Monthly Archives: January 2016

Stop Taking Magic Pills

Do You Take Magic Pills?

When I was a kid I used to love the Brady Bunch.

There was one episode where they were at some amusement park.

The mom told the two youngest kids they could go off on their own, but not to eat anything.

Otherwise, they would spoil their dinner!

So every opportunity they could, the kids ate. But they didn’t call it “eating.”

We’re not eating, we’re “tasting.”

We’re not eating. We’re just putting the ice cream in our mouths, and it’s going down our throats on its own.

Etc.

The truth is that any kind of meaning we put on anything is INCREDIBLY flexible.

Of course, our brains are hard wired to see danger in many places where it doesn’t exist.

Those that didn’t have this “danger around every corner” gene were removed from society.

Even if they were “wrong” one time out of a hundred, that was enough to end their genetic lineage.

Which is why some things are harder to “reframe” than others.

Like when there’s any question of social safety, your automatic brain response is “better safe than sorry.”

Only we don’t live in a society where getting any kind of social disapproval is dangerous. Sure, in our ancient history maybe, but not any more.

Which is why a lot of NLP “tricks” don’t really last. Imagine you’ve got two circuits in your brain.

One for “fear.” One for “pleasure.”

Sure, you COULD do a Swish Pattern, and practice replacing your “fear” response with “pleasure.” And it might feel cool when you do it.

But unless you drill it into your brain, several times, it won’t stick.

Imagine thinking that all you had to do to lose weight was to do ONE sit up.

Or if you were training for a marathon you only needed to go jogging ONCE.

Or if you wanted to learn how to play Moonlight Sonata, you needed to watch it on YouTube a couple of times.

But for some reason, this is how a lot of people “do” NLP.

Some kind of “once and done” magic fix.

Remember, we’re talking about rewiring ANCIENT brain patterns that’s kept us safe for MILLIONS of years.

Before we were even humans.

It’s going to take a while!

But each time is easy. Five minutes a day. A little journaling. A little daily introspection.

Make this a daily PRACTICE, rather than a magic pill, and you’ll be on the path to greatness.

And since most people are WAY too lazy to do ANYTHING other than take a magic pill, you’ll be WAY ahead of the game.

Get Started:
Frame Control

Real Or Fake?

What Is Your Structure?

I watched an interesting movie a couple nights ago.

About these young adults who broke into this distillery in Scotland.

There was this super famous, super expensive brand of Scotch. They only made one barrel every hundred years or something.

And once a year they would auction off a bottle. It would sell for tons of cash.

So these guys decided they’d sneak it, siphon off a pint, then put back in a pint of regular stuff.

Then they’d sell the pint on the black market.

(I guess in movieland there’s a black market for everything).

But I couldn’t help but wonder, how does the buyer know the stuff is for real?

I mean, if you’re buying gold or cocaine or something, you can do a chemical test.

But super old and super expensive whiskey is pretty subjective, at least to me.

It kind of reminds of a YouTube video where they took this world famous violinist. Some guy people pay hundreds of dollars to see perform.

And they had him play in a subway all day. Nobody recognized him. He only collected a few bucks in his hat.

Same guy, different skills, but vastly different location.

Another guy, a college student, did a similar experiment. He hired a cameraman, a couple of groupies, and some kind of publicist to follow him around in the local mall.

He even invented a fake name.

Pretty soon, people were tweeting all kinds of pictures of him, and his fake name.

And everybody was pretending he really WAS famous.

Then there’s that famous movie, based on a true story, “Catch Me If You Can,” about a guy who pretended to be doctors, pilots, lawyers, and made tons of money.

Bottom line is you “pretend” to be important, people will assume you are.

The flip side is also true. If you “pretend” that you’re worthless, unsure, not confident, that’s EXACTLY how the world will treat you.

The truth about us humans is that are MUCH more dependent on STRUCTURE than we realize.

The structure of language is grammar. The structure of “self confidence” is good posture, slow confident speech, slow, measured movements, steady eye contact etc.

Collectively, the “structure” of any “conversation” is the Frame.

And more often than not, the FRAME is the driving factor. Not your clothes. Not your bank account. Not your accomplishments.

If you can control the frame, pretty much everything you say will be taken VERY seriously.

Learn More:

Frame Control

Balance This

Are You Balancing Pencils?

When I was in high school I was a pole vaulter.

After our first official track meet, me and the other three pole vaulters realized something pretty cool.

And that was few other high schools in our region had pole vaulters.

Which meant when we’d show up to meets, everybody else would have a tough competition.

Except for us. We’d automatically get first, second and third.

Which meant that during regular practice, we’d goof off.

Not like the coach could motivate us by saying, “C’mon you guys, we’ve got a tough match coming up!”

One of the ways we’d goof off is balance the poles on our chins.

They were too heavy to balance on our noses, we’d use our chins instead.

Instead of practicing our form, or doing upper body strengthening drills, we’d compete to see who could balance the pole on their chin the longest.

Funny thing was (not really funny when you understand the physics) was that balancing a pole on your chin is much easier than balancing a pencil on your nose.

Because the pole is heavy and long, it shifts its weight slowly. So you can move around underneath it, keeping it balanced.

Compared to a pencil, which can fall over a lot more quickly than you can compensate for a shift in balance.

Most everything you’ll do requires balance. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find something that DOESN’T require balance.

Life is one gigantic interaction between people, who are filled with always changing interdependent variables.

Which is why some people do EVERYTHING to avoid participating.

Sitting on the couch watching TV is one way. ZERO balance required. Except if you’re sitting there with a big bowl of chips on your belly, you’ve got to be careful not to tip it over as you shovel that fried saltiness into your face.

But as soon as you step outside, you’re going to need to balance. Walking even.

Something that took you YEARS to learn, you now do without thought.

When you have a conversation, you balance your ideas with their ideas.

When you start an exercise program, you’ve got to balance too much with too little.

When you try something new, you’ve got to balance expectations. Expect easy perfection, or imminent doom, and you’ll be wrong.

Every single person who has created greatness has experienced setbacks. MASSIVE ones.

But it wouldn’t be a worthy path unless you HAD to be bested by obstacle along the way. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

Even the greatest running backs of all time get knocked on the ass more often than not.

Rarely do they break through giant holes and sprint for the endzone.

Why should YOUR life be any different?

Be bold. Expect challenges. Blast through them when you can. Pick yourself up and have another go when you don’t.

Get Started:

Fearless

You Can Do Anything

What Do You Practice?

I was talking to a friend of mine who had to give a big presentation recently.

It was some advanced business to business concept. Some device used in big factories.

He had to give a PowerPoint presentation to about fifty people, all from different countries.

I asked him if he was nervous, and he said no. He’d done it many times before, so he wasn’t nervous.

As the old joke goes, the guy walking down the street asks the stranger, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” To which the stranger replies: “Practice.”

Meaning if you want to become highly skilled in anything, all you’ve got to do is practice.

For a lot of people, this is horrible news. They’d like to take some magic pill, or have the information drilled into their brain Matrix-like (or like on the TV show “Chuck”) and then suddenly be excellent.

Part of the reason is that people that are really good at something have practice so much, they’ve reached the final stage of learning:

Unconscious Competence.

They’re so good they don’t have to think about what they’re doing. They make it look easy. So much that we start to think that it’s not fair. After all, that guy or girl up on stage is just having fun, yet making millions of dollars.

But what we DON’T see is the tens of thousands of hours they’ve practiced again and again. Many times at the expense of a normal social life.

On the other hand, there are people who LOVE the idea of “practice makes perfect.”

This means ANYBODY can do ANY THING. So long as they put in enough practice, and give themselves enough time.

But alas, most of us are incredibly lazy. That guy on the late night TV commercial says we can get rich with no experience and no money down.

That one gizmo that slides under your bed can give you a six pack in only three minutes a day.

The secret of success is that there IS no secret.

Sure, some people are born lucky. But most of us aren’t.

The REAL secret is that if you simply practice something long enough, you’ll be excellent at it.

Excellent enough to make tons of cash, create magnificent relationships, and get whatever you want.

This goes with real skills, like becoming a master chef or a virtuoso violinist.

It also goes with mental skills. Like developing positive beliefs and demolishing false fears.

Practice the right mental exercises, and you’ll be fearless in no time.

Combine this with some real world practice, and the world is yours.

Get Started:

Fearless

Too Much Junk in Your Brain?

How Much Junk Do You Have?

My dad was a packrat.

Whenever he would buy something, he would keep the box.

“Just in case.”

When I was a kid, we had no problem finding a box for any purpose.

If you’ve ever moved from one house to another, you may have been faced with the difficult question.

“Should I keep this or trash it?”

Especially if you are the one boxing everything up, putting it in the truck (or your friends’ cars) and then unloading it.

You look at it and think, “Wow, I’ve had this for years, but I forgot it. Do I really need to keep it?”

Of course, you still think that you might one day “need” that stuff.

A good rule of thumb is that if you haven’t used it in the past year, you can safely trash it.

Some even say you should do this once a year, even if you’re not moving. It can really give you a “fresh” feeling, even though you haven’t really done anything except throw a bunch of stuff in the garbage.

But even this is hard. You might have a favorite shirt, one you haven’t worn in YEARS.

But when you think about throwing it out, you might start to feel sad. Melancholy for the “good ‘ol days.”

Sure, there are extremes. There are people who shun ALL material possessions. They wander the earth in search of truth.

Then there are those people to keep EVERYTHING. They even make TV shows about them. How their entire houses are filled with all kinds of junk they don’t even know they have.

Human emotions are kind of like that. Our deep instincts.

They were formed when life was dangerous. When we had to chase our food, and other critters were chasing us because WE were food.

But it’s not like that any more.

Many of those fears and trepidations are like that old shirt you haven’t worn in a decade.

It might a bit painful to throw it in the trash, but once you do, you’ll feel a sense of lightness that will make EVERYTHING seem new.

And since you’ve got a whole CLOSETFULL of those old fears in your brain that you simply DO NOT NEED anymore, you can start throwing them out one by one.

And slowly replace them with better feelings and attitudes and beliefs. Just like you can replace that old disco shirt for one that’s much more stylish, and will get you much better attention.

Get Started:

Fearless

Do You Keep Falling Down?

Do You Keep Falling Over?

I was watching a friend of mine with her kid the other day.

They were having a conversation. Sort of.

My friend was talking, but the kid was only sort of talking.

Half sounds, half words. It was clear the mom didn’t really understand the words themselves, but she just kind of rolled with it.

Now, I don’t remember being that young, but I doubt the kid was too worried about making any mistakes.

If you’ve ever seen kids running on the grass, and they trip over their feet, most of the time they think it’s pretty funny.

Once I had this mountain bike. I rode it quite often, on the street, and decided to get those special pedals with special shoes so they can clip in.

First ride was going fine until I forgot I’d switched my pedals. It seems that getting out of them requires some practice.

I rode up to the top of this hill, during heavy traffic, to a big intersection. The light was red, and I coasted to a stop.

Only as I started to fall over did I realize my feet were stuck in the pedals.

And right next to me, was a car filled with cute girls.

Boy oh boy was that embarrassing!

On the other hand, it was valuable feedback. I spent the next ten minutes or so practicing how to get in and out of those pedals, in a parking lot without many cars.

I could have just as easily gone home and never ridden again.

This is the difference between how we “label” events that happen to us.

They can be valuable feedback, which can help us. (I ended up riding about 200 miles a week for a year or so after that.)

Or we can give up, thinking that “event” MEANS “failure.”

But nothing really means anything.

Sure, we have some instinctive, “go-to” meanings.

But if we depended on our instincts ALL THE TIME, we’d weigh a million pounds and we’d start bashing people in the head with rocks whenever we got into an argument.

How we label events plays a large part in how “scary” the events are, either as they happen, or as we imagine them BEFORE they happen.

If we imagine them the wrong way, we’ll IMAGINE something we call “fear” and that will keep us stuck.

But with some practice, you can learn how to imagine future events differently. So they’ll seem less scary.

You’ll be more likely to take action, which means you’ll get more good stuff.

Get Started:

Fearless

Secret Social Proof

Has Your Data Been Rigged?

There’s a collection of language patterns called “sleight of mouth” that can pretty much destroy any argument.

Most people are kind of shocked to believe that almost ALL of what we “believe” is true really isn’t.

It’s really only one way of looking at things.

Bottom line is humans a pretty simple creatures. Our minds are hard wired to be very quick, or not very accurate.

One of the many ways this shows up in how we “link” two things out in “reality.”

And unless that linkage is based on exhaustive scientific studies with rigorous double blind testing (something that’s almost NEVER done, btw) we really don’t know for sure.

Since most “studies” are VERY EXPENSIVE, they need to be paid for. And then tend to come out to “verify” whatever the money source wanted to verify.

Anyhow, back to those language patterns. One of them is called the “Model of the World” pattern.

Somebody tells you a limiting belief. Instead of disagreeing with them, or flat out telling them they are wrong (which most people do and only makes them dig in more) you can say, “Hmm, that’s an interesting way of looking at things.”

Then you can conversationally bring up other “interesting ways of looking at things” and let your friend or conversation partner, ON THEIR OWN, realize that there really are MANY models of the world.

However, as humans, this is pretty tough to do on your own.

If you’ve ever seen those goofy hypnotist shows where they convince people there are tiny people in their watch, or the number three has vanished, it’s clear that we are VERY GOOD at ignoring stuff we don’t want to see.

So often times our “models of the world” are really only to protect our egos, or keep us “safe” even though there’s really no danger.

Most people are ruled by fear, but at the same time won’t ever admit they feel ANY fear.

Simply admitting that irrational fear is standing between where you are and what you want makes you feel like you’re destroying your own ego.

When was the last time you heard a friend say, “Well, I’d like to do that but I’m afraid, so I won’t.”

Rarely, if ever.

They usually have some kind of logical sounding reason. Something that makes perfect sense. And keeps them safely in their protective comfort zone.

Of course, you know that the ONLY WAY to get the good stuff in life is to get outside your comfort zone.

And the EASIEST way to do that is to simply admit to yourself that you’re afraid. And then proceed to dismantle that fear, piece by piece.

Get Started:

Fearless

Don't Steal Cable

What Are You Waiting For?

There’s a pretty funny set of commercials for cable TV.

It’s a string of nonsensical “if then” statements, that end up giving you a crazy reason to buy cable.

Or maybe it’s to get rid of cable and get satellite, or something.

Like if you can’t afford cable, you’ll steal from your neighbor. If you steal from you’re neighbor you’ll end up in prison. If you end up in prison you’ll become a gang leader. If you become a gang leader, you’ll eventually overthrow the government.

So don’t overthrow the government, buy satellite TV instead!

One of the persuasive patters in the Milton Model is the “if then” statement.

Especially if it’s combined or stated as a “time” statement.

When you see how easy it is to learn hypnosis, you’ll earn a lot more money.

You like money? Right? (If you agree that you like money, you’ll also sort of agree that you can learn hypnosis).

After you realize how fun it is to dance in public, you’ll become a sex symbol. That would be fun, wouldn’t it!

The idea is to take something people don’t usually want to do (dance in public, learn hypnosis, etc) and connect in a time based “if then” statement, to something that they WANT to do.

Of course, this can work backwards. Especially when we do it to ourselves.

After all, the greatest hypnotist in the world is YOU. Because YOU are keeping YOU hypnotized all of the time.

When we say things like, “I’ll start dating after I lose weight.” We’re really TERRIFIED of dating, so we “pretend” that “as soon as” we lose weight (something we won’t likely do), we’ll start dating. This keeps us safe, and gives a logical sounding reason for our safety.

I’ll start my business as soon as I learn accounting. I’ll go back to school as soon as I finish this project at work. I’ll start X (something we’re terrified of doing) as soon as Y (something that’s conveniently just a little bit out in the future).

Seriously, I’m REALLY going to Y as soon as I do Z!

Most people kid themselves like this their entire lives.

The secret is that what we fear, is just in our heads. There’s really nothing to be afraid of. It’s about as logical as those goofy commercials.

Learn The Truth:

Fearless

Face Your Fears

The High Price of Fear

Long time ago I went to Toastmasters regularly.

No matter who you are, what you want out of life, or where you’re going, becoming comfortable speaking in front of others is a very, very powerful way to clear out a lot of cobwebs in your brain.

I saw this movie called “Dodgeball,” which was a pretty goofy comedy about a dodgeball tournament. As it was based on a standarch archetype, you had this team of misfits who had to work together to become champions to beat the evil owner of the gym across the street.

So they hired an old “dodgeball” guru, who would teach them the ancient secrets of the game.

They showed up, and he started throwing wrenches at them. Big, heavy, metal wrenches.

His theory was that “if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”

Public speaking is the same way. If you can get up and talk in front of others, it will give you the self confidence to do a LOT other stuff.

Anyhow, this one night I was giving a speech on fear. Now, when you give a speech, they say it’s a good idea to start off with a bang. One it will get the audience’s attention. Two it will blast away all trepidation from your brain.

So that’s what I did. I calmly walked up to the podium, looked down at my notes, looked up like I was preparing to make an opening statement, but then I screamed my lungs out.

It was pretty fricking funny!

In economics they have this saying, “the cure for high prices is high prices. The cure for low prices is low prices.”

Meaning if something is really expensive, a lot of people that can make that “something” will figure they can make some easy cash, so more people make it, and it gets cheaper, since there’s more of it.

If prices are super low, more people buy it, which drives up demand, which drives up prices.

You can say the solution to fear is the fear itself.

If you spend your life running away from what you fear, it will always be right around the corner.

But if you walk smack dab into the middle of what you fear, it will vanish.

Poof!

When I gave that speech, I was REALLY nervous before, but as soon as I let loose that howl, it was pretty fun. Everybody was laughing, including me.

Take that, fear!

Of course, if you want to walk across the room to talk to somebody, or ask your boss for a raise, screaming your lungs out might not be a good idea.

But there ARE plenty of tricks to outwit fear and get rid of that imaginary monster for good.

Learn How:

Fearless

Magic Cats

Magic Cats

I saw an article in the news the other day about Diet Coke.

Somebody in Europe did a study and they found a “link” between people who drank diet coke (or other drinks sweetened with fake sugar) and those who had heart attacks.

The way it was presented though, made it sound like if you took a sip of diet coke you were immediately going to drop dead from a heart attack.

The thing about us humans is that there is usually TONS of variables going on at once.

And from a scientific standpoint, PROVING that A causes B is very, very difficult.

In fact, it’s nearly impossible.

So why are we so likely to believe one thing CAUSES something else when they are merely “linked”?

Some evolutionary psychologists believe it was a shortcut in thinking. Like most of our “triggers,” seeing all sorts of “cause-effect” relationships where none exist simply made it easier on the brain.

Now, this type of thinking didn’t do much damage back in the days when life was simple.

But now there is SO MUCH data flying every which way you can “link” some pretty interesting things.

Like certain marketing studies have found that “cat people” tend to like a certain brand of salsa.

Why?

Who knows.

But it certainly doesn’t mean if you EAT that particular salsa a bunch of cats would magically appear.

That would be just silly.

But strangely enough, a lot of us live our lives according to such silly notions.

That girl didn’t smile back at me MEANS that I suck.

The teacher didn’t call on me when I raised my hand MEANS I’m an idiot.

My first attempt didn’t make any money MEANS I’m destined to be homeless.

The truth is that reality is much, much more open to interpretation then we believe.

Which means (lol) that if you only take action consistently, and are open to all the feedback you get, you’ll get a lot more than most people.

Who are PARALYZED by the fear that all of those imaginary “cause-effect” relationships create in their brains.

She didn’t laugh at your joke doesn’t MEAN that she doesn’t like you. It could mean that she’s nervous. It could mean that she didn’t get it. It could mean that she didn’t hear you. It could mean a lot of things.

Unfortunately, one aspect of our brains is that we often and AUTOMATICALLY choose the WORST possible meaning.

Why?

Because those that did so in our ancient history were the most likely to survive.

Luckily, most things you are “afraid” of aren’t going to kill you.

Not even close.

So long as you LEAVE the meaning to anything open to interpretation, and RE-interpretation later, it can mean anything.

Which means you can do anything, get anything, be anything.

Get Started:

Fearless