Monthly Archives: March 2016

She Knows The Secret

How To Become Irresistibly Attractive

I was at this seminar a long time ago where we did this weird exercise.

The instructor had us look around the room, and choose two people, based only on first impressions BEFORE we had a conversation with anybody.

We did it twice.

Once to choose two people we would want to have our backs.

A second time to choose two people we didn’t want ANYTHING to do with.

Both times, we were to raise our hands when we were finished.

It was a VERY difficult exercise!

Most people had no problems choosing people they wanted to have their backs.

And at the same time, it felt good thinking that maybe somebody else was choosing us.

The second time around was much harder. Most people couldn’t do it.

The reason was to elevate to conscious thinking what we do subconsciously, all the time.

A LOT of that isn’t stuff we like to think about. So we pretend it doesn’t exist.

But it’s there. It’s human nature. It’s a survival instinct.

You can either ignore it, and hope it isn’t important.

Or accept it. And work it in your advantage.

How?

One is to be as congruent as possible.

One thing that spends out a “weird” or “creepy” vibe is if you are incongruent.

Like if somebody is sitting next to you on the train, and they are sort of trying to start a conversation with you, but they’re super nervous. Part of them wants to, part of them doesn’t. They are incongruent.

If YOU are the one that’s incongruent, THAT’S the vibe you’re sending out.

But if you understand this, you can fix it. Become more congruent.

What happens when you become more congruent?

You’ll become naturally attractive. Charismatic. Magnetic.

Know which “class” of people are SUPER congruent? That don’t have any lying in them? That aren’t half in and half out?

KIDS!

That’s why they are so frikking adorable. When they’re happy, they let everybody know.

When they’re sad or angry, they don’t hide it.

They sit right there in the middle of a busy mall on a Saturday afternoon and ball their eyes out!

They don’t care who sees them!

Same when they’re happy. And you KNOW when you see a happy kid running around, few things are cuter.

Once upon a time, YOU were that kid.

YOU were that ultra charismatic person.

Imagine if you could be THAT charismatic, but as an adult!

What could you do?

Who would you talk to?

What kind of life would you lead?

You can. All of that.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

How To Be Open

How To Turn Everybody On

I just read this interesting piece of “news” about some famous psychologist.

I put “news” in quotes because it’s one of those self-evident things we all know anyway, but because it’s in some new book by a famous person the news goofs act like its a new discovery.

Anyhow, the shocking news is that when people meet us, there are two things they sort for within the first couple seconds.

One is whether or not they can trust us, and another is whether or not they can respect us.

Meaning we can’t be shifty, and we can’t walk around drooling on ourselves.

I know, shocking insight, right?

But here’s the thing. Just knowing what to do isn’t enough. It’s not even “half the battle” as G.I. Joe famously said.

For example if you were struggling with your weight, and some goof told you to, “eat less,” that really wouldn’t help.

Since every person that struggles with their weight REALLY struggles with how to manage hunger.

If all we had to do was to just “eat less” as if were as easy as wearing purple, we’d all be skinny.

The problem comes in HOW to do those “simple” things.

Like just HOW do you project the INSTANT idea that people can trust you?

Wear a T-Shirt that says, “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you!”

That probably wouldn’t help.

One way would be to be emotionally open. People who are SCARED often put up a protective vibe. This unfortunately comes across as you not trusting others.

And if YOU don’t trust OTHERS, how the heck are they supposed to trust you?

This is one of those catch-22’s. You don’t to become vulnerable unless THEY prove to YOU that you can trust them.

But THEY won’t trust YOU unless you are vulnerable. Since they don’t know you.

It’s like we’ve all got the same plan. Which is to wait for the OTHER PERSON to let their guard down FIRST.

How can you avoid this never ending trap?

Go to the source.

That time, way back in your history, when you trusted EVERYBODY.

Only after a while did you LEARN that sometimes it was difficult and even SCARY to openly express yourself.

Parents, school, other adults that don’t want to be bothered with a little kid.

They didn’t mean it, but they sure did a number on you!

It happened to ALL OF US.

You were once a super out-spoken, emotionally open, pure expression MACHINE.

Until somebody turned you off.

Sure it was an accident. But it still happened.

Luckily, YOU have access to the switch.

And when you turn yourself back ON, you’ll also be turning everybody else ON.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

You Don't Need Permission For Anything

Why Most People Will Never Self Actualize

When I was in high school I liked the band, “The Sex Pistols.”

They did a cover of the Who song, “Substitute.”

But apparently they didn’t bother getting the proper approvals from the proper authorities.

Right before the song starts, you can hear Johnny Rotten say, “You don’t need permission for anything!”

As an anti-authority, non-conformist high school student, that statement has always stayed with me.

Of course, few people can always act without “permission.”

Because when we get permission from somebody, especially a recognized authority figure, it kind of takes away the risk.

If something goes wrong, it’s not really our fault.

“But they said it was OK!” We innocently cry.

Even if it’s trying to something on your own, people still need as if they need “permission.”

Many people are hesitant about trying something new unless they see many others go first.

This is part of our DNA. It kept us safe when the world was much more dangerous.

When we actually might get KILLED if we strike out on our own.

But the measure of an ENLIGHTENED human, as compared to a instinctive one, is the ability to manage our instincts.

Our instincts that tell us to eat everything in sight, even when we aren’t hungry.

Our instincts that tell us it’s safer to move with the crowd.

Our instincts that tell us it’s not OK to call attention to ourselves.

If you are going to achieve fulfillment, if you are going to become self-actualized, you have to leave those helpful and comforting instincts behind.

One way to do that is to CHOOSE the meanings you give to events.

Instead of relying on your natural instincts to give the meanings, or the “general public” to help you give them meaning, you’ll have to come up with the meaning on your own.

A meaning that best helps YOU to achieve your life goals.

Not just the meanings that happen to you on a daily basis, but the meanings you gave to events that happened YEARS ago.

When you were still a child.

Because it is the MEANING you give to those events, rather than the events themselves, that gives you the emotions you have today.

It is YOUR JOB, your responsibility, to find those events, and RE-DEFINE them.

This isn’t easy, and it is sometimes unpleasant.

But it is necessary to live a self-actualized life.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Rear Window Theory

How To Obliterate Inhibitions

I used to watch a lot of “The Simpsons.”

There was one episode where Bart had a broken leg. He was stuck in his bedroom.

It was a riff on “Rear Window” by Hitchcock.

One scene, he had to race downstairs to save somebody from being murdered. But he had a cast.

So he had to limp. And every step he took, his cast got caught up on something.

Trash can. Electrical cord. Cat.

So each time he went slower and slower.

Most people are like that.

When you’re young, you’re a fearless genius with nothing but potential.

But as you move through life, you pick up all kinds of junk.

Most of them in them in the form of beliefs that just aren’t true.

Despite KNOWING they aren’t true, they still hold us back.

Sure, you KNOW there’s nothing rational to be worried about when you think about starting a conversation with strangers.

(Or asking somebody out or speaking more spontaneously or expressing your insight).

But it just “feels” like something is holding you back.

Or like there’s some kind of thick invisible sludge between where you are and where you want to be.

This is how beliefs work.

They make it HARD to take action, even though the action itself is simple.

Somewhere in your brain there’s an electrical signal KEEPING YOU from doing what you want.

Because a long time ago, you “learned” that it was dangerous.

However, in reality, it was only THAT SITUATION that was dangerous.

And it wasn’t dangerous, it was only perceived as dangerous.

By your young and inexperienced mind.

Because your brain is a super-genius generalizer, your young brain came to the decision that not only was that ORIGINAL situation dangerous, but ALL SIMILAR situations are dangerous as well.

Kind of like when you learn to drive one car, you can pretty much drive all cars.

But here’s the good news.

All you’ve got to do is go back in time, (mentally) and RE-WRITE that original event.

Just change how you perceived it.

That will have a cascading effect on ALL SIMILAR EVENTS.

So doing that “thing” will suddenly become easy and natural.

Whatever you want will become easy and natural.

Making money, talking to attractive people, expressing yourself with confidence and charisma.

Since all those beliefs exist only in your head, YOU are the one most capable of doing that.

There are many ways to do that.

Mental visualization drills, journaling exercises, hypnosis sessions.

All designed to go back into your past, and REMOVE your inhibitions at the root.

Giving YOU the freedom to live your life the way you want.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

How To Communicate Clearly

Are You A Secret Agent Dog Catcher?

I took this acting class once.

I heard it was a good idea for a lot of reasons.

Kind of like going to Toastmasters.

You build self-confidence, develop communication skills, and meet some pretty interesting people.

We did a lot of goofy exercises. A lot more than I’d anticipated.

One was where we each had this slip of paper with a made up profession.

Not normal ones, but out of the ordinary ones.

Dog catcher, coffee taster, toy tester, etc.

Anyway, we had to walk around pretending we were at a cocktail party.

We had to talk about our jobs, but only without saying anything that would give a clue of we do.

The purpose was to convey meaning without giving any specifics. Kind of how like actors are supposed to convey complex emotions while saying simple sentences.

It was fun, but it was also frustrating.

Like you wanted to say, “I drive around all day and catch people’s pets,” but you weren’t allowed.

It was much more difficult than most people realized.

Unfortunately, a lot of us live our lives like that.

There’s certain things we want to say, we need to say, but we just can’t say them.

We hope somebody “guesses” what we really mean.

What’s worse, when they don’t correctly “guess” what we mean, we get angry.

As if they are supposed to be psychic or something.

Of course, this has a lot to do with the difficult and LONG process of transforming from childhood thinking to adult thinking.

Children are just given what they need.

Adults have to verbalize what they need, often times more than once, and often times to a lot of people.

This can be tough. Especially when your “inner child” is expecting to be handed stuff “just because.”

If life were only as simple as walking up the counter and telling the staff what kind of sandwich you want!

Luckily, it can be.

You can learn to speak more effectively, more confidently, and more assertively.

You don’t need to overcompensate with aggression or overwhelming dominance.

And one of the amazing things you’ll realize is that no matter WHAT you want, when you just casually express it like it’s no big deal, everybody else will think it’s no big deal as well.

This requires you do some digging.

Into your emotions. To find out WHY some things are difficult to express.

This necessarily involves going back into your personal history and viewing things a little differently.

When you view those childhood incidents with your adult mind, it’s a lot easier to leave childhood thinking behind for good.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

How To Obliterate Fear

Mental Time Travel Exercise

When I was a kid, way back in first grade, we had this swing set at school.

On the back side, there was this fence.

On the front side, was the regular playground stuff.

Me and my friend would dare each other to see if we could face the other direction, and then jump over the fence.

We’d try to imagine the height and distance on the front side, and do many “practice” jumps.

But we could never build up the courage of the REAL jump.

After all, if we landed on top, we might DIE!

Years later, I went back, and was astonished.

That fence, which seemed to be this MONSTROUS obstacle, was pretty tiny.

I mean as an adult, I could easily climb over it. Almost vault over it.

One thing that cops are aware of is how incredibly fault our memories are.

If there’s a crime, and ALL the evidence they have is eyewitness testimony, they won’t even bother.

All kinds of experiments show that even moments after an event happens, different people have different ideas of what “really” happened.

Think about all the “horrible” things that happened to you when you were a kid.

Did they REALLY happen that way?

It sure feels good to think that. Because being a “victim” releases you from any responsibility.

Blaming your parents, blaming your teachers, blaming your upbringing are all common “reasons” why we can’t succeed as adults.

But look around at some of the most successful people.

Horrible childhoods. Sure, some were lucky, but that’s generally the exception, not the rule.

While it is easy, comforting and common to blame your “poor childhood,” it’s not useful.

It won’t make it easy to get rich. It won’t make it easy to develop a fulfilling career. It won’t make it easy to create fantastic relationships.

But how can you “release” the past?

One way is to go back, mentally, and review those situations.

See those events from a different perspective.

When they happened, you were just a kid. You had no experience. You had no idea how to respond.

In fact, BECAUSE you were a kid, you were dependent.

Helpless even.

But you’re not any more. And you can take a journey back in time, and REWRITE that history.

Because it really ONLY exists in your mind. And if you learn how to rewrite your own history, based on your adult perspective, those early events won’t bother you as much.

Sure, you’ll still remember those events as happening.

You’ll just be able to label them with different meanings.

Meanings that make it easier for you to succeed today.

How do you do this?

This Is How:

Emotional Freedom

Robot Love

How To Master Your Emotions

I’m a big fan of science fiction shows.

Especially well-written, futuristic ones.

There’s usually a character that is some kind of android, or advanced human, or Vulcan-like person.

Pure logic, zero emotions.

This sets up plenty of interesting scenes where some human is explaining emotions to the robot.

It’s like we admire those who are free from emotions, but at the same time we enjoy seeing somebody explain human emotions.

To be sure, they are the BEST and the WORST part about being human.

When you’re hitting on all cylinders, and you feel like the whole world has your back, nothing feels better.

On the other hand, when nothing works and everybody looks at you like you’ve just crawled out of a dumpster, nothing feels worse.

From a society perspective, our emotions are “glue” that keep us operating smoothly.

Guilt, fear, pleasure, desire. They ostensibly push us towards things that are good for us, and push us away from things that are bad for us.

It doesn’t help that the our emotions were created for a world FAR simpler than the one we’re living in.

This gives rise to situations that on the surface look fine, but underneath we feel like we are on an emotional roller coaster.

Most people know intellectually what to do to get ahead, for example. It’s the DOING that’s difficult.

Sure, if you talk to enough people, you’ll find the ideal business partner, or girlfriend or boyfriend.

It’s the TALKING that’s the tough part.

So we respond by telling ourselves all kinds of stories to make us feel better.

Usually on a subconscious level, so we aren’t really aware of what’s happening.

Then we’re no longer interacting with the REAL word, but one that’s partially based on our on interpretation.

But like anything else, being able to handle your emotions is a SKILL.

The more you practice, the better you’ll get.

Luckily, there are a LOT of ways to do this.

One is to just simply DO IT enough and desensitize yourself.

This takes massive courage, commitment, and time.

Luckily, there are TONS of mental exercises that can help.

Not only to build up your emotions BEFORE going into sketchy situations, but to help you respond much more resourcefully to unknown events.

There’s nothing worse than walking down the street, in a good mood, and then BAM!

Something happens and everything’s suddenly crap.

You can learn to BULLET PROOF yourself from those situations, no matter WHAT they are.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Don't Tell Anybody

The Netflix Illuminati Secret

I read an interesting article that illustrated all the hidden categories on Netflix.

Meaning they have WAY more categories than they list.

Probably because there would just be too many to choose from, and too few people would use them.

One thing that’s been shown time and time again it that if we have too many choices, we get brain freeze.

In one marketing study a pasta sauce company sold MORE total jars of sauce when they only had three to choose from.

When they introduce two more, bringing the total up to five, people bought less.

They stood there, looking at five, and couldn’t choose, so they bought something else.

So it’s easy to understand why Netflix has those codes not out in the open.

Not that they’re trying to “hide” them, just that they figure they’d do more harm than good.

If you’re a fan of In-n-Out, you know they also have a “hidden” menu. Burgers you have to “know” about to be able to order them.

But when you do, it’s not like it’s a secret. The guy taking your order doesn’t wink at you like you’re some secret member of some secret club.

But for some reason, a lot of people LIKE the idea of these secret ideas, secret societies, secret string pullers that are PURPOSELY kept from us.

One reason is that if we KNOW about them, it makes us feel like insiders. Like we know stuff other people don’t.

And whether you admit it or not, it feels pretty good to have some “inside scoop” on how the world works.

This is one the POWERFUL reasons people gossip so much.

It feels GOOD, on a very deep level, to share “secret” information.

It’s like a demonstration of superior social insight or something.

But there’s another very INSIDIOUS reason we like believing in hidden societies and wizards behind curtains.

It gives us a ready EXCUSE for living up to our potential.

See, I WOULD be a kajillionare with a bunch of hot supermodel girlfriends, but the Illuminati is secretly keeping me down.

I’ll NEVER get rich because the system is RIGGED against me! So even if I tried, “they” would keep me down.

So why bother trying!

Well, maybe there ARE secret organizations, maybe there AREN’T. But it doesn’t really matter.

Because nobody cares about YOU more than YOU.

Nobody is more invested in your success than YOU.

Blaming secret societies is the flip side of “waiting” for some “authority” to “give you a chance.”

“THEY” (whoever they are lol) will ONLY “give” you a chance if it helps THEM.

If YOU want to succeed, (in anything), YOU need to figure out what to do.

Then get busy doing it.

These will help:

Subliminal Programming

Are You An Island Savage?

How To Program Your Subconscious

I saw this pretty lame movie the other night.

About this soccer team that crash landed on an island.

And then descended into “Lord of the Flies” style anarchy.

It was rated less than 5 out of 10.

But it started out with the coach giving the team a warm up pep talk.

It was supposed to be a “foreshadowing” event.

He was saying that humans were designed to be hunters and killers.

That is our true nature.

Of course, he was trying to get them fired up to play their soccer game, not go crazy when they crash landed on the island.

But there IS that dichotomy.

We are at odds with our primal instincts quite a lot.

We eat more than we should. We are afraid of things we shouldn’t be. Many people are unfaithful in their relationships.

We have these super egos that are easy to wound.

All because of our instincts.

You might say that the measure of how “Human” you are, or how “enlightened” you are is how well you not ignore your instincts (since that’s pretty impossible) but how you MANAGE them.

No matter what you do, you’re going to get hungry if you stop eating.

How you manage that hunger will be the difference between a six pack or a spare tire.

You can CHOOSE to eat something healthy, that will satisfy that primitive craving, or you can CHOOSE to eat a couple bags of potato chips.

Naturally, some people are in situations where it’s easier to choose “enlightened” choices.

That won’t change. It’s always been that way. It will always BE that way.

Your job, as a human intending to achieve actualization, is to be able to let your conscious mind work more harmoniously with your unconscious.

Because if your conscious mind is trying to do something, but your unconscious is trying to do something else, guess who’s going to win?

The idea is to MANAGE your subconscious. Be FRIENDS with it. Don’t get angry when your conscious mind is frustrated.

Think of your unconscious as a VERY POWERFUL friend.

If you try to keep them on a leash, THEY will be the ones leading you around.

But when you take the time to TALK TO THEM, in a language they understand, THEY will pull you to where YOU want to go, rather than your inner caveman.

What language do they understand?

Pictures. Images. Feelings.

Create a vivid picture of what you want. Focus on it with intensity and strong emotional power.

Think of that process as programming your ship’s computer with the coordinates to your next destination.

Once you’ve got them programmed it, you just need to put it on auto pilot.

However, many people make the mistake that programming your subconscious happens quickly. Like it’s some kind of Alladin’s Lamp, and all you need to do is mumble a few wishes, and you’re good.

It takes time. It takes dedication. It takes effort. Mental effort.

But it is well worth it.

These will help:

Subliminal Programming

Crush Your Inner Demons

Crush Your Demons

What is it about some movies that make you want to watch them over and over, yet other movies you only want to see once?

I’ve seen plenty of movies, and I’ve enjoyed plenty of movies.

But some movies, even though I’d rate them pretty high, I already know I don’t want to see them again.

But other movies, I enjoy watching them every couple years or so.

Same with books. There’s a few books I’ve read several times.

What’s the difference?

For me, at least, some stories are heavy on dramatic suspense. The story and characters draw you in, and you want to see what’s going to happen.

But once you know what’s going to happen, the enjoyment wears off on subsequent viewings.

Other movies don’t have that effect. Even though you KNOW what’s going to happen, you enjoy it anyway.

I think part of it has to do with the old Greek theory of “Catharsis.”

Meaning you get emotionally involved in the character, and vicariously solve your OWN emotions as the hero solves his or her problems.

Action packed movies don’t tend to have that.

But stories with strong character arcs do.

Because all us humans are continuously on our own character arc, we tend to “resonate” with those stories more.

We love to see the hero overcome their own inner demons, because as we watch them, we do so ourselves, if only a little bit.

This was the genius behind Milton Erickson.

He told stories, rather than simply talking about people about their problems.

He would match a story PERFECTLY with the person he was talking to.

And by following along, they would overcome their own problems.

That’s one way.

Which is great if you have access to a world famous hypnotist who solves people’s problems in one or two sessions.

But there is another way.

And that is to create your OWN hero’s journey in your mind.

Rehearse and practice mentally, overcoming those demons, and getting the prize.

Most people don’t like doing this.

They’d rather self-medicate themselves with hours and hours of brainless TV.

Not that there’s not good stuff on TV.

But when you make and watch YOUR OWN mental moves, they are necessarily going to be a PERFECT match to help you conquer your inner demons.

And believe me, we ALL have inner demons.

The whole character arc of life is to conquer inner AND outer demons. The more successful you get, the bigger the demons get.

You will NEVER face a demon you cannot destroy.

But you HAVE to face it.

With practice, it’s easy.

Mental exercise. Focus on what you want. Train your mind to expect to get it.

That way, you can more easily focus on what’s on the OTHER SIDE of that imaginary demon, that the demon itself.

Get Started:

Subliminal Programming