Monthly Archives: September 2017

Social Confidence

How To See Everybody as Friendly

Some things you learn, and then you don’t need to learn anymore.

Like riding a bike. Once you figure it out, it’s pretty easy.

Then there are some things you learn, and you don’t really need to keep practicing. You’ll still be able to do it, but if you don’t practice for a while you’ll get rusty.

Playing sports or any kind of musical instrument is like this.

Because there are a lot more steps, and you have to go through the four stages of learning, it’s easy to slip back from the top stage (unconscious competence) to the second top stage (conscious competence).

Then there are skills that if you spend any amount of time NOT practicing, they reset to zero.

Anything involving communication with other people is like this. ESPECIALLY when there are emotions involved.

Ask any guy who’s back on the dating scene after being married for a decade or so.

They might have been a mad player when they got married, but if they’re recently divorced, it feels like they’re starting over again.

Why is this?

Why do some skills degrade FAR FASTER than other skills?

Things like sports, playing instruments is very much an EXTERIOR activity.

Unless you’re the lead guitarist for a world famous rock band, it’s EASY to keep your real self hidden while your “exterior” plays the instrument or does the sport.

But whenever we get close to exposing our REAL inner selves, all kinds of emotions come into play.

Which is why you can learn to express yourself openly to one person, but as soon as you try with somebody else, it’s like you’re starting all over again.

All of us were once supremely confident and outgoing. We didn’t care who we were talking to. If we liked them, we laughed and giggled. If they scared us, we screamed and cried.

But then we learned (or were taught through a lot of trial and error) that expressing ourselves is DANGEROUS.

So our brains rely on the “one person at a time” way of learning to express ourselves.

Imagine if you had to RE-LEARN how to play the piano if you switched pianos!

Fortunately, once you UNLEARN that “people are scary.”

Or RE-FINE that learning (from people are scary to grownups are scary IF you’re a baby).

And that will allow you to talk to ANYBODY as if they are an old friend.

Click Here to learn more.

Social Confidence

Help Save The World

There’s a cool concept in economics called the “invisible hand.”

It’s not a reference to God or anything metaphysical. It’s a metaphor for the amazingly powerful intellect of the “hive mind.”

For example, when the space shuttle blew up in the late 80’s, there were three possible causes.

Three companies that made three different components.

It took NASA six months of full investigations to find out exactly what happened.

But the “hive mind” knew within a few hours.

The three companies (we’ll call them, A, B, and C) all went down immediately on the stock market right after the explosion.

But by the end of the day, A and B recovered. C never did.

Six months of experiments later, NASA did indeed prove that the product made by company C was the culprit.

Keep in mind this way back in the 1980’s. WAY before the Internet.

This works equally well in prices.

Nobody needs to know how or why the price of cheeseburgers is suddenly twice as high.

But if anybody’s on the fence, and thinking about opening up a cheeseburger shop, the rising price is a clear signal that people WANT cheeseburgers.

So people open up more shops to satisfy the need.

The “hive mind” demanded more cheeseburgers, and the “hive mind” provided cheeseburgers.

Inventions work the same way. Nobody can EVER predict what will be invented.

But when you’ve got millions of people all independently thinking of how to make stuff better, you’re BOUND to get some awesome creativity.

If there’s one main ingredient in all of these examples, inter-human connectivity and communication is essential.

People need to interact, to communicate, to share and pass along ideas.

Kind of like the old “telephone” game from elementary school. One kid starts with a message, and whispers it into the next kid’s ear. By the time it goes around the whole class, the message is completely different.

For simple messages, this is a goofy exercise.

But when it comes to ideas, it can be magical.

One idea passed through a million minds can transform into a life saving medicine, or a breakthrough in manufacturing, or a much faster way to travel.

Again, all requiring human communication.

The better you can interact with others, share your ideas, take their ideas and make them better, the more you’ll help change the world.

Click Here to learn more.

Social Confidence

The Wonderful Path of Life

If you have zero expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.

However, you won’t accomplish much, either.

We humans have this weird idea that once we get that next “thing,” whatever it is, we’ll be satisfied.

This is one of the reasons that lottery winners and other folks who accidentally stumble upon riches are usually pretty unhappy.

Sure, once the money comes and all those money worries are gone, they have to go back to their regular lives, their regular friends (if they have any) and their regular health problems.

This can be an absolutely HORRIBLE realization.

If you THINK that all of your problems can be cured with a bunch of money, and then get the money, ONLY to find that you STILL have those same problems, then what do you do?

However, accepting the simple fact that life isn’t a “once and done” event, where you have one easy thing to do, and once you do it, you’re done.

Life is a series of bigger and more complicated “problems” to overcome.

Because every time you successfully overcome them, you’ve got more skills and resources.

Sure, there are some animals that just sit up in the trees and eat leaves, never having to worry about anything.

But that would be REALLY boring!

Another problem that is common is we have these HUGE dreams, but never get started.

We think about them a lot, but we never really get going in any appreciable way.

One of the things NECESSARY to achieve those dreams is unfortunately something that we FEAR the most.

And that is failure.

The path between where you are, and what you dream for your life is long, and filled with unexpected twists and turns.

Paradoxically, the BEST way to learn how to do something is FAIL a few times.

You don’t have to fail big, but the best way to learn is through feedback, both good and bad.

Because ALL feedback is useful. Do more of what works and do differently than what doesn’t work.

When you can wrap your mind around this concept, and fully embrace it, there will be NOTHING you can’t achieve.

Figure out what it is, take action, LEARN from every step, and NEVER STOP until you get there.

Whatever it is you want, PEOPLE will likely be a fundamental aspect of getting it.

Which means developing your people skills will go a long ways.

Click Here to learn how.

Social Confidence

Cut Yourself Loose

When I was in high school, I loved science, but my math sucked.

Because I sucked at math, every time I thought about science I had a mix of positive appreciation and negative anxiety.

Then later in college, I went through the same scenario as I kept going through tougher and tougher physics courses.

But once I’d figured out the math, I could enjoy the science without any negative anxiety.

I would actually watch these beginning physics shows on TV. My roommates thought I was crazy, but for me it was pretty cool.

I’m sure you’ve heard the metaphor about the elephant.

When he was a kid, they kept him tied up. But when he was fully grown, they removed the rope.

But since he’d been conditioned to believe the limitations (the rope) was there, when they removed it he never went outside that small circle.

Even though the rope was gone, his belief that it was still there kept him trapped in that small circle.

When you were very young, you were very outgoing. Socially fearless. If something was wrong, you would scream your brains out.

If you were happy, you would laugh your brains out.

But then the adults starting putting those constraints on you. To keep you quiet. To keep you from causing problems.

This happens to all of us.

But here we are as adults, and those constraints aren’t there any more.

But just like the elephant, because we BELIEVE they are there, we act as if they ARE there.

The elephant my think about going outside his circle, he may WANT to go outside his circle, but his fear of the rope keeps him stuck.

Fortunately, we humans are a bit smarter than elephants. We can look back and understand that our situations when we were kids are MUCH DIFFERENT than they are now.

There is NO NEED to feel any social fear at all. No logical reason.

But just knowing this doesn’t help. Because our fears operate on a subconscious level.

And only by going down and rearranging them, and then coming back up, can we live life without any social fear or anxiety whatsoever.

Once you’re able to cut yourself loose from the false fears programmed into your brain when you were a toddler, life will be fun and exciting.

You’ll be able to act without fear, behave and communicate in any way you want, and create the life you desire.

Click Here to learn more.

Movie Stars

How To Copy Movie Stars

A lot of our ideas come from the wrong places.

For example, we tend to confused real life and entertainment.

On one hand, movies, TV and books have to be “believable” (unless they are in the fantasy genre).

But on the other hand, they have to be interesting.

The BEST TV shows and movies do well on both counts. On the one hand, they are filled with normal people in normal situations.

Then something extra-ordinary happens to them, and they have to battle the monster (or whatever).

But one thing that is ALWAYS different is how people talk in the movies, vs. how people talk in real life.

In movies and TV, people are always super witty, always say the right thing, and are ALWAYS supremely confident (unless overcoming their lack of confidence is part of the story).

But in real life, most of us are, “um, well, like, um yea, so, uh, what?”

But you CAN use movie characters as a reference point, if you are specifically trying to IMPROVE in the areas of social confidence and “in-the-moment” speaking skills.

Based on the NLP technique of modeling.

First find somebody that behaves in a way that YOU would like to behave. Ideally, find it on YouTube so you can watch it over and over.

Then watch the clip while you are SUPER RELAXED. Release all tension and anxiety. Turn off all backgrounds sounds. Watch it a few times.

First, just as relaxed and open as possible. To absorb all of their micro-movements, behaviors and expressions.

Then watch it a few times, and imagine it’s YOU up there.

Then watch it a few times, but with your eyes closed, and imagine you see the scene FROM the characters eyes.

Try and actually move your lips along with whatever the character is saying.

Now, this does sound pretty goofy, so you probably shouldn’t tell your friends or family about this.

But it is a powerful and very safe way to increase your social skills, if you do this a few times a week.

And since there’s a kajillion different clips on YouTube to choose from, you can pretty much MODEL any situation you’d like to improve upon.

After all, social confidence, communication skills, interpersonal skills, these are things you can NEVER have enough of.

Click Here to learn how.

Bikini Girls Are Everywhere

Easily Unlearn Social Anxiety

Being able to accurately predict the future would be a pretty good skill.

You could know which stocks to buy, and when to bring an umbrella when you go out.

Governments spend billions and trillions of dollars to try and predict the movements of their “enemies.”

Imagine if you could know the winning lotto numbers ahead of time!

There have been plenty movies and books written about such things.

Another common desire is to know what people are thinking.

You could know which person to approach, and when to close the sale (or close the deal).

You’d be able to make a kajillion dollars as a negotiator.

Thing is though that people CAN be pretty easy to read.

After all, we all want the same things and we all fear the same things.

And if you’re in a certain environment, you can have a pretty good idea of what’s going on in people’s minds.

IF, (and this is a big IF) your mind isn’t clouded with anxiety.

Feeling anxiety in social situations is more common than most people realize.

Most people have the idea that they are the ONLY ONE that is feeling anxious.

Because they look around and see everybody as calm and relaxed.

But the truth is that feeling anxious around strangers is a natural and normal response.

Just like feeling hungry all of a sudden when you smell food.

But if you can REMOVE this anxiety, the first thing you’ll notice is how easy it is to read people.

Then you’ll SEE and FEEL that everybody has got some level of anxiety.

When most people go into social situations, they feel a certain amount of risk.

Which is why most people fear rejection on some level.

But when you develop the ability read people (which is pretty automatic once you remove the anxiety) there will be very little chance of rejection.

It will almost be like reading their minds.

You’ll know who talk to and what to say, and when to “close” however you’d like to.

Worrying about what to say won’t become an issue, since you’ll be in the moment, and you’ll be much more natural.

Open to the natural flow that happens when two people are “vibing.”

And you’ll understand why it’s not really a matter of “learning” things you need, rather than a matter of “unlearning” things you DON’T need.

And as you’ll soon find out, unlearning unhelpful things is pretty easy once you know how.

Click Here to learn how.

Maximum Social Confidence

Easily Develop Rare Conversational and Social Skills

Mark Twain is famous for a lot of things.

One of them is witty sayings. One my favorite’s is “the difference between somebody who can’t read and somebody who doesn’t is nothing.”

Meaning if you CAN read, but you never do, your not utilizing a GREAT WAY to gain more information and perspective.

Of course, since you’re reading this now, you’re not one of the “non-readers” (who seem to be more and more today.)

A lot of things can be thought of like this. You may have a FANTASTIC personality, but if you never let it out, nobody will know.

Many people think of themselves as shy and reserved. Quiet, laid back, it takes a while to get to know them.

In fact most people are very different around strangers than they are around friends.

Funny thing is that everybody is thinking the same thing.

Everybody would LIKE to be more outgoing, but they would also like somebody else to be the one that “goes first.”

Sure, if you’re going to be around the same people for a while (work, school, new neighbors etc) then that’s not a big deal.

Just relax, and let it happen.

Sometimes though, being able to make a STRONG first impression is crucial.

Maybe you only see them once. Maybe you’ve got fifty other people trying to make a STRONG first impression, like in a job interview.

Having the skill to do this will help. You don’t need to ALWAYS be super outgoing and charismatic, but it’s good to know that you’ve got that secret weapon in your back pocket in case you need it.

It can be the ONE THING that keeps YOU in their mind instead of every other person.

Of course, most people don’t take any effort to learn how to do this. They tell themselves they’ll simply “step up to the plate” when the time comes.

Only the time never comes.

If you make a decision to learn as many skills as you can, you’ll NEVER regret.

There will never be a time in life when you think, “Gee, I’ve got too many skills.”

Especially communication skills.

The more you’ve got, the better you’ll do.

Luckily, conversation skills are like getting better at pushups. Why is this luckily?

Because anybody, if they would only do a few minutes of pushups every morning, can work up their way to quite a few.

Conversational skills work the same way.

Click Here to find out how.