Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Angry Bear

Word Juggling Tricks

One curious thing about how our brains work is the order in which things are processed.

They’ve done a few experiments that suggest our conscious minds are more of a follower than a leader.

There’s the common conception that our conscious minds are the captains, and our subconscious is the ship.

But that may be backwards.

At least sometimes.

For example, they do certain tests, and while they do the tests, they look at where our brains are “lighting up.”

They do something that will cause a “stimulus-response” effect.

But many times we respond BEFORE the conscious part of our brain lights up.

Some even believe that our conscious minds are “devices” that exist to make up logical sounding reasons about our behavior.

On the other hand, we do things like play chess and set and achieve goals.

These require a lot of conscious forethought.

Maybe we can only plan to plan.

Meaning we have to “get ready” to think consciously.

Like if somebody walked up to you on the street with a game of checkers halfway through, and asked you to move, you might wonder if you stepped into the Twilight Zone.

But when your friend surprises you with the statement, “Hey, how about a game of checkers?”

You switch in to “pre-thinking” mode and start playing.

But the funny thing is you can use words like camouflage.

Like some insects have figured out how to look like tree bark so they don’t get eaten.

You can use words that “sound like” they are sending your listener into “pre-thinking” mode.

But they really send them into “dude, what?” mode.

They hear the beginnings of what “sounds” like a request for a conscious thought.

But then end on something differently.

You can do this for laughs, or you can grab hold of their brains and slip in any idea they want.

And then get them to forget they just talked to you.

The thing about language is most people don’t EVER think about HOW they use it.

But it’s pretty simple.

And pretty fun.

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Brain Bombs Blasting Beautifully

Embrace The Rabbit Hole

The idea of a rabbit hole comes from Alice in Wonderland.

She went down, following an actual rabbit, and had a pretty messed up adventure.

So when somebody describes something as a “rabbit hole” or “going down the rabbit hole” they mean getting involved with something that keeps getting more and more confusing.

It’s generally associated with conspiracy theories, or some kind of “hidden truth” that is continually revealed.

Recently, (last decade or so) the “Red Pill” has been used to describe understanding the “complexity” of this “Rabbit Hole.”

(Interesting that both metaphors originated from the same source)

But the thing about “rabbit holes” and “red pills” is that don’t HAVE to be associated with any kind of “evil conspiracy.”

It certainly FEELS GOOD to think you “understand” the way things really are.

But consider this.

Reality itself is something we can NEVER understand.

Not even partially.

The more PURE science you study, the more you’ll realize that we humans don’t know much.

The limit of human understand has been described as the shoreline of an island.

The bigger our understanding gets, the more we realize that there is a MASSIVE ocean out there MUCH BIGGER than our “shoreline” can EVER get.

Which makes the idea of a “red pill” rather silly.

Since it’s IMPOSSIBLE to understand the way things REALLY are.

Ever.

The truth is that NOBODY understands the way things really are.

If we did, we’d never have to GUESS whether or not to carry an umbrella with us when we lave.

If we did, investing would be SIMPLE.

And sports would be BORING since we could predict the outcome.

In fact, sports wouldn’t even EXIST.

What would be the point?

Luckily, there will ALWAYS be a degree of uncertainty.

And luckily, the RABBIT HOLE will ALWAYS be there for us.

No matter how far we are willing to go, the rabbit hole will accommodate us.

It’s up to YOU which direction you want YOUR rabbit hole to go.

Down into confusion, goofy mirrors and red queens running on treadmills?

Or up into continued exploration and understanding, where your knowledge, skills and appreciation of LIFE can continue to EXPAND?

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Keep Your Focus

Compartmentalized Efficiency

Some people like to keep everything in their life compartmentalized.

Other people allow for plenty of spillover.

For example, if you absolutely HATE the idea of taking any work home with you, then you have a rock solid boundary between your work and home life.

On the other hand, you might prefer doing stuff at home, rather than work, because home is more productive.

Then there are folks who work from home, so home and work is the same.

The same table upon which they build their empire is the same table they make a pizza on a couple hours later.

Hobbies, work, social life, dating life, neighborhood groups, all are areas that can either overlap, or be separate.

Some people are so careful about compartmentalization that they don’t like the ice cream to touch the cake or the peas the carrots.

But as humans, we also have a drive to be efficient.

If you had to take a bunch of glasses from your living room into the kitchen, you’d naturally pick up as many as you could carry.

It would be silly to make a separate trip for each glass.

The more efficient you can be, the more time and energy you can save.

Of course, everybody has their own “set point,” or balance between how much compartmentalization they have, and how much efficiency.

One way to approach this is how you view your hobbies.

If they are PURELY “pastimes” then their only purpose is to make the time go by quicker.

On the other hand, they could be VERY PRODUCTIVE.

And if you can ENJOY these hobbies as much as they benefit your skills, then you’ve found an easy path to continual improvement.

If you don’t already do so, consider the hobby of “lifelong learning.”

Meaning try to some find something that would be interesting to learn, interesting enough so you would enjoy doing it, and would also improve your skills in some area.

Fortunately, there are TONS of online learning systems, courses, videos etc.

Which allows you to be able to learn pretty much anything.

And if you also “learn how to learn” this will rapidly accelerate your progress.

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Look Into The Future

Discover Your Inner Vastness

In mathematics, there are two kinds of progressions.

Linear and geometric.

Linear (or arithmetic) progressions are series of numbers that increase in the same interval.

If you graphed them, they would go up in a straight line.

On the other hand, geometric progressions increase in the same proportion.

They go up a lot quicker.

The MORE they go up, the MORE they go up.

Your muscles can be thought of as arithmetically increasing in size and strength, up to a certain limit.

Meaning if you started doing pushups, the amount of pushups that you could do each day would go up in more or less a straight line.

Maybe you’d do ten, then twenty, then thirty, etc.

And once you got to an upper limit (maybe a couple hundred or even a thousand if you were a professional pushup athlete) the increases would level off.

Your brain, on the other hand, or rather the information IN your brain, can go up without any limits.

Sure, there ARE limits, but they are not based on the configuration of your brain.

You’ve only got so much time in the day, you need to do other things, (sleep, eat, take showers, etc), AND your life (at least this one) has a finite number of days.

But even if you were rich, you could afford a massive and continuously updating library of information (as well as professional tutors) your brain would NEVER get full.

This means no matter HOW MUCH you learn through the course of your life, you will always UNDER-UTILIZE your brain.

Most people don’t learn ANYTHING after school, except how to use the latest app, or the bare minimum to do at work and still get paid.

This is like having the world’s most powerful super computer ALL TO YOURSELF and using it to watch cat videos on YouTube.

Just like doing more pushups will help you do more pushups, learning will help you learn.

Especially when you step back and learn HOW to learn more effectively.

Even if you’re totally happy with your life, and see learning new things as a HOBBY, it will make life FEEL much more rewarding.

Because once you REALLY understand just how VAST your mind is, you will ALWAYS feel like you’re on the edge of a great discovery.

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Get Her Dreaming Of You

Make Music For Her Feelings

If everybody can do something, that something is not worth a lot.

The economics of supply and demand is pretty simple.

If there is a HUGE supply, then the cost is going to be cheap.

Meaning if your only skill is unpacking boxes and putting stuff on shelves, you won’t be worth much to any employer.

Sad, but harshly true.

The world of dating works the same way.

Think of all the girls you know.

Chances are you can easily arrange them into a hierarchy.

The ones at the top are in the most demand.

It’s the same with us guys. When girls think of us, WE are also arranged in a hierarchy.

The guys at the top are in the most demand.

For girls, being at the top means being genetically blessed with beauty.

What about guys?

Fortunately, for us it’s a lot less about looks.

It’s about how she FEELS when she interacts with us.

For guys, it’s still about FEELINGS, but those feelings are what we feel when we LOOK at her.

But for girls, they need to interact with us for a while.

This means it’s largely based on how we TALK to her.

The things we can do to her with our words.

And not just the words, but how we say them.

Most guys don’t have much of a clue.

They try a few things, and hope for the best.

That would be like picking up a violin and randomly playing strings, and hoping music comes out.

Usually it doesn’t work.

But if you have some music, and some instructions on how to play, you can make some pretty sweet sounds.

And since most guys are too lazy to learn, you’ll be the only one making beautiful music while every other goof sounds like a dying cat.

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Castles In Their Mind

Thought Extraction Technique

Once I was at a movie theater, I went there on the spur of the moment.

I had no idea what any of the movies were about, so I asked the guy selling tickets.

He gave me a quick rundown, and made a suggestion.

I took it and was satisfied.

Asked-for advice, when given genuinely, is usually very helpful.

On the other hand, few of us like unasked for advice.

The reason has to do with the presuppositions that go along with the advice.

The main presupposition is that the person giving the advice knows more about the situation than the person receiving the advice.

Imagine you were standing in front of a movie theater, trying to decide which movie to see.

Only you had plenty of information on all the different movies.

You were just debating which of them you wanted to see the most.

Then some voice comes out of nowhere and says, “Don’t see X, it sucks.”

Now, depending on WHO said that, and what they looked like, how the behaved, etc, you might take their advice, you might not.

But YOU would still want to choose whether to take their advice or not.

Which means now you’re choice is MORE complicated, especially if the person giving the advice is not your “type.”

Whenever two people talk, it’s like there’s a battle of ideas. A contest of thoughts.

The ideas in your head, and the ideas in their head.

Asking for their ideas and comparing them to your ideas is one thing.

But having them try and FORCE their ideas into your brain (which is essentially what we do when we give unasked for advice) is not so friendly.

Doing the opposite, however, is a LOT of fun.

Instead of putting YOUR ideas into their mind, take THEIR ideas and expand them.

Most people have vague desires, wants, wishes, etc.

But instead of trying to match your specific advice to their vague desires, do the opposite.

Take their vague desires, pull them out of their head, and make them bigger, brighter, more specific.

IF you use ONLY their words and ideas (to make their ideas bigger and more specific) it will have a pretty cool effect.

They’ll feel REALLY GOOD, and they’ll associate those really good feelings with you.

You can use this with pretty much ANYBODY.

Friends, bosses, children, clients. Even people you’ve just met.

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Unlimited Desire

The Bikini Girl Strategy

Plenty of products come with “add-ons.”

Things they try to sell you after you agree to buy something.

A lot of times, these “add-ons” are the main source of profit.

They even take a loss on the first item.

Like this one time I bought a kitchen gadget from a TV commercial.

It was something like a hundred bucks.

And judging by how it worked, and how it was built, it was probably pretty close to it’s real cost.

But I ended up buying nearly $300 worth of “extras.”

Stuff that was cheap and stuff that I NEVER ended up using.

But at the time, it sounded like the logical thing to do.

In for a penny, in for a pound, right?

The lady on the phone was really slick. I placed the order, and the way she phrased the questions made buying something for $50 (that I didn’t even know existed a minute ago) seem so natural.

Why are we like this?

It’s kind of the same reason they stick gorgeous bikini girls next to cars.

It’s not that you think she comes with the car, or even that you’ll get girls if you buy the car.

It’s that the desire for the girl is subconsciously attached to the car.

So when you’ve already decided to buy something, your DESIRE to buy is easily leveraged.

Like they can reach into your brain, take that desire to buy and attach it to anything.

This is the thing about human desires.

We have an unlimited amount.

But most of the time nobody wants to hear about them.

Most people are busy telling us what we SHOULD want, and WHY we should want them.

Even if we get in a couple of words about what we DO want, they may say, “Yeah, yeah, that’s cool, but check THIS out!”

So when you sit back, and just ASK them about what they WANT, you can attach their desires to pretty much anything.

And if you don’t have anything in particular you want to attach their desires to?

They’ll attach them (subconsciously) to YOU!

They’ve got to go somewhere, right?

Learn How:

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Get Them Swooning Over You

Attach Their Desires To You

Economics is called the “dismal science.”

And it’s called that for a lot of reasons.

One is that it forces one to ask the question, “at what cost?”

Politicians HATE this question. Their whole angle is to promise us the moon and never have to worry about paying for it.

Another reason economics is called the “dismal science” is it forces us to understand something about human nature, and human action.

And that is that ALL HUMANS have unlimited wants, needs and desires.

But we’re all stuck on this planet with limited resources.

So figuring out how to best distribute those limited resources to us greedy humans is the billion dollar question of all time.

And as I’m sure you know, if you can get MOST of what you want, you’re doing pretty good.

But this presents a fairly unique opportunity.

Especially for somebody interested in learning language patterns and communication strategies to bring out the BEST in people.

How’s that?

Because using the truth about people from the “dismal science,” you KNOW that inside EVERYBODY you’ve met, and EVERYBODY you will meet, are those UNLIMITED wants, needs and desires.

All you’ve got to do is get them talking about them.

Since they are ENDLESS, you can get them pretty excited.

Ideal futures, dream jobs, dream careers, dream boyfriends or girlfriends, dream houses.

Just get them to open up about their ideal future, tap that vast UNLIMTED resource of wants, needs and desires, and they’ll feel better than they have in a LONG TIME.

Most people pass judgement, give advice, tell people why they’d better be careful, etc.

But when YOU come along and ONLY ASK about those unlimited wants, needs and desires, they’ll feel fantastic.

And they’ll associate that fantastic feeling with YOU.

They won’t think, “Hmm, this guy’s going to help me get that dream house.”

It’s more like advertising. When they put a bikini girl next to a car.

Nobody thinks, “hmm, if I buy the car, I’ll get the girl!”

They just have an UNCONSCIOUS association between the girl and the car.

Equally strong will be the unconscious association between their BIGGEST DESIRES and YOU.

(Or whatever you happen to be selling or recommending or suggesting).

All you’ve got to do is turn off your inner “advice giver,” ask the right questions and watch them light up like crazy.

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The Rabbit Hole Of Persuasion

How To Elicit Their Inner Power

I was at this goofy seminar once a long time ago.

One of the instructors was doing a demonstration to teach a deeper point.

He had one of those Russian Dolls, the kind where each larger one has a smaller one inside.

And he kept going smaller and smaller, until he got to this very tiny one inside.

And inside was an ultra rare, ultra expensive, blue diamond.

The message being that all of us have some super secret, super powerful center.

And once we find that, we can do anything.

Unfortunately, the demonstration was followed up with typical “law of attraction” mumbo jumbo, where the seminar attendees were slathered with vague language about how awesome and unique we are.

Why do I say “unfortunately?”

Because any time you reach inside YOUR mind and use YOUR words to describe somebody else, especially a secret powerful part of somebody else, it’s very difficult to match.

Match what?

YOUR words with how THEY feel about their inner greatness.

Now, most people only have a vague idea of their inner greatness.

They have a vague feeling or desire to “do something” significant.

So at best, you’re going to match that vague feeling with your vague words.

Which really won’t do much.

It’s kind of like eating a bowl of sugar, or drinking a bottle of maple syrup.

Super sweet, gives you a quick buzz, but then you crash hard.

This is also why people tend to jump from motivational seminar to motivational seminar.

They get a fix, a vague bunch of words praising their vague sense of inner awesomeness, and then it wears off.

And on to the next seminar.

Usually all they have to show for it is a ton of credit card debt.

The good news is there IS a way to elicit (not tell) the inner awesomeness from others.

And not just in a vague way, in a VERY SPECIFIC way.

And not in YOUR words, but THEIR words.

When you get somebody to specifically describe part of their inner uniqueness, using their words, their pictures, and their ideas, they’ll feel something they’ve NEVER felt before.

A REAL sense of purpose. A REAL sense of that inner desire being turned into a specific THING.

That they are talking about, with YOU.

All you’ve got to do is sit back and carefully pull it out of them.

And watch the magic happen.

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Island Lovers

Seductive Mind Myths

I read an interesting book awhile back about memes.

Ideas that spread from person to person.

They are kind of like “genes” in that they replicate, and as they do so, they tend to morph and evolve, just like genes.

What was interesting was some of the reasons that memes spread.

Truth is NOT one of the main reasons.

We believe memes because they are easy to understand, they make us feel “in the know” and a few other reasons.

A famous example is a young female anthropologist from England a couple hundred years ago.

She wanted to make a name for herself, so she visited some islands in the South Seas by herself.

The natives figured she was pretty naive, so they “took the piss” as they say.

They told her a bunch of made up stuff, just to have fun.

She came back and had these tales of these mythical people in the South Seas where everybody had sex with everybody.

(Kind of like in high school, when dudes brag about how much action they get, compared to now much they REALLY get).

For a while, talk of this mysterious “open sex” society in the South Seas was all the rage in upper society.

Especially when talking about nubile young “island girls.”

(Thurston old chap, have you heard? That island in the South Seas where EVERYBODY has sex with EVERYBODY?)

A few older, more experienced anthropologists (who had studied plenty of societies and suspected something was wrong) decided to go and have a look for themselves.

And sure enough, when they just observed their behavior (instead of asking the guys, “how often do you get laid?”) they found it was all nonsense.

Funny thing was, that after they came back and published their official report, the myth continued.

For over a hundred years. Even today, people still think there are mythical “island sex parties” somewhere.

Not because they are true, but because we WANT to believe it.

Plenty of these myths still exist.

Not because they are true, but because we LIKE to believe them.

One myth that exists in the world of sales, persuasion and seduction is you have to have a super charismatic personality.

That you have an ultra strong frame.

That you have to know all kinds of advanced language patterns.

When in reality, the opposite is true.

The more you can FORGET about yourself, the more you can OPEN the other person.

And get them to do anything.

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