Category Archives: Frame

Blast Off Butterfly!

Are You Jumping Without A Parachute?

There are a lot of “law of attraction” type sayings that sound pretty good.

And like a lot of things, if we repeat them enough, we feel like we “know” them.

But there’s a difference between being familiar with the words (and examples) and actually discovering them on your own.

If you’ve experienced this, it presents a strange problem.

For example, many people have heard the expression, “Fake it till you make it.”

And most people can give a couple examples of why this is true.

All without ever having actually faked it until you made it.

But then something happens, and you actually have to fake something, and then you make “it” (whatever “it” is) and it hits you.

It’s true in an experiential way, whereas before it was true in an intellectual way.

But when you say it, while recalling your own true life experience, it sounds EXACTLY the same.

It’s somewhat similar (but only somewhat) to the famous Bruce Lee quote.

(Paraphrased)

“Before Jeet Kun Do, a punch is just a punch. During Jeet Kun Do, a punch is a careful combination of energy, focus, balance, concentration, and intention. After Jeet Kun Do, a punch is just a punch.”

It’s the same thing, but very, very different.

One of the often said truisms (much like faking it till you make it) is that you need to have belief before you have results.

Most people say this, but few people have the experience of believing something BEFORE they believe it.

It’s also easy to rewrite your beliefs so that you can pretend you believed it before you saw it, when in reality, you had your doubts.

The human brain is very clever at always making us the heroes of our own stories.

But one area where you MUST believe in what you’re creating is when you are purposely creating relationships with others.

This is when what you WANT to do is usually the direct opposite of what you SHOULD do.

But if you believe in what you are doing, and you can NOT do what most people do, you will GET what most people don’t get.

One way to make it much easier is to get an intellectual understanding of what you are doing.

Kind of like having an intellectual understanding of the physics of parachuting before jumping out of a plane.

Still pretty terrifying, but not nearly as terrifying as jumping out of a plane WITHOUT a parachute and hoping for a miracle.

The “hoping for a miracle” strategy is what most people use.

But when you understand the structure of relationships, you can create them with as much scientific precision as the air that lets you and your parachute drift gently to the ground.

Learn More:

Love Hypnosis

Animal Magnetism

Generate Attractive Magnetism

One way to become an incredibly compelling speaker is to create something called “response potential.”

Most people, when they stories, or jokes, are in a hurry to finish.

Then when they finish, they look around, usually hoping for approval.

Sure, if they’ve got a good story, or something interesting happened, this can work.

But it’s HIGHLY content dependent.

Like if you were walking to the dry cleaners and you saw a bank robbery, you wouldn’t have to do much to be the center of attention.

“Hey, I saw a bank robbery this morning!” Would be all you needed to say. And everybody would be DYING to hear more.

Most people are always on the lookout for CONTENT. They even think that because they don’t have good CONTENT, then they can’t be a good conversationalist.

“I never have anything to talk about.”

But the GOOD NEWS is while people like content on a conscious level, we are DRAWN to structure on a subconscious level.

Meaning if you tell a story with good structure, you don’t need decent content.

What kind of structure?

Pause in the middle of sentences, where they don’t usually belong. Where people will SUBCONSCIOUSLY want to hear you “finish the thought.”

Break your stories up, get just up to the climax of one story, and start telling another one.

This is why world famous comedians can tell stories about waiting in line at the supermarket and get paid millions of dollars.

It’s not the CONTENT of their stories, it’s the STRUCTURE.

So long as your stories and anecdotes have an emotionally compelling theme, you’ll be fine.

But the BIGGEST ingredient of telling a compelling story, and holding roomfuls of people in the palm of your hand is having a strong frame.

If you have even a basic story, like when you couldn’t find your shoes this morning, but tell it in a good structure AND with a strong frame, people will think you are incredibly charismatic.

What is a strong frame? It’s the meaning you put on the interaction. Of you telling that story.

If your frame is “I hope they don’t interrupt me and I hope somebody laughs,” then you won’t do so well.

But if your frame is “This is the funniest thing in the world, and I’m going to enjoy talking about it,” then YOUR frame will override everybody else’s frame.

This takes practice. It’s not some easy mental switch you can flip and call it good.

It is a skill. And like any other skill, the more you practice, the better you’ll get.

But most people don’t even know this skill exists, let alone how to practice it.

But you do.

Get Started:

Frame Control

Frame Control Secrets

Powerful Mental Skills

When I was younger, I used to do a lot of backpacking.

It kind of forced you to be very careful when choosing what to bring.

Some things were AWESOME to have with you, but they were heavy.

So you had to spend a lot of time choosing.

Since you’re carrying all your stuff on your back for a week or so, you want to make sure it’s not weighing you down.

Once I had to take my then girlfriend to the airport. I showed up at her house and she had three HUGE bags.

Clearly, everything has its advantages and disadvantages.

This goes with pretty much everything.

Even the basics of human biology has costs. Sure, it’s great to get energy from food. But finding it can suck, especially if you’re a caveman. And you’re being chased by a tiger and you have to stop use the caveman toilet, it’s not so convenient.

In economics they have something called an “opportunity cost.” Which means whenever you decide to do something, you’re subconsciously choosing to NOT do a bunch of other things.

You can go out and hang with your friends, but you might miss out on some amazing TV shows!

You could agree to an exclusive relationship with that girl or guy you’ve been seeing, but that means that EVERYBODY else on earth is off limits.

You could buy that cheeseburger for $2, but that means you’re also deciding that everything else on earth that’s also $2 is not what you want.

Of course, when you’re eating that delicious cheeseburger, you’re not focusing on what you DON’T have, you’re focusing on what you DO have.

If our brains weren’t pretty good at this, we’d NEVER be able to decide anything.

Then again, a lot of times we over think things. Instead of focusing on a positive outcome, or even a likely outcome, we allow our caveman brains to come up with the WORST outcome, and then use THAT, however UNLIKELY it is, to define our actions.

That’s the problem with having such quick thinking brains. Sure, they help us decide lickity-split, but we can also send ourselves on horrible mental loops.

Being able to manage your own brain, and manage the thoughts you think and HOLD is a POWERFUL skill to have.

For example, what if you were to imagine the BEST POSSIBLE outcome when you were considering doing ANYTHING, and you had the skill to ONLY think about THAT? Would that make taking action a lot easier?

Of course it would!

This is the power of holding a frame. Of not being knocked off balance by reality, other people, or even your inner caveman (or cavewoman).

It IS a skill, which means you MUST practice.

But when you do, you’ll be pretty pleased with yourself.

Get Started:

Frame Control

Frame Wars

How To Watch Frame Games

Listening in to other people’s conversations can tell you a lot about human nature.

Now, I don’t mean sneaking over to your neighbor’s house and putting you ear to their door.

I mean when you’re hanging out with your friends.

It can be a lot of fun to take the “observer” position from time to time.

Keep in mind this is different than using that as an excuse for not getting involved.

But next time you’re hanging out with three or four people, keep quiet for a few minutes and just notice the exchange.

Notice how people “put their ideas out there,” notice people’s eye movements and facial expressions when they speak, and more importantly, when they finish speaking.

Some people quickly look around, hoping their idea is accepted, or hoping it’s not rejected.

Some people look away, like they can’t bear to see.

Some people stare at others, as if they are aggressively daring others to contradict them.

Now, this all happens subconsciously, and few people will EVER be aware that this is going on.

But it is.

Always.

Evolutionary scientists tell us that all human interaction is a kind of “frame war,” which is a remnant of our evolutionary past.

When we were hunter-gatherers, our social status was absolutely crucial.

Those that had MORE social status got more sex, and food. And then passed on those “get more social status genes” to more kids.

Amongst animals, there’s an idea of a “pecking order.” It literally comes from chickens, who are in a group with a certain hierarchy. The “dominant’ ones get to eat, or peck first when food shows up. Then on down the line.

Whenever a new member is introduced into the group, there’s a kind of “domination showdown” to establish the NEW pecking order.

Our human instincts are based on operating within a group of about 300 people.

Which means all the people you interact with are, on a caveman level, people who you are UNSURE about, with regards to THEIR level in the pecking order.

Which is why you see all these “frame wars” in conversations, even amongst friends.

Because part of our subconscious is ALWAYS trying to move up the social chain.

Now, if you point this out to people, they will deny it. Because admitting consciously that you want more social status sounds pretty shallow. And admitting this out loud will actually LOWER your social status.

Which is why EVERYBODY is hard wired to keep it on the down low.

Which is why watching people talk is so much fun. Like watching a boxing match.

Of course, there are plenty of ways to INCREASE your ability to carefully and COVERTLY move up the social chain, without anybody knowing.

They’ll just know there’s something different about YOU.

Something that makes them want to agree with you. Support you. Follow you.

Think that would be useful?

Learn How:

Frame Control

Can You Make This?

The Recipe For Success

If you wanted to make a cake, you’d need certain ingredients.

Sure, it depends on the cake.

Once I made a chocolate cheesecake. Pretty simple. Cream cheese, sugar, and some chocolate sauce. Mix it up and Bob’s your Uncle.

Other cakes require a lot of preparation, and often times a lot of practice. Since there aren’t that many steps in making a chocolate cheesecake, and the steps are so simple even a goof like me can do it, you don’t need to practice.

Just read the recipe, and you’re good.

But if you were going to make some super complicated upside down strawberry souffle (whatever THAT is, lol) you’d need a LOT of skills.

Basically the more variables are involved, the more skills you need, and the more practice you need.

Think about something as simple as balancing a plate or spinning a basketball on your finger.

Not a lot of variables, so you could learn how in a few minutes.

Now think of something much more complicated like juggling chainsaws.

MANY variables, so you’d need a LOT more practice.

And not just practice doing the WHOLE thing, (juggling the chainsaws) but every individual component would need work.

Juggling itself. Handling a chainsaw. Spinning ONE chainsaw around, etc.

Life is THE MOST complicated thing you’ll ever do.

Sure, you can sit around and hope for good things to happen.

Many people do that. And many people don’t get much.

Or you can TAKE CONTROL of your own life. Decide what you want, and make THAT your life’s purpose.

Naturally, you’ll need a lot of skills.

You will NEVER get to the point where you have ENOUGH skills.

You will ALWAYS need to keep learning.

Most people don’t like hearing this. They’d rather be TOLD what to do, only have to do it ONCE, and then somehow sit back while the money keeps rolling in.

People that continue to create greatness know that’s just a fairy tale.

What skills do you need?

One is being able to bounce back from setbacks.

Because they will ALWAYS happen. If you aren’t getting setbacks, you are doing something wrong.

Because embedded in EVERY SINGLE SETBACK is a valuable lesson.

What lesson?

That’s up for you to decide, based on where you’re going, and based on what the setback is.

NOBODY is going to tell you.

Again, most people don’t hearing this.

They want to be led by the hand to riches, prosperity, six pack abs, and great sex with beautiful people.

One thing that will make bouncing back from setbacks MUCH easier is how you DEFINE them.

If each setback “means” that you suck, it will be hard to keep going.

But if you REFRAME setbacks to mean “I just learned something valuable,” then you’ll keep charging ahead.

Whether the setbacks come conversationally, or in complicated life situations.

The setbacks don’t control you, you control the setbacks.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

Always Be Testing

Do You Need Approval?

When I was a kid I love doing experiments.

I always wanted to see what would happen if I did something.

Especially things I didn’t know about.

I’d mix this and that, or hook up this to something else.

Once I even stuck my finger in a light socket just to see what would happen.

When I was in High School, I got kicked out of chemistry lab because I mixed two chemicals just to “see” what would happen.

Most of the time scientific studies aren’t really scientific studies.

Because scientific studies cost a lot of money. Which means somebody has to pay for them.

And the studies have a funny way of turning out in favor of those who are paying for the studies.

But sometimes, you find somebody who does research just to “see” what will happen.

There was this guy in the seventies who did something like that. He would send his team out into the world, and have them behave in different ways, just to see how people would respond.

Like people with business suits were much more likely to get a pass in a restaurant when they’d forgotten their wallets, than people who were dressed casually.

People who wore beige raincoats seemed to be more “upper class” than people who wore black raincoats.

People that walked upright and with confident body language were perceived much more attractive than when they had their shoulders slumped and looked at the ground when they walked.

One thing that turned out to be a very strong undercurrent to everything was somebody’s “congruence.”

The more “congruent” people were, the more attractive and likeable they were.

The less “congruent” they were, the harder they were to get along with. The less people liked talking to them. The less influential they were.

What exactly is “congruence”?

Everything is consistent. Your words match your body language. Your body language matches your facial expressions. You don’t say “yes” while breaking eye contact and crossing your arms.

More importantly, you stick to your intentions. Meaning you don’t keep changing your mind every twenty seconds. You don’t keep asking everybody their opinions to make sure it’s “safe.”

You don’t get halfway through a project and give up because the steady stream of positive feedback from your friends and family suddenly dried up.

You set an intention in your mind, and keep to that intention.

If you think of two different people on opposite sides of this extreme, you’ll get an idea.

People that are ultra wishy washy and are always asking for feedback and approval aren’t very attractive or persuasive.

On the other hand, people that have a very clear idea of what they want, and where they are going, are much more magnetic and charismatic.

How do you become one and not the other?

Here’s How:

Frame Control

The Biggest Skill of All

Here’s a quick and easy exercise that will help you maintain a strong frame.

Holding a frame is a skill like any other skill.

However, the way people talk about it, it can sound like there some “technique,” like how do I make a cherry cheesecake.

Once you’ve got the recipe down for a cherry cheesecake, it’s pretty easy.

But something like holding a frame, a skill, takes a lot of practice.

Like hitting a curveball or being able to juggle.

These aren’t impossible things, but you wouldn’t be able to learn them by reading a “how to” guide.

So, how do you practice holding a frame?

Simple. Choose a frame, and hold it!

Just like juggling, or hitting a curveball, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

But unless you are VERY specific and consistent, your “frame” that you are “holding” will be all over the place, which means you won’t exactly be practicing “holding” a frame. You’ll be practicing watching your frame be yanked all over the place!

What is a frame? It’s the meaning of an interaction, or a situation.

So, you can practice by going through similar situations, and HOLDING the same intention.

Like every time you walk into a store, you can set the “meaning” of that situation as you buying what you want.

Sounds simple. Sounds obvious.

But if you’ve EVER walked into a store to buy something, and had your thoughts PULLED AWAY by something you DIDN’T plan, then you lost the frame.

Maybe you saw something you wanted instead.

Maybe you saw a cute guy or girl, and tried to think of something to say.

These are all EXAMPLES of the situation REFRAMING you.

So, how can you PRACTICE holding the frame?

Before you go into the store, choose what your intention is. Buying a sandwich. Buying a case of beer. Whatever.

When you are IN the store, for the entire time, DO NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

Do not look at other stuff. Do not wander around. Do not smile at cute girls.

ONLY keep your mind focused on what you are there for. Get in, buy the thing, and get out.

Let NO OTHER THOUGHTS come into your mind.

This may seem simple. This may seem goofy. This may seem like something that you “already know.”

But when you can hold ANY FRAME YOU CHOOSE, regardless of what other people say or do, or whatever “happens,” you will be able to rule the world.

Who rules the world?

The dude with the strongest frame. Not the smartest guy. Not the richest guy. The guy who can HOLD HIS INTENTION regardless of what happens.

OK, maybe you don’t want to rule the world.

Maybe you just want to make a ton of cash, and build some AWESOME relationships.

The stronger your ability to SET and HOLD any frame, the easier that will be.

Get Started:
Frame Control

Stop Taking Magic Pills

Do You Take Magic Pills?

When I was a kid I used to love the Brady Bunch.

There was one episode where they were at some amusement park.

The mom told the two youngest kids they could go off on their own, but not to eat anything.

Otherwise, they would spoil their dinner!

So every opportunity they could, the kids ate. But they didn’t call it “eating.”

We’re not eating, we’re “tasting.”

We’re not eating. We’re just putting the ice cream in our mouths, and it’s going down our throats on its own.

Etc.

The truth is that any kind of meaning we put on anything is INCREDIBLY flexible.

Of course, our brains are hard wired to see danger in many places where it doesn’t exist.

Those that didn’t have this “danger around every corner” gene were removed from society.

Even if they were “wrong” one time out of a hundred, that was enough to end their genetic lineage.

Which is why some things are harder to “reframe” than others.

Like when there’s any question of social safety, your automatic brain response is “better safe than sorry.”

Only we don’t live in a society where getting any kind of social disapproval is dangerous. Sure, in our ancient history maybe, but not any more.

Which is why a lot of NLP “tricks” don’t really last. Imagine you’ve got two circuits in your brain.

One for “fear.” One for “pleasure.”

Sure, you COULD do a Swish Pattern, and practice replacing your “fear” response with “pleasure.” And it might feel cool when you do it.

But unless you drill it into your brain, several times, it won’t stick.

Imagine thinking that all you had to do to lose weight was to do ONE sit up.

Or if you were training for a marathon you only needed to go jogging ONCE.

Or if you wanted to learn how to play Moonlight Sonata, you needed to watch it on YouTube a couple of times.

But for some reason, this is how a lot of people “do” NLP.

Some kind of “once and done” magic fix.

Remember, we’re talking about rewiring ANCIENT brain patterns that’s kept us safe for MILLIONS of years.

Before we were even humans.

It’s going to take a while!

But each time is easy. Five minutes a day. A little journaling. A little daily introspection.

Make this a daily PRACTICE, rather than a magic pill, and you’ll be on the path to greatness.

And since most people are WAY too lazy to do ANYTHING other than take a magic pill, you’ll be WAY ahead of the game.

Get Started:
Frame Control