you can pretty much MODEL any situation you’d like to improve upon.

After all, social confidence, communication skills, interpersonal skills, these are things you can NEVER have enough of.

Click Here to learn how.

Do You Feel Cheated By Life?

I had this friend once that would come up with the craziest ideas.

These were business ideas, that he actually thought would make us money.

But they were based on some really nonsensical assumptions.

Kind of like in the movies, when criminals are planning a heist, and their biggest “escape plan” is, “Who’s going to know?”

Of course, once they plan a crime from that standpoint, they overlook tons of variables.

One of the common mistakes we make as people is to ASSUME that simply because we WANT something, we SHOULD get it.

Even if we feel like this just a little bit, it feels like we’ve been cheated if we DON’T get it.

This happens all the time with guys and dating.

They flirt with a girl from across the room. Then walk over, and start talking to her, and she goes cold.

They feel cheated. As if they DESERVED to get her number.

They don’t consider that she perceived him DIFFERENTLY before and after she talked to him.

Her opinion of him CHANGED once they started talking. She updated her idea of him with new information.

But from the guy’s standpoint, he feels like she purposely tricked him.

This is also very common in sales. Somebody is thinking about buying a product. They salesperson starts to ASSUME he or she is going to make a commission.

But then the customer changes their mind. Just like all humans ALWAYS do ALL THE TIME.

But the salesperson feels “cheated.”

Now, it is absolutely necessary to make assumptions. We humans NEVER will have enough information to accurately predict the future.

So we will always have to guess. If we’ve got any kind of experience, we can use that experience to predict, or make assumptions about what will happen.

Of course, if we OVERLY assume good things, and we don’t get it, we can feel cheated.

But if we OVERLY assume bad things, we get scared and we won’t take action.

The “trick” or SKILL is to develop a strong, ever-present sense of “let’s see what happens.”

We do this naturally when we play sports. ESPECIALLY if we suck.

If you’re shooting free throws, for example, you don’t feel like you’re going to die, or never be a success, or end up homeless if you miss a free throw.

You shoot, see what happens (get feedback) and try again.

If you keep shooting (practicing) you’ll eventually get better.

Pretty soon, you’ll KNOW that you shoot at a certain percentage.

How can you treat ALL ACTION like this?

Practice.

Practice keeping the “let’s see what happens” mindset whenever doing ANYTHING.

ESPECIALLY things that are moving you closer to your biggest goals in life.

There are MANY ways to do this.

Visualization exercises, journaling exercies, and reframes.

You can learn them here:

Fearless

Customize Your Brain

When I was in high school I went to this party.

I’m not sure what the occasion was, but there was a mix of kids and adults.

I don’t even remember if it was a kid party with a bunch of grownups, or a grownup party with a bunch of kids.

Anyhow, I was in the garage, and I noticed the homeowner had a car covered up.

But it was a pretty small car.

After a few questions, the owner (of the home and the car) came out and took off the cover.

I don’t even remember what kind of car it was (I was never a “car guy”) only that was a little red convertible.

And he was spending his free time customizing it, down to the super cool looking dash board, with all kinds of gauges and dials.

One thing that struck me was how this guy lit up with enthusiasm when he was describing it. Something he was obviously passionate about.

Most people buy a car, and they’re good. They may put down some custom mats, or maybe even put something cool on the dash, but that’s about it with how much people “customize” their cars.

Most people use their brains the same way.

They figure they’ll use their “stock model” without doing any custom work to it.

Sure, they’ll go to school, like everybody else.

Fill it up with enough data to pass the next test, like everybody else.

Then get a job, like everybody else.

And show up on time, and do what they’re told, like everybody else.

That strategy works, until it doesn’t.

Then what?

What happens if you want to do something, and you look upside your brain for a strategy, and come back with nothing?

What happens if you (gasp!) have to try something you’ve NEVER done before, in an attempt to get your needs met, but your factory-setting brain says, “No way, dude!”

You could vacillate, like everybody else.

You could look for somebody to blame, like everybody else.

Or you could do something different.

You could get started TODAY learning how to customize your brain.

How to practice thinking, so the when the inevitable situation comes up, you won’t be stuck.

You’ll take action, leaving everybody in the dust.

How do you do that?

Here’s How:

Fearless

Re Train Your Monkey Brain

There was a magical shift in our thinking, long time ago.

According to an Economist.

When we think of doing something NOW, that’s called “present good.”

When we think of doing something in the FUTURE, that’s called “future good.”

The shift happened when early humans learned to IMAGINE a “future good” in the “present,” thereby turning into a “present good.”

For example, let’s say you would like to eat some ice cream, RIGHT NOW.

But you also have a goal of losing weight, six months from now.

Now, you COULD, eat the ice cream now, and say you’ll get started on the diet TOMORROW. (You’ve never done this, right?)

Or you COULD take some time to imagine that FUTURE GOOD (you’re future body) SO MUCH, that it becomes MORE DESIRABLE, as you imagine it in the present (making it a “present good”) than eating the ice cream.

This is what that Economist thought happened to people as they slowly changed from hunter-gatherers (let’s go find something we can eat NOW), into farmers (let’s do work TODAY so we’ll have a CRAPLOAD of easy food in six months).

This REALLY kicked into high gear when any particular society had done this for a few years.

Because of the work in the PAST, they had food TODAY. Enough to last until the food in six months was ready.

Now, who in their right mind, when getting food is easy as planting seeds and waiting, would run after some scary animal and try to kill it?

Needless to say, once EVERYBODY turned into farmers, that’s when societies took off. Governments, laws, massive irrigation systems, running water in or near EVERY HOUSE.

Obviously, that was just the start. That event (the thinking “trick” of DELAYED GRATIFICATION) led to EVERYTHING we have today.

And you can use that SAME thinking trick to train yourself how to take the daily action needed to be able to create ANYTHING.

Fantastic relationships, interesting careers, million dollar skills.

How do you do this?

Every time you think about doing something in the future, there’s a potential BAD outcome and a potential GOOD outcome.

Unfortunately our monkey brains automatically will think of the BAD outcome, and keep you from taking action.

But with proper practice, and some reasoned thought when thinking about taking action, you can take that potential GOOD outcome, and make it BIGGER (in your mind) than that potential BAD outcome.

There are MANY ways to do this.

And with practice, ANY ACTION you’d like to take (giving a powerfully persuasive speech, talking to a super sexy person, explaining to your boss why it’s in HIS or HER best interest to give you a raise), will FEEL GOOD rather than scary.

Learn More:

Fearless

How To Deprogram Yourself

I read an interesting history book a while back.

It’s premise was that all of human history could be described as a timid, lazy people.

All of the major historical events were driven primarily by two goals.

One to make things less scary, and two to make them easier.

Scared and lazy people making things easier and less scary.

Now, this is just one way of looking at things. One thing about NLP is you learn that “meaning” is pretty flexible.

Sure, if you’re measuring how many grams something is in a laboratory, there’s not much room for coming up with different meanings.

But any time you have anything related to the human experience, or even a biological experience (trees growing, etc.) meaning really IS flexible.

Which is good news when we’re talking about things that scare us.

I’m sure you’ve heard the popular “self-help” description of FEAR:

False Enemies Appearing Real.

Sounds cool, sounds like you know what’s up, but just coming up with smart sounding sayings like that doesn’t really help much when you’ve got to stand up in front of people and give an impromptu speech.

You can tell yourself that your fears are false until you’re blue in the face, but when you stand up, everybody gets quiet and looks at you, it’s kind of hard to logic your way out of being petrified.

So, how exactly do make that “truism” real?

How do we actually FEEL that our fears are false, rather than pretending we’re all that?

Practice, that’s how.

One of the things about being human is we are all born WAY before we are fully developed.

Meaning the first years of our lives, our brains are a sponge.

Unfortunately, we tend to soak up both TRUE things about the world around us, and FALSE things.

Since our brains were designed for a much different time, being “safe” rather than “sorry” makes our young brains a lot less discriminating.

So we learn that a lot of things are scary, even when they’re not.

Problem is that here we are as adults, with those learned experienced programmed into us like they are instincts.

So they those “false” fears FEEL just as real as the REAL fears.

Luckily, we can slowly dismantle the false ones, and keep the real ones.

By focused visualization, mental exercises, journaling and other “tricks.”

It’s not magic, and it does take time.

But imagine what you’ll be able to do when you’re ONLY afraid of things you SHOULD be afraid of? Like escaped tigers and jumping out of airplanes.

Learn How:

Fearless

Eliminate Social Anxiety

One of the ideas from NLP is something called “meta programs.”

These are these semi-rigid filters we all have in place through which we see the world.

For example, one of them is how we are motivated. On one end of the spectrum are people who are motivated externally. Other people. Praise, validation, etc. On the other end of the spectrum are the people who are motivated internally.

They don’t really care what others think or do. They only do something if it “feels” right to them.

Of course, most of us are a mix of both. Few people are completely one or the other.

Another “meta program” filter is “sameness or difference.” When you look into an unfamiliar situation, do you automatically find things that are the same as what you are used to, or different?

Again, most of us are a mix of both.

And while these do operate largely unconsciously, you can bring them up to the conscious level.

For example, when meeting new people, some of us automatically feel nervous, shy, anxious. So we see others as somehow “better” than us. Otherwise it would be impossible for them to “reject” us if we approached them to start a conversation.

One thing that can help is to consciously look at them, before you approach, through the filter of “sameness” rather than “difference.”

Meaning force your monkey brain to think of all the ways you two are similar, rather than different.

If you were walking up to somebody that was TOTALLY the same as you, rejection wouldn’t even come up.

The more you can practice this, the more the fear of rejection will vanish.

Another powerful way to do this is to imagine all of your similar “fears.”

Since ALL HUMANS have a HUGE collection of irrational fears, this is pretty easy.

And since most of our fears are similar, it won’t be much of a stretch.

EVERYBODY doesn’t like to be put on the spot. EVERYBDOY fears rejection. EVERYBODY has deep fears of social exclusion.

Just take a few minutes to think of “that person” (whoever they are, boss, lover, friend, business partner) as having the SAME FEARS that you do, and hold THAT in mind when you think about talking to them.

You don’t even have to approach them. You can do this sitting at the mall watching people walk by.

Just choose people you’d LIKE to approach, but would otherwise be too nervous to.

And then do this exercise. Imagine them being terrified of public speaking, or getting left behind, or anything.

This is one of DOZENS of exercises in the Interpersonal Resonance book.

Do them daily and you’ll be a social magnet in no time.

Get Started:

Interpersonal Resonance

Stop Waiting and Start Doing

When you were a little kid, you learned by copying.

And if you’ve ever had kids, or are ever around them, you know they tend to copy whatever you do.

Sometimes it’s cute, sometimes it’s embarrassing.

Even for most of human history, most “learning” came from copying.

If you wanted to learn a trade, for example, you had to find somebody that would let you be their apprentice.

Slowly learn the trade, all the ins and outs, and how to do “it” as well as them.

This forms the basis of NLP modeling.

You find somebody that does what you want to do, and then “model” them, which is basically copy them.

Only you have to copy EVERYTHING.

Their beliefs, attitudes, history, EVERYTHING.

Naturally, the more complicated the skills required, the more difficult it is to copy them.

One thing that you will NEVER get rid of is the NEED to make mistakes.

Because no matter WHO you are modeling, they can’t have achieved any level of success without a SIGNIFICANT amount of trial and error. Or as they say in NLP, “Trial and Feedback.”

Unfortunately, many people like to be told EXACTLY what to do in hopes it will relieve them from making ANY mistakes.

“I’m ready for success! I’m open to receive! Just TELL ME what to do and I’ll do it!”

But they discover the “secret” is to simply keep trying until they get it right, they don’t like this idea so much.

Sure, modeling can help. It can accelerate the process. But being willing to accept any “result” no matter how “good” or “bad” is required for any kind of real success.

Which may be the reason why most people are always looking for the next “big secret.”

They’d rather wait they’re ENTIRE LIVES for somebody to tell them what to do than simply make a move and see what happens.

Sure, this can be terrifying. But also incredibly liberating. As you’ve likely realized from time to time, most of our deepest fears NEVER materialize.

So when you do “wing it” just to “see what happens,” it’s rarely even close to what you feared the most.

And every single time you try something, and accept whatever happens as valuable feedback, you WILL learn something.

Sure, often times you’ll learn what NOT to do, but you’ll also get experience.

And a deep KNOWING that trying and “failing” isn’t so bad.

It can be kind of fun.

So long as you have a clear idea of where you’d like to be EVENTUALLY, and the persistency to keep going no matter what, you’ll not only get there, but have a lot of fun in the meantime.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Destroy Fear of Mistakes

I was watching this interview the other day.

One of the writers who was talking about the next Star Wars movie.

The question was about one of the characters, and what the writer’s response was to the various “origin theories” floating around online.

He gave some kind of vague answer, saying it would be “satisfying” to everybody.

But the idea of an “origin story” is VERY common in almost all popular stories and myths.

Often times the formula is first we meet the hero, then we become interested in how they “became” the hero.

Why is this so compelling?

Maybe because all of us, on a deep level, want to know “where” we come from.

Maybe as ancient tribes were wandering across the face of the Earth, knowing where they came from would help them to learn from their mistakes. Or learn from their predecessors, mythological or not.

One metaphor is when driving your car, the ratio between the windshield and your rear view mirror is a good ratio.

Meaning you want to be focused MOSTLY on where you’re going, but you need to glance behind you from time to time.

When talking about Meta Programs, this means you want to be motivated a little bit by pain or fear, but mostly by the pleasure of where you are headed.

This is one of the problems many people have with goal setting. If they ONLY are motivated by moving away from pain, the further away from pain they get, the less motivation they have.

Compare the people in your local gym in the first week of January to the first week of March and you’ll see the difference.

How can you avoid this common trap?

Spend a few minutes each and every day meditation on where you are going.

Visualize what it will be when you get there.

Feel all the feelings, see all the sights, hear all the sounds.

This is the power of keeping a daily journal.

If you have a goal, write down ANYTHING you did that day to get you closer.

Then imagine ANYTHING you can do the next day. And actually take the time to imagine doing it.

The future will be EASY to create when you practice building.

Of course, there will be mistakes along the way. You can use journaling to USE THOSE to propel you even further into the future.

Once you realize how beneficial they are, the “fear” of “mistakes” will vanish.

It’s not magic. It takes time.

But with daily practice, you can slowly change your beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes, that will make it easy to achieve anything.

Of course, at the heart of most life plans is your ability to communicate with others.

Because part of EVERY hero’s journey is the support crew.

Get Started Building Yours:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Caught In A Horror Movie?

There’s a lot of horror movies based on short cuts.

Young couple is driving to some cabin, and the guy knows a short cut.

Then they end up surrounded by zombies or ghosts or little kids that live in the corn.

Funny thing about popular movies, is even the craziest ones have to reflect reality.

Sure, there are some weird movies that make absolutely zero sense on any level.

But most movies that most people watch have to match reality on a few levels.

It’s only the part that “goes wrong” that makes it interesting.

Psychologists tell us the very reason that stories came to be was to teach us things.

Sure, they were bored around the caveman campfire every night. And telling stories did pass the time.

But eventually, the BEST stories were the ones that also taught a lesson.

Not in a preachy way, or even in an Aesop’s Fable way, where they have to SAY the moral at the end.

Stories that teach us on many levels, so we can all individually, on our own, kind of see how the meaning speaks to US on a deep, personal level.

So what’s the deep meaning of taking shortcuts and ending up in some cannibals dinner?

Maybe that shortcuts are dangerous.

Maybe that thinking we can shortcut ANY process is generally not a good idea.

Sure, we may think we can skate by, and look like a hero, but often times, we just end up wasting more time.

Like the old saying goes, “If you don’t have time to do it right, how are you going to find time to do it over?”

Yet, go into any bookstore, or shop on Amazon for any product, and MANY of them are based on “shortcut thinking.”

Lost fifty pounds in one weekend.

The “weird trick” that will make any girl fall in love with you in seconds.

The secret ninja method to hijack the options market to make a kijillion dollars on auto pilot.

How to grow fifty pound tomatoes with only a spoonful of dirt.

You get the idea!

Maybe the QUICKEST WAY to do anything is to AVOID shortcuts altogether!

I know, sounds counterintuitive.

But MANY things work because they are counterintuitive.

As I’m sure you’ve experienced MANY times, some of the BEST FEELINGS in life come when you are in the process of BUILDING something.

Not in finding a way to GET something without doing any of the work.

What do you want to build?

You really can choose anything. So long as you take your time, go slow and BE CONSISTENT.

Get started, NEVER STOP, and you’ll be AMAZED.

These mental tools and exercises can help:

Emotional Freedom

Why Most People Will Never Self Actualize

When I was in high school I liked the band, “The Sex Pistols.”

They did a cover of the Who song, “Substitute.”

But apparently they didn’t bother getting the proper approvals from the proper authorities.

Right before the song starts, you can hear Johnny Rotten say, “You don’t need permission for anything!”

As an anti-authority, non-conformist high school student, that statement has always stayed with me.

Of course, few people can always act without “permission.”

Because when we get permission from somebody, especially a recognized authority figure, it kind of takes away the risk.

If something goes wrong, it’s not really our fault.

“But they said it was OK!” We innocently cry.

Even if it’s trying to something on your own, people still need as if they need “permission.”

Many people are hesitant about trying something new unless they see many others go first.

This is part of our DNA. It kept us safe when the world was much more dangerous.

When we actually might get KILLED if we strike out on our own.

But the measure of an ENLIGHTENED human, as compared to a instinctive one, is the ability to manage our instincts.

Our instincts that tell us to eat everything in sight, even when we aren’t hungry.

Our instincts that tell us it’s safer to move with the crowd.

Our instincts that tell us it’s not OK to call attention to ourselves.

If you are going to achieve fulfillment, if you are going to become self-actualized, you have to leave those helpful and comforting instincts behind.

One way to do that is to CHOOSE the meanings you give to events.

Instead of relying on your natural instincts to give the meanings, or the “general public” to help you give them meaning, you’ll have to come up with the meaning on your own.

A meaning that best helps YOU to achieve your life goals.

Not just the meanings that happen to you on a daily basis, but the meanings you gave to events that happened YEARS ago.

When you were still a child.

Because it is the MEANING you give to those events, rather than the events themselves, that gives you the emotions you have today.

It is YOUR JOB, your responsibility, to find those events, and RE-DEFINE them.

This isn’t easy, and it is sometimes unpleasant.

But it is necessary to live a self-actualized life.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom