Tag Archives: frame

Awaken Your Inner Leader

We humans are pretty clever.

We are always trying to sneak our way around things.

Some shortcuts are cool.

If you can find a legitimately quicker way of doing something, that requires LESS effort and gets the SAME result, that’s a good way to make a lot of money.

Some shortcuts are different.

Some are dangerous, like when you’re driving across the country and try a shortcut and end up in Children of the Corn.

Then you’re chased around by little demon kids with knives.

That can suck.

Another way that shortcuts can suck is we convince ourselves we are getting the SAME result, but we really aren’t.

A lot of the “authority” we see in society is like this.

Everybody LOVES the idea of “having authority,” but few people like the idea of “getting” authority.

Authority is one of the laws of influence.

If somebody in authority says something, we tend to believe it without question.

And people LOVE the idea of being able to tell people what to do WITHOUT them questioning them.

So we come with plenty of convoluted ways to “get” authority, but it’s really only “pretend” authority.

When something SERIOUS happens, those “authority” figures don’t turn out to be helpful.

And they only want their “authority” so long as they are getting paid.

But humans will always crave real authority.

Most of the “authority” figures in today’s society is like sugar.

If all you ate were bowls of sugar, you might believe you were eating regular food.

It tastes good, it gives you energy, but in the long run, it will kill you.

After a while your body is STARVED for real nutrients. Protein, fat, vitamins.

Just like people in today’s society are STARVED for REAL authority.

Not the kind that is authority for it’s own sake.

Or the authority that needs a gun to back it up.

But REAL authority.

When you can speak with REAL authority, people will follow you.

Where?

That’s up to you.

You can get people to follow you anywhere, so long as you are willing to lead.

In most cases, if ALL you did was LEAD your own life, people would follow.

Learn How:

Cult Leader

How to Always Beat Expectations

I remember when I saw the movie, “Stargate,” for the first time.

I read a review when it came out, before I saw it.

The review said it sucked, so when I went to see it, I expected a crappy movie.

But it turned out to be a cult favorite with tons of spin offs.

Now, it certainly wasn’t a GREAT movie. But it was better than I expected.

When a company reports it’s quarterly or yearly earnings, it’s the same situation.

The stock price goes up or down not on the ABSOLUTE earnings (or more technically, earnings per share or EPS) but whether or not the EPS is BETTER or WORSE than expectations.

A company that reports EPS of $.10 when everybody only expected $.05 will generally shoot through the roof.

Where a company that reports $1.25 when everybody was expecting $1.50, the stock will tank.

Even in the stereotypical story of a young, in experienced person with HUGE dreams, an older, more experienced person will tell them it’s simply not possible.

The conversation usually goes something like this:

“Why are you trying to crush my dreams?”

“I’m not. I just don’t want you to get hurt. To try and fail. I’m protecting you.”

Clearly, our expectations about the reality around us are absolutely crucial.

If you walk down the street expecting to find bags of money, you’ll be disappointed.

But if you’re just expecting to have a nice stroll on a sunny day, and you find a dollar bill, it will feel pretty cool.

One of the ways we mess ourselves up is if we have very VAGUE expectations.

Like “I hope something good happens,” or even worse, “I hope nothing BAD happens.”

Then no matter WHAT happens, it’s not good enough.

But what happens if you have vague expectations that ALWAYS come true?

Like, “I’m about to learn something interesting.”

So you go and do something, not really sure what’s going to happen, but sure that it will be useful information.

How do you do this?

You need to practice.

You have to have EXPERIENCE learnings from every interaction.

This is why DAILY JOURNALING is crucial.

Write down what you did, write down what happened, write down what you learned. Then write down how you can maybe use this information.

It’s also very helpful, and much more powerful, if you have some BIG life goals you’re pursuing.

Money, relationships, career, health, family, living conditions, etc.

So you can see EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION with reality as getting more information that you can use to help you get closer.

Then every action you take will be less scary, less worrisome, less anxious.

And it will FEEL more like a step in the right direction, no matter what happens.

This is one the things you’ll learn in the FEARLESS Ebook.

Get Yours:

Fearless

Powerful Mental Skills

When I was younger, I used to do a lot of backpacking.

It kind of forced you to be very careful when choosing what to bring.

Some things were AWESOME to have with you, but they were heavy.

So you had to spend a lot of time choosing.

Since you’re carrying all your stuff on your back for a week or so, you want to make sure it’s not weighing you down.

Once I had to take my then girlfriend to the airport. I showed up at her house and she had three HUGE bags.

Clearly, everything has its advantages and disadvantages.

This goes with pretty much everything.

Even the basics of human biology has costs. Sure, it’s great to get energy from food. But finding it can suck, especially if you’re a caveman. And you’re being chased by a tiger and you have to stop use the caveman toilet, it’s not so convenient.

In economics they have something called an “opportunity cost.” Which means whenever you decide to do something, you’re subconsciously choosing to NOT do a bunch of other things.

You can go out and hang with your friends, but you might miss out on some amazing TV shows!

You could agree to an exclusive relationship with that girl or guy you’ve been seeing, but that means that EVERYBODY else on earth is off limits.

You could buy that cheeseburger for $2, but that means you’re also deciding that everything else on earth that’s also $2 is not what you want.

Of course, when you’re eating that delicious cheeseburger, you’re not focusing on what you DON’T have, you’re focusing on what you DO have.

If our brains weren’t pretty good at this, we’d NEVER be able to decide anything.

Then again, a lot of times we over think things. Instead of focusing on a positive outcome, or even a likely outcome, we allow our caveman brains to come up with the WORST outcome, and then use THAT, however UNLIKELY it is, to define our actions.

That’s the problem with having such quick thinking brains. Sure, they help us decide lickity-split, but we can also send ourselves on horrible mental loops.

Being able to manage your own brain, and manage the thoughts you think and HOLD is a POWERFUL skill to have.

For example, what if you were to imagine the BEST POSSIBLE outcome when you were considering doing ANYTHING, and you had the skill to ONLY think about THAT? Would that make taking action a lot easier?

Of course it would!

This is the power of holding a frame. Of not being knocked off balance by reality, other people, or even your inner caveman (or cavewoman).

It IS a skill, which means you MUST practice.

But when you do, you’ll be pretty pleased with yourself.

Get Started:

Frame Control

The Biggest Skill of All

Here’s a quick and easy exercise that will help you maintain a strong frame.

Holding a frame is a skill like any other skill.

However, the way people talk about it, it can sound like there some “technique,” like how do I make a cherry cheesecake.

Once you’ve got the recipe down for a cherry cheesecake, it’s pretty easy.

But something like holding a frame, a skill, takes a lot of practice.

Like hitting a curveball or being able to juggle.

These aren’t impossible things, but you wouldn’t be able to learn them by reading a “how to” guide.

So, how do you practice holding a frame?

Simple. Choose a frame, and hold it!

Just like juggling, or hitting a curveball, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

But unless you are VERY specific and consistent, your “frame” that you are “holding” will be all over the place, which means you won’t exactly be practicing “holding” a frame. You’ll be practicing watching your frame be yanked all over the place!

What is a frame? It’s the meaning of an interaction, or a situation.

So, you can practice by going through similar situations, and HOLDING the same intention.

Like every time you walk into a store, you can set the “meaning” of that situation as you buying what you want.

Sounds simple. Sounds obvious.

But if you’ve EVER walked into a store to buy something, and had your thoughts PULLED AWAY by something you DIDN’T plan, then you lost the frame.

Maybe you saw something you wanted instead.

Maybe you saw a cute guy or girl, and tried to think of something to say.

These are all EXAMPLES of the situation REFRAMING you.

So, how can you PRACTICE holding the frame?

Before you go into the store, choose what your intention is. Buying a sandwich. Buying a case of beer. Whatever.

When you are IN the store, for the entire time, DO NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

Do not look at other stuff. Do not wander around. Do not smile at cute girls.

ONLY keep your mind focused on what you are there for. Get in, buy the thing, and get out.

Let NO OTHER THOUGHTS come into your mind.

This may seem simple. This may seem goofy. This may seem like something that you “already know.”

But when you can hold ANY FRAME YOU CHOOSE, regardless of what other people say or do, or whatever “happens,” you will be able to rule the world.

Who rules the world?

The dude with the strongest frame. Not the smartest guy. Not the richest guy. The guy who can HOLD HIS INTENTION regardless of what happens.

OK, maybe you don’t want to rule the world.

Maybe you just want to make a ton of cash, and build some AWESOME relationships.

The stronger your ability to SET and HOLD any frame, the easier that will be.

Get Started:
Frame Control

Do You Take Magic Pills?

When I was a kid I used to love the Brady Bunch.

There was one episode where they were at some amusement park.

The mom told the two youngest kids they could go off on their own, but not to eat anything.

Otherwise, they would spoil their dinner!

So every opportunity they could, the kids ate. But they didn’t call it “eating.”

We’re not eating, we’re “tasting.”

We’re not eating. We’re just putting the ice cream in our mouths, and it’s going down our throats on its own.

Etc.

The truth is that any kind of meaning we put on anything is INCREDIBLY flexible.

Of course, our brains are hard wired to see danger in many places where it doesn’t exist.

Those that didn’t have this “danger around every corner” gene were removed from society.

Even if they were “wrong” one time out of a hundred, that was enough to end their genetic lineage.

Which is why some things are harder to “reframe” than others.

Like when there’s any question of social safety, your automatic brain response is “better safe than sorry.”

Only we don’t live in a society where getting any kind of social disapproval is dangerous. Sure, in our ancient history maybe, but not any more.

Which is why a lot of NLP “tricks” don’t really last. Imagine you’ve got two circuits in your brain.

One for “fear.” One for “pleasure.”

Sure, you COULD do a Swish Pattern, and practice replacing your “fear” response with “pleasure.” And it might feel cool when you do it.

But unless you drill it into your brain, several times, it won’t stick.

Imagine thinking that all you had to do to lose weight was to do ONE sit up.

Or if you were training for a marathon you only needed to go jogging ONCE.

Or if you wanted to learn how to play Moonlight Sonata, you needed to watch it on YouTube a couple of times.

But for some reason, this is how a lot of people “do” NLP.

Some kind of “once and done” magic fix.

Remember, we’re talking about rewiring ANCIENT brain patterns that’s kept us safe for MILLIONS of years.

Before we were even humans.

It’s going to take a while!

But each time is easy. Five minutes a day. A little journaling. A little daily introspection.

Make this a daily PRACTICE, rather than a magic pill, and you’ll be on the path to greatness.

And since most people are WAY too lazy to do ANYTHING other than take a magic pill, you’ll be WAY ahead of the game.

Get Started:
Frame Control

What Is Your Structure?

I watched an interesting movie a couple nights ago.

About these young adults who broke into this distillery in Scotland.

There was this super famous, super expensive brand of Scotch. They only made one barrel every hundred years or something.

And once a year they would auction off a bottle. It would sell for tons of cash.

So these guys decided they’d sneak it, siphon off a pint, then put back in a pint of regular stuff.

Then they’d sell the pint on the black market.

(I guess in movieland there’s a black market for everything).

But I couldn’t help but wonder, how does the buyer know the stuff is for real?

I mean, if you’re buying gold or cocaine or something, you can do a chemical test.

But super old and super expensive whiskey is pretty subjective, at least to me.

It kind of reminds of a YouTube video where they took this world famous violinist. Some guy people pay hundreds of dollars to see perform.

And they had him play in a subway all day. Nobody recognized him. He only collected a few bucks in his hat.

Same guy, different skills, but vastly different location.

Another guy, a college student, did a similar experiment. He hired a cameraman, a couple of groupies, and some kind of publicist to follow him around in the local mall.

He even invented a fake name.

Pretty soon, people were tweeting all kinds of pictures of him, and his fake name.

And everybody was pretending he really WAS famous.

Then there’s that famous movie, based on a true story, “Catch Me If You Can,” about a guy who pretended to be doctors, pilots, lawyers, and made tons of money.

Bottom line is you “pretend” to be important, people will assume you are.

The flip side is also true. If you “pretend” that you’re worthless, unsure, not confident, that’s EXACTLY how the world will treat you.

The truth about us humans is that are MUCH more dependent on STRUCTURE than we realize.

The structure of language is grammar. The structure of “self confidence” is good posture, slow confident speech, slow, measured movements, steady eye contact etc.

Collectively, the “structure” of any “conversation” is the Frame.

And more often than not, the FRAME is the driving factor. Not your clothes. Not your bank account. Not your accomplishments.

If you can control the frame, pretty much everything you say will be taken VERY seriously.

Learn More:

Frame Control

Slowly Or All At Once?

I was playing golf a long while ago.

I was sitting in the cart, waiting for my friend to t-off.

I looked up, and written on the ceiling of the cart was this:

“This is why your game sucks. You can’t keep your head down!”

I thought that was pretty funny. Because you have to look up to see that writing.

One of the reasons people can’t “keep their head down” in golf is they want to look up before they are done swinging.

For most people, it’s because they are worried about messing up, so they can’t wait to check.

Kind of like in school, after a difficult test, when the teacher hands them back face down.

You turn them over slowly, thinking that maybe if you “sneak up” on your score, it won’t be so bad.

Some people, when they start conversations with new people, are very hesitant.

Even their movements are jerky. If you could imagine the other person’s “frame” and your “frame” it’s like you sort of “bounce off” their frame a few times before entering, because of the fear of what may happen.

Kind of like jumping into a swimming pool. Some people jump right in. Others take their sweet time.

Those that jump right in get acclimated much quicker. Those that take their sweet time take about a minute with every inch they further submerse themselves.

Then there are those that neither jump or go slowly. They walk right in. They don’t make a big splash, but they don’t standing their with their hands out above the water acting like they are walking into a pool of carbonite.

They walk in, get about to waist or chest level, take a deep breath and purposely submerse their body.

They don’t fear the cold, they embrace it.

Imagine walking up to another person like that.

Some people go timidly, back and forth, taking forever to break the ice.

Others do the opposite. They walk up with some extremely blatant “line” that supposedly makes them stand out as super alpha.

Then there are those that just walk up and start talking. Completely open, and relaxed.

Which works the best?

Imagine you’re the person being talked to. Which do you prefer? Some super timid person? Some super aggressive alpha-type that needs to blow all resistance out of the water?

Or somebody that just walks up and starts talking?

And not just “talking” but “communicating.” Back and forth. Interactive. Not passive, and not aggressive.

How would that feel?

Pretty good.

How do YOU be that person?

Here’s How: