Monthly Archives: April 2016

Inoculate Against Letdown Depression

When I was a kid my dad took me bird hunting.

I was pretty excited. Buying the gear was exciting.

Driving to the small motel in the small town was exciting.

Getting up super early and eating breakfast in the 24H diner was exciting.

Driving out to the field to hunt was exciting.

The actual hunting part?

Pretty boring.

We all spread out across a big field.

And then waited.

Despite all our preparation, the most important part of bird hunting is being patient.

If the birds don’t come, you have nothing to shoot at.

All that preparation, excitement, buildup for a pretty lame payoff.

I remember once commenting to my friend after a HUGE dinner party.

She’d spent a couple weeks preparing, worrying, looking up recipes.

But the actual eating part was over in about an hour.

Lots of preparation, but BOOM! It was over.

A lot of things are like this.

Problems develop when you expect the payoff to be TOO BIG and monumental.

As if it’s going to change everything.

When in reality, it’s the preparation, the building that is the best part.

This is why having HUGE goals WAY out there is better than ONLY having a couple of short term ones.

Many people fall into the trap of thinking they “only” need that one “thing” and then FINALLY, everything will somehow “click” into place.

Unfortunately, when (or if) it does “click” into place, it’s only for a little bit.

And if you somehow convince yourself that getting that “thing” is going to solve your problems FOR GOOD, then you might have a lot of “post success letdown.”

Olympic athletes that win gold medals, championship sports teams, even soldiers returning from war or active duty experience this.

They focus on that BIG GOAL so much, that when it happens, they don’t know what to do. Because they’ve focused on that BIG GOAL so much, they didn’t notice that increase in energy, focus, intensity and all other things that are necessary for a fulfilling life along the way.

And when that BIG GOAL is achieved, all that energy that got them there is GONE.

It’s very easy to feel empty after that.

So at the very least, you’ve got have another goal in your back pocket ready to go when that goal in front of you is realized.

OR, make sure to create a MASSIVE ONE that is literally bigger than life.

Bigger than YOUR life.

That way, you’ll always have forward drive, forward momentum, and all of the other good stuff that makes life worth living.

Most people don’t have goals. And those that do tend to have goals that they didn’t choose, but were given to them by others.

It’s your life, and your choice.

Build it YOUR way.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Don’t Fight The Caveman

When I was a kid there was a TV show called, “Wide World of Sports.”

One of the taglines was that it showed the “thrill of victory” and the “agony of defeat.”

When they showed the “agony of defeat” part, they showed some guy coming down a ski jump ramp and crashing horribly just as he got to the take off point.

Sports have been around for a long, long time.

All cultures from all times have some kind of sports in their ancient history.

Some suspect that as humans slowly made the transition from hunter-gatherers to farmers, they still had that “competitive spirit.”

To be sure, on the battlefield or on the playing field, winning is awesome, and losing sucks.

But that’s where it ends.

Or, rather, that’s where it SHOULD end.

The trouble with our instincts, especially the ones for competition, is we can really just “shut them off.”

This is easy to understand with something like hunger.

Feeling hungry sucks. Eating feels good. It’s VERY DIFFICULT to simply “not eat” when you’re hungry AND there’s plenty of food around.

This is kind of how it feels when you get into an argument over something really tiny, but you simply CAN NOT just let it go.

You HAVE to win at all costs.

That’s that ancient instinct rearing it’s ugly head.

We’ve got a lot of them.

We tend to follow authority figures, even when they’re clearly idiots.

We tend to follow the crowd, even when they’re running right off a cliff.

We tend to eat WAY more calories than we need, even though we keep buying bigger pants.

Caveman 1, Human 0 !

Of course, if you try and “battle” your instincts with sheer willpower, you’ll lose most of the time.

This is precisely why diets fail. You’re trying to battle your ancient drive to eat, which resides in your VERY POWERFUL reptilian cortex, with your conscious mind.

However, instead of CONTROLLING your instincts, consider learning to manage them.

Like not going shopping when you’re hungry.

Or being able to step back and see the “big picture” when you find yourself in a heated argument over which culture invented the bacon cheeseburger.

One thing that can help is having a CLEAR set of goals.

This makes it easy to step back and see if what you’re doing is to satisfy your inner caveman, or your rational human.

Rational humans choose and pursue goals, while cavemen and cavewomen follow their instincts.

There are a lot of ways to overcome those instincts.

Daily journaling can help.

Meditation can help.

Doing visualizations can help.

These can also help:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Look Silly For Maximum Success

Isaac Newton once made the remark that he could only do what he’d done because he was standing on the shoulders of giants.

Meaning his scientific discoveries were only as good as those that came before him.

And those that came before him were just as largely based on those that came before them.

The study of human advancement over the centuries is pretty amazing.

Sure, there are plenty of dark spots, but the long trend is generally upward.

Collectively, we seem to have this drive to keep advancing.

I saw a pretty cool video the other day of the first rocket that blasted off, flew around in the upper atmosphere, and then landed, but in the reverse of how took off.

Right back down on the launch pad. Like watching a lift-off in reverse.

For a long time, a few people have been trying to create a business of tourist space flight.

Yeah, it would only be for rich people, but it’s always that way at first.

Long, long time ago, travel by rail was only for rich people.

Now regular folks can fly all over the world.

It’s possible to live your own life like this, but it’s not guaranteed.

It’s all based on the habits you cultivate.

If you have some really big, really specific goals, way out there, and you make it a habit to do SOMETHING on a daily basis, you can build a pretty impressive life.

On the other hand, if you just hope you get there “somehow,” you might get lucky, but then again you might not.

Most people are terrified of risk. Which is why they are afraid to take action.

Many people want some kind of guarantee that what they are trying will eventually pan out.

Unless they are SURE, they don’t budge.

But in reality, they are ignoring the biggest risk of all.

And that is to get to the end of your life, look back, and say, “Wow, what happened?”

The great paradox is that the more consistently you take small risks, they less likely you’ll end up with nothing.

Meaning the most effective way to make sure the BIGGEST risk of all doesn’t happen is to take a bunch of small risks.

Imagine if you were on a golf course. And you could wait and take one HUGE swing, or you could take a lot of little swings.

But you were so embarrassed to look goofy taking a bunch of little swings, you waited until the last moment to take that one big swing.

If the ball goes in the hole, you’d look pretty good. But if your ball flies off into the lake, well, game over.

But if you take small shots, ten or fifteen yards apiece, you’d almost be guaranteed to get into the hole eventually.

Of course, in golf, the number of strokes is important.

But not in life.

In life, it’s the final result that counts.

And all the intermediary results in between.

Small actions daily build up.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

The Secret Pizza Crust Strategy

When I was in high school I worked at a pizza place.

It wasn’t a chain, there was only one.

And they made everything fresh. They had this big mixer in the back room they’d use to make the dough.

When we made the pizza crusts, we always started with a big round ball of dough that had been put in a specially controlled fridge so it would rise correctly.

We would first pound the dough, and then actually toss it into the air.

Not for show, but because it was the easiest.

If you took two people, one guy with a ball of dough and a big rolling pin, and another guy who would pound it and then spin it, the pounding spinning guy would win every time.

Not only that, but spinning it made for the perfect crust.

If you rolled it, the thickness would be uniform.

But if you tossed it, the thickest parts would be on the outside.

And as my boss explained to me, the secret of a good pizza was good crust. And that started with good dough.

He had this secret recipe for his dough.

I had to work there a year before they let me make the dough.

Not because it was complicated, but because he wanted to keep his recipe a secret.

He’d spent a lot of time and money trying to fine tune this super delicious dough recipe.

Now, pizzas are pretty simply. You can get them anywhere.

But a really GOOD pizza is hard to find. Almost so good that when you find one, you want to keep it secret.

But here’s the REAL SECRET of that guy’s dough.

Sure, the ingredients themselves, but HOW he found it.

He didn’t learn it in school.

He didn’t look it up on the internet.

He didn’t go to a pizza dough seminar.

He did a lot of trial and error, and a lot of slow, careful experimentation.

Now, that was a long time ago. But I still remember, to this day, how I felt when I was “let in on the secret” of how to make the dough.

It was simple, easy, the ingredients weren’t that mysterious.

Now, if I started my own pizza place, by copying him, would it have been the same?

How would I have advertised it?

A top secret recipe that I stole from my competition?

That probably wouldn’t work very well.

There’s only ONE of every big brand. Sometimes two, but that’s about it.

You can copy others, and hope you get “similar” results.

Or you can get to work on discovering your own secret.

One that NOBODY knows but you.

Will it be easy? No.

Will it take a while? Yes.

Are you guaranteed success? Unfortunately, no.

But the more you continue to SEARCH for and BUILD your secret, the more likely you’ll FIND IT.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

A Most Debilitating Mindset

Long time ago, I took a couple of cooking classes.

Actually, I took the same class twice.

Two different teachers, two different sets of recipes, same type of food.

The first teacher was super specific. Put in exact amounts, cook for an exact time.

Second teacher was really flexible. Put in some of this, cook it for a while, until it’s done.

The first one let everybody get the exact same result.

The second one allowed people to experiment. To get their own result.

Of course, some people (ahem) in the second group had some pretty, uh, interesting outcomes.

But later when I got home, I had a lot more flexibility when I decided to try to “wing it.”

Which let me take one recipe, and play around with it until I got a lot of variations.

Many people like the idea of having a step by step, rock solid plan.

Making money, meeting people, learning how to speak in public while feeling confident.

Unfortunately, anytime you are doing anything other than cooking, or building a birdhouse that involves YOU operating ON a bunch of “stuff,” you are going to have TONS of unknown variables.

Namely, all those other people you will be interacting with.

Every single one of those people come filled with their own desires, fears, strengths and limitations.

Expecting some kind of surefire, step by step system is pretty ridiculous.

Kind of like a football coach telling his team EXACTLY what plays to execute in the EXACT order, before the game started, and regardless of what the other team did.

Even in sports, where the rules are clearly defined, AND there are people who are watching everybody make sure they follow the rules, you need TONS of flexibility in order to succeed.

Which is why you HAVE to expect to “fail” on a regular basis.

If you think you can NOT fail, that means you think you can predict how OTHER PEOPLE will behave.

You can ONLY put your best foot forward, regardless of what you’re doing.

You will rarely have ANY IDEA how the other person is going to respond, EVEN IF you know them well.

So it’s better to get over the idea of some kind of “step by step” process or some kind of memorized line you say in any situation.

A much better idea is to simply TRY SOMETHING, and see what happens.

Then based on what happens, try something else.

It’s only “failure” if you convince yourself that you can predict the future and you EXPECT a certain result.

If you shift from “I hope this works” to “let’s see what happens,” it’s not only a lot more fun, but you’ll make progress a lot more quickly.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Blast Away Your Inner Demons

When I was a kid I was very interested in science.

I was insanely curious about how stuff worked.

When I was in junior HS I had a subscription to Science magazine.

Total geek.

I always liked learning about things like atoms, molecules, and what I understood about quantum physics.

I was even on this book of the month club, and I read a bunch of science books.

I remember learning why the sky was blue.

Because the molecules in the upper atmosphere radiate at the same frequency as blue light.

So of all the light that comes through, blue light comes through the easiest.

Later on, I started studying hypnosis, metaphors and story telling.

Joseph Campbell explained the reasons that most of the myths have the same structure.

Of all the stories that were told over the eons of human history, that particular structure resonated the most effectively with humans.

Kind of like how blue light passed through the upper atmosphere the easiest.

One thing that surprises most people is that we have a lot of common fears and insecurities.

But since we never talk about them, we think we are the only ones that have them.

This is one major reason why there are so many different kinds of group therapies.

Just knowing that there are other people out there, just like you, who are having pretty much the SAME problems, is very comforting.

At our core, we all fear the same things.

Rejection, being kicked out of our social group, making mistakes in front of others.

This is why most people are terrified of public speaking or walking up to an attractive person.

Even the people that “seem” to do it naturally are feeling the same fears.

It’s not that they don’t have those same fears and insecurities, they’ve learned to act in spite of them.

To simply accept them as normal.

What you resist, they say, persists.

When you simply accept it, it is not so bad.

One of the common “themes” of myths is to “face” some demon.

This “demon,” of course, is a metaphor for those SAME fears we all share.

However, there are many ways to face them.

Raw courage and will power is one way.

Using mental practice, on a daily basis, is another.

Or both at the same time.

A little of one on a daily basis, out in the real world, and some daily practice on the inside, in your inner world.

And just like anything else, the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Pretty soon those common “fears” won’t be such a big deal anymore.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Are You Trapped By Social Pressure?

When I was in Junior High School I played a lot of golf.

No, I wasn’t rich, but next to my school was a public course, and it only cost $5 to play nine holes.

I had a set of hand-me-down clubs, as did many of my friends.

One thing I always did was slice. That’s when the ball starts to fade to the right after you hit it.

For a while, I tried to correct my changing my grip.

Because it caused more problems, and I wasn’t patient being a JHS goof, I just compensated.

Meaning I would just aim left. My friends thought I was nuts, until they saw how consistent my error was.

I suppose that if I’d taken the time to build in the muscle memory of the new grip, I wouldn’t have fixed it.

But since I was never really concerned with my score, only that had I had fun, it didn’t seem to be worth it.

They say that learning from your mistakes is one of the most important skills you can have.

Sure, we all do it naturally when we’re really young. Things like walking and eating and riding a bicycle.

It’s kind of hard to just “compensate.” If you just decided to wear a lot of padding instead of trying to ride a bike without falling over, that would be pretty silly.

But a lot of us do that without really knowing.

We try something once, we can’t do it, or we do it with difficulty and frustration, and just decide that “I guess I can’t do that.”

Instead of just getting and trying again, and again and again until we get it right.

This is easy when everybody around us is walking or riding bikes or playing catch. We feel left out if we don’t suck it up and learn how.

But other things, where most people suck, it’s EASY to try ONCE and give up.

Public speaking, starting a business, walking up and talking to attractive strangers.

But the SAME strategy works. Try, fail, try again, fail, keep trying, WIN!

It’s the learning strategy that is built in your brain.

Only sometimes we’re “forced” by social pressure to keep trying (we want to walk since everybody else is walking).

But other times we’re “forced” by social pressure to try ONCE and give up.

But you don’t HAVE to ALWAYS obey social pressure.

You can actually CHOOSE to ignore it.

Sure, it’s not easy. It takes consistent mental effort.

You may say this is one of the META SKILLS that support a lot of other skills.

Like learning how to talk to strangers, learn to be covertly persuasive, get rid of emotional issues, etc.

The good news is there are a lot mental exercises that make it easy.

So you can pretty much learn to learn anything.

Learn How:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Practice Your Superpower

The other night I watched the movie “Jumper” on Netflix.

About this kid that learned he could teleport himself everywhere.

Didn’t take him long to start showing up inside bank vaults, taking stacks of cash, and then going back home.

There’s another TV show about these ambulance drivers. One episode they were talking about the coolest superpower to have.

They all ended up choosing the superpower they thought would help them get laid.

There’s this interesting primate called the Bonobo.

One thing they do is have a lot of sex.

Everybody is pretty much nailing everybody else all the time.

They find a new grove of trees, they have an orgy to celebrate.

I recently read a book that suggested the main reason for our human intelligence was a tool to get laid.

It’s our own version of the Peacock’s tail.

If you could choose a super power, which super power would you choose?

The very first book every written about NLP was called “The Structure of Magic.”

It related Noam Chomsky’s theory of transformational grammar to the idea of “surface structure” vs. “deep structure.”

What we say and pay attention to is the surface structure.

But what we respond to is the deep structure.

When you learn how to “speak” NLP, you can speak and understand both.

Which means you’ll no longer be limited to seeing ONLY the surface structure of people’s communication.

You’ll know what they mean, know what they want, and what they are afraid of.

And when you can communicate at that level as well, that’s about as close to a super power as you’re going to get.

Funny thing about NLP is it’s usually taught as some kind of “once and done” type of deal.

Go to a seminar, have a bunch of stuff “installed” and then suddenly you’re “trained” in NLP.

Suppose you went to a basketball camp and thought you were “trained” in basketball?

What would happen if you went down the playground and tried some pickup ball?

Do you think it would help if you brought your “basketball practitioner” certificate?

If you want to get better at a skill, there’s two essential ingredients.

You’ve got to know how to do the skill in the first place.

AND you’ve got to practice.

How much?

How much practice would it take before you could stroll onto a basketball court anywhere in the country and hold your own?

How much practice would it take to become a black belt in your preferred martial art?

How much practice would it take to become fluent in a foreign language?

That much!

But here’s the good news.

Since so few people take time to practice ANYTHING related to NLP, most people couldn’t NLP their way out of a paper bag.

So when YOU start putting in the practice, your language will be YOUR superpower.

And it will get you all the things superpowers do.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Are You Waiting For One Weird Trick?

I used to know this kid in Junior High School. His dream was to become a professional dancer.

He spent a lot of his time working on his moves. Later he invited me to one of his shows. He was in a dance troupe, and they were pretty impressive.

This wasn’t a normal kid. Most JHS kids don’t know what they want.

Not only did this guy have a clear idea, but he spent a lot of time practicing.

If you saw some guy walking down the street with massive arms, what would you think?

He’s got some kind of lucky genetics, and he was born with huge arms?

How about seeing some guy at a party, who can juggle sixteen things at once?

Would you assume that he’s some kind of latent gift that the rest of us don’t?

Probably not.

You’d probably assume, at least on some level, that he’s spent a lot of time practicing.

And most of the time we see somebody with a finely honed set of skills, we just assume they had a lot of practice.

But some of the most important skills, we don’t see them as practice.

We, for some reason, see them as things some people can do, while others can’t.

Like talking to strangers with confidence, or being able to give a persuasive speech.

In reality, anything that somebody else can do, you can do.

Sure, some things are easier for some people, but so what?

Yes, some people are “lucky” in that the things they are naturally good at can make them a lot of money.

You can still do the same things they can, it just will take some practice.

Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

Ideally, you’d find something you enjoy doing, so you’ll enjoy learning it. That way you won’t mind practicing for a few years before you get good enough to make a lot of money doing it.

But most people don’t like to hear this.

They’d rather take a magic pill or learn some ancient secret discovered in a cave in the Himalayas.

But consider this.

According to the laws of economics, something is worth a lot of money precisely BECAUSE so few people can do it.

Which means if you’re waiting for “one weird trick” to make it easy, it’s going to be the same “one weird trick” that everybody else knows.

And if everybody else can do it, it’s not going to be worth much, or be unique in any way.

The good news is that because most people are too lazy to learn, all you’ve got to do is spend some time learning.

So long as you are committed, you’ll get there.

And when you do, you’ll have a set of skills few people know about, let alone know how to practice.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Are You Letting Others Choose Your Life?

I used to do a lot of backpacking.

Once me and a buddy decided to take the back route to Mt. Whitney.

Most people go in through the front, so it’s really crowded.

But the back way in is a lot less crowed, and therefore has a lot more wide open meadows and streams and lakes with a lot of fish.

The back way to the top is a five day hike. The front way is two, one if you start at dawn.

The first day was the worst. Fifteen miles. We wanted to push over the first pass, which was very difficult.

One stretch of about two or three miles was particularly grueling.

A long, uphill walk on very loose gravel.

It was so loose that simply walking forward, by pushing off with your feet you lost a little ground.

But once we got over that first pass, it was magnificent.

A HUGE valley with several small lakes. Plenty of fish. No other people.

On the other hand, I’ve been car camping quite a bit. Where you drive right up and park.

Sometimes people even sleep in the car. You can bring huge coolers filled with food straight from the grocery store.

It’s only sort of camping if you sleep outside. But nothing comes close to sleeping on the ground, under the stars, knowing there’s no other people around for fifty miles.

Everybody wants more out of life. But few people are willing to put in the work to get there.

Some people spent a great deal of time, money and effort looking for “shortcuts” that will circumvent the necessary work.

If they’d spend that SAME amount of time, money and effort on ONE GOAL, for at least a year, they would make amazing progress.

Most any goal you want (at least that’s worthwhile) WILL take time. It will take effort.

And you will have those long uphill climbs that seem like you’re putting in TONS of work and not making any progress.

That is when it’s easiest to quit. To question your motivations. That’s when the self doubt starts to creep in.

You may even find that the biggest obstacles between where you are and where you want to be are your own doubts and fears.

Does this mean if you remove your doubts and fears your goals will magically appear?

Nope.

But the required ACTION to get there will be much more fulfilling.

So much so that you’ll enjoy doing it. Even if others think you’re crazy.

If you don’t take efforts to create your life, somebody else will do it for you.

Most people are content to do that. It’s safer. Less scary. You won’t get in trouble.

But you won’t get much else, either.

What do YOU want?

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion Ebooks