Way back in the day, Teddy Roosevelt had an interesting foreign policy.
“Speak softly, and carry a big stick.”
Which basically means be as nice as possible, but when somebody crosses a line, you respond as quickly and viciously as possible.
Imagine two different guys, trained as martial artists.
To one guy, it’s important everybody knows he’s a martial artist.
He always acts as tough as possible.
Then there’s another guy, who wants to project as kind a personality as he can.
Which guy do you think is more confident?
Clearly, the first guy has issues.
He is perhaps so worried about getting into a fight, in his mind, he probably feels like there are enemies around every corner.
While the second guy is so confident in his skills, he only worries if somebody is actually in his face and getting ready to punch him.
But even then he knows he can easily defend himself.
The more confident you are with your skills, the less you’ll think about using them.
This is where that stereotypical movie line comes from:
“You learn martial arts so you don’t have to get into fights.”
One of the strange paradoxes of human behavior is we tend to attract what we fear most.
People who are always worried about getting mugged walk around with closed off body language, walking while staring at the ground.
Project the EXACT body language muggers, pickpockets and purse snatchers look for.
The people least likely to fight back, give chase, or even call the cops.
Or the stereotypical guy who secretly think the world hates him.
So he walks around with a scowl on his face.
Which causes everybody to keep their distance.
His fears create his reality.
But when you plan for the worst, the opposite happens.
The more daily action you take to prepare for the worst, the more confident you’ll be able to handle it.
And the less likely it will actually happen, since you’ll be projecting more confident energy.
One of the biggest things that cause people anxiety is what to say when dealing with strangers.
Especially when it comes to asking for what we want.
We imagine all the potential responses, imagine our worst fears coming true, so we don’t ask.
Or if we do ask, we do through fearful and protective body language which virtually guarantees we get what we most fear.
But by practicing all the different ways to ask, and handle any objections, you’ll be asking with much different energy.
Very much like sales objections.
The more you practice handling them, the less likely they ever come up.
The more confident you are with your language skills, the less likely you’ll need them.