Category Archives: Fear

Blast Away Your Inner Demons

When I was a kid I was very interested in science.

I was insanely curious about how stuff worked.

When I was in junior HS I had a subscription to Science magazine.

Total geek.

I always liked learning about things like atoms, molecules, and what I understood about quantum physics.

I was even on this book of the month club, and I read a bunch of science books.

I remember learning why the sky was blue.

Because the molecules in the upper atmosphere radiate at the same frequency as blue light.

So of all the light that comes through, blue light comes through the easiest.

Later on, I started studying hypnosis, metaphors and story telling.

Joseph Campbell explained the reasons that most of the myths have the same structure.

Of all the stories that were told over the eons of human history, that particular structure resonated the most effectively with humans.

Kind of like how blue light passed through the upper atmosphere the easiest.

One thing that surprises most people is that we have a lot of common fears and insecurities.

But since we never talk about them, we think we are the only ones that have them.

This is one major reason why there are so many different kinds of group therapies.

Just knowing that there are other people out there, just like you, who are having pretty much the SAME problems, is very comforting.

At our core, we all fear the same things.

Rejection, being kicked out of our social group, making mistakes in front of others.

This is why most people are terrified of public speaking or walking up to an attractive person.

Even the people that “seem” to do it naturally are feeling the same fears.

It’s not that they don’t have those same fears and insecurities, they’ve learned to act in spite of them.

To simply accept them as normal.

What you resist, they say, persists.

When you simply accept it, it is not so bad.

One of the common “themes” of myths is to “face” some demon.

This “demon,” of course, is a metaphor for those SAME fears we all share.

However, there are many ways to face them.

Raw courage and will power is one way.

Using mental practice, on a daily basis, is another.

Or both at the same time.

A little of one on a daily basis, out in the real world, and some daily practice on the inside, in your inner world.

And just like anything else, the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Pretty soon those common “fears” won’t be such a big deal anymore.

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Mind Persuasion Ebooks

Destroy Fear of Mistakes

I was watching this interview the other day.

One of the writers who was talking about the next Star Wars movie.

The question was about one of the characters, and what the writer’s response was to the various “origin theories” floating around online.

He gave some kind of vague answer, saying it would be “satisfying” to everybody.

But the idea of an “origin story” is VERY common in almost all popular stories and myths.

Often times the formula is first we meet the hero, then we become interested in how they “became” the hero.

Why is this so compelling?

Maybe because all of us, on a deep level, want to know “where” we come from.

Maybe as ancient tribes were wandering across the face of the Earth, knowing where they came from would help them to learn from their mistakes. Or learn from their predecessors, mythological or not.

One metaphor is when driving your car, the ratio between the windshield and your rear view mirror is a good ratio.

Meaning you want to be focused MOSTLY on where you’re going, but you need to glance behind you from time to time.

When talking about Meta Programs, this means you want to be motivated a little bit by pain or fear, but mostly by the pleasure of where you are headed.

This is one of the problems many people have with goal setting. If they ONLY are motivated by moving away from pain, the further away from pain they get, the less motivation they have.

Compare the people in your local gym in the first week of January to the first week of March and you’ll see the difference.

How can you avoid this common trap?

Spend a few minutes each and every day meditation on where you are going.

Visualize what it will be when you get there.

Feel all the feelings, see all the sights, hear all the sounds.

This is the power of keeping a daily journal.

If you have a goal, write down ANYTHING you did that day to get you closer.

Then imagine ANYTHING you can do the next day. And actually take the time to imagine doing it.

The future will be EASY to create when you practice building.

Of course, there will be mistakes along the way. You can use journaling to USE THOSE to propel you even further into the future.

Once you realize how beneficial they are, the “fear” of “mistakes” will vanish.

It’s not magic. It takes time.

But with daily practice, you can slowly change your beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes, that will make it easy to achieve anything.

Of course, at the heart of most life plans is your ability to communicate with others.

Because part of EVERY hero’s journey is the support crew.

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Interpersonal Resonance

Freedom From Mental Prison

If you watch old Samurai movies, or old Chinese Kung Fu movies, you may notice that some of the dudes have interesting hair-do’s.

The tops of their heads are bald, but they’ve got these pony tails in back.

Turns out that one of the old emperors decreed that EVERYBODY has to cut their hair like that.

To show their allegiance or something.

All the men went, “Ok!”

But all the women said, “Um, no.”

I remember when I was a kid. In The U.S. they tried desperately to get everybody to start using the metric system.

But most people said, “Um, no.”

There’s a famous story that happened during WWI, between the Brits and the Germans.

It’s pretty complicated, involving theories of human altruism, “tit for tat” behavior, but the gist of it is pretty fascinating.

You had Brits on one side, Germans on the other. They had “learned” without speaking to each other to “pretend” to shoot at each other.

The Germans would blast some trees to the right of the Brits, and the Brits would reciprocate.

Everybody was happy, nobody was getting killed.

Basically the leaders of each country told the young men to go and kill each other.

And the young men figured out a way to say, “Um, no.”

Of course, once the dudes in charge found out, they put everybody on rotation, so they wouldn’t “learn” to “not kill” each other.

And shoot at each other like obedient soldiers!

Truth is that no matter who you are, where you are, what you’re doing, there’s always going to be some dude in charge who wants to tell you what to do.

And it’s up to YOU to accept it, and do it, or say, “Um, no.”

Of course, this can lead to serious trouble. It helps to understand WHY you are doing things, even if you’re being told to do them by other people.

Nobody wants “The Man” coming down on the for disobedience!

One way to not feel so “trapped” even when we HAVE TO do what we’re told, is to always have plenty of ways to look at things.

Plenty of people have died throughout history in POW camps. Most thought it was a horrible experience.

Others found a way to find freedom even there.

The more control you have over your mind, the more control you’ll have over your life.

If you control your mind, and your thoughts COMPLETELY, there’s not much others can do to rain on your parade.

Luckily, there’re plenty of practice exercises to help you strengthen your mind.

Giving you a MASSIVE advantage, one that only YOU know about.

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Intelligence Accelerator

Powerful Mental Skills

When I was younger, I used to do a lot of backpacking.

It kind of forced you to be very careful when choosing what to bring.

Some things were AWESOME to have with you, but they were heavy.

So you had to spend a lot of time choosing.

Since you’re carrying all your stuff on your back for a week or so, you want to make sure it’s not weighing you down.

Once I had to take my then girlfriend to the airport. I showed up at her house and she had three HUGE bags.

Clearly, everything has its advantages and disadvantages.

This goes with pretty much everything.

Even the basics of human biology has costs. Sure, it’s great to get energy from food. But finding it can suck, especially if you’re a caveman. And you’re being chased by a tiger and you have to stop use the caveman toilet, it’s not so convenient.

In economics they have something called an “opportunity cost.” Which means whenever you decide to do something, you’re subconsciously choosing to NOT do a bunch of other things.

You can go out and hang with your friends, but you might miss out on some amazing TV shows!

You could agree to an exclusive relationship with that girl or guy you’ve been seeing, but that means that EVERYBODY else on earth is off limits.

You could buy that cheeseburger for $2, but that means you’re also deciding that everything else on earth that’s also $2 is not what you want.

Of course, when you’re eating that delicious cheeseburger, you’re not focusing on what you DON’T have, you’re focusing on what you DO have.

If our brains weren’t pretty good at this, we’d NEVER be able to decide anything.

Then again, a lot of times we over think things. Instead of focusing on a positive outcome, or even a likely outcome, we allow our caveman brains to come up with the WORST outcome, and then use THAT, however UNLIKELY it is, to define our actions.

That’s the problem with having such quick thinking brains. Sure, they help us decide lickity-split, but we can also send ourselves on horrible mental loops.

Being able to manage your own brain, and manage the thoughts you think and HOLD is a POWERFUL skill to have.

For example, what if you were to imagine the BEST POSSIBLE outcome when you were considering doing ANYTHING, and you had the skill to ONLY think about THAT? Would that make taking action a lot easier?

Of course it would!

This is the power of holding a frame. Of not being knocked off balance by reality, other people, or even your inner caveman (or cavewoman).

It IS a skill, which means you MUST practice.

But when you do, you’ll be pretty pleased with yourself.

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Frame Control

How To Watch Frame Games

Listening in to other people’s conversations can tell you a lot about human nature.

Now, I don’t mean sneaking over to your neighbor’s house and putting you ear to their door.

I mean when you’re hanging out with your friends.

It can be a lot of fun to take the “observer” position from time to time.

Keep in mind this is different than using that as an excuse for not getting involved.

But next time you’re hanging out with three or four people, keep quiet for a few minutes and just notice the exchange.

Notice how people “put their ideas out there,” notice people’s eye movements and facial expressions when they speak, and more importantly, when they finish speaking.

Some people quickly look around, hoping their idea is accepted, or hoping it’s not rejected.

Some people look away, like they can’t bear to see.

Some people stare at others, as if they are aggressively daring others to contradict them.

Now, this all happens subconsciously, and few people will EVER be aware that this is going on.

But it is.

Always.

Evolutionary scientists tell us that all human interaction is a kind of “frame war,” which is a remnant of our evolutionary past.

When we were hunter-gatherers, our social status was absolutely crucial.

Those that had MORE social status got more sex, and food. And then passed on those “get more social status genes” to more kids.

Amongst animals, there’s an idea of a “pecking order.” It literally comes from chickens, who are in a group with a certain hierarchy. The “dominant’ ones get to eat, or peck first when food shows up. Then on down the line.

Whenever a new member is introduced into the group, there’s a kind of “domination showdown” to establish the NEW pecking order.

Our human instincts are based on operating within a group of about 300 people.

Which means all the people you interact with are, on a caveman level, people who you are UNSURE about, with regards to THEIR level in the pecking order.

Which is why you see all these “frame wars” in conversations, even amongst friends.

Because part of our subconscious is ALWAYS trying to move up the social chain.

Now, if you point this out to people, they will deny it. Because admitting consciously that you want more social status sounds pretty shallow. And admitting this out loud will actually LOWER your social status.

Which is why EVERYBODY is hard wired to keep it on the down low.

Which is why watching people talk is so much fun. Like watching a boxing match.

Of course, there are plenty of ways to INCREASE your ability to carefully and COVERTLY move up the social chain, without anybody knowing.

They’ll just know there’s something different about YOU.

Something that makes them want to agree with you. Support you. Follow you.

Think that would be useful?

Learn How:

Frame Control

The Biggest Skill of All

Here’s a quick and easy exercise that will help you maintain a strong frame.

Holding a frame is a skill like any other skill.

However, the way people talk about it, it can sound like there some “technique,” like how do I make a cherry cheesecake.

Once you’ve got the recipe down for a cherry cheesecake, it’s pretty easy.

But something like holding a frame, a skill, takes a lot of practice.

Like hitting a curveball or being able to juggle.

These aren’t impossible things, but you wouldn’t be able to learn them by reading a “how to” guide.

So, how do you practice holding a frame?

Simple. Choose a frame, and hold it!

Just like juggling, or hitting a curveball, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

But unless you are VERY specific and consistent, your “frame” that you are “holding” will be all over the place, which means you won’t exactly be practicing “holding” a frame. You’ll be practicing watching your frame be yanked all over the place!

What is a frame? It’s the meaning of an interaction, or a situation.

So, you can practice by going through similar situations, and HOLDING the same intention.

Like every time you walk into a store, you can set the “meaning” of that situation as you buying what you want.

Sounds simple. Sounds obvious.

But if you’ve EVER walked into a store to buy something, and had your thoughts PULLED AWAY by something you DIDN’T plan, then you lost the frame.

Maybe you saw something you wanted instead.

Maybe you saw a cute guy or girl, and tried to think of something to say.

These are all EXAMPLES of the situation REFRAMING you.

So, how can you PRACTICE holding the frame?

Before you go into the store, choose what your intention is. Buying a sandwich. Buying a case of beer. Whatever.

When you are IN the store, for the entire time, DO NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

Do not look at other stuff. Do not wander around. Do not smile at cute girls.

ONLY keep your mind focused on what you are there for. Get in, buy the thing, and get out.

Let NO OTHER THOUGHTS come into your mind.

This may seem simple. This may seem goofy. This may seem like something that you “already know.”

But when you can hold ANY FRAME YOU CHOOSE, regardless of what other people say or do, or whatever “happens,” you will be able to rule the world.

Who rules the world?

The dude with the strongest frame. Not the smartest guy. Not the richest guy. The guy who can HOLD HIS INTENTION regardless of what happens.

OK, maybe you don’t want to rule the world.

Maybe you just want to make a ton of cash, and build some AWESOME relationships.

The stronger your ability to SET and HOLD any frame, the easier that will be.

Get Started:
Frame Control

What Is Your Structure?

I watched an interesting movie a couple nights ago.

About these young adults who broke into this distillery in Scotland.

There was this super famous, super expensive brand of Scotch. They only made one barrel every hundred years or something.

And once a year they would auction off a bottle. It would sell for tons of cash.

So these guys decided they’d sneak it, siphon off a pint, then put back in a pint of regular stuff.

Then they’d sell the pint on the black market.

(I guess in movieland there’s a black market for everything).

But I couldn’t help but wonder, how does the buyer know the stuff is for real?

I mean, if you’re buying gold or cocaine or something, you can do a chemical test.

But super old and super expensive whiskey is pretty subjective, at least to me.

It kind of reminds of a YouTube video where they took this world famous violinist. Some guy people pay hundreds of dollars to see perform.

And they had him play in a subway all day. Nobody recognized him. He only collected a few bucks in his hat.

Same guy, different skills, but vastly different location.

Another guy, a college student, did a similar experiment. He hired a cameraman, a couple of groupies, and some kind of publicist to follow him around in the local mall.

He even invented a fake name.

Pretty soon, people were tweeting all kinds of pictures of him, and his fake name.

And everybody was pretending he really WAS famous.

Then there’s that famous movie, based on a true story, “Catch Me If You Can,” about a guy who pretended to be doctors, pilots, lawyers, and made tons of money.

Bottom line is you “pretend” to be important, people will assume you are.

The flip side is also true. If you “pretend” that you’re worthless, unsure, not confident, that’s EXACTLY how the world will treat you.

The truth about us humans is that are MUCH more dependent on STRUCTURE than we realize.

The structure of language is grammar. The structure of “self confidence” is good posture, slow confident speech, slow, measured movements, steady eye contact etc.

Collectively, the “structure” of any “conversation” is the Frame.

And more often than not, the FRAME is the driving factor. Not your clothes. Not your bank account. Not your accomplishments.

If you can control the frame, pretty much everything you say will be taken VERY seriously.

Learn More:

Frame Control

Are You Balancing Pencils?

When I was in high school I was a pole vaulter.

After our first official track meet, me and the other three pole vaulters realized something pretty cool.

And that was few other high schools in our region had pole vaulters.

Which meant when we’d show up to meets, everybody else would have a tough competition.

Except for us. We’d automatically get first, second and third.

Which meant that during regular practice, we’d goof off.

Not like the coach could motivate us by saying, “C’mon you guys, we’ve got a tough match coming up!”

One of the ways we’d goof off is balance the poles on our chins.

They were too heavy to balance on our noses, we’d use our chins instead.

Instead of practicing our form, or doing upper body strengthening drills, we’d compete to see who could balance the pole on their chin the longest.

Funny thing was (not really funny when you understand the physics) was that balancing a pole on your chin is much easier than balancing a pencil on your nose.

Because the pole is heavy and long, it shifts its weight slowly. So you can move around underneath it, keeping it balanced.

Compared to a pencil, which can fall over a lot more quickly than you can compensate for a shift in balance.

Most everything you’ll do requires balance. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find something that DOESN’T require balance.

Life is one gigantic interaction between people, who are filled with always changing interdependent variables.

Which is why some people do EVERYTHING to avoid participating.

Sitting on the couch watching TV is one way. ZERO balance required. Except if you’re sitting there with a big bowl of chips on your belly, you’ve got to be careful not to tip it over as you shovel that fried saltiness into your face.

But as soon as you step outside, you’re going to need to balance. Walking even.

Something that took you YEARS to learn, you now do without thought.

When you have a conversation, you balance your ideas with their ideas.

When you start an exercise program, you’ve got to balance too much with too little.

When you try something new, you’ve got to balance expectations. Expect easy perfection, or imminent doom, and you’ll be wrong.

Every single person who has created greatness has experienced setbacks. MASSIVE ones.

But it wouldn’t be a worthy path unless you HAD to be bested by obstacle along the way. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

Even the greatest running backs of all time get knocked on the ass more often than not.

Rarely do they break through giant holes and sprint for the endzone.

Why should YOUR life be any different?

Be bold. Expect challenges. Blast through them when you can. Pick yourself up and have another go when you don’t.

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Fearless

What Do You Practice?

I was talking to a friend of mine who had to give a big presentation recently.

It was some advanced business to business concept. Some device used in big factories.

He had to give a PowerPoint presentation to about fifty people, all from different countries.

I asked him if he was nervous, and he said no. He’d done it many times before, so he wasn’t nervous.

As the old joke goes, the guy walking down the street asks the stranger, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” To which the stranger replies: “Practice.”

Meaning if you want to become highly skilled in anything, all you’ve got to do is practice.

For a lot of people, this is horrible news. They’d like to take some magic pill, or have the information drilled into their brain Matrix-like (or like on the TV show “Chuck”) and then suddenly be excellent.

Part of the reason is that people that are really good at something have practice so much, they’ve reached the final stage of learning:

Unconscious Competence.

They’re so good they don’t have to think about what they’re doing. They make it look easy. So much that we start to think that it’s not fair. After all, that guy or girl up on stage is just having fun, yet making millions of dollars.

But what we DON’T see is the tens of thousands of hours they’ve practiced again and again. Many times at the expense of a normal social life.

On the other hand, there are people who LOVE the idea of “practice makes perfect.”

This means ANYBODY can do ANY THING. So long as they put in enough practice, and give themselves enough time.

But alas, most of us are incredibly lazy. That guy on the late night TV commercial says we can get rich with no experience and no money down.

That one gizmo that slides under your bed can give you a six pack in only three minutes a day.

The secret of success is that there IS no secret.

Sure, some people are born lucky. But most of us aren’t.

The REAL secret is that if you simply practice something long enough, you’ll be excellent at it.

Excellent enough to make tons of cash, create magnificent relationships, and get whatever you want.

This goes with real skills, like becoming a master chef or a virtuoso violinist.

It also goes with mental skills. Like developing positive beliefs and demolishing false fears.

Practice the right mental exercises, and you’ll be fearless in no time.

Combine this with some real world practice, and the world is yours.

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Fearless

How Much Junk Do You Have?

My dad was a packrat.

Whenever he would buy something, he would keep the box.

“Just in case.”

When I was a kid, we had no problem finding a box for any purpose.

If you’ve ever moved from one house to another, you may have been faced with the difficult question.

“Should I keep this or trash it?”

Especially if you are the one boxing everything up, putting it in the truck (or your friends’ cars) and then unloading it.

You look at it and think, “Wow, I’ve had this for years, but I forgot it. Do I really need to keep it?”

Of course, you still think that you might one day “need” that stuff.

A good rule of thumb is that if you haven’t used it in the past year, you can safely trash it.

Some even say you should do this once a year, even if you’re not moving. It can really give you a “fresh” feeling, even though you haven’t really done anything except throw a bunch of stuff in the garbage.

But even this is hard. You might have a favorite shirt, one you haven’t worn in YEARS.

But when you think about throwing it out, you might start to feel sad. Melancholy for the “good ‘ol days.”

Sure, there are extremes. There are people who shun ALL material possessions. They wander the earth in search of truth.

Then there are those people to keep EVERYTHING. They even make TV shows about them. How their entire houses are filled with all kinds of junk they don’t even know they have.

Human emotions are kind of like that. Our deep instincts.

They were formed when life was dangerous. When we had to chase our food, and other critters were chasing us because WE were food.

But it’s not like that any more.

Many of those fears and trepidations are like that old shirt you haven’t worn in a decade.

It might a bit painful to throw it in the trash, but once you do, you’ll feel a sense of lightness that will make EVERYTHING seem new.

And since you’ve got a whole CLOSETFULL of those old fears in your brain that you simply DO NOT NEED anymore, you can start throwing them out one by one.

And slowly replace them with better feelings and attitudes and beliefs. Just like you can replace that old disco shirt for one that’s much more stylish, and will get you much better attention.

Get Started:

Fearless