There’s an ancient saying about how we humans represent ourselves.
The way we present ourselves to others, the way we present ourselves to ourselves, and then how we really are.
Most people rarely get past the first once. You might know somebody for a long time and find out later they were living some sort of secret life.
One of the hardest things in any sales or persuasion is making the person feel comfortable.
Unfortunately, when we read sales books we kind of skip past the part about rapport because we “already know that stuff.”
But since it’s the most important part, if we don’t get that stuff right, we won’t get very far.
Because without a degree of rapport, we’ll only be seeing the “pretend” part of the person we’re talking to.
So when we start to elicit criteria, or find out what’s important, they’ll only be telling us things we WANT to hear, not the real stuff.
One of the biggest obstacles to creating that deep feeling of rapport, so you can see the more of their real self, is anxiety.
Even if you go through all the steps, and spend a long time on rapport, they will automatically be as anxious as you.
Humans are like that.
We tend to resonate each other’s feelings and emotional state.
If you’re nervous, they’ll be nervous.
But the flip side is just as true.
If you are calm and relaxed, they’ll also be calm and relaxed. And they’ll do so unconsciously.
Meaning they’ll just feel calm and relaxed, and not really understand why.
They’ll interpret this as YOU somehow being “different” from everybody else.
So if you’re selling something, or creating a relationship, or just trying to make friends, it will be a lot easier.