Tag Archives: metaphor

One Of Your Most Precious Resources

Do This And They’ll Never Forget You

What are two of your most important resources?

There’s a lot of ways to answer this.

If you were in the middle of the desert, you may say water and shade.

Once I was in this discussion group, and as an ice breaker, we had a list of ten items.

We had to choose half that we’d use if we were stranded on an island.

There actually were some sensible answers, it wasn’t like one of those goofy philosophical/psychological questions that don’t have an answer.

Like if you saw a penguin on railroad track, and a box of coconuts, which would you throw overboard first?

(That didn’t even make sense.)

I read this horrible story once about a factory explosion in North Korea that happened many years ago.

Some people actually died, because as their houses were burning down, the rushed back inside to grab their most prized possession.

A giant portrait of their Dear Leader.

Most of us would grab our personal photos, or something else that had huge personal value.

They have those game shows where you go into a supermarket and you have one minute to put as many things in your shopping cart as you can.

Most people go for the meat, or the booze, as it’s the highest cost per weight or volume.

There’s an old saying in business:

“You can have it fast, it can be inexpensive, or it can be high quality. Choose two.”

This is why Economics is referred to as the “Dismal Science.”

Because it forces us to choose.

Contrary to what most politicians tell us, we can’t have everything we want without some kind of cost.

Unfortunately, most politicians today have figured out how to defer the cost a few generations out into the future.

(If we ever make it that far, lol)

So, back to the original question.

What are your two most important resources, especially when it comes to communicating with others?

One useful answer (there are, of course, many) is your time and your attention.

If you waste your time on something that doesn’t work, you’ll never get it back.

If you’re looking at the wrong place at the wrong time, you’ll miss out on opportunities.

Contrary to some gurus, YOU have to find opportunities. There’s seven billion people on Earth, don’t expect them to come looking for you.

What does this mean?

For one, most people kind of know this intuitively. We all know not to walk downtown and stare at a brick wall. We know where the action is.

And we all know to get the heck out of dodge if some homeless person starts yelling at us. We can spend our time doing better things.

Which is why when you choose to focus YOUR time and attention on somebody else, they will feel really good.

ESPECIALLY if it’s the RIGHT attention. Most people walk up and start talking about themselves.

But when YOU walk up and start asking the right questions about THEM, they’ll NEVER forget you.

In fact, they’ll start to wonder how they can help YOU, and do whatever YOU want, just so you’ll hang around.

Which questions should you ask?

These:

Interpersonal Resonance

Two Types of People In The World - Those With Loaded Guns, and Those Who Dig. You Dig.

Are You Digging Or Shooting?

One of my favorite movie quotes is from the Clint Eastwood movie, “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.”

It’s where Eastwood’s character (the famous man with no name) and his buddy are about to dig for the gold they’ve been searching for.

It’s hidden in some graveyard.

Clint says, “There are two types of people in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.”

Naturally, this is easy to apply to pretty much any society. Those who own all the means of production (and control all the cops and the military) and those who do all the work.

However, if ALL you have is some extremely simple “two types of people” argument, it’s pretty limiting.

Since humans are so complex, no matter WHAT kind of distinction you make, we all fall under both categories at one time or another, sometimes at the same time.

On the one hand, you could be the guy with the gun (or the guy in charge). But in another situation, you could be the guy digging (or the one doing the work).

Most of the time, these types of “distinctions” are two sides of the same coin.

Like in economics, they talk about “supply and demand” as if they are two separate things.

But if you are at your job, while consuming ANY kind of product (using your smartphone, drinking a pepsi, whatever) you are simultaneous both supply AND demand.

One of the biggest “arguments” on forums that talk about any type of persuasion (sales, relationships, etc.,) is the difference between “inner game” and “outer game.”

But you simply cannot have one without the other.

It’s long been known that “form follows function” as well as “function follows form.”

Meaning if you’re happy, you’ll smile.

But if you FORCE yourself to smile, you’ll start to feel happy.

Maybe holding that muscle pattern in your face REQUIRES certain memories in your brain to start being triggered.

Who knows.

Even if you FORCED yourself to believe that inner game and outer game are TOTALLY separate, it would be impossible to work on both.

For example, if you had a sales job, and you ignored all the “inner game” stuff like self confidence, assertiveness, etc., and ONLY focused on the words you were saying, something pretty cool would happen.

You’d start to change the words you said, and how you said, based on your feedback (sales, appointments, whatever).

Pretty soon you’d start getting more success. Which would automatically BOOST your confidence.

By practicing ONLY outer game, you naturally increase your inner game.

And by ONLY practicing inner game (doing mental drills, journaling, etc.) you’ll naturally increase your outer game.

Now matter HOW you intend to communicate with others, by focusing on inner OR outer game, you will DRAMATICALLY improve your results.

The good news is it’s easier than most people think.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Can You Predict This?

Master The Variables Of Communication

Way back when I was in school, I studied physics.

And most of the classes, even the upper division advanced stuff, was dumbed down.

Meaning they would only talk about simple systems.

More than a few variables, and the math gets way too complicated.

Even today, when they have MASSIVE computing power, they still can’t predict the weather with much accuracy.

Sure, it’s going to rain. It’s going to be sunny. There’s a huge storm coming.

But beyond those general statements (which most sailors from hundreds of years ago could tell you) they can’t get much more specific.

And that’s only a FEW variables. Heat, humidity, wind speed, precipitation.

Now consider somebody who wants to know a few “lines” to memorize to say to other people in order to get some kind of result.

A date, a sale, a phone number.

Just two people who’ve known each other for YEARS have WAY MORE variables than any INORGANIC weather system.

Think about that.

That’s why it makes little sense to memorize any kind of language pattern to use with another human.

And why it’s much more important to learn basic TECHNIQUES.

Kind of like boxing. Not the greatest metaphor, since communication isn’t a fight, it’s a search for mutual understanding and mutual benefit. But it helps to understand.

You NEVER KNOW which particular punches you’ll throw in which particular order.

So you do a couple of very important things.

One is you practice ALL KIND OF MOVES. Jabs, roundhouses, uppercuts, etc.

AND you practice READING YOUR OPPONENT. So you know when and what kind of punch to throw.

When it comes to communicating, it’s pretty similar.

But most people completely IGNORE the idea of the OTHER PERSON.

But when you simply pay attention to the other person, and understand what they want, presenting YOUR IDEAS in those terms (what they want) is much more effective.

In fact, it’s SO EFFECTIVE, that if you spend most of your time getting to know them, what they’re interested, etc., everything else will simply fall into place.

Of course, this isn’t as easy as baking a cake. Everybody’s different. Everybody responds differently. And between YOUR IDEAS and THEIR IDEAS there’s a lot of junk.

Specifically, everything that makes up YOUR inner game, and everything that makes up THEIR inner game.

Simply understanding these exist will put you miles ahead of everybody else.

Making it much easier to create WONDERFUL interactions with pretty much anybody.

Anywhere, anytime.

Get Started:

Interpersonal Resonance

Rear Window Theory

How To Obliterate Inhibitions

I used to watch a lot of “The Simpsons.”

There was one episode where Bart had a broken leg. He was stuck in his bedroom.

It was a riff on “Rear Window” by Hitchcock.

One scene, he had to race downstairs to save somebody from being murdered. But he had a cast.

So he had to limp. And every step he took, his cast got caught up on something.

Trash can. Electrical cord. Cat.

So each time he went slower and slower.

Most people are like that.

When you’re young, you’re a fearless genius with nothing but potential.

But as you move through life, you pick up all kinds of junk.

Most of them in them in the form of beliefs that just aren’t true.

Despite KNOWING they aren’t true, they still hold us back.

Sure, you KNOW there’s nothing rational to be worried about when you think about starting a conversation with strangers.

(Or asking somebody out or speaking more spontaneously or expressing your insight).

But it just “feels” like something is holding you back.

Or like there’s some kind of thick invisible sludge between where you are and where you want to be.

This is how beliefs work.

They make it HARD to take action, even though the action itself is simple.

Somewhere in your brain there’s an electrical signal KEEPING YOU from doing what you want.

Because a long time ago, you “learned” that it was dangerous.

However, in reality, it was only THAT SITUATION that was dangerous.

And it wasn’t dangerous, it was only perceived as dangerous.

By your young and inexperienced mind.

Because your brain is a super-genius generalizer, your young brain came to the decision that not only was that ORIGINAL situation dangerous, but ALL SIMILAR situations are dangerous as well.

Kind of like when you learn to drive one car, you can pretty much drive all cars.

But here’s the good news.

All you’ve got to do is go back in time, (mentally) and RE-WRITE that original event.

Just change how you perceived it.

That will have a cascading effect on ALL SIMILAR EVENTS.

So doing that “thing” will suddenly become easy and natural.

Whatever you want will become easy and natural.

Making money, talking to attractive people, expressing yourself with confidence and charisma.

Since all those beliefs exist only in your head, YOU are the one most capable of doing that.

There are many ways to do that.

Mental visualization drills, journaling exercises, hypnosis sessions.

All designed to go back into your past, and REMOVE your inhibitions at the root.

Giving YOU the freedom to live your life the way you want.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

How To Jump Over A Tree

Jump Over A Tree

When I was a kid I was insanely curious.

As most kids are.

I broke a lot of stuff, just trying to figure out how it worked.

Being curious is a good trait to have.

But, you may say, “curiosity killed the cat!”

Sure, you can be TOO curious. Meaning you don’t know when to quit.

I ran into a morbid website the other day. Pictures of people just before they died.

How did they die?

By taking selfies.

In really messed up places.

It’s important to take risks. But if you take the WRONG risks, or too many risks, then you will end up dead sooner than you should be.

However, many people tend to take TOO FEW risks.

And that is the worst risk of all. Because if you are too risk averse, you’ll end up being USED by other people, or at least by circumstances.

Because if you NEVER take a risk, and ALWAYS play it safe, you’ll largely be dependent on others, or society, or the government, or the gods, or luck.

But the good news is that it’s pretty IMPOSSIBLE to take action, without a little bit of risk.

Nothing you do is certain. If anything WERE certain, that would mean you could predict the future.

And nobody can do that.

The trick (or skill if you prefer) is to always look for BALANCE.

The right amount of risk, balanced with the right amount of caution.

The right amount of curiosity, with the right amount of awareness.

It’s easy to get “stuck” in extreme view points.

But the magic is in the middle. Where the balance is.

Where you’re on the edge of your current level of skill. When you’re just straddling the outside edges of your comfort zone.

Not hiding in the middle, nor blasting away without a second thought. But slowly, carefully and courageously expanding it.

Once upon a time there was a kid, who wanted to become the best jumper in the world.

So he asked his local martial arts guru what to do. The guru planted a little sapling.

And said, “Every day, jump over this.” And left.

He came back ten years later, and that “kid” was now leaping over a huge oak tree.

All you’ve got to do is choose SOMETHING. Something small. Half risky, half safe. Half curiosity, half knowing.

And SLOWLY push out the limits of what you can do.

If you did that with your brain, imagine the life you could be building.

Instead of waiting around hoping for something to “happen,” like most people do.

Get Started:

Intelligence Accelerator

Time Shifting Magic

When I was a kid, I was in boy scouts.

And every summer we went on a long backpacking trip.

About a week, carrying all of our stuff on our backs.

Usually we would park at trailhead. Then walk up a long set of switchbacks.

These are trails that criss-cross up a really steep set of mountains.

Then when you’re on the other side, it’s like a completely different world.

Because the only people that you see (which aren’t very many) are people that walked there.

It’s fun on the way up, looking down at the parking lot. Seeing our cars getting smaller and smaller.

Then when we come out on the other side, a week or so later, it’s a welcome site.

After sleeping in tents, eating freeze dried food and no showers, seeing a bunch of parked cars, even from a long ways off, is pretty refreshing.

See things from different perspectives is useful.

One way easy way to do this is see how we use language.

I’m sure you’ve heard the famous Einstein quote about insanity.

Doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

One way we “do” the same thing is talk about things the same way.

Like if you’ve got a “problem,” you use it as if it were a real “thing.”

I’ve “got” this “problem.”

I don’t know how to get rid of this “problem.”

I need to put “this” behind me.

What happens when you describe your “problem” in a different way?

This is slightly different than the useless “I don’t see problems, I see opportunities!” bumper sticker mindset that some people spout .

For an example, think of a problem you HAD a year or so ago, that is now resolved.

Now think of something useful you learned from that.

Something really useful, not, “I learned that people are idiots.”

Now, when you look at a “problem” in the future, instead of saying “how can I get rid of this,” or something similar, ask yourself, “When I DO solve this, I wonder what I’ll learn?”

That simple replacement, when you take out the “if” and put in the “when” is very powerful.

Just say these two sentences, out loud if you can, to see how they affect your emotions.

If I get rich I’ll be able to buy a nice house.

When I get rich I’ll be able to buy nice house.

The difference may be subtle, and you may need to really WORK to believe the second one, but when you do, a whole new future of opportunities will open up.

You’ll think of new ideas, dream new dreams, and start taking new action.

Instead of waiting, you’ll be doing.

That one simple shift, (when instead of if) is only ONE of the many language patterns in the Covert Hypnosis book.

You can use them on yourself, to “fix” your own problems.

You can use them with others, to help them with theirs.

You can use them pretty much anytime, anywhere with anybody.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Balance This

Are You Balancing Pencils?

When I was in high school I was a pole vaulter.

After our first official track meet, me and the other three pole vaulters realized something pretty cool.

And that was few other high schools in our region had pole vaulters.

Which meant when we’d show up to meets, everybody else would have a tough competition.

Except for us. We’d automatically get first, second and third.

Which meant that during regular practice, we’d goof off.

Not like the coach could motivate us by saying, “C’mon you guys, we’ve got a tough match coming up!”

One of the ways we’d goof off is balance the poles on our chins.

They were too heavy to balance on our noses, we’d use our chins instead.

Instead of practicing our form, or doing upper body strengthening drills, we’d compete to see who could balance the pole on their chin the longest.

Funny thing was (not really funny when you understand the physics) was that balancing a pole on your chin is much easier than balancing a pencil on your nose.

Because the pole is heavy and long, it shifts its weight slowly. So you can move around underneath it, keeping it balanced.

Compared to a pencil, which can fall over a lot more quickly than you can compensate for a shift in balance.

Most everything you’ll do requires balance. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find something that DOESN’T require balance.

Life is one gigantic interaction between people, who are filled with always changing interdependent variables.

Which is why some people do EVERYTHING to avoid participating.

Sitting on the couch watching TV is one way. ZERO balance required. Except if you’re sitting there with a big bowl of chips on your belly, you’ve got to be careful not to tip it over as you shovel that fried saltiness into your face.

But as soon as you step outside, you’re going to need to balance. Walking even.

Something that took you YEARS to learn, you now do without thought.

When you have a conversation, you balance your ideas with their ideas.

When you start an exercise program, you’ve got to balance too much with too little.

When you try something new, you’ve got to balance expectations. Expect easy perfection, or imminent doom, and you’ll be wrong.

Every single person who has created greatness has experienced setbacks. MASSIVE ones.

But it wouldn’t be a worthy path unless you HAD to be bested by obstacle along the way. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

Even the greatest running backs of all time get knocked on the ass more often than not.

Rarely do they break through giant holes and sprint for the endzone.

Why should YOUR life be any different?

Be bold. Expect challenges. Blast through them when you can. Pick yourself up and have another go when you don’t.

Get Started:

Fearless