Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Be The Guy She Chases

Stand Out From Every Other Guy

Whenever we want something, but aren’t sure we can get it, we get mixed feelings.

What’s worse is when we KNOW we have to do something, but are pretty sure it’s going to suck.

Studying for a test, doing your taxes, cleaning out your garage.

Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between things we HAVE to do, and things we WANT to do.

Interacting with attractive ladies is like that for a lot of guys.

Obviously, having a decent relationship with a hottie feels pretty good.

But it can also feel like something you “should do.”

Society says so, your genes say so.

Compared to something like exercise, or getting ripped, which is much more of a personal choice.

If you were to announce to all your friends and family that you just decided to stop pursuing relationships with women, they would maybe think something was wrong with you.

Unless you have something MORE IMPORTANT that you are chasing.

If you say, “I don’t date because it’s too difficult,” it doesn’t sound so good.

But if you say, “I don’t have time to chase girls, I’m busy focusing on X,” (whatever X is) it sounds a LOT better. Admirable even.

And paradoxically, this will make you MUCH MORE attractive to most girls.

Why?

Because girls are used to guys chasing them. They are used to guys “cold approaching” them all day long.

But you?

You are chasing something MORE IMPORTANT than them.

When you choose what that is, and start chasing it, something pretty cool will happen.

Girls will start chasing you.

Well, they won’t literally be running after you down the street, but they will be looking at you much differently than every other drooling guy.

And you will have a feeling of choice that most guys don’t even know exist.

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Always Be Chasing Your Dreams

Make Women Hungry For You

There are a lot of ways you can increase your luck with the ladies.

Fortunately, creating attraction in females is a skill.

Or at the very least, it can be.

Most people don’t know how it works so they just keep trying with different ladies until they find somebody they naturally “click” with.

This does work, but it’s pretty haphazard.

A much better method is to understand what she wants, or more accurately, what kind of things she’ll respond to.

It’s helpful to think of female attraction like an instinct.

Much like hunger.

You can’t really talk somebody into being hungry.

But if you describe a meal you had, or get them near a restaurant where they can smell the food cooking, they’ll get hungry.

Similarly, you can create attraction the same way. Simply provide the right stimuli that naturally creates attraction in women.

Luckily, this has very little to do with how you look, and much more to do with how you behave.

And what behavior drives her crazy?

A guy that makes her feel certain emotions, AND that she can’t control.

And when you add social proof on top of this, she’ll go crazy.

The only drawback is if you’re trying to create this in a specific girl, it’s pretty difficult.

It’s much easier to start to create these feelings in women in general.

Then simply choose from all the girls that are naturally attracted to your behaviors.

What kind of behaviors?

Somebody who is comfortable around people. Somebody that is NOT needy. Somebody that doesn’t hang around “hoping” for something good to happen.

The best way to practice this is to simply try to get a positive response from ANY GIRL, and keep moving.

This will subtly change your behavior in a very powerful way.

You’ll be building in a strong belief, based on real evidence, that girls simply cannot get enough of you.

This will change your “energy” which is the sum total of all your non-verbal signals that you’re always sending out.

This is the confident “energy” that women go crazy for.

It’s a bit counter-intuitive, but if you start practicing, pretty soon you’ll be seeing girls in a much different light.

Because they’ll be looking at YOU a lot differently.

Learn More:

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Develop Massive Female Confidence

All Girls Want You

Most guys think that walking up and number closing hundreds of girls will build up their confidence.

It can, but it requires CONSTANT motivation.

Meaning if you stop doing it for a week, it will seem incredibly hard to get started again.

But think of it from another perspective.

Our brains tend to generalize, delete, and distort.

Meaning our brains are incredibly fast, but not very accurate.

So whenever we see a new situation, our brains automatically reference our memories to get an idea of how to feel about it.

Let’s say you are trying the cold approach method of increasing confidence.

Every time you go to approach a new girl, you are going to automatically remember the last couple hundred girls you approached.

And you’ll do so within a few milliseconds. (Fast but inaccurate).

And then your brain will come back with a “feeling” indicating whether it (your brain) thinks it’s “safe” or not.

And what was the result of the last couple hundred cold approaches?

Even the best cold approachers have about an eighty percent FAILURE rate.

So the “feeling” you get back is going to say “DANGER!”

Every. Single. Time.

This is precisely you need so much motivation.

Luckily, this isn’t the ONLY way to build confidence.

Consider the “hit and run” approach.

This also requires that you interact with girls, either verbally or non verbally.

But you ONLY do so until you get a POSITIVE response from her.

THEN you eject. IMMEDIATELY.

It’s important you eject RIGHT WHEN you get any kind of positive signal from her.

This seems counterintuitive and a bit silly.

But consider how you’ll feel after doing this with a few dozen girls.

Your brain will still rapidly scan your past (fast and inaccurate).

But instead of coming back with a feeling that says, “girls mostly reject you, be careful,” it will come back with a MUCH BETTER FEELING.

One that is more like:

“All girls like you.”

Instead of needing momentum, to continually push past the fear of rejection, you’ll feel the positive force of “all girls like you” pulling you forward.

The crucial rule to follow is ALWAYS EJECT as soon as you get a positive “ping” from her.

Start with eye contact, move up to smiles, and then SHORT conversations.

As you as you get her laughing and smiling, BEFORE you number close, LEAVE.

This will create a fantastic feeling of “All girls want me!”

And when you get to THAT level, the world will be your playground.

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How Specifically To Create Abundance

Create A Sexual Abundance Mindset

If you walked into a bank to get a loan, what would be the best strategy?

Unless you’re participating in those shady NINJA home loans (NINJA = No Income No Job Application), you need to show them you don’t really need the money.

If you have a solid business, steady customers, and a verifiable income stream, you’re good.

But if you’ve only got a half baked idea and lousy credit, they’ll kick you out.

Similarly, the best way to get a job is if you already have one.

Or at the very least, you’re entertaining many different offers.

Women are the same.

If you’ve ever had a girlfriend, then you know THAT’s when interacting with other girls is easiest.

But this can present a horrible catch 22.

You can’t get a girlfriend until you already have a girlfriend.

This is useless if you don’t have a girlfriend.

Or so it would seem.

Luckily, with girls, you don’t need to show a resume or your credit history.

All you need is the right behavior.

And what behavior do you exhibit if you HAVE a girlfriend?

Non-neediness. A deep belief that you are attractive to women. An absolute lack of scarcity. Or as they say in Law-of-Attraction circles, an “Abundance Mindset.”

Unfortunately, in those same LOA circles, they don’t really tell you HOW to get that mindset.

But in reality, it’s pretty easy.

It require you interact with reality a little bit differently.

You could call it the “hit and run” strategy.

All you need is any positive feedback from any female.

A smile, eye contact, anything.

Starting from there, you can build up a HUGE feeling of ABUNDANCE when it comes to ladies.

And every lady will smell it. (Or sense it or however women understand these things).

Even if you’ve never even KISSED a girl, you can build this up, without ever needing to TALK to girls.

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Radiate Powerful Energy

How To Radiate Attractive Energy

The human brain is pretty big.

Compared to other mammals, our brain is much bigger, as a percentage of body size.

And it’s much bigger as a percentage of energy used.

So to save energy, Mother Nature has invented a bunch of shortcuts.

If we had to figure stuff out from scratch every single time, we wouldn’t have survived.

In the old days, people that could think and react quickly tended to last much longer than those who sat around contemplating things.

One of these ways is how we judge other people.

Just think if it took you a week to get to know somebody, and THEN you got an “impression” of them.

That would be an extremely ineffective way to meet people.

Instead, we’ve developed a way to get a “first impression” in a matter of seconds.

Before we even talk to somebody.

You’re not going to like this idea, but here it is.

That girl you’re flirting with from across the bar may have a certain impression when you’re way over there, surrounded by your buddies.

You’re laughing and confident and laid back.

But when you approach, you suddenly become nervous and anxious.

The closer you get to her, the more she (subconsciously) CHANGES her “impression” of you.

And if you’re like most guys, by the time you get there, you (in her eyes) are much less attractive than you were a few minutes ago.

How to conquer this common problem?

By training your mind how to think about her, how to think about approaching and how to think about girls in general.

With the right mindset, you’ll ALWAYS be demonstrating behavior that is insanely attractive to most girls.
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Get Them Competing For You

Get Girls Competing For You

Why do girls flake?

The biggest reason is that they have low interest.

As much as guys like to think otherwise, the way a girl behaves around you is HIGHLY DEPENDENT on her interest level in you.

Compare how she behaves around a good looking, tall, athletic rich guy, compared to some homeless guy.

(Don’t worry, you don’t need to be tall, good looking, athletic or rich).

They say you can judge people by how they treat the “help.”

Meaning how well they treat people they DON’T need to be nice to.

But even then that’s not a great gauge.

There’s polite behavior, and there’s behavior that’s driven by attraction and desire.

And if a girl has attraction and desire for you, she’ll behave VERY WELL.

Meaning she won’t flake, she won’t be late, she won’t stare at her phone when she’s with you.

She (the very same girl) will do ALL these things with a guy she has little or no interest in.

The way most guys go about doing this is backwards.

They walk up to dozens of girls, get a bunch of numbers, and hope that eventually one of them will have “high interest.”

This strategy DOES work. Because there ARE plenty of girls out there that WILL have high interest in you naturally.

But finding them can be a real chore. Even if one out of ten girls will really like you the way you are, going through nine rejections is pretty tough.

A much better strategy is to slowly change how you naturally are. Change your outlook, change the way you view the world and your place in it.

If you do that, then you’ll slowly increase the percentage of girls who like the NATURAL YOU.

And once you cross a specific tipping point, THEY will compete for YOU.

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Secret Social Proof

Generate Social Proof

Social proof is crucial in creating attraction.

You walk into a bar by yourself, most girl’s won’t even notice you.

You walk in with a crew of dudes, and you’ll maybe get a bit more of a look.

But you walk in with a slew of babes, and every girl will want you.

But what do you do if you don’t have a slew of babes?

Rent some!

Just kidding.

Here’s a “trick” that will help. It requires that you practice talking to as many women as you can.

Not just women you’re interested in, but ALL women.

All you need is their name, and ANYTHING about them.

Let’s say you’re in the supermarket.

And you see a ninety year old woman looking at pasta sauce.

You ask her what she’s planning on cooking.

She tells you lasagna. You ask her if it’s good. She says yes.

You ask her name, she tells you it’s “Betty.”

So far so good.

Now, here you are a couple weeks later. You’re in a conversation with a girl you’d LIKE to create attraction in.

She mentions she likes pasta.

You say, “Yeah, my friend Betty likes to cook Lasagna. It’s pretty good,” and leave it at that.

The girl you’re talking to won’t know who Betty is. But she’ll assume she’s decent looking. And since you mentioned that she cooks lasagna, the girl you’re currently talking to will assume all kinds of things about you and Betty.

If you linger too long on Betty, it will lose it’s effect.

Just drop Betty and her cooking into the conversation, and then start talking about something else.

If you drop two or three female names in the conversation, and they are related to the conversation, the girl you’re talking to will only assume ONE THING.

That you are a mad player and have all kinds of women on your back burner.

Which will make her want you more than ever.

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Manifest Woman

Get Her Begging For You

One of the best ways to increase attraction is to leave.

Most guys use the “make the ho say no” strategy.

While this is good for the ego, it’s not so good for your confidence.

The way the brain works is whenever we look into new situation, our minds try to find as many similar situations in the past as possible.

That way it can save energy figuring stuff out, and refer to as much previous experiences as possible.

And if you’re using the “make the ho say no” strategy, you’ll end up getting rejected a lot.

Since that’s what happens when the ho actually says, “no.”

The opposite strategy, which is also EXTREMELY counterintuitive, is to LEAVE just as her attraction is starting to build.

This is VERY HARD.

In many ways it’s harder than cold approaching.

But it will build up MASSIVE confidence if you keep at it for a while.

Why?

Because every time you see a new social situation filled with potential females, you’re brain will quickly scan the last couple dozen encounters.

And EACH ONE will NOT be a rejection, but a girl looking at you with eyes that say, “Hey! Come back! Don’t leave yet!”

This will give you an incredible amount of confidence.

And if you keep this up long enough, each time you LEAVE the girl will try harder and harder to get you to stay.

Because the more confident you are, the more attraction you’ll build.

Try it out, and see what happens.

Learn More:

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Massive Self Confidence

How To Get Six Pack Confidence

There’s always been a debate about what makes up our “humanness.”

We know we are “animals” like all of other “animals.”

We share internal organs, brain, blood, bones, skin, etc.

But why are humans SO much different?

One thing is that we are self-aware.

Another is that we can speak.

Another, more important thing, is we can learn.

Not just simple things, like fetching a ball or simple sign language.

But complex things like the mathematics to describe space travel.

Science to understand medicine, so one “brain” can operate on another “brain.”

We also have a lot of instincts.

We are naturally frightened of certain things, and we are naturally drawn to certain things.

When you smell a particular odor, you don’t need to “think” how to respond.

It happens automatically.

Athletes have known for centuries that you can “train” in new “instincts.”

This is the whole gimmick behind both “Karate Kid” movies.

Wax on, wax off, until it’s programmed into the muscle memory.

Some things, we learn once, and that’s it.

Once you learn how to ride a bike, or how to tie your shoes, you’ll never need to “re-learn.”

But other things, usually things that involve interacting with other people, aren’t like that.

These are kind of like endurance.

If you started jogging every day, it might take a while before you could run 10K in less than 45 minutes.

And you’d have to KEEP jogging every day to maintain that level of endurance.

Nobody thinks, before they start any physical training program, that they will get to a level where it will become “permanent” and they can STOP exercising.

If you want to get a six pack, it’s going to take effort to GET IT, and it’s going to take effort to MAINTAIN IT.

Social confidence is the same thing. It’s not “set and forget” like riding a bike.

It’s not a certain technique that you “learn how” to do.

There ARE techniques that ARE simple to learn, but they require a certain level of social confidence to do.

For example, it’s pretty simple to learn how to use your gestures effectively, to communicate on a subconscious level.

To get whoever is listening to you (individual or group) to take a certain action.

But in order to be able to DO that certain technique, you’ve got to have a base level of social confidence.

Luckily, there are plenty of exercises that will let you GET that much social confidence, and KEEP it when you get there.

Just like a six pack or a sub-45 minute 10K.
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Inside Out Thinking

How To Bake Your Inner Cake

One thing that confuses us humans is cause and effect.

Or more specifically, events that happen close together in time.

Much more often than is true, we tend to assume a causal link.

They’ve even shown that babies as young as six months demonstrate this.

They put a kid in front of a monitor, and they have two blips moving around.

Both are driven by two separate programs.

When both blips stop, it doesn’t cause the kid much worry.

The only thing that freaks the poor kid out is when one stops and the other doesn’t.

The researchers think this means the kid assumes there’s some kind of relationships between the blips.

So when one stops, and the other doesn’t, it messes up his “model of the world.”

As adults, we do this all the time.

It was what superstitions are made of.

The term, “Knock on wood” is from all the way back to when they thought evil creatures lived in trees, and you had knock on the tree to scare them away so they wouldn’t mess you up.

Another way this “cause-effect” misunderstanding pops up is when we try and put the cart before the horse.

Nobody is immune from this.

Even central bankers make this mistake.

Economists call it “pushing on a string.”

A causes B.

So they figure if they create B that will somehow make A happen.

This happens a lot when we consider human behavior.

We tend to copy “outer behavior” and wonder why we don’t get the same results.

That’s kind of like looking at a delicious cake, and thinking you can replicate it with ONLY the frosting.

You figure since the outer surface LOOKS the same, it will BE the same.

This is what happens when people try and copy outer behaviors with understanding what makes up the inner state.

More often than not, the outer behaviors are a natural OUTCOME of the inner state.

But if you try and copy the outer behaviors without the inner state, it will come across as incongruent.

The paradox is that with the right inner state, ANY outer behavior will do.

Kind of like a delicious cake.

The frosting, in many cakes, isn’t even needed.

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