Category Archives: Charisma

Social Confidence

No More Fighting!

There’re basically three things humans do when we get together.

This is just as true now as it was back in the stone age.

We fight, we trade or we have sex.

And you can think of sex and trade as really part of the same thing.

In fact, all human relationships are based on trade.

Most of the time, it’s subconscious.

You act naturally, and the person you’re with (buddy or lover) acts naturally.

But if you are both satisfying each other’s needs, that’s when you “hit it off.”

Sometimes it’s partially conscious, partially unconscious.

Colleagues, clients, and other times we interact with people and are on some level trying to “behave a certain way.”

To the extent you can interact with a wide variety of people in a wide variety of ways, you’ll make a lot of friends and make a lot of money.

Unfortunately, for most of us, it takes a long time to “warm up” to somebody.

And just as unfortunately, many of those opportunities don’t give us as much time as we’d like to “warm up enough” to take advantage of those opportunities.

Like that job interview that didn’t go so well, yet the more you think about it, the more things you realize you COULD have said.

Or that cute person you saw, WANTED to talk to, but they left before you got a chance.

Any wonder why there’s that section on Craigslist?

The truth is that no human on Earth is satisfied with their interpersonal skills.

This doesn’t mean that we all suck.

It means that there’s no upper limit to your social skills.

Every single person you talk to will be different, and you’ll need slightly different skills.

Even the same people you talk to over and over are slightly different every time.

No matter WHAT your goals are in life, (even if you’re main goal is to get some goals) they’ll be much easier with more people skills.

They’re the grease that makes society function.

And the better you can slip in and out of conversations with different people, the more success you’ll have.

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Social Confidence

How To See Everybody as Friendly

Some things you learn, and then you don’t need to learn anymore.

Like riding a bike. Once you figure it out, it’s pretty easy.

Then there are some things you learn, and you don’t really need to keep practicing. You’ll still be able to do it, but if you don’t practice for a while you’ll get rusty.

Playing sports or any kind of musical instrument is like this.

Because there are a lot more steps, and you have to go through the four stages of learning, it’s easy to slip back from the top stage (unconscious competence) to the second top stage (conscious competence).

Then there are skills that if you spend any amount of time NOT practicing, they reset to zero.

Anything involving communication with other people is like this. ESPECIALLY when there are emotions involved.

Ask any guy who’s back on the dating scene after being married for a decade or so.

They might have been a mad player when they got married, but if they’re recently divorced, it feels like they’re starting over again.

Why is this?

Why do some skills degrade FAR FASTER than other skills?

Things like sports, playing instruments is very much an EXTERIOR activity.

Unless you’re the lead guitarist for a world famous rock band, it’s EASY to keep your real self hidden while your “exterior” plays the instrument or does the sport.

But whenever we get close to exposing our REAL inner selves, all kinds of emotions come into play.

Which is why you can learn to express yourself openly to one person, but as soon as you try with somebody else, it’s like you’re starting all over again.

All of us were once supremely confident and outgoing. We didn’t care who we were talking to. If we liked them, we laughed and giggled. If they scared us, we screamed and cried.

But then we learned (or were taught through a lot of trial and error) that expressing ourselves is DANGEROUS.

So our brains rely on the “one person at a time” way of learning to express ourselves.

Imagine if you had to RE-LEARN how to play the piano if you switched pianos!

Fortunately, once you UNLEARN that “people are scary.”

Or RE-FINE that learning (from people are scary to grownups are scary IF you’re a baby).

And that will allow you to talk to ANYBODY as if they are an old friend.

Click Here to learn more.

Social Confidence

Help Save The World

There’s a cool concept in economics called the “invisible hand.”

It’s not a reference to God or anything metaphysical. It’s a metaphor for the amazingly powerful intellect of the “hive mind.”

For example, when the space shuttle blew up in the late 80’s, there were three possible causes.

Three companies that made three different components.

It took NASA six months of full investigations to find out exactly what happened.

But the “hive mind” knew within a few hours.

The three companies (we’ll call them, A, B, and C) all went down immediately on the stock market right after the explosion.

But by the end of the day, A and B recovered. C never did.

Six months of experiments later, NASA did indeed prove that the product made by company C was the culprit.

Keep in mind this way back in the 1980’s. WAY before the Internet.

This works equally well in prices.

Nobody needs to know how or why the price of cheeseburgers is suddenly twice as high.

But if anybody’s on the fence, and thinking about opening up a cheeseburger shop, the rising price is a clear signal that people WANT cheeseburgers.

So people open up more shops to satisfy the need.

The “hive mind” demanded more cheeseburgers, and the “hive mind” provided cheeseburgers.

Inventions work the same way. Nobody can EVER predict what will be invented.

But when you’ve got millions of people all independently thinking of how to make stuff better, you’re BOUND to get some awesome creativity.

If there’s one main ingredient in all of these examples, inter-human connectivity and communication is essential.

People need to interact, to communicate, to share and pass along ideas.

Kind of like the old “telephone” game from elementary school. One kid starts with a message, and whispers it into the next kid’s ear. By the time it goes around the whole class, the message is completely different.

For simple messages, this is a goofy exercise.

But when it comes to ideas, it can be magical.

One idea passed through a million minds can transform into a life saving medicine, or a breakthrough in manufacturing, or a much faster way to travel.

Again, all requiring human communication.

The better you can interact with others, share your ideas, take their ideas and make them better, the more you’ll help change the world.

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Social Confidence

The Wonderful Path of Life

If you have zero expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.

However, you won’t accomplish much, either.

We humans have this weird idea that once we get that next “thing,” whatever it is, we’ll be satisfied.

This is one of the reasons that lottery winners and other folks who accidentally stumble upon riches are usually pretty unhappy.

Sure, once the money comes and all those money worries are gone, they have to go back to their regular lives, their regular friends (if they have any) and their regular health problems.

This can be an absolutely HORRIBLE realization.

If you THINK that all of your problems can be cured with a bunch of money, and then get the money, ONLY to find that you STILL have those same problems, then what do you do?

However, accepting the simple fact that life isn’t a “once and done” event, where you have one easy thing to do, and once you do it, you’re done.

Life is a series of bigger and more complicated “problems” to overcome.

Because every time you successfully overcome them, you’ve got more skills and resources.

Sure, there are some animals that just sit up in the trees and eat leaves, never having to worry about anything.

But that would be REALLY boring!

Another problem that is common is we have these HUGE dreams, but never get started.

We think about them a lot, but we never really get going in any appreciable way.

One of the things NECESSARY to achieve those dreams is unfortunately something that we FEAR the most.

And that is failure.

The path between where you are, and what you dream for your life is long, and filled with unexpected twists and turns.

Paradoxically, the BEST way to learn how to do something is FAIL a few times.

You don’t have to fail big, but the best way to learn is through feedback, both good and bad.

Because ALL feedback is useful. Do more of what works and do differently than what doesn’t work.

When you can wrap your mind around this concept, and fully embrace it, there will be NOTHING you can’t achieve.

Figure out what it is, take action, LEARN from every step, and NEVER STOP until you get there.

Whatever it is you want, PEOPLE will likely be a fundamental aspect of getting it.

Which means developing your people skills will go a long ways.

Click Here to learn how.

Social Confidence

Cut Yourself Loose

When I was in high school, I loved science, but my math sucked.

Because I sucked at math, every time I thought about science I had a mix of positive appreciation and negative anxiety.

Then later in college, I went through the same scenario as I kept going through tougher and tougher physics courses.

But once I’d figured out the math, I could enjoy the science without any negative anxiety.

I would actually watch these beginning physics shows on TV. My roommates thought I was crazy, but for me it was pretty cool.

I’m sure you’ve heard the metaphor about the elephant.

When he was a kid, they kept him tied up. But when he was fully grown, they removed the rope.

But since he’d been conditioned to believe the limitations (the rope) was there, when they removed it he never went outside that small circle.

Even though the rope was gone, his belief that it was still there kept him trapped in that small circle.

When you were very young, you were very outgoing. Socially fearless. If something was wrong, you would scream your brains out.

If you were happy, you would laugh your brains out.

But then the adults starting putting those constraints on you. To keep you quiet. To keep you from causing problems.

This happens to all of us.

But here we are as adults, and those constraints aren’t there any more.

But just like the elephant, because we BELIEVE they are there, we act as if they ARE there.

The elephant my think about going outside his circle, he may WANT to go outside his circle, but his fear of the rope keeps him stuck.

Fortunately, we humans are a bit smarter than elephants. We can look back and understand that our situations when we were kids are MUCH DIFFERENT than they are now.

There is NO NEED to feel any social fear at all. No logical reason.

But just knowing this doesn’t help. Because our fears operate on a subconscious level.

And only by going down and rearranging them, and then coming back up, can we live life without any social fear or anxiety whatsoever.

Once you’re able to cut yourself loose from the false fears programmed into your brain when you were a toddler, life will be fun and exciting.

You’ll be able to act without fear, behave and communicate in any way you want, and create the life you desire.

Click Here to learn more.

Movie Stars

How To Copy Movie Stars

A lot of our ideas come from the wrong places.

For example, we tend to confused real life and entertainment.

On one hand, movies, TV and books have to be “believable” (unless they are in the fantasy genre).

But on the other hand, they have to be interesting.

The BEST TV shows and movies do well on both counts. On the one hand, they are filled with normal people in normal situations.

Then something extra-ordinary happens to them, and they have to battle the monster (or whatever).

But one thing that is ALWAYS different is how people talk in the movies, vs. how people talk in real life.

In movies and TV, people are always super witty, always say the right thing, and are ALWAYS supremely confident (unless overcoming their lack of confidence is part of the story).

But in real life, most of us are, “um, well, like, um yea, so, uh, what?”

But you CAN use movie characters as a reference point, if you are specifically trying to IMPROVE in the areas of social confidence and “in-the-moment” speaking skills.

Based on the NLP technique of modeling.

First find somebody that behaves in a way that YOU would like to behave. Ideally, find it on YouTube so you can watch it over and over.

Then watch the clip while you are SUPER RELAXED. Release all tension and anxiety. Turn off all backgrounds sounds. Watch it a few times.

First, just as relaxed and open as possible. To absorb all of their micro-movements, behaviors and expressions.

Then watch it a few times, and imagine it’s YOU up there.

Then watch it a few times, but with your eyes closed, and imagine you see the scene FROM the characters eyes.

Try and actually move your lips along with whatever the character is saying.

Now, this does sound pretty goofy, so you probably shouldn’t tell your friends or family about this.

But it is a powerful and very safe way to increase your social skills, if you do this a few times a week.

And since there’s a kajillion different clips on YouTube to choose from, you can pretty much MODEL any situation you’d like to improve upon.

After all, social confidence, communication skills, interpersonal skills, these are things you can NEVER have enough of.

Click Here to learn how.

Charisma Explosion

Explode Your Charisma

One of the rules of “polite language” is to never put anybody on the spot.

This is the reason we use the second conditional when making polite requests.

In case you forgot grammar school, the “second conditional” is an “if-then” form of a question that uses the past tense, and “would,” as it only speaks to hypothetical situations.

Like, “If I saw a UFO, I would take a picture,” meaning that it’s not likely, but if it DID happen, I’d take a picture.

When we talk about things that are likely, we use the first conditional. Present tense and “will.”

If it rains, I will get wet.

The reason we use hypothetical language when asking polite questions, is because it puts it off into “pretend land.”

For example, if I wanted to ask a coworker to open the window, I could say it not politely, “will you open the window?” or politely, “Would you open the window?”

If it’s in the “will” form, it feels a lot more “on the spot.”

When starting conversations with strangers, it’s important to start off with simple statements and questions that also don’t make them feel “on the spot.”

An easy way to do this is with “pacing statements.” Say something about the environment that is verifiably true. Something that they have to agree with. Something that’s easy to agree with.

The main purpose of any ice breaker is to ease into a conversation. Not to show off how clever you are or to impress them with your wit.

Once you get them talking, and used to you, you can then begin to peel back the onion layers and ask more penetrating questions.

Questions that will get them excited to talk to you. Questions that will get them thinking in terms of their ideal future.

Start off easy, go slowly and within ten or twenty minutes they’ll be sharing with you their biggest dreams and goals and visions.

Not only that, but they’ll also be seeing YOU through that filter you’ll be helping them create.

Of course, this does take practice, but if you start practicing today, pretty soon you’ll be a social super star, making everybody feel fantastic whenever you’re around.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Pushing People Away?

Get Them To Do Anything

When I was a kid I learned this neat trick.

You take a bunch of salt and pepper and put it in a shallow pan of water, so it floats on the top.

Then you dip your finger in soap, and stick it in the center.

All the pepper magically goes to the outside of the pan.

I’m sure you know a lot of people that are like that.

Usually a boss or somebody of authority.

Sometimes it’s one of the “those” bosses that thinks everybody likes him or her.

But they are only nice because they are the boss.

So if you were to ever see them about in public, you’d quickly hide your face so they didn’t see you.

In truth, a lot of us are like that to a lot of people.

Like it or not, most of us just rub people the wrong way.

Of course, we don’t see it like that.

We see them as the problem.

Obviously, we are perfect. There’s NOTHING wrong with us.

So when people don’t go along with our ideas, or don’t laugh at our jokes, they must have some kind of mental problem, right?

The funny thing is that EVERYBODY (no matter how crazy their ideas are) can find people who agree with them.

But if you are going to ONLY look for people who ALREADY agree with you, you’re going to be limiting yourself to a very small slice of the population.

Wouldn’t it be better to simply find a better METHOD of getting people to agree with you? So you wouldn’t be forced to sort through so many people?

Luckily, there is.

All you’ve got to do is amplify THEIR criteria first.

The secret of human nature is EVERYBODY always has a huge collection of unmet needs and wants.

If you start talking about YOUR wants and needs first, you’re hoping to get lucky.

But if you start talking about THEIR wants and needs first, you’ll be doing something completely different.

By talking about their wants, and expanding on them, they’ll start to see YOU through THEIR lens of unique desires.

So before you even talk about what you want, you’ve already made it much easier on them.

This is what advertisers have been doing since it was invented.

Taking a product and framing it in the best possible way.

Well, the BEST possible to frame ANYTHING is through somebody’s OWN DESIRES.

And when they start to look at YOU through THEIR desires, they’ll be eager to agree with pretty much anything.

(Yes, ANYTHING!)

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

How To Communicate Clearly

Are You A Secret Agent Dog Catcher?

I took this acting class once.

I heard it was a good idea for a lot of reasons.

Kind of like going to Toastmasters.

You build self-confidence, develop communication skills, and meet some pretty interesting people.

We did a lot of goofy exercises. A lot more than I’d anticipated.

One was where we each had this slip of paper with a made up profession.

Not normal ones, but out of the ordinary ones.

Dog catcher, coffee taster, toy tester, etc.

Anyway, we had to walk around pretending we were at a cocktail party.

We had to talk about our jobs, but only without saying anything that would give a clue of we do.

The purpose was to convey meaning without giving any specifics. Kind of how like actors are supposed to convey complex emotions while saying simple sentences.

It was fun, but it was also frustrating.

Like you wanted to say, “I drive around all day and catch people’s pets,” but you weren’t allowed.

It was much more difficult than most people realized.

Unfortunately, a lot of us live our lives like that.

There’s certain things we want to say, we need to say, but we just can’t say them.

We hope somebody “guesses” what we really mean.

What’s worse, when they don’t correctly “guess” what we mean, we get angry.

As if they are supposed to be psychic or something.

Of course, this has a lot to do with the difficult and LONG process of transforming from childhood thinking to adult thinking.

Children are just given what they need.

Adults have to verbalize what they need, often times more than once, and often times to a lot of people.

This can be tough. Especially when your “inner child” is expecting to be handed stuff “just because.”

If life were only as simple as walking up the counter and telling the staff what kind of sandwich you want!

Luckily, it can be.

You can learn to speak more effectively, more confidently, and more assertively.

You don’t need to overcompensate with aggression or overwhelming dominance.

And one of the amazing things you’ll realize is that no matter WHAT you want, when you just casually express it like it’s no big deal, everybody else will think it’s no big deal as well.

This requires you do some digging.

Into your emotions. To find out WHY some things are difficult to express.

This necessarily involves going back into your personal history and viewing things a little differently.

When you view those childhood incidents with your adult mind, it’s a lot easier to leave childhood thinking behind for good.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Is All Pasta The Same?

How To Skyrocket Your Magnetism

Once I had a deep discussion with a buddy of mine.

Why do tacos cost more than burritos?

It’s the same stuff, just put together differently.

We concluded that tacos take more labor per weight than burritos, so they cost a little bit more.

If you happen to go down to your grocery store, take a look at all the different kinds of pasta.

Not the whole dish, the dry pasta that you need to boil and mix with other stuff.

Most people can name a couple off the top of their head.

Spaghetti, ravioli, lasagna, etc.

But what’s really different about it? Same stuff, just different shapes.

Yet just a slight change in shape can make a dramatic effect on the outcome.

If all you ate was spaghetti, it would get pretty boring. But when you start to play around with the different dry pasta, you’ll probably start playing around with different sauces.

Pretty soon you can come up with some interesting and delicious combinations.

Once upon a time there was this “belief” that a human couldn’t run a mile in under four minutes.

But as soon as the first guy proved it was possible, a whole bunch of other guys started doing it.

It’s funny how our limitations keep us locked up in more ways than one.

It’s also pretty interesting that once you make very tiny changes, they can lead to dramatic results.

Once you realize it’s OK to do something different, you’ll start doing other things differently.

And when you start trying other things differently, you’ll start getting different results. Better results. Which will hopefully motivate you to try even MORE things differently.

Proving to yourself that those limitations are really just imaginary nonsense.

One of the simplest ways to change the way you do things is change the way you talk.

Just like spaghetti and burritos, by changing the STRUCTURE of your language, rather than the CONTENT, you’ll start to have some amazing impacts on others.

No need to reinvent yourself. No need to go out and get a bunch of “experiences” just to seem more interesting.

By changing HOW you talk, not WHAT you talk about, you can become more magnetic, more charismatic, and much more effective.

Think of two restaurants. One that sells only spaghetti. And one that sells all KINDS of pasta.

Which would you rather eat at?

Whether you want to build a relationship, enhance an existing one, make more money, get a better job, all you need to do is change HOW you communicate rather than worrying about the CONTENT of your communication.

This means that what’s inside your head, right here, right now, is sufficient. Just figure out to present it in the best way, and you’re set.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis