Category Archives: Communication Skills

Fear Of Being Left Behind?

Unexpected Ego Problems

Some of the best techniques have been around for a while.

A long, long while. Thousands of years.

Reason being, of course, is that they work. Especially anything that has anything to do with other people.

Because people are the same as they were thousands of years ago, it makes sense that the same “people strategies” have been used over and over.

Sure, somebody might come along and give things new and fancy names, but the strategies and structures are still intact.

Not only do the same structures work, but the same obstacles exist.

People are afraid of rejection today just like they were thousands of years ago.

People are terrified of being “left behind” just like they were thousands of years ago.

Being recognized for your accomplishments by your peers feels pretty good, as it did thousands of years ago.

One of the simplest means of influence is that you can get anybody to do anything, so long as they are doing it for THEIR reasons.

However, there is an unexpected problem that pops up when you learn to do this.

And that is your ego won’t like it.

How’s that?

All of us CRAVE recognition. Validation. To be noticed for our genius ideas.

So when we carefully construct a message to influence others, and they take our advice, it’s as if they thought up the idea on their own.

This is GREAT, until you realize something.

They won’t look at you and say, “Wow, that’s a fantastic idea! Thanks for suggesting it!”

You’ll just be talking to them, they’ll start nodding, and THEY’LL get the idea as if THEY thought of it.

In fact, they might not even remember the specific “content” of the conversation.

They’ll just remember talking to you, and then getting this AWESOME idea.

That it was your idea all along won’t even register.

Now, some people don’t have a problem with this. They LIKE the idea of being a covert persuader, helping people make decisions that they feel really good about.

But others tend to feel a little underwhelmed. After all, it feels good when somebody genuinely thanks you for something you did.

But if you CAN get over that pesky desire of your ego, you can create magic.

Talk to people in the right way, get them thinking of a big, bright future, you’re on your way.

What would YOU like people to do?

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Elicit Their Inner Hero

Elicit Their Inner Hero

There are a lot of TV shows that are searches for talent.

One story we all seem to love is some unknown goof, just like you and me, who has some crazy skill.

They go on one of those talent search shows, belt out some opera song, and wow everybody.

And they go from zero to hero overnight.

Why are these stories so compelling?

Consider the stereotypical “hero’s journey.” Another situation where a normal goof suddenly is called to a great mission, and becomes the hero. Again, zero to hero.

Why are these so compelling?

Because all of us, deep inside, KNOW we are capable of achieving much more than we have. Doing much more than we’ve done.

And when we watch those TV shows or movies, we imagine it’s us that is the hero. It’s us that’s in that situation where we are being discovered or being pulled toward a hero’s journey.

If you could choose your own hero’s journey, what would it be?

Which demons would you slay? Which kingdoms would you save?

If you were to be discovered for one “talent” that would wow everybody, which talent would you choose?

Sometimes its tough to know what to do. Especially when we’ve got jobs that suck, bosses that suck worse, and just barely enough money to cover the rent every month.

If we could only make that one “Breakthrough” everything would be different, right?

Maybe, maybe not.

Consider that dream you have as your motivating engine. To keep going forward, no mater what.

To crush every obstacle in front of you. To get closer and closer to the defining creation of your life.

In reality, most people that are “discovered” have actually been practicing a certain skill for a long, long time.

What do you practice every day?

Which skills are you making better every day?

One of the most important skills is communication.

If you can effectively communicate your ideas to others, so they’ll not only be heard, but acted upon, you’ll do far better than most.

And the first step is to seek the dreams and desires of others FIRST, before presenting your own.

That way, instead of them helping you, it will be a team effort. A much stronger and longer lasting relationship. Be it a business partnership or a romantic relationship.

First expand THEIR hopes and dreams, to get them excited.

Then show them how YOURS and THEIRS overlap.

Then they’ll be no stopping you.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Pushing People Away?

Get Them To Do Anything

When I was a kid I learned this neat trick.

You take a bunch of salt and pepper and put it in a shallow pan of water, so it floats on the top.

Then you dip your finger in soap, and stick it in the center.

All the pepper magically goes to the outside of the pan.

I’m sure you know a lot of people that are like that.

Usually a boss or somebody of authority.

Sometimes it’s one of the “those” bosses that thinks everybody likes him or her.

But they are only nice because they are the boss.

So if you were to ever see them about in public, you’d quickly hide your face so they didn’t see you.

In truth, a lot of us are like that to a lot of people.

Like it or not, most of us just rub people the wrong way.

Of course, we don’t see it like that.

We see them as the problem.

Obviously, we are perfect. There’s NOTHING wrong with us.

So when people don’t go along with our ideas, or don’t laugh at our jokes, they must have some kind of mental problem, right?

The funny thing is that EVERYBODY (no matter how crazy their ideas are) can find people who agree with them.

But if you are going to ONLY look for people who ALREADY agree with you, you’re going to be limiting yourself to a very small slice of the population.

Wouldn’t it be better to simply find a better METHOD of getting people to agree with you? So you wouldn’t be forced to sort through so many people?

Luckily, there is.

All you’ve got to do is amplify THEIR criteria first.

The secret of human nature is EVERYBODY always has a huge collection of unmet needs and wants.

If you start talking about YOUR wants and needs first, you’re hoping to get lucky.

But if you start talking about THEIR wants and needs first, you’ll be doing something completely different.

By talking about their wants, and expanding on them, they’ll start to see YOU through THEIR lens of unique desires.

So before you even talk about what you want, you’ve already made it much easier on them.

This is what advertisers have been doing since it was invented.

Taking a product and framing it in the best possible way.

Well, the BEST possible to frame ANYTHING is through somebody’s OWN DESIRES.

And when they start to look at YOU through THEIR desires, they’ll be eager to agree with pretty much anything.

(Yes, ANYTHING!)

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Speak To Be Heard

How To Get Them To Love Your Message

I watched this interesting documentary the other day on Netflix.

Kind of positive but sad at the same time.

About an American family that wanted kids, but couldn’t have them, so they adopted a couple from Russia.

These kids were already speaking, so they could speak Russian but not English.

Positive because the parents were trying to improve all of their lives (theirs and the kids).

But sad because they had troubles communicating.

They kept trying to lecture the kids in English, but you could tell the kids didn’t really know what the parents were saying.

Once I was in Thailand, haggling over the price of some tourist knick-knack from a street vendor.

Not only did she not speak English, but she didn’t speak. Deaf-mute.

But we communicated perfectly. In fact, I enjoyed the conversation very much.

One thing I get a kick out of is haggling over prices, especially if the other guy or girl likes haggling as well, as this lady clearly did.

But even though we could only use gestures, we got our messages across perfectly.

They say in NLP that the purpose of your communication is the outcome you get.

Meaning it doesn’t matter WHAT your intention is, it ONLY matters how the other person will perceive your message.

In a tragic case showing this, a Japanese student was in Texas looking for a Halloween party. He was dressed up, and went into the wrong house.

The owner pointed a gun at him and told him to FREEZE.

But the Japanese guy misunderstood, kept moving forward, and was killed.

If it’s really important for you to get your message across, it may be a good idea to take a little time to make sure it’s heard.

The adoptive parents didn’t, and it cause problems.

The sidewalk vendor did, and made a sale. I was HAPPY to give her my money, if only for the experience.

So, how do you know how to best present your message?

How do you know it will be heard, and understood?

Ask!

If you ask other people what they want, BEFORE you throw a random jumble of word salad at their brains, you’ll have a much better chance of your message getting across.

And them taking your advice, or buying your product, or giving you their phone number.

The truth about us humans is we are a walking, talking collection of unmet needs and desires.

Once we get them satisfied, we want something else.

Even where you are right now, as you read this, it will be hard to sit or stand very long before you shift your position.

We are ALWAYS on the lookout to improve our state.

Sometimes subconsciously, in the second to second short term.

Sometimes consciously, in the year to year long term.

If you KNOW what they want, and frame YOUR message in terms of THEIR desires, they’ll LOVE listening to you.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

The Outside Is Not Always What Is On The Inside

Significantly Reduce Social Anxiety

The other day I was at this burger shop at the mall.

I was going to see a movie, and doing some journaling in the food court.

The picture of the burger looked really enticing.

But then when I got it, I was a little underwhelmed.

A lot of products are like this. Big and fancy on the box, not so much when we open them up.

Other products are the opposite. Like this one hole-in-the-wall, hidden behind some furniture store steakhouse where I used to live.

I didn’t even know it was there until somebody told me.

But the food was AWESOME.

When things BEAT our expectations, we feel like it’s the greatest thing in the world.

But when things fall BELOW our expectations, they are the opposite.

Even if the same thing can be AWESOME if we were expecting it to be crap. Or we’ll think it’s crap if we were expecting it to be awesome.

This is one the reason sales and marketing can be really hit or miss.

Since most of us carry around a vague set of ideas, wants and desires, those that come up with sales slogans are always guessing what’s going to work.

If you’ve ever been in involved in any marketing campaign, you know it’s ALWAYS risky.

Even when talking to somebody one on one, when you’re getting ready to “close” it starts to become nervous time.

Whether you’re asking for the date, asking for the sale, or simply getting ready to recommend a vacation destination for this year’s trip, it can be difficult.

Because we all fear rejection, AND we tend to imagine the worst case scenario on some level.

So when we throw OUR ideas out there, and HOPE they are accepted, it’s pretty nerve racking.

On the other hand, when we know a little bit about the person we are talking to, AND we structure our “proposal” in a way to BEST MATCH their “model of the world,” it won’t be nearly so hard.

That same idea of them having a bunch of vague dreams and desires can be used in our favor.

Just present your ideas so they can “fill in the blanks” with their own details, and YOUR idea will seem a lot more like THEIR idea.

Even talking to people that you’ll never see again will be a lot more fun and rewarding.

And they’ll remember you forever.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Give Them A Verbal Bong Hit

Make People Feel Wonderful Around You

I remember the first time I was “exposed” to NLP.

Me and a bunch of other guys were sitting in this hotel lounge.

One guy mentioned that he had some kind of problem.

Another guy casually started asking him questions. Slowly and covertly leading him through some kind of NLP conversational “change work” procedure.

For about twenty minutes, all of us (except for the secret NLP master) all were sitting around looking like we’d just taken a MASSIVE bong hit.

This is one of the “effects” you can have when using covert language patterns.

And like any tool, you can use it for good or evil.

The thing was, that while the one “guy” was the “target” for the “procedure,” we all participated vicariously.

Because the “problem” was one that most guys have.

And after that “intervention,” few of us could even remember what the problem was.

Now, this guy (the NLP Wizard) didn’t start by saying, “Hey I’m going to try some language patterns, OK?” He just rolled right into it. Nobody even knew what was going on, before, during or after.

We just kind of all experienced the same “brain fade.”

Only later, after I’d started studying NLP, did I understand what he did.

This was the same guy that would ALWAYS get most of the waitresses in a restaurant hanging around his table whenever they had a chance.

He also found a way to make a TON of money in his part time, so he could spend most of his time “enjoying” other people.

All because of two things.

One is that he assumed that within other people is TREASURE.

Two is he used his language to FIND IT.

Most people don’t think they have treasure inside them. So when somebody comes along, and starts to use these slightly strange sounding language patterns to elicit that treasure, they feel pretty good.

Only like that first time, they have no idea what’s going on.

They just know that when THAT PERSON is around, they feel fantastic.

And of course, whenever they think of THAT PERSON, they feel fantastic.

How do you BECOME that person?

One is to start looking at people differently. Instead of looking at them as objects or obstacles, train your brain to wonder what their treasure is.

Not just the people you think are attractive or whom you think you can make money from.

EVERYBODY.

The next step is to learn these patterns, and use them to dig for their treasure.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Is All Pasta The Same?

How To Skyrocket Your Magnetism

Once I had a deep discussion with a buddy of mine.

Why do tacos cost more than burritos?

It’s the same stuff, just put together differently.

We concluded that tacos take more labor per weight than burritos, so they cost a little bit more.

If you happen to go down to your grocery store, take a look at all the different kinds of pasta.

Not the whole dish, the dry pasta that you need to boil and mix with other stuff.

Most people can name a couple off the top of their head.

Spaghetti, ravioli, lasagna, etc.

But what’s really different about it? Same stuff, just different shapes.

Yet just a slight change in shape can make a dramatic effect on the outcome.

If all you ate was spaghetti, it would get pretty boring. But when you start to play around with the different dry pasta, you’ll probably start playing around with different sauces.

Pretty soon you can come up with some interesting and delicious combinations.

Once upon a time there was this “belief” that a human couldn’t run a mile in under four minutes.

But as soon as the first guy proved it was possible, a whole bunch of other guys started doing it.

It’s funny how our limitations keep us locked up in more ways than one.

It’s also pretty interesting that once you make very tiny changes, they can lead to dramatic results.

Once you realize it’s OK to do something different, you’ll start doing other things differently.

And when you start trying other things differently, you’ll start getting different results. Better results. Which will hopefully motivate you to try even MORE things differently.

Proving to yourself that those limitations are really just imaginary nonsense.

One of the simplest ways to change the way you do things is change the way you talk.

Just like spaghetti and burritos, by changing the STRUCTURE of your language, rather than the CONTENT, you’ll start to have some amazing impacts on others.

No need to reinvent yourself. No need to go out and get a bunch of “experiences” just to seem more interesting.

By changing HOW you talk, not WHAT you talk about, you can become more magnetic, more charismatic, and much more effective.

Think of two restaurants. One that sells only spaghetti. And one that sells all KINDS of pasta.

Which would you rather eat at?

Whether you want to build a relationship, enhance an existing one, make more money, get a better job, all you need to do is change HOW you communicate rather than worrying about the CONTENT of your communication.

This means that what’s inside your head, right here, right now, is sufficient. Just figure out to present it in the best way, and you’re set.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Time Shifting Magic

When I was a kid, I was in boy scouts.

And every summer we went on a long backpacking trip.

About a week, carrying all of our stuff on our backs.

Usually we would park at trailhead. Then walk up a long set of switchbacks.

These are trails that criss-cross up a really steep set of mountains.

Then when you’re on the other side, it’s like a completely different world.

Because the only people that you see (which aren’t very many) are people that walked there.

It’s fun on the way up, looking down at the parking lot. Seeing our cars getting smaller and smaller.

Then when we come out on the other side, a week or so later, it’s a welcome site.

After sleeping in tents, eating freeze dried food and no showers, seeing a bunch of parked cars, even from a long ways off, is pretty refreshing.

See things from different perspectives is useful.

One way easy way to do this is see how we use language.

I’m sure you’ve heard the famous Einstein quote about insanity.

Doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

One way we “do” the same thing is talk about things the same way.

Like if you’ve got a “problem,” you use it as if it were a real “thing.”

I’ve “got” this “problem.”

I don’t know how to get rid of this “problem.”

I need to put “this” behind me.

What happens when you describe your “problem” in a different way?

This is slightly different than the useless “I don’t see problems, I see opportunities!” bumper sticker mindset that some people spout .

For an example, think of a problem you HAD a year or so ago, that is now resolved.

Now think of something useful you learned from that.

Something really useful, not, “I learned that people are idiots.”

Now, when you look at a “problem” in the future, instead of saying “how can I get rid of this,” or something similar, ask yourself, “When I DO solve this, I wonder what I’ll learn?”

That simple replacement, when you take out the “if” and put in the “when” is very powerful.

Just say these two sentences, out loud if you can, to see how they affect your emotions.

If I get rich I’ll be able to buy a nice house.

When I get rich I’ll be able to buy nice house.

The difference may be subtle, and you may need to really WORK to believe the second one, but when you do, a whole new future of opportunities will open up.

You’ll think of new ideas, dream new dreams, and start taking new action.

Instead of waiting, you’ll be doing.

That one simple shift, (when instead of if) is only ONE of the many language patterns in the Covert Hypnosis book.

You can use them on yourself, to “fix” your own problems.

You can use them with others, to help them with theirs.

You can use them pretty much anytime, anywhere with anybody.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Which Hero Are You?

Dragon Slayer

Kill Your Inner Demons

​It’s been said that there are only seven different stories.

Meaning that of all the movies, books, plays ever written, they all fall under seven broad categories.

Seeing as how stories go back since before recorded history, they are likely the way they are because they mirror our human lives.

Consider three common ones, we’ve all seen and read a million times.

The first is the good guy vs. bad guy story. A hero, who goes out to defeat some evil monster. Luke vs. Darth, Dorothy vs. The Witch, Harry vs. Voldemort, and on and on.

Who is the evil monster in your life? Perhaps it’s those demons that live inside your head. The ones that keep telling you it won’t work, or you’d better not express yourself. Or it’s better to be safe than sorry.

What happens when you kill YOUR evil monster?

Another story is the rags to riches to rags to riches again. Somebody gets rich, but loses themselves in the process. Then they lose all their money, only to find themselves. Usually they get rich again, but they realize it’s not so important.

Have you lost your true self? What happens when you rediscover him or her? Do you think creating riches will make that much easier, and create much less inner conflict?

Another story is the quest. A guy girl or group has to go somewhere to find something. This is often combined with the first type of story, where you kill some evil monster.

What is your great quest? What is the purpose of your life?

As you can guess, these same stores are told over and over again, in many different forms, to help us remind us of our purpose.

To kill those inner demons. To find ourselves. To continue the quest of our lives.

No matter what part of your story you’re currently involved in, one thing is crucial.

Other people.

In all the stories, the hero (that’s YOU by the way) always needs a crew. A group of supporters to helps him or her.

Rarely is the hero a lone wolf.

When you can learn to not only YOUR truth, but carefully and respectfully elicit the truth of others, you will gather a team that will follow you to the ends of the Earth.

You can slay any beast, achieve any quest, all the while being true to yourself.

Learn How: