Monthly Archives: January 2015

Are You Stuck With A White Elephant?

White Elephant - Get Rid Of Limiting Beliefs

How To Drop Limiting Beliefs

When I was a kid I used to love playing hot potato.

It’s kind of a variation of musical chairs.

You take any object, and pass it around in a circle. If you drop it, you lose and you’re out.

If you’re holding it when the music stops, you’re out.

And just like musical chairs, it keeps going until one person’s left.

When I was younger, I got a particular gift for Xmas that I didn’t particularly want.

So I kept it in it’s box, wrapped it up again, and gave it to somebody else the following year.

People even organize Xmas parties like this. Everybody brings a “white elephant” gift.

Then people choose at random, and can “take away” any particular gift a certain number of times.

Invariably, somebody brings a gift that’s not really a “white elephant.” It’s something good, that people want to keep.

This is what makes the whole game fun. Sometimes you end up with something good, but most of the time you go home with something that you’re embarrassed to be seen with.

(Like a video tape set of “Polka Dancing Classics.”)

In life, we accept a lot of things that we don’t want. But instead of getting rid of them, we keep them.

We don’t want to be rude, or we’re too shy to say, “no thanks,” or some other reason we tell ourselves.

Sometimes we accept things from others that we don’t even realize.

Like most of our limiting beliefs.

Most everybody believes making money is hard. Not because they’ve gone out and done extensive testing, but because adults told them so.

The Jesuits were famous for saying “give me a child and by the time he’s seven, he’ll be a soldier for Christ.”

What this means is that kids will not only believe anything, but they’ll keep those ideas in their heads their entire lives.

Normally, this is OK. This is normal. This helped us survive many, many years ago.

But when ideas are passed on NOT because they are true, but ONLY because they were passed on, then that becomes a problem.

Most of us have plenty of these limiting beliefs. Most people don’t even question them. They just accept them.

Things like, “making money is hard,” or “speaking in public is scary,” or, “If I talk to strangers I’ll get rejected,” or the WORST of all:

“I’m not good enough.”

Like I said, most people don’t even know these exist, let alone know how to blast them away with the powerful light of truth.

How about you?

If you’re ready to not only uncover your limiting beliefs, but blast them to smithereens, check this out:

Easy First Conversation Techniques With Women

Easy Peasy Cherry Squeezy

Easier Than You Think

What’s better, to chase women, or to get women to chase you?

In reality, you need a mix of the two. If you try to get women to do EVERYTHING, you’re going to be lonely.

Go to any club and you’ll plenty of guys hugging the walls waiting for the girls to make a move.

On the other hand, if you are always pushing forward no matter WHAT, she’s going to be put off.

The trick is to first assert yourself, then pull back a little, and make sure she follows.

This can be physical, or conversational, or even attention wise.

But make no mistake, get used to the idea that you’re going to have to make the first approach.

You’re going to have to get the conversation started. You’re going to have to assume the authority position and make it easy for her to talk to. You are going to have to take the initial risks.

Then you pull back, and see if she’s interested enough to follow you.

Nothing dramatic, just small “tests” to see if she’s interested.

Of course, the most basic test is to simply ask for her number.  If she gives it to right away with a smile on her face, you’re doing pretty good.

But as you know, many girls will give our their numbers without really being interested. They aren’t being mean or deceptive, it’s just VERY hard sometimes to say “no.”

So if you’re the type that makes it a point to collect tons of numbers, you realize it’s a “numbers” game.

But you CAN tell whether or not she’s into you or not BEFORE you ask for the number, if you know what to look for.

Does she carry her half of the conversation? Does she offer up “free information” or do you feel like you are pulling teeth?

If you touch her lightly on the forearm, does she pull her arm back in disgust, or does she seem to warm up to you slightly, or even reciprocate within a few moments? Are here eyes wandering around the place while you’re talking to her or is she looking at you most of the time?

These are all fantastic signs that you’re doing well with her. When this happens, don’t draw it out.  She’ll never say, “Let me give you my number so you can ask me out!”

It’s your job to approach, it’s your job to “read the air” and determine if she’s into you, AND it’s your job to get her number and get out before you blow it.

A lot to remember, to be sure.

But one thing that will make it easier if you think of EVERY SINGLE GIRL you talk to ask practice.

Only by her showing significant and continued interest in you does she move from the “practice” to “potential relationship” category in your mind.

Keep this attitude and you’ll go far!

Why You’re NOT Broken

You Are Perfect

You And The World Are Perfect

Once upon a time, you had the world at your fingertips.

Perhaps you can remember now, what it’s like to dream big, and expect the dream to come true.

Big plans, goals, visions.

Of course, they are still there. If you take the time to reawaken them, you will.

They are just as strong now as they ever were.

It’s not that they weakened, or diminished in value. Only they were covered up.

By fears, worries, anxieties. A layer of protection that kept you safe.

Or you thought kept you safe.

Stuff you accepted from others. Stuff you thought you needed, but not any more.

However, you’re still carrying around a bunch of junk. A layer of gunk between the real you, and the world outside.

That’s why it’s hard to express yourself the way you really want.

That’s why it’s hard for others to see the real you, and appreciate your real value.

Most people don’t know this layer of gunk exists.

Some blame the world, some blame themselves.

If they only change the world, things will be better. Or if they only “fix” themselves, things will be better.

Of course, you can’t change the world. The world does what the world does. A huge evolving juggernaut of ever expanding reality that relentlessly moves forward.

You don’t need to change yourself, because you aren’t broken.

And there really is no “you” anyhow. Not that you’re a hallucination or anything. But the “you” is really ALWAYS changing and evolving and growing and learning.

Any definition of “you” is obsolete by the time you even think of the words.

How can you “fix” something that never stands still?

The ONLY thing that needs changing is that layer of gunk between you and the world.

That layer of gunk that was put there by well meaning but misinformed adults.

That layer of gunk you’re still carrying around.

Take in a deep breath, and blast away that junk once and for all.

Let loose your brilliance. Let in the world.

This will help:

Belief Change

The Myth Of The Quality Woman

Are You Chasing A Mythological Woman?

Myth Busting Relationships

What does it mean to find a “quality woman?”

Many guys are moaning all over the place that they don’t exist. Or at least not anymore. And many women feel the same thing about guys.

There’s a couple of things going on here.

One is that it’s very easy, and very simple for people to complain that it’s not like the “good old days.”

This doesn’t take any effort, and it requires no risk or potential failure. It’s just another manifesting of the age old argument that it’s the world’s fault that you can’t get what you want.

This is absolute hogwash. Even if it is true to a degree, this is a horrible mindset to take on. Once you start blaming the world, or your own “unique” situation, or whatever, for your lack, it’s pretty much all over.

Because if it’s somebody else’s fault you can’t get what you want, it’s also somebody else’s responsibility to give you what you want.

Sure, if you’re two years old and still happily crapping your pants, that might be a viable argument.

But as an adult, if you’re waiting for the magic pixie dust fairy to show up and grant your deepest wishes, you’ll be waiting a long, long time.

So idea number one is that if you can’t find what you’re looking for (ideal partner or not) you’re simply not looking hard enough.

Yea, it’s a tough world. Get over it. It’s always been a tough world, it will always be a tough world.

Next idea is the whole “quality woman” (or quality man) myth.

What does this mean? Some guys will say girls that are loyal, that will stand by you, that won’t cheat on you, etc.

But any girl that’s REALLY into you will show these qualities.

Unless she’s got some serious issues, a girl who’s head over heels in love with you is going to be loyal, she’s going to have your back, and she’s not going to cheat on you.

So if you’re meeting girls that don’t seem to fall into this category, guess what?

They simply aren’t feeling you.

Who’s fault is that?

Most likely, it’s nobody’s. No girl is obligated to fall for you. No girl is obligated to feel loyalty to you.

Your job, if you want a loyal girl, is to be the guy she wants to be loyal to.

Don’t sit around moaning about the state of the world.

Improve yourself. Enhance your career. Increase your social skills. Become comfortable being a laid back leader in social situations.

Choose a life for yourself that gets you out of bed every morning. 

Turn your life into a mission.

Do this, and you won’t have any problems with girls, or anything else.

How To Make The Complicated Seem Familiar

Get A Bird's Eye View

Go Meta

One of the great things about humans is we are always trying to simplify things.

Take some kind of complex problem, and figure out how to solve is as easily as possible.

Physicists are always looking for some kind of “grand unifying theory,” one idea can be used to describe everything we see.

Even our conscious-unconscious minds are looking for ways to minimize effort.

This is the whole idea behind “unconscious competence,” when you can do something without much thought.

Like riding a bike (or playing an instrument or tying your shoes)  was once impossible. Then you could do it with a lot of conscious effort. Now you can do it while doing a million other things.

Any skill that we learn pretty much goes through the same process. Talking to girls, making money, learning a programming language, everything.

At first it’s difficult and confusing. Then, if you stick with it, it gets so you can get pretty good at it, while keeping your mind focused.

Then, if you really keep at it, you can do it without much thought. Just think of the things you can do now, that baffled you a while ago.

Of course, how quickly you learn any new skill depends on a lot of things. Your natural abilities in that area, how many people in your social reference group have already mastered it, etc.

Even if other people have done it can help.

For the longest time, nobody could break the 4 minute mile. Once one guy did, everybody started doing it.

Before, they believed it was impossible, then they believed it was possible.

As they believed, so it was. All the guys who broke the four minute mile AFTER the first guy did ONLY did so because their beliefs changed.

This is the ONE ingredient that will make learning ANY skill a lot easier.

One trick is to “go meta.”

Next time you start to learn something, instead of thinking of that “thing,” just think in terms of “learning new things.”

Taking making money for example. If you think of it as “making a ton of money,” it may seem difficult and out of read.

But if you think of it as “learning something new,” it will be a lot easier.

Because no matter who you are, or what you’ve accomplished, you’ve ALREADY learned TONS of complicated stuff.

What’s one more thing?

It’s really just like riding a bike. You get on, start pedaling, and adjust as you go, and “learn” while go.

To make it even easier, take a look at this:

Belief Change

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

She'll Only Follow You If You Lead

Go First And See If She Follows

One of the most crucial things to understand about being a guy is that guys go first.

Now, this of course isn’t always true. If you’re at work, in the military, anywhere professionally, and your not top on the totem pole, you’re going to following orders and following in general. Sometimes men, sometimes women.

But in the world of romance, especially in the early days, you’ve got to go first. With pretty much everything.

Now, this is tough. It’s easy to go overboard. If you walk up to some stranger and tell her you love her, she’ll call the cops.

And if you’re on a first or second date and you open the emotional floodgates, she’ll run away screaming.

So on the one side, you’ve got to go first, just so show her it’s safe. Then you’ve got to wait and let her catch up.

The metaphor of walking down an uncertain trail in the woods is good. You lead, but not by very far. If it’s safe, you walk side by side. When it’s dangerous, you go first, but just enough so she doesn’t get scared. Don’t leave her behind. Always make sure she’s following close behind.

How does this translate into the dating world?

You approach her. You start talking to her. If you want to know something about her that may be uncomfortable, you reveal yours first.

Now, many “gurus” will disagree with this. They’ll say all girls are super defensive and will need to have their “shields” broken through with all kinds of slippery mind games and pick up gambits.

Sure, if you approach a super model who’s getting hit on by millionaire pro athletes all the time, you may indeed need to step up your game.

But if you’re a normal guy, looking to meet a normal girl, you don’t really need too many tricks.

If you see her across the room, and she sees you seeing her, she knows you like her. And if she looks at you a couple of times, (without that look of fear in her eyes) she WANTS you to go and talk to her.

She’s not going to walk to you.

When you walk over, introduce your name first. Say things that are easy for her to respond to. Save the “did you see those two girls fighting outside” opener for the club girls.

Reveal your interests, then ask about hers. If she seems to like talking to you, keep going.

Be honest with her. Tell you enjoyed talking to her, you’ve got to go, but you’d like to continue the conversation later. 

Exchange numbers by getting her to call her phone from your phone.

Then bounce.

Always keep the trail metaphor in mind. You go first, and then wait for her to follow. So long as she follows, you’re good. 

If she doesn’t? 

No big deal. There’s more where she came from.

How To Be One Who Makes Things Happen

Which One Are You?

Three Categories Of Actors

A wise man once said that there are three kinds of people in this world.

Those that make things happen.

Those that watch things happen.

And those who say, “What happened?”

Now, the funny thing is that all of us belong to all three groups at different times. Sometimes we make things happen. Sometimes we watch others make things happen. Other times we are blindsided by reality and have no clue what just happened.

Of course, how we respond in those situations will make all the difference.

You could rage and shake your fists at the gods, or you could make the best of the situation.

However, if you take a closer look at any group of people, you’ll find that certain “types” tend to be the ones that make things happen, certain “types” tend to be the ones that watch things happen, and other “types” are the kind who wander around wondering why they’re always getting crapped on.

One very popular theme in literature since the dawn of time (and a common theme in real life BAM’s like Genghis Kahn) is somebody who gets crapped on early in life, and vows to NEVER have that happen again.

Of course, how they do that will determine if they are remembered as an evil genius or a world class entrepreneur.

The bottom line is no matter how much we convince ourselves otherwise, the world is going to do what the world is going to do.

How we respond will make us or break us.

You could hide in your closet, and curse the gods, or you could get in the mix and get some.

How do you do that?

It all starts with choosing what you want. This is something that you DO have absolute control over.

Next is to make the solid choice that you’ll GET whatever you want no matter WHAT.

You will operate in and on the world, take whatever it gives you, and flip it around somehow so it works in your favor.

Of course, this can be very, very tough for some people.

People who need some kind of step by step paint by numbers procedure will find this VERY discomforting.

In order to really GET SOME (whatever that means to you) you’ve got to be open to taking ANYTHING, that comes your way, and have enough faith in yourself, and your abilities, to flip it around into SOMETHING that will help you.

Kind of like those ultra ninja Aikido black belts who can easily redirect the energy in everything that comes their way.

It starts on the inside. 

If you’re worried you’ll get smothered by the continuous onslaught of reality, you will.

But if you believe you can take ANYTHING and make it YOURS, you will.

Learn how:

Belief Change

The Quest For Mythical Love

Does True Love Really Exist?

It Really DOES Exist!

What is relationship “magic?”

Is it something that ONLY comes in Disney movies, or does it happen in real life?

Now, if you’re a guy, especially a jaded guy, bear with me.

Many guys think women need to be “gamed.” Meaning you need to see them as some secret combination that will only open when you say the right words and phrases in the right order.

Sure, this is an accurate metaphor, if you want to get laid. There are certain things that women (and men) respond to. Learn them well enough, and you can get laid, just like clockwork.

But if you’re after something more, then you’ve got to go beyond “game.”

As you may know, once you get past that initial lust, you may run out of material. Then the relationship will fizzle, and she’ll wonder what happened to that guy you met.

Imagine a girl that looks absolutely gorgeous, only when she wakes up the next morning, her face looks different (because all her makeup and contacts are gone) and her body looks different (because all those constricting undergarments are now removed). Her boobs are smaller (since she’s no longer wearing a push up bra) and you see the real color of her hair.

You’d feel you’d been conned. This is precisely the danger of over relying on “game.”

She’s going to eventually wake up next to a much different guy that she went to bed with.

The REAL YOU is going to show up sooner or later.

But what if you elevated the REAL YOU so that just by acting natural, you’d be much more attractive?

Here’s something else to consider, that may take a bit of brain power for some of you.

If you were to improve your all around personality, social skills and self confidence, something pretty cool will happen.

See, when you rely on game, it can start to feel “mechanical.” Do it enough times, and you start to “expect” her to respond a certain way. Pretty soon it loses its “magic.”

But when you’re acting “natural” you don’t feel like you’re running game. You’re just talking.

AND she’s getting more and more attracted to you.

Seeing a girl get fired up because of YOU is a much different, and much better feeling that seeing a girl get fired up because of “game technology.”

It feels more natural, it feels more organic, and it generally lasts a lot longer.

So, what’s holding you back? Why don’t you ALREADY do this?

Maybe you’ve been told that “being yourself” is a lie, only for beta chumps.

Maybe gurus have been flooding the interwebs with game language for so long they’ve forgotten one thing.

Men and women have been getting together, enjoying each others company, and STAYING together for over a hundred thousand years.

Improve your inner game, your life skills, and the women you want will follow.

Learn More:

How To Get Science On Your Side

Science Can Solve Anything

Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist!

There’s a lot of new-agey type stuff that sounds pretty good, but also can be pretty useless.

I used to love the TV show, “X-Files,” primarily because in almost every episode, there was always both a scientific explanation, and a parapsychology explanation for what had happened.

One guy was chasing UFO’s and was always explaining things in terms of alien conspiracies.

His partner was an M.D. and was always explaining everything in terms of medical science.

Whenever it comes to things like law of attraction, personal achievement, or anything  similar, we MUST hold these ideas to the same standards.

Of course, EVERYTHING must be explained by science. Not necessarily science we can understand, but some kind of repeatable, scientific principles.

If we don’t believe in science, then we’re pretty much at the mercy of the gods of randomness.

And since the laws of physics, chemistry and biology appear to be pretty consistent, relying on randomness might not be a good idea.

On the other hand, sometimes science is so confusing that the best we can do is rely on over simplified metaphors to help us understand the underlying structure.

Unfortunately, if we get the metaphor “wrong” we may end up looking in the wrong place.

Sometimes we get stuck with a metaphor not because we think it will work, but because it sounds good, makes us feel special, and makes it seem like we don’t have to take any risks, or face any potential failure.

But as Dale Carnegie famously said, “The sure thing boat never gets too far from shore.”

This, of course, is a metaphor that describes life. If you insist in any proof or guarantee, you aren’t going to accomplish much.

Another famous “Carnegie-ism” is that “If you want the sweet fruit, you’ve got to go out on a limb.” Meaning if you are safely hugging the trunk of the tree, you won’t be able to reach very far.

Since most people are too terrified to go out on the thin branches, there’s not much within an arms reach of safety.

One of these metaphysical type statements is “When You Believe It, You’ll See It.”

What does this mean?

Now, most people think the opposite. They wait for proof, or a guarantee, and won’t believe anything unless they see it written up in the latest scientific journals.

But humans are very, very good at conning ourselves.

We see things that aren’t there, and we don’t see things that are right in front of us.

Cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias are just a couple of scientific examples that show this is true.

But think of what this means.

All those things you WISH were true CAN be true. All you’ve got to do is believe they are, THEN you will see the evidence.

Allowing YOU to get whatever you want.

Learn How:

Belief Change

How To Sort For Your Dream Girl

You're Number One!

Why Settle For Second Best?

It’s easy to miss the forest for the trees, when it comes to meeting girls and looking for Miss Right.

(Or Miss Right Now if that’s your thing.)

Long time ago I went skydiving. It was the kind that required only about five minutes of instruction before jumping out of the plane.

We had an experienced jumper strapped to our backs, which would kind of hold our hand. We got to pull the chute, but in case we blacked out or puked, he’d be there to make sure we didn’t die.

One thing the guy told me right before we jumped has stuck in my mind, as it’s very useful in many different areas.

“Don’t look at a point on the ground. You’ll fixate on it and miss everything.”

What he meant was that we were only free falling for about a minute. And if we looked way down below, and saw a house or a car or something, we’d tend to stare at it. If that happened, our ride would be over and we would have missed it.

I followed his advice and didn’t look down at all. Just out onto the horizon.

(One of the most amazing experiences of my life.)

When you’re talking to girls (or prospecting as they say in sales) it’s easy to “fixate” on one girl.

There’s a whole world of girls out there, but once you start talking to one, and she seems to like you a bit, it’s very easy to lose the big picture.

Then suddenly she’s turned from a “prospect” into the only game in town. Sink or swim. Win or lose. Live or die.

If this happens, it’s almost guaranteed you WON’T get her, unless she’s TOTALLY into you.

One thing that turns both girls AND guys off is desperation.

Texting too much, calling too much, hanging onto conversations too much.

If she’s got a medium level of attraction, this will kill it in a hurry.

Sure, there’s certain “rules,” like only text three times a week, or only call every other day, or whatever.

But if she’s your ONLY option, these rules are impossible to follow. You’ll drive yourself nuts.

The EASIEST way to make sure you don’t switch in to desperation mode is to ALWAYS BE PROSPECTING.

Meaning you should always be talking to girls, making them laugh, seeing if they’re personalities are as attractive as their faces.

And always dating them if you’re into each other enough.

AND always being open about it.

One criteria that you MUST have is that she should be into you AT LEAST as much as you are into her.

And when you’re going out with several girls, and one of them starts pressuring you for exclusivity, then it’s time to consider her.

But never before that.

This will make you more attractive, and give you much more choice, which will keep you out of the desperation mind set.

These Tools Will  Help: