Tag Archives: Influence

Charisma Explosion

Explode Your Charisma

One of the rules of “polite language” is to never put anybody on the spot.

This is the reason we use the second conditional when making polite requests.

In case you forgot grammar school, the “second conditional” is an “if-then” form of a question that uses the past tense, and “would,” as it only speaks to hypothetical situations.

Like, “If I saw a UFO, I would take a picture,” meaning that it’s not likely, but if it DID happen, I’d take a picture.

When we talk about things that are likely, we use the first conditional. Present tense and “will.”

If it rains, I will get wet.

The reason we use hypothetical language when asking polite questions, is because it puts it off into “pretend land.”

For example, if I wanted to ask a coworker to open the window, I could say it not politely, “will you open the window?” or politely, “Would you open the window?”

If it’s in the “will” form, it feels a lot more “on the spot.”

When starting conversations with strangers, it’s important to start off with simple statements and questions that also don’t make them feel “on the spot.”

An easy way to do this is with “pacing statements.” Say something about the environment that is verifiably true. Something that they have to agree with. Something that’s easy to agree with.

The main purpose of any ice breaker is to ease into a conversation. Not to show off how clever you are or to impress them with your wit.

Once you get them talking, and used to you, you can then begin to peel back the onion layers and ask more penetrating questions.

Questions that will get them excited to talk to you. Questions that will get them thinking in terms of their ideal future.

Start off easy, go slowly and within ten or twenty minutes they’ll be sharing with you their biggest dreams and goals and visions.

Not only that, but they’ll also be seeing YOU through that filter you’ll be helping them create.

Of course, this does take practice, but if you start practicing today, pretty soon you’ll be a social super star, making everybody feel fantastic whenever you’re around.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

How To Match Their Wavelength

Get On Their Wavelength

A lot of scientific principles are intuitive.

Not that we know the equations and underlying theory, but as operational humans, we “get” how things work.

Like throwing a baseball, for example.

Physics tells us that the optimum angle is 45 degrees if we want to get the maximum distance.

But kids know this intuitively, by trial and error.

Another one is the idea of resonance.

All systems have a certain “frequency” about which they normally vibrate.

And if you “behave” in this same “frequency” you’ll get the most bang for your buck.

Like little kids on swings. They learn quickly to swing their legs at the same frequency as the swing, and they get some pretty high amplitudes.

Sometimes this is not appropriately understood, with horrible results.

A group of solders were marching across a bridge, in cadence, and their marching cadence was the same frequency as the bridge. And it collapsed.

When you’re having a conversation with somebody, getting “in tune” with them feels fantastic. Like you are on the same page, or even the same “wavelength.”

Most people think that this happens randomly. Haphazardly. Talk to enough people, and a small enough percentage will have that “in synch” feeling.

Of course, if you approach others with this mindset, it WILL be a numbers game.

Meaning if you go up and blurt out a bunch of stuff, and hope it “works.”

But if you do the opposite, you’ll have a much HIGHER chance of creating that feeling of resonance.

Instead of blurting out a bunch of stuff, you ask them some questions. Easy to answer questions. Simple questions. Then slowly expand.

Once you get enough information, about what makes them tick, then the “stuff” that you “blurt out” will be much more “in tune” with them.

And you’ll be able to create that feeling of resonance with almost anybody.

What would you be able to do then?

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Powerful Communication Skills

Increase Your People Skills

The other night I watched “Castaway” on Netflix.

It had been a while since I’d seen it.

Partly a study of how a normal guy keeps from going nuts all alone.

If you haven’t seen it, he gets stuck on an island, and forms a relationship with a volleyball.

Then when he builds a raft to escape, he brings the volleyball (Wilson) with him. But then it gets swept out to sea, and the hero breaks down.

Even though it’s “just” a volleyball, it was his best friend the past few years.

The worst thing they do to prisoners is put them in solitary confinement. Separate from other prisoners. Nobody to talk to.

Clearly, one absolutely VITAL ingredient for human happiness, WHATEVER plans you’ve got for your life, is other people.

Business relationships, personal relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships.

We humans are pretty pathetic on our own. But if we get hooked in with the right crowd of people and there’s no stopping us.

This is the meaning behind Napoleon Hill’s “Mastermind Group.”

A grew of experts, diverse backgrounds, to collectively come up with a genius idea to solve the problems at hand.

To the extent that you can easily build relationships with anybody, anywhere, any time, you’ll be able to accomplish ANYTHING.

To the extent that you are inhibited, due to erroneous beliefs, internal limitations, or even social anxiety, you’ll be held back from living to your fullest.

Luckily, getting “better” at people-skills is pretty simple.

All humans are hard wired to be social super stars. It’s in our DNA. We are social animals.

So it’s not really a matter of learning “how,” it’s more a matter of unlearning all those false beliefs you may have picked up along the way.

What’s even better is as soon as you start working on those false beliefs, you’ll notice that EVERYBODY has the same ones, to an extent.

Everybody is afraid of rejection. Everybody feels nervous when they are suddenly the center of attention.

So when you come to others with the experience of OVERCOMING those common limiting beliefs, they’ll notice something about you.

They’ll feel “better” when you’re around. Happier. More enthusiastic about life in general.

If you’re just out to have a good time, you’ll have a better time.

If you’re looking to make friends, you’ll make good friends.

If you’re looking to start a business relationship, you’ll be on your way.

Tons of exercises, practice routines, and journaling techniques, this guide will show you how.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Fear Of Being Left Behind?

Unexpected Ego Problems

Some of the best techniques have been around for a while.

A long, long while. Thousands of years.

Reason being, of course, is that they work. Especially anything that has anything to do with other people.

Because people are the same as they were thousands of years ago, it makes sense that the same “people strategies” have been used over and over.

Sure, somebody might come along and give things new and fancy names, but the strategies and structures are still intact.

Not only do the same structures work, but the same obstacles exist.

People are afraid of rejection today just like they were thousands of years ago.

People are terrified of being “left behind” just like they were thousands of years ago.

Being recognized for your accomplishments by your peers feels pretty good, as it did thousands of years ago.

One of the simplest means of influence is that you can get anybody to do anything, so long as they are doing it for THEIR reasons.

However, there is an unexpected problem that pops up when you learn to do this.

And that is your ego won’t like it.

How’s that?

All of us CRAVE recognition. Validation. To be noticed for our genius ideas.

So when we carefully construct a message to influence others, and they take our advice, it’s as if they thought up the idea on their own.

This is GREAT, until you realize something.

They won’t look at you and say, “Wow, that’s a fantastic idea! Thanks for suggesting it!”

You’ll just be talking to them, they’ll start nodding, and THEY’LL get the idea as if THEY thought of it.

In fact, they might not even remember the specific “content” of the conversation.

They’ll just remember talking to you, and then getting this AWESOME idea.

That it was your idea all along won’t even register.

Now, some people don’t have a problem with this. They LIKE the idea of being a covert persuader, helping people make decisions that they feel really good about.

But others tend to feel a little underwhelmed. After all, it feels good when somebody genuinely thanks you for something you did.

But if you CAN get over that pesky desire of your ego, you can create magic.

Talk to people in the right way, get them thinking of a big, bright future, you’re on your way.

What would YOU like people to do?

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Elicit Their Inner Hero

Elicit Their Inner Hero

There are a lot of TV shows that are searches for talent.

One story we all seem to love is some unknown goof, just like you and me, who has some crazy skill.

They go on one of those talent search shows, belt out some opera song, and wow everybody.

And they go from zero to hero overnight.

Why are these stories so compelling?

Consider the stereotypical “hero’s journey.” Another situation where a normal goof suddenly is called to a great mission, and becomes the hero. Again, zero to hero.

Why are these so compelling?

Because all of us, deep inside, KNOW we are capable of achieving much more than we have. Doing much more than we’ve done.

And when we watch those TV shows or movies, we imagine it’s us that is the hero. It’s us that’s in that situation where we are being discovered or being pulled toward a hero’s journey.

If you could choose your own hero’s journey, what would it be?

Which demons would you slay? Which kingdoms would you save?

If you were to be discovered for one “talent” that would wow everybody, which talent would you choose?

Sometimes its tough to know what to do. Especially when we’ve got jobs that suck, bosses that suck worse, and just barely enough money to cover the rent every month.

If we could only make that one “Breakthrough” everything would be different, right?

Maybe, maybe not.

Consider that dream you have as your motivating engine. To keep going forward, no mater what.

To crush every obstacle in front of you. To get closer and closer to the defining creation of your life.

In reality, most people that are “discovered” have actually been practicing a certain skill for a long, long time.

What do you practice every day?

Which skills are you making better every day?

One of the most important skills is communication.

If you can effectively communicate your ideas to others, so they’ll not only be heard, but acted upon, you’ll do far better than most.

And the first step is to seek the dreams and desires of others FIRST, before presenting your own.

That way, instead of them helping you, it will be a team effort. A much stronger and longer lasting relationship. Be it a business partnership or a romantic relationship.

First expand THEIR hopes and dreams, to get them excited.

Then show them how YOURS and THEIRS overlap.

Then they’ll be no stopping you.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Pushing People Away?

Get Them To Do Anything

When I was a kid I learned this neat trick.

You take a bunch of salt and pepper and put it in a shallow pan of water, so it floats on the top.

Then you dip your finger in soap, and stick it in the center.

All the pepper magically goes to the outside of the pan.

I’m sure you know a lot of people that are like that.

Usually a boss or somebody of authority.

Sometimes it’s one of the “those” bosses that thinks everybody likes him or her.

But they are only nice because they are the boss.

So if you were to ever see them about in public, you’d quickly hide your face so they didn’t see you.

In truth, a lot of us are like that to a lot of people.

Like it or not, most of us just rub people the wrong way.

Of course, we don’t see it like that.

We see them as the problem.

Obviously, we are perfect. There’s NOTHING wrong with us.

So when people don’t go along with our ideas, or don’t laugh at our jokes, they must have some kind of mental problem, right?

The funny thing is that EVERYBODY (no matter how crazy their ideas are) can find people who agree with them.

But if you are going to ONLY look for people who ALREADY agree with you, you’re going to be limiting yourself to a very small slice of the population.

Wouldn’t it be better to simply find a better METHOD of getting people to agree with you? So you wouldn’t be forced to sort through so many people?

Luckily, there is.

All you’ve got to do is amplify THEIR criteria first.

The secret of human nature is EVERYBODY always has a huge collection of unmet needs and wants.

If you start talking about YOUR wants and needs first, you’re hoping to get lucky.

But if you start talking about THEIR wants and needs first, you’ll be doing something completely different.

By talking about their wants, and expanding on them, they’ll start to see YOU through THEIR lens of unique desires.

So before you even talk about what you want, you’ve already made it much easier on them.

This is what advertisers have been doing since it was invented.

Taking a product and framing it in the best possible way.

Well, the BEST possible to frame ANYTHING is through somebody’s OWN DESIRES.

And when they start to look at YOU through THEIR desires, they’ll be eager to agree with pretty much anything.

(Yes, ANYTHING!)

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Speak To Be Heard

How To Get Them To Love Your Message

I watched this interesting documentary the other day on Netflix.

Kind of positive but sad at the same time.

About an American family that wanted kids, but couldn’t have them, so they adopted a couple from Russia.

These kids were already speaking, so they could speak Russian but not English.

Positive because the parents were trying to improve all of their lives (theirs and the kids).

But sad because they had troubles communicating.

They kept trying to lecture the kids in English, but you could tell the kids didn’t really know what the parents were saying.

Once I was in Thailand, haggling over the price of some tourist knick-knack from a street vendor.

Not only did she not speak English, but she didn’t speak. Deaf-mute.

But we communicated perfectly. In fact, I enjoyed the conversation very much.

One thing I get a kick out of is haggling over prices, especially if the other guy or girl likes haggling as well, as this lady clearly did.

But even though we could only use gestures, we got our messages across perfectly.

They say in NLP that the purpose of your communication is the outcome you get.

Meaning it doesn’t matter WHAT your intention is, it ONLY matters how the other person will perceive your message.

In a tragic case showing this, a Japanese student was in Texas looking for a Halloween party. He was dressed up, and went into the wrong house.

The owner pointed a gun at him and told him to FREEZE.

But the Japanese guy misunderstood, kept moving forward, and was killed.

If it’s really important for you to get your message across, it may be a good idea to take a little time to make sure it’s heard.

The adoptive parents didn’t, and it cause problems.

The sidewalk vendor did, and made a sale. I was HAPPY to give her my money, if only for the experience.

So, how do you know how to best present your message?

How do you know it will be heard, and understood?

Ask!

If you ask other people what they want, BEFORE you throw a random jumble of word salad at their brains, you’ll have a much better chance of your message getting across.

And them taking your advice, or buying your product, or giving you their phone number.

The truth about us humans is we are a walking, talking collection of unmet needs and desires.

Once we get them satisfied, we want something else.

Even where you are right now, as you read this, it will be hard to sit or stand very long before you shift your position.

We are ALWAYS on the lookout to improve our state.

Sometimes subconsciously, in the second to second short term.

Sometimes consciously, in the year to year long term.

If you KNOW what they want, and frame YOUR message in terms of THEIR desires, they’ll LOVE listening to you.

Learn How:

Interpersonal Resonance

Enthusiasm Is Powerfully Persuasive

Become Naturally Persuasive

I used to know this guy in college.

Despite having a loyal girlfriend back home, every weekend he had a new girl.

Of all the guys I’ve met in my life, this guy, based on his RESULTS was the true definition of a “natural.”

A guy who gets TONS of girls without even trying.

I also worked with this guy once that was the same way, only with sales. He had an otherwise normal social life. Wife, kids, etc.

But you put him in front of a customer and they couldn’t help but buy from him. They would walk in the shop “just looking,” but would walk out after having spent several THOUSAND dollars, acting like he’d done them the BEST favor ever.

And both of these guys had the same thing going for them.

The reason they were naturals were they were fearlessly enthusiastic.

Neither were particularly good looking. Both radiated a kind of “I love living” type of vibe. That was infectious.

Girls couldn’t get enough of guy number one, and people could buy enough from guy number two.

They somehow retained their natural exuberance that kids have. See, most of us are super outgoing and excited when we’re kids. We run a lot. We see something cool, we run over to get a look, and we want to scream and holler and tell everybody.

But then we grow up and are sometimes even petrified when we become the center of attention, let alone actively seek it.

But the fear we feel is a paradox. Because EVERYBODY feels the same way.

And by openly expressing YOUR appreciation, you’ll take the heat off everybody else.

Which means they’ll be GLAD you are there.

Naturally, this isn’t easy. It’s best to think of this as a SKILL that you can LEARN, rather than something inherent, that you either have or don’t have.

A great way to practice is by using Covert Hypnosis. Since there’s so many patterns (like forty or fifty), you can choose ONE, and simply practice for a week or so.

Then move on to the next one.

When you combine these patterns with your natural excitement for life (that you had once but decided to hide somewhere), you’ll be an unstoppable force of nature.

Sell anything to anybody. Get as many girlfriends or boyfriends as you want.

The sky’s the limit.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

Peel Back The Onion Layers

Interpersonal Glue

A long time ago I used to sell cars.

It was an eye opening experience, from a lot of perspectives.

One is I was amazed how happy people were once they’d decided to buy a car.

When they came in, they were fearful, anxious and weren’t sure.

But after an hour or so of going back and forth, when they finally made the decision, they transformed.

I mean literally, before my very eyes.

Before they signed a contract, they were defensive. Closed off. Crossed arms. Unhappy faces.

But after they signed the contract, they looked like little kids on their birthdays.

Before the contract, they acted like I was their arch-nemesis.

After the contract, I was their best friend, and they couldn’t thank me enough.

Most people see sales, seduction, or any kind of persuasion through the lens of trickery.

Like you’ve got to come in “under the radar.” Many people believe the only way they can convince somebody to do what they want is to use some kind of Jedi ninja patterns.

But in reality, but BEST salespeople, and the most NATURAL seducers don’t see it that way.

They see persuasion as HELPING people get what they want.

Nobody is unhappy when they go home with a new purchase. Quite the opposite.

Nobody is unhappy at the beginnings of a new relationship. In fact, that is one of the best feelings we humans can feel.

So why do so many people approach sales and dating as if they were a confrontation?

One reason is people fear rejection. We’re so nervous we’ll get rejected we start to treat the other person as the enemy.

But one thing that will most certainly AVOID rejection is simply taking the time to find out what they want.

That’s why it’s best to start with small talk. Create rapport. Give each other time to get comfortable.

Then slowly peel back the onion layers.

Find out what they want.

THEN you’ll realize how easy it is.

Why is it so easy?

Because on a deep level, all of our wants and needs are very similar.

Sure, if you’re buying a car, you’ve got certain criteria. Make, model, color.

But you also want good value, safety, comfort, security, and validation.

When you’re talking to people socially, or even in a business situation, those vague desires are incredibly easy to leverage.

What does this mean?

It means that you simply talk to them about the things they want, then talk to them about what you’ve got.

If you do this in the right way, meaning relaxed and conversationally, you’ll almost never get rejected.

And when you use these language patterns, it’s pretty simple.

These are the “interpersonal glue” that connects what THEY want, with what YOU’VE got.

Which makes doing what you suggest the most natural thing in the world.

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis